Scrambling (Out in the NFL Book 1)

by Lex Valentine

  When the balls he caressed in the palm of his hand tightened, pulling close to Reed’s body, Evan let the thick organ slip from his mouth. Holding the base tightly in his grasp, he blew a stream of air over the throbbing flesh, and Reed choked out an incoherent cry.

  “Damn it, Evan! You’re going to make me come,” he growled, still thrusting his hips up in search of more stimulation.

  Evan chuckled. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He stretched toward the bedside table, his hand closing around a condom packet. “I helped you. Now you help me.”

  Slowly, Reed sat upright, and with fingers that trembled, he reached for the condom. Evan swiftly tore open the packet and handed him the latex circle. Reed’s whole body shook as he placed the condom at the tip of Evan’s swollen penis.

  “You’re so big,” he murmured reverently. “It’s so beautiful. I can’t wait to feel it inside me. I can’t wait for you to be inside me.”

  Pinching the tip, he rolled the condom on. Evan’s cock twitched at Reed’s touch, and he bit his lip, trying not to lose control. He needed to make this good for Reed. He needed it to be the most perfect fuck in the world.

  “I wish we could do this bare. I wish I could feel your hot cum filling me.”

  Reed’s whispered words held an agony of emotion that called to the primal animal inside Evan. He wanted to rip the condom off and plunge his cock deep inside Reed’s ass. He wanted to feel the heat of Reed’s flesh clutching him tightly, welcoming him, milking him, owning him.

  He held out one shaking hand, and Reed placed the bottle of lube in it. He squirted some in the center of his palm and then slicked his cock with it. He added more lube to his fingers and then pushed Reed’s knees farther apart. With one fingertip, he spread the slick over the puckered entrance, teasing gently until it loosened. He slipped his finger inside, and Reed loudly sucked in a breath. Carefully, he fucked Reed with his finger, getting him used to the sensation of having something inside him.

  After a couple of minutes, he pressed another finger inside. Reed’s body jerked, but his ass eagerly accommodated the additional digit. Evan hooked the two fingers, searching for the bump of Reed’s prostate. When he found it, he stroked it hard, and Reed came up off the bed, his body bowed in pleasure.

  “Holy fuck! Oh my God! Do that again,” he begged.

  Evan repeated the motion, and Reed writhed on the sheets, pulling his knees toward his chest and exposing himself more fully to Evan.

  “More!” he gasped. “Give me more. I want it all, Evan. Fuck me.”

  A few more strokes of his fingers, stretching Reed’s passage and preparing him for the cock that was so much bigger than two fingers could ever be, and Evan was ready to thrust inside Reed’s eager body. He pulled his fingers free of Reed’s passage and placed the head of his cock at the tight entrance. His gaze met Reed’s dark one and held as he slowly pressed his cock inside. They both looked down then, watching as inch by slow inch, Evan’s thick cock disappeared into the tight clutch of that untried channel. With a hissing breath, Evan stilled his movement as his balls came to rest against Reed’s buttocks.

  His chest heaving with the effort of holding back, Evan stared into Reed’s face. “Are you okay?” he asked in a rough whisper.

  Eyes wide with passion and awe, Reed nodded. “You’re inside me. Oh, my God, Evan. You’re inside me.”

  The reverence in Reed’s voice brought tears to Evan’s eyes, and quickly he ducked his head to again stare down at the erotic sight of his cock buried deep in Reed’s body. Grasping Reed’s thighs, he held them apart as he withdrew slowly until only the head of his cock lay within Reed’s ass. Then he carefully thrust back in, watching as Reed’s eyes widened, and his face flushed with lust.

  “Harder.”

  The quiet murmur pushed through Evan’s control. He began to thrust at a measured pace, holding Reed’s legs for leverage as he pushed into the heat of Reed’s virgin hole. They both panted roughly, the sound loud in the bedroom. As Evan felt the heat spiraling up his spine, he began to thrust harder and angled his hips so that each thrust caught Reed on his prostate and made him cry out.

  The thick cock that lay on Reed’s belly spurted precum with each pass of Evan’s dick over Reed’s prostate. When his thrusts became almost uncontrollable, his balls slapping loudly against Reed’s ass, Evan reached down and fisted Reed’s cock.

  “Come for me. You know you want to.” He pulled on the heated flesh, feeling the velvet over steel jerk in his grasp. He teased the head with his fingers, working the cock as he’d work his own, trying to make the man attached to it come.

  “I…you…arrgh!” Reed’s incoherent words were cut off by his orgasm, rendering him entirely speechless as his cock sprayed semen over his chest and down onto Evan’s fingers.

  Reed’s ass clutched Evan’s cock as he came, sending Evan over the edge. He pumped his cock into the heated hole, feeling the spasms of Reed’s orgasm tightening the passage around him rhythmically, holding him in the fiercest grip he’d ever been in. With one last great thrust, he came, his cock pushed deeply into Reed’s ass. He shook from the force of his orgasm, fairly certain he’d never come quite like that before. His muscles trembled, and his chest burned as he tried to suck in air. The most exquisite sensations washed over him, an ecstasy he’d never experienced with another man. His love for Reed overwhelmed him, filling his heart and mind with tender emotion as he soaked up everything, hoarding memories for the cold future.

  He collapsed onto Reed’s chest, his mouth nuzzling Reed’s throat as the final tremors of his orgasm rippled through his body.

  “Oh my God,” he whispered into his lover’s ear, knowing as he said the words that his life had changed. No one could ever compare to the man in his arms. Everything Evan was belonged to Reed Matthews.

  “I’ve never come so hard in my life,” he admitted, feeling stunned and shocked.

  The man beneath him chuckled and stirred, his ass clenching Evan’s still half-hard cock.

  “No one ever told me how good it would feel to get fucked,” Reed said softly.

  Evan moved his hands to grip the condom as he slid from the heat of Reed’s ass. Both of them shuddered, their bodies still sensitive. Moving off the bed to dispose of the condom, Evan noted the smile on Reed’s face, and his heart flipped. It had been weeks since he’d last seen Reed smile with genuine happiness, so this one, in this moment, was special to him. It meant he’d done the one thing he’d always vowed to do, give Reed whatever he needed.

  He returned from the bathroom with a warm, damp washcloth and a towel. Gently, he cleaned Reed, knowing the man would be tender. Physically, he was large all over, and there wasn’t any way an inexperienced ass could take him as Reed had and not be sore. He rolled his lover over, cleaning his now flaccid cock and placing a towel on the wet spot. He tossed the washcloth onto the bedside table and got back in the bed. He closed his arms around Reed and felt the other man snuggle close.

  “Have I told you lately that I love you? You’re always there for me, always give me what I need,” Reed murmured. “You’re my best friend.”

  Pain and happiness warred within Evan as Reed drifted off to sleep. He’d spent the last few hours living out every fantasy he’d ever had of being with Reed. His body hummed with sexual satisfaction, and he knew Reed’s did as well. He’d never had such spectacular sex. He had been fully engaged, heart, mind, body, and soul. Evan finally experienced what it was like to be with someone he loved. He’d probably ruined himself for sex with other men. He didn’t want to touch anyone else. He didn’t want anyone but Reed to touch him. And deep in his heart, a tiny flare of hope waited for the fuel that would send his love bursting from him in a wildfire. He didn’t know how Reed could have been with him like this and not known how deeply he loved him.

  But Reed’s words as he fell asleep reminded Evan that while he might be in love with the man, Reed still saw him as his best friend. Reed never hesitated to say he loved Eva
n, but loving someone who always had your back was a far cry from being in love and wanting an intimate relationship. Evan wasn’t dumb enough to think that what had happened between them was anything more than Reed needing physical succor from the stress and pain of his life.

  The remainder of the night, Evan lay awake, cradling Reed close and savoring the sensation of having the man in his arms. Reed was the only man he’d ever loved. The man he’d been in love with most of his life. The man who’d shown him the beauty of making love as opposed to having sex.

  Evan knew it would never happen again. Reed had been overwrought and not thinking clearly. He’d needed comfort, needed to be touched and loved. And God, did Evan love him. With every cell in his body and every iota of his soul, Evan loved Reed Matthews, the man whose long-time partner was dying of AIDS in a nearby hospital.

  On the one hand, Evan hated himself for taking advantage of the fact that Lennox Sterling was terminally ill. He’d hated Len for six long years, since the day Reed had told him he’d met Len at UCLA. Len had taken away all Evan’s chances to be something more than just best friends with Reed. Even though Reed was no longer Len’s partner, having sex with Reed while Len lay waiting to die put a layer of guilt on Evan that he would never shake.

  On the other hand, Evan knew Reed needed him. He’d never let Reed down in the past, and he couldn’t do it now. Whatever Reed needed Evan would supply, even if it broke his heart to do so.

  Evan couldn’t remember a time in his life when he hadn’t felt the need to give Reed anything he asked for. He’d taken one look at Reed as they stood on the PeeWee League’s field and had known they were somehow meant to be best friends forever. What he hadn’t known at six but realized at sixteen was he loved Reed with every breath he took. Evan also knew that now, years after that first revelation, his heart would never change. Eight years of unrequited love would spin out into the future until it encompassed his entire life. He didn’t expect he’d ever recover from loving Reed. It was just how it was.

  The buzz of Reed’s cell phone on the bedside table caused him to jerk in Evan’s arms, his body stiffening as he awoke. His arm shot out, and he grabbed the phone, answering it immediately. Evan felt the cocoon that had surrounded him break, and real life intruded once more. He lay still, listening to Reed’s side of the brief conversation, his heart sinking as he realized it was Len’s doctor.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there as quickly as I can, Dr. Kovacs. Thanks for calling.” Reed sat up and swung his feet to the floor as he hung up. He glanced over his shoulder at Evan. “I have to go. Len’s headed into surgery.”

  Evan rose from the bed and reached for his jeans. “I’ll drive you. Call Erik and let him know we’re going back to the hospital. You don’t need the press waiting for you.”

  Silence stretched between them as Evan drove Reed to UCLA Medical Center. He wanted to say something about what had happened, but in the face of Reed’s distress, he thought it better to keep his mouth shut. After all, it wasn’t about him anyway. It was about Reed and what he needed to survive a partner dying of AIDS.

  “You know, Len and I hadn’t had a good relationship since the first year we moved off campus,” Reed confessed quietly. “My increasing focus on football was too much for him. We fought a lot, and I spent a lot of nights in the guest room.”

  “I knew he hated football. And I suspected your relationship had some trouble even before you broke up with him for cheating on you,” Evan said as neutrally as possible.

  Reed snorted in disgust. “Some trouble was a lot of trouble. I should have told you, but I didn’t want to admit that things hadn’t been right between us for a long time. It’s been hard staying with him and pretending we were still together to keep the press at bay. Even though I would have stayed anyway because I couldn’t bear for him to be alone and dying, it was really difficult to be with him.” He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. “I wouldn’t have made it through any of this without you. Every time I need you, need anything, you’re always right there, Evan. You don’t know how much I appreciate that.”

  The pain in Evan’s chest grew, and he could feel himself trembling. “You’re welcome,” he whispered, his heart beginning to splinter.

  At the hospital, they waited in hard plastic chairs for Lennox to come out of surgery. Finally they heard slow footsteps making their way across the scuffed linoleum. Both Evan and Reed lifted their heads to find Len’s doctor coming toward them. Evan placed his hand on Reed’s back and found him shaking.

  “Doctor?” he asked hoarsely. “Can I see him now?”

  The doctor shook his head, sadness filling his expression. “I’m sorry, Reed. He’s gone.”

  Reed’s trembling increased, and Evan wrapped his arm around his friend, holding him tightly. Reed’s composure obviously hung by a very fragile thread.

  Dr. Kovacs shook his head. “They ran into trouble and couldn’t get the bleeding stopped. He was just too weak to withstand the surgery. I’m so sorry.”

  A deep sob shook Reed’s six-foot-four-inch frame. Evan twisted in his chair and wrapped Reed in his arms. Clutching Evan with hard hands, Reed burrowed his face into Evan’s chest, sinking into his embrace.

  “I should have loved him more. Then he wouldn’t have gone to those clubs and gotten sick. This is my fault!”

  “No, Reed. It’s not your fault. Lennox made his own choices. He was always headstrong, and his refusal to take his meds for his bipolar disorder caused him to make irrational decisions.” The doctor laid a hand on Reed’s shoulder and patted it comfortingly. “I knew Lennox his whole life. None of this was your fault. Now you need to go home and get some rest. You’ll have a lot of arrangements to make in the next few days.”

  Over Reed’s bent head, Evan and Dr. Kovacs exchanged a long look. Evan knew the doctor asked him silently if he’d take care of Reed. He nodded, and the doctor did too, apparently satisfied that Reed was in good hands.

  After Dr. Kovacs left, Evan got Reed to his feet. His deep sobs had abated, but he obviously remained in a state of shocked exhaustion. Evan steered his best friend out of the hospital and over to his Suburban. As he buckled an unresponsive Reed into the SUV, he debated taking his friend back to the condo rather than the house Reed had shared with Len. But with the condo still reeking of the previous night’s sex marathon, Evan thought that might not be a wise choice, so he took Reed home.

  An hour later he sat motionless beside the bed Reed had moved to after his breakup with Len. Reed had fallen into a deep sleep, clutching his pillow to his chest. Evan didn’t know what would happen next, but he vowed to support Reed in any way he could. Losing a partner, even an ex-partner, in such a horrible way couldn’t be easy, and even though Evan knew that Reed no longer loved Len, he still had suffered a huge loss.

  He dozed in the armchair and awoke a couple hours later to find Reed tossing and turning, moaning Len’s name in his sleep. A tortured expression contorted Reed’s handsome face, and he jerked himself awake, panting loudly.

  He stared at Evan with agony in his eyes, and Evan’s heart fell as Reed said, “I will never again give my heart to someone. It hurts too much when they cheat on you, and it hurts worse when they leave you. I won’t ever put myself at risk like that again.”

  Numb through and through by the events of the last forty-eight hours, Evan stared blankly at a groggy Reed. The flare of hope he’d harbored in his heart flickered, then went out. Despair began to creep in around the edges of his stupor as he realized he’d been right all along; Reed would never be his. The night they’d spent together hadn’t meant the same thing to Reed as it had meant to him. He’d been beyond foolish to think otherwise. Reed’s words had severed the last threads of hope within Evan, and all his dreams of a future with Reed shattered once more.

  As Reed drifted back to sleep, Evan closed his eyes. He wanted to pray and ask God to forgive Len for all he’d done to Reed, but he couldn’t. He would forever see Len as the man who had stri
pped him of all his dreams. For the pain he’d already experienced and would for years to come, he cursed Len, knowing it was an uncharitable thing to do especially since the man was dead. But Evan couldn’t help himself. He’d never felt so low in his entire life, not even when he’d first discovered Len was Reed’s boyfriend.

  And for the first time in his life, he could hardly wait to escape Reed’s presence. Being with him hurt with a visceral pain. He didn’t know how he’d pull himself together after this, but he knew he somehow would. He had bounced back from every disappointment he’d ever suffered in his love for Reed. He would focus on their friendship and remember how much it meant to him. He didn’t want to lose it, even though he could barely stand to be with Reed at the moment because of his raw emotions.

  Their friendship and their love of football would save him, he vowed silently. It simply had to because Evan knew without a doubt it was all he would ever have.

  Reed couldn’t remember ever having been to a funeral. He didn’t want to go to one now. Luckily, the funeral director explained that he didn’t have to have a funeral for Len if he didn’t want to. Funerals were for the living. They gave those left behind an opportunity to celebrate the life of the person who died and brought closure to those who needed it.

  Closure didn’t even begin to cover what Reed needed.

  He needed to leave behind the sense that he’d lived a lie for the past six years. He needed to feel free and unencumbered. He needed to live his life for himself. And he wanted to leave behind the rumors and speculation of the press that currently dogged his footsteps. He just wanted to play football.