Scrambling (Out in the NFL Book 1)

by Lex Valentine

  “Not really. He said you’d be hearing from the hospital but until Evan himself okays it for them to call us, you’re the only one they’ll call.” Evan’s father hesitated, then said, “Reed, the doc says he’s asking for you.”

  Pain shot through Reed’s heart. “I’ll get on the next flight to Florida. If he’s asking for me, I need to be there. I can’t be here if Evan needs me!” Panic dueled with pain within him, and the need to get to Evan forced out everything else he thought or felt.

  “Reed. Calm down, son. Wait for the hospital to call before you go haring off to the airport,” Mr. McAdam cautioned. “I know how much you want to be with Evan, but if you’re his emergency contact, then they need to be able to reach you. If you’re on a plane, you could miss something critical.”

  Reed drew a deep breath. Jack McAdam was right. He needed to get a grip. “I’m sorry, sir. I just—I just…”

  “No need to apologize. I know how much you care for my son. I’ve known it for years. Why the two of you aren’t together beats me, but I’m not one to interfere in my kids’ lives.” Evan’s father heaved a sigh. “You know, I could shoot your dad for what he did to you, but you are always welcome here, Reed. You’re like a son to me, and you’re special because we all know how Evan feels about you. Now you just wait for the hospital or Evan to call you, and then you let me know what’s going on, okay?”

  Reed made some assenting sounds and hung up, his head ringing with Jack McAdam’s words. Evan’s whole family knew how Evan felt about him? What the hell did that mean? And how did Evan’s dad know he loved his best friend? How could he be that transparent and Evan not know the truth?

  He paced some more, his mind spinning with everything Evan’s father had said. When his phone rang again, he nearly jumped out of his skin. This time it was the hospital in Florida. Since Evan was currently unconscious, they needed his permission to provide treatment. Reed gave them verbal permission and the information they needed to fax him the necessary forms. When he asked about Evan’s condition however, they put him off. As much as he didn’t like it, he let them have their way, but he told them he wanted to speak to Evan as soon as he was able.

  By the time he hung up, his fax machine had spit out the forms he needed to sign. After he’d signed and faxed them back, he glanced over at the TV to find the ESPN anchors talking about Evan’s injury and possible lawsuits against the players who’d deliberately sought to hurt him. Unable to listen to the discussion, he turned off the sound.

  When his phone rang again, he tensed. The caller ID showed the name Bryce Richardson.

  “Hi, Reed.”

  Bryce’s cool, sophisticated voice set Reed’s teeth on edge as it usually did. Reed would never be able to speak to Bryce without thinking that the man had everything that belonged to Reed. Namely, Evan.

  “Bryce. How’s Evan?” He tried to match Bryce’s cool unemotional tone.

  “I only know what the team doctor told me,” Bryce admitted, his voice taking on an ironic quality. “Obviously, the hospital won’t tell me anything since Evan isn’t conscious and able to tell them it’s okay to give me his condition.”

  Reed rolled his eyes. “What did the team doc say?”

  “He’s broken his lower tibia. The ankle seems okay as does the knee. It’s a clean break, which is good, but most likely, his career is over.”

  A snort nearly escaped Reed, but he contained himself. “From this side of the television, I’d say his career is definitely over.”

  “It’s up to the ortho guy, but you’re probably right.” Bryce paused, then said, “He’s asking for you.”

  “So his father says.” Reed barely kept the smirk out of his voice. “I guess the doc called his dad from the ambulance.”

  “Are you coming?” Bryce’s blunt words held an edge Reed couldn’t miss.

  “I would have already been on my way to LAX if Evan’s dad hadn’t stopped me. But I needed to deal with the hospital first.”

  “Then you’re coming?”

  Bryce’s insistent words irked Reed. “Yes, if Evan really wants me, I’ll come. But now that I’ve been delayed, I thought I’d talk to him first.”

  A long sigh hissed through the phone line. “I see. Well, I suppose I’ll see you when you get here.”

  Reed smiled, and he knew it wasn’t pretty. Bryce had just admitted Reed’s place in Evan’s life. That gave Reed a sense of triumph. “You can count on it, Bryce.”

  When he hung up, he imagined what it would be like to kiss Evan in front of Bryce. For the last few years he thought that day would never come, but somehow, Evan’s dad had given him hope once more. As soon as he could speak with Evan, he decided he wouldn’t hide his heart from his best friend any longer. After all the years and everything they’d been through, everything that had happened that day, the truth deserved to be spoken.

  Reed was packing his overnight bag when his cell phone rang. He knew who was on the other end of the line before he even looked. With a shaking hand, he picked up the phone.

  “Ev? You scared the crap out of me.” He repeated the words Evan had spoken to him when he’d been injured.

  “Reed. Oh, God. Reed.” Evan’s voice held a quaver.

  “Babe, you’re gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay, Ev. I promise.” Reed’s heart swelled with emotion, and he did the only thing he could think to do which was to soothe Evan as best he could. His best friend sounded like he was about to fall apart.

  “If you promise, I believe you,” Evan said hoarsely.

  “You’d better.” Reed paused; then he said, “How are you? What’s going on?”

  “They’re discussing casting my leg and whether to give me more drugs because it hurts like a motherfucker and I’ve already passed out once.”

  Reed didn’t like the sound of that. “It’s not a compound fracture?”

  “No, thank God.” Evan barked out a laugh. “I should be thankful it’s not worse, right?”

  “Fuck no!” Reed exclaimed. “You should whine and pout and give them fucking hell ’cause two goddamned morons basically bashed you on the field. Fuck being thankful. You just be as pissed off as you wanna be.”

  Evan chuckled groggily. Then abruptly he stopped. “It hurts, Reed, and I know I’m done. I don’t know what to do without football. I’m scared,” he whispered.

  “Don’t be, babe. I’m right here. I told you. It’ll all be okay.” He drew a deep breath, wishing he was at Evan’s side instead of half the country away. “I’d give anything to make this go away. But no matter the price, there’s no way I can give you back what they took from you today. I just want the chance to give you something better.”

  “Better?”

  Reed knew Evan was drugged. He knew he shouldn’t say anything Evan might not remember the instant he was no longer on the industrial-strength painkillers. But after years of hiding and ignoring his heart, he couldn’t contain it any longer.

  “I’d give you anything you asked of me. Don’t you know that? Anything at all.”

  Evan audibly sucked in a breath, and Reed had no clue if was because of his words or because of Evan’s leg. He’d pretty much laid it all out for Evan minus the three little words he had yet to utter. And he would say them. No matter how much it frightened him to confess, right now he needed Evan to know the truth. And he needed to speak it.

  “I wish I was there. I need to touch you,” he said, closing his eyes and clutching the phone to his ear. “I’m packing right now, and then I gotta find a flight to Florida. Evan, I love you. Just hang in there, babe.”

  Reed held his breath. Then, in a rush, his words sounding agonized, Evan replied, “I love you too,” and Reed’s heart crashed against his ribs.

  Evan didn’t think his career would end this way. He also never thought he’d hear Reed call him babe or speak to him in that intimate tone. All his defenses evaporated, and he ached for Reed in a way that hurt far more than his leg. He wanted Reed so badly he was a hairbreadth away from bre
aking down.

  “I love you too,” Evan blurted out, the morphine and the pain giving him the sense that he was floating in a world where only the truth—the whole truth and nothing but the truth—should ever be spoken between him and Reed. He hurt like hell, and half the pain was because he needed Reed and Reed wasn’t there. Except he was. On the phone. The lifeline of his voice in Evan’s ear making everything better.

  “I know you do.”

  Reed’s words and tone held warmth, caring, and relief. Evan figured Reed had panicked when he’d seen the late hit. He would have been frantic to reach Evan by phone since he couldn’t just drive to the hospital from clear across the country. He also figured Reed didn’t know what he meant when he said he loved him.

  Irritation washed over Evan. How many fucking years had he said the words without Reed knowing the truth. “No, you don’t know. I’m in love with you.”

  Silence met Evan’s ears. And then he heard a muffled sound. A sound that could easily have been a sob. Evan’s heart thundered. Everything he’d locked away inside his heart burst free, racing toward his lips as a full confession of the emotions he’d suppressed for half his life, but a very thin thread of control stopped the words. He needed to know if Reed really was crying, if he really felt the emotions Evan thought he could hear coming through the phone.

  “My God, Evan. How long? How long have you been in love with me?” Reed’s voice was hoarse, heavily tinged with tears and emotion.

  Evan couldn’t hold anything back now that the morphine, the broken leg, and too many years away from Reed had made him confess the truth of his heart. “Always. Since I knew what romantic love was.“

  The sob came again, but this time it wasn’t muffled. Evan knew in an instant that Reed was crying, and he somehow knew why. Reed loved him. Had always loved him. All the years that he’d held back, hiding his love from Reed, seemed stupid now. Confessing his love would never have driven Reed from him, but hiding it had caused them to end up thousands of miles apart. Fear had caused them both years of pain and suffering.

  Reed’s voice came through the phone then, speaking the words Evan had longed to hear from the moment he’d left California, colored with the distinctive broken tones of begging.

  “Come home, Evan. Please come home.”

  In the end, they decided that Reed wouldn’t fly out to Florida. Their hospital cell phone confessions had been in the heat of the moment, and despite the truths they’d spoken, reality had a way of intruding and tempering their eagerness to be together again. Evan needed to recover and get to the point where he was somewhat mobile. He had a lot to deal with as well. His contract, the team, and Bryce. And although he and Bryce had never been exclusive, they basically lived together and were seen as a couple. It wouldn’t be fair to Bryce for Evan to take up with Reed on Bryce’s turf. Besides, no matter how much he longed to be with Reed, Evan knew he wouldn’t be comfortable being with him in Florida. His life in South Beach was over. Whatever he built with Reed would be in California, and he didn’t want it tainted with any part of the sophisticated life he’d lived in Florida as Bryce’s pseudopartner.

  Within a week, Evan’s list of things to deal with swelled to include an NFL inquiry into his injury, a possible civil lawsuit spearheaded by the ACLU and GLAD against the two players who had hit him, in particular the one who’d deliberately stepped on him, arranging to have his things packed for his return to California, and breaking off his relationship with Bryce. The one thing he’d always thought would be easy turned out to be a lot more complicated than he imagined as he tried to free himself from a suddenly clinging sometime sexual partner.

  Upon his release from the hospital, Bryce picked him up amid a crowd of press. Bryce smiled at them, flashing a happy grin as he pushed Evan’s wheelchair. Evan kept his face carefully neutral. He knew the papers would be filled with Bryce’s handsome famous face the next day emblazoned with headlines like “Gay NFL Player Released from Hospital” and “Real Estate Mogul Bryce Richardson with Injured Lover.” Bryce played the press masterfully while Evan sat silent, trying not to be angry at being trotted out in front of the press as part of the “Golden Gay Couple” that the Miami press had dubbed them.

  Once they were in Bryce’s town car and the driver had pulled away from the curb, Bryce kissed his cheek and stroked his arm. Evan wanted to shrink from the touch but didn’t. Bryce had been good to him. It wasn’t his fault everything had changed for Evan.

  “I’ve hired a nurse to help you out while you’re recuperating. He’ll drive you to your physical therapy once it starts,” Bryce said in a low, businesslike tone. “Whatever you need, you have only to ask, Evan.”

  Those same words, spoken by Reed, made Evan’s heart swell. When Bryce spoke them, Evan became consumed with guilt. Feeling more uncomfortable than at any other time in his life, he looked directly into Bryce’s eyes. “I want to go home. I don’t want to be here any longer,” he confessed. “If circumstances had been different three years ago, I would never have come here in the first place. You know that.”

  Bryce turned away, looking out the side window, his jaw clenched hard. “You’re going to Reed.”

  “I love him. I’ve always loved him, and you know that. I never lied to you.” Evan shifted on the leather seat, wishing he wasn’t trapped with the heavy cast and crutches.

  “And Reed? I thought he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for you.”

  “Things change. People change. But the truth is that we’ve both been lying to ourselves and each other since we were kids.” Evan hoped like hell he’d spoken the truth. His words were true enough, but Reed hadn’t exactly said the same. He just had this newfound sense that what he felt for Reed had always been returned. They had just been too afraid to confess the truth to each other. Reed had sobbed on the phone, begging him to come home, and Evan could only interpret that one way.

  “So you’re leaving.”

  Evan heard the wealth of hurt in the even words despite the coolness of Bryce’s tone. He hated hurting anyone, but the relationship he’d signed on for with Bryce didn’t include forever or emotion other than friendship. It wasn’t his fault if Bryce suddenly wanted or expected more.

  “Soon, yes.” He bit back a frustrated sigh. Nothing was going as he’d thought it would. “Bryce, you’ve been amazing, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and my career. But you know I never fit into this whole South Beach thing. You knew I wasn’t happy here. I don’t thrive on the limelight like you. I don’t like being in the eye of the media. I don’t want to be half of some fairy-tale gay couple. I like being private.”

  “And you want Reed Matthews.” Bryce nodded solemnly. “I understand. I’ve always known it would be him someday. When do you leave?”

  “I have to arrange to get my stuff shipped back to California, and I have to deal with the team and these lawsuits. And…there’s my leg. I can’t travel for several weeks. When I’m ready for physical therapy, I’ll probably go. I don’t think I’ll be able to travel until then, not if I want the leg to heal properly.”

  Evan looked at the cast on his leg. The damned thing would define his life for the next month or so. He had to listen to the orthopedic surgeon if he wanted the leg to support him being able to play again. He knew he couldn’t play professionally any longer, but he at least wanted to be able to play with friends. And he wanted to coach kids. Going back to his roots was something he’d dreamed of for years.

  Later that night as he lay in his bed at Bryce’s house in South Beach, his phone rang. Heart racing, he reached for it, knowing it was Reed.

  “How are you?”

  The smooth, intimate tone of Reed’s voice felt like a balm to Evan’s soul. Dealing with a suddenly pouting Bryce hadn’t been easy for him especially with all the pain he was in.

  “I could be better,” he said. “I wish I could leave for home right now.”

  “Things not go well with Bryce?”

  Evan heard the note
of concern in Reed’s carefully worded question. How he knew Bryce had been difficult was beyond Evan. Since Evan’s injury, Reed seemed ultra-tuned-in to Evan, which could be a good thing considering Evan hoped they’d be taking their relationship to the next level when he returned to California.

  “He didn’t react as I’d thought he would. Hell, we’ve never been exclusive, so I’ve no idea where all these hurt feelings are coming from.” Evan frowned at his darkened ceiling. “I guess he just bought into the whole Golden Couple thing the press started about us a couple of years ago. He loved it when we were in the papers. Loved that people thought of us as the ideal gay couple. But it was all fake. I wasn’t ever happy with my life here. I hadn’t wanted to leave home in the first place.”

  “It’s done now,” Reed soothed. “He knows you’re not staying with him. He knows you’re coming home.”

  “Yeah.” Evan growled in frustration. “My life feels like it’s a mess. I know it’s just that things are in flux and my damned leg’s holding up my leaving, but I feel really unsettled.”

  “Would it be better if you went to a hotel until you can travel?”

  Evan closed his eyes and pictured a plush hotel suite. “In some ways, yes. In others, no. I can stick it out here. Bryce is due to go out of town for the next couple of weeks which will help. I feel bad that he’s upset.”

  “You don’t regret the decision to come home, do you?”

  Reed’s soft words held a note of fear, and Evan hastened to reassure him. “No way,” he said firmly. “I want you. I said it, and I meant it. I’ve felt it forever. I’ve always belonged to you whether you knew it or not.”

  Evan heard the hiss of Reed sucking in a breath.

  “I’ve never let another man fuck me.”

  The soft emphasis of Reed’s words hit Evan in the gut…and in lower parts of his body. His cock thickened, and he reached beneath the sheet to palm it with his free hand.