Nori's Delta (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Delta Team Three Book 1)

by Lori Ryan

“PT tomorrow.” Duff was as stingy on the words as he always was.

  Zip was the first to respond. “No Code of Conduct?”

  Duff shook his head. “Merlin needed a few personal days so Roe gave him the time, pushing back our Code of Conduct Certification. We get a reprieve for a few days.”

  Rouvin “Roe” Turano had been their commanding officer for the last eight years. He was a good guy most of the time so it wasn’t a surprise he’d give Merlin time if he needed it.

  “Mer ok?” Zip asked.

  Duff gave a nod and went to the bar.

  Heath didn’t need to be told twice.

  He drained the rest of his beer and put the empty on the table, heading for the exit. He would go back to the base and spend a few hours on the obstacle course before he turned in. He could beat himself to a bloody pulp on that thing if he tried hard enough. And he planned on it.

  Chapter 34

  Eleanor looked at her computer screen, not really seeing it for the second day in a row. She had been working remotely a few hours a day from her private room at the rehab center. Not that she was expected to. She was on medical leave.

  But she needed to keep her mind busy. Needed to keep herself from having to think about Heath. She had been thinking they might somehow work out a way to stay together even with her career and home being in Washington and his in Texas. She’d wanted that so damned much it made her heart ache.

  But she had seen what being in his life again had done to him and she couldn’t handle that. She wouldn’t bring him back to the place he’d been when they were teens where he second guessed himself.

  He was a confident elite forces special operative and he deserved that. Deserved all he’d earned the hard way.

  A nurse stepped into the room.

  “Eleanor, you have a visitor.”

  Eleanor’s heart flipped, doing a somersault right there in her chest. She wanted to see Heath walk through that door. Wanted to see those sea green eyes look at her again. Wanted to somehow have it work out between them.

  “It’s Merlin—says he’s one of your boys.” The nurse was fanning herself. “He’s hot!”

  Eleanor forced down the disappointment that it wasn’t Heath and put her computer on the side table.

  The door opened and Heath’s teammate walked in wearing dark BDUs and a tight-fitted T-shirt that should have merited some appreciation from her. The man was good-looking, to say the least. Tall, broad, and muscular with a smattering of gray hair that only made him sexier.

  He did nothing for her. Not that she wasn’t happy to see him. She would always be grateful to the men who made sure she and her team got in and out of Kazarus safely. There would always be a special place in her heart for those men.

  She wanted to ask how Heath was. But part of her didn’t want to know. If he wasn’t missing her the way she was missing him, that would gut her in a way she didn’t think she could handle.

  “I hope it’s okay that I interrupted your day.”

  She smiled. “Any time. Having a break from rehashing the Kazarus disaster isn’t something I’ll complain about.”

  They were still going over the events that had led to her injuries at her office, as much as she and her boss tried to argue there was no other way things could have gone.

  They hadn’t known about Onur Demir’s son and his illness. It was something that changed the entire landscape of the negotiations. They were still trying to figure out who had been gunning for her to stop the negotiations and how the forces inside the bunker had been tipped off that the Delta team was on their doorstep ready to raid the place.

  They had gotten answers to why Demir had lost it and shot her down in that tunnel, though. His son had been killed in the raid. It was a fluke. The machines responsible for keeping him alive had been hit and damaged. He couldn’t survive off of those machines.

  Merlin grimaced. “That bad, huh?”

  Eleanor shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll survive.”

  She had a feeling he wanted to ask more and she would bet it had to do with whether her career would survive or not, but he didn’t ask the question and she didn’t offer an answer. The truth was, she would make it.

  The deputy director was latching onto what had happened, arguing against negotiating with guerrilla forces in the future. He was riding this high, trying to use it to push his agenda and career forward for all it was worth.

  But as far as her boss was concerned, Eleanor had done her job. It was just that the people looking at all the data back here in Washington had analyzed things differently than she had. She would bet Merlin and his team dealt with that kind of thing all the time. Where the people on the ground weren’t necessarily the ones getting to call the shots. It was part of the job.

  She sat back in her chair, forcing herself not to ask about Heath. “What brings you here? Follow-up from the op?”

  Merlin shook his head, no. “This is a personal trip.”

  Her brows went up but other than that she gave no reply.

  Merlin looked nervous and she had to admit there were some humor in seeing this big man looking anxious. He shifted in his seat. “Heath doesn’t know I’m here.”

  Eleanor was surprised by how much those words hurt. She supposed in some small way she had been hoping maybe he had sent him. How stupidly sophomoric of her was that? Like they were in high school and passing notes through friends.

  Besides, she was the one who’d sent Heath away. She had no business hoping for news from him.

  Merlin leaned forward putting his forearms on his knees and watching her intently. “He would kill me if he knew I was here, but he’s not the same since Kazarus.”

  Didn’t she know it. That was the reason she’d sent him away. But how could she explain that to this man? She didn’t want to hurt Heath any more than she already had and she definitely wouldn’t discuss his loss of confidence in himself with someone else.

  “I appreciate you coming here and telling me that, Merlin, but Heath and I aren’t right for each other.” She tried to force a smile, but she couldn’t. It hurt too much. “He and I just aren’t…” She didn’t know how to explain this to him. “We just aren’t meant to be together. We weren’t back in high school and we aren’t now.”

  “I think you’re wrong. We all saw the way you two were together. Hell, you couldn’t ignore that. None of us would admit this easily, but we want that with someone. We want what you two feel for each other.”

  Eleanor turned and looked out the window. It was all she ever wanted and she hoped someday he found the happiness he was looking for. She didn’t have the strength to let Merlin see how hard it was for her to admit that she wasn’t going to be that for him. So instead she looked out the window and forced herself not to cry.

  They didn’t know how Heath had been before he entered the military. They couldn’t have seen the signs she had. The way his faith in himself had taken hit after hit with her back in the picture. The way he’d regressed to someone she knew he never wanted to be again.

  She wouldn’t do that to him. No matter what his teammate thought he needed.

  Chapter 35

  “Roe, you got a minute?” Duff stepped into their commanding officer’s office.

  He hoped his CO wouldn’t care that he was going to ask for a couple of days’ time when Merlin hadn’t gotten back yet from his personal time. The truth was during their down time between missions, they could usually take off for R&R, but with their certification being due they all needed to be here to get that done.

  But he’d seen the way Heath was pushing himself these last few weeks, as if the devil was chasing him. Duff might not be the most sensitive guy in the world, but he knew Heath was hurting. And the truth was, Duff would do anything for any of the guys on his team. These guys accepted him for who he was and didn’t treat him like the freak that a lot of people saw when they looked at him.

  “Come in,” Roe said, looking up from his paperwork. “What’s up, Duff?”


  “Listen, I know we’ve got to get this certification done, but would it be okay with you if we push it back another couple of days? I need to make a quick trip.”

  Duff had looked up Eleanor’s information on the way to DC. He wasn’t surprised to see her pushing herself hard in the physical therapy room at her rehab facility, sweat forming a sheen on her skin.

  Heath’s Nori was one of the most committed people he’d ever seen.

  It was why what had happened to her sucked. She deserved more than what happened at the end of that negotiation.

  Eleanor looked up as he approached. “Duff! What are you doing here?”

  He gestured to a chair, even though it looked like it could easily collapse under his weight.

  She nodded to his unspoken question and he lowered himself carefully into the chair. She leaned on a walker as she made her way to him.

  And then he tried to think of what to say. He wasn’t the kind of guy who came up with the right words easily, or knew how to say them in the right way. He’d probably screw this up, but he had to try.

  Maybe he should tell her how Heath looked the last few days. It wasn’t pretty. So maybe he wasn’t right to start with that.

  “Heath doesn’t know I’m here.”

  She was nodding at him. “And you probably didn’t know that Merlin has already been out to see me.”

  “Oh.” That stopped Duff. Merlin had only told Duff he needed to take care of something personal and that it wasn’t a big deal or anything he should be worried about. It hadn’t occurred to him that Merlin had already come out here to see Eleanor.

  “What did he say?” When the words left Duff’s mouth, he immediately wanted to call them back. He wasn’t any good at this.

  Eleanor smiled at him and it was the kind of gentle smile that said she understood he was trying. Heath would have been so damned lucky to have this woman in his life. Duff wanted to make that happen.

  “What did you want to say to me?” Eleanor asked. And again there was understanding in her tone. Understanding and patience.

  “He’s miserable.” Duff scrubbed the back of his head. “I’ve never seen him like this. Heath bounces back, you know?”

  Eleanor’s eyes were sad. “I don’t. We haven’t been a part of each other’s lives for a lot of years now. Too many years, I think. We’re in different places now.”

  Duff might not be the most sensitive man on the planet, but he knew she wasn’t talking about the distance from DC to Fort Hood.

  He looked around the restaurant, not sure what to say.

  Eleanor rescued him, raising a hand to wave over the nurse. “Have lunch with me, Duff.” She smiled at him. “I owe you guys at least that much for all you did for me and my team.”

  Duff shrugged and looked away. None of them ever knew how to handle people thanking them for their jobs the way they did. But he would enjoy having lunch with Eleanor. Besides, his flight back to Fort Hood wasn’t until that night.

  And maybe if they had lunch, he could think of something to say to convince her that Heath needed her. Maybe he could find a way to get her to see him again. If she could just see Heath, she’d have to see they were meant for each other, wouldn’t she?

  But as they moved from the rehab room to the dining room in the large facility, she started talking about other things. About Washington DC and all the good food there, about the physical therapists and how they thought they could have her home in another couple of weeks, about a movie she’d watched before.

  It was clear she was finished talking about Heath.

  Chapter 36

  Heath looked up to find their CO heading straight for them out on the field. He, Merlin, and Duff were marching with full packs and gear in the hot Texas sun and had been for the last two hours. He was planning to go another two or more before quitting.

  But Roe didn’t look like he was fucking around. Heath wondered if maybe they were getting called back out on a mission.

  He was wrong. It had nothing to do with a mission.

  “The next one of you fucking assholes that comes into my office and asks to put off your recertification is getting my boot up his ass and a month of restrictions. Are we clear?”

  Merlin and Duff looked a little guilty, but two of them asking for time off wasn’t usually enough to get Roe riled up.

  Heath looked around and realized Jangles and Zip hadn’t joined them yet. Shit, maybe those two had asked for time, too.

  Roe didn’t wait for an answer since none was needed. His word was law. “The new re-cert requirements on the Code of Conduct aren’t optional and they aren’t something anyone on the chain is fucking around with. Your team is confined to the base until it’s done.”

  Roe turned and walked off and Heath looked to Merlin and Duff. They only shrugged.

  Damn, it looked like tomorrow he’d have to give up his strategy of beating the fuck out of himself, and instead sit in front of a computer watching training videos and taking tests.

  Fucking fantastic.

  He started moving again, picking up to a 4 mile per hour pace instead of the typical 3.5 mile per hour clip they usually marched at. If this was his last day of burying his head in pain and exhaustion, he was going to make the best of it.

  With any luck, maybe he would sleep hard enough that he wouldn’t be plagued by dreams of Eleanor tonight.

  Chapter 37

  It was almost humorous when Eleanor picked up her phone and saw a video call coming in. She found Jangles and Zip looking at her from a small room on the other end of the feed. Except she was too tired to laugh.

  It had been days since she’d gotten a good night’s sleep. She cried most nights and when she did finally fall asleep, she tossed and turned as Heath tortured her in her dreams.

  Not that he was actually torturing her. No, in her dreams, what she felt were his kisses, his arms around her, his eyes on her. But when she reached for him, he wasn’t there.

  Just like he wasn’t there in real life.

  It was stupid, really, that she was so upset over not having him in her life. She hadn’t had him since the day she told him to get out and leave her alone when she was seventeen. That had been hard, but this was even worse. She hated that he wasn’t part of her life anymore. Hated that she couldn’t pick up the phone and hear his voice or his laugh. That there wasn’t any need for them to figure out a way to visit each other and make a long-distance relationship work.

  Eleanor looked at Jangles and Zip. For once, Zip wasn’t smiling.

  “He misses you, Eleanor,” Zip said.

  Jangles nodded. “He’s not the same man he was before the Kazarus mission.”

  Eleanor wasn’t strong enough for this. Because despite the fact it seemed his whole team wanted her to know how much he missed her, Heath hadn’t once reached out to her. He seemed to know as well as she did that this had been the best move for both of them.

  She tried for a smile, but she could tell it probably came out all wrong. And damn if she didn’t feel herself losing the battle with tears. She was losing that battle more and more, it seemed.

  “You know, guys, I love you all for trying to help. It was really nice of Merlin and Duff to come out here.”

  “Merlin and Duff were out there?” Jangles asked and he and Zip shared a look of surprise.

  She didn’t answer. She was so tired. So overwhelmed by everything. And she was beginning to doubt her decision. Maybe she’d been wrong to send Heath away, but it had killed her hearing him doubt himself the way he had.

  She lost the battle with her tears now. She swiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand.

  Jangles looked distinctly uncomfortable but Zip stepped closer, like he wanted to reach through the screen to her and she loved him for that. These men were all so important to her now. They’d gotten her and her team through the hell of Kazarus.

  “Aw don’t cry, Eleanor. I know he’s thinking about you. He might not have come there yet, but I’m sure he wants to.”r />
  Jangles stepped up then, too. “We’re on lockdown. He’s not allowed to leave the base until we finish some training we’ve been putting off.”

  She shook her head. “And when did that order come?” Merlin and Duff had clearly gotten off base, so the order was probably new.

  Jangles looked abashed. “Uh, yesterday.”

  The door behind the two men opened and her heart slammed to a stop when she saw Heath come in. He was mid-sentence asking what was keeping the other two men when he saw her on the screen.

  She didn’t know what she hoped for but it wasn’t the way his face went completely blank and still. And it wasn’t the way he turned and walked from the room without a word.

  She pressed her lips together not wanting to say anything because if she did, she knew she would be bawling in front of these men and there wouldn’t be a damn thing she could do to stop it. The pain that sliced through her heart at seeing him turn and walk away was too much.

  She had started to doubt her decision, but it looked like he hadn’t been.

  Jangles and Zip looked pained too.

  Zip tried to make it better. “Nori, he’s—”

  She shook her head stopping him. Hearing Heath’s nickname for her was too damned much. She cut the video feed and put her phone face down by the bed. She couldn’t talk to them anymore. Couldn’t see the pity emanating from them.

  Until very recently, her career had been everything to her. It was what got her up in the morning, what drove her to work longer hours than anybody in the office including her boss, and what kept her coming back. It was the drive to be the best she could be at what she had chosen to do.

  And right now it meant absolutely nothing. She had realized how utterly hollow her life was. She swallowed down the large lump in her throat and brushed away any remaining tears as she turned on her side and hugged her knees to her chest in bed.

  Her chest felt tight and the heartache pushing on her seemed like it might swallow her whole. Everything hurt. She was going to have to try to cope with the fact that she’d lost Heath Davis forever. That was something she didn’t know how to do.