“Yes, girl?”
“Master, won’t you get cold without me to warm you?” He so often teases me that I’m hot when I sleep …
After a moment, he replied, “Perhaps, girl, but that is the price that I’ll pay for teaching you this lesson.”
“What lesson is that, Master?”
“That it is a privilege for you to sleep beside me in my bed, girl, and also that you sleep unchained. Tonight, you sleep chained on the floor simply because I wish you to, because you are mine and it pleases me to have you do so. After tonight, I think that you might remember how grateful you are to be permitted to sleep with me, and to sleep unchained.”
Tears stung my eyes as I lay there, feeling cast away, even though I knew this was not punishment. I slept badly, and woke myself in the morning by bashing my head with the padlock as I attempted to adjust my pillow in my sleep. I made a noise that woke Master, and he leaned down to check on me, unchaining me and pulling me into his bed to inspect my head. “Are you damaged?” he asked me, his hands on either side of my face as he checked my hairline. I didn’t speak. “You are no good to me damaged,” he said as if to himself. Then he kissed my forehead and turned me so that he could tuck my back against him. “Sleep here for a while, girl,” he said sweetly, stroking me lightly in comfort. “It’s early yet.” I kept playing that word over and over in my head… damaged. He didn’t ask if I was hurt, as you might typically ask a person, but asked if I was damaged, as if he was asking about a car after an accident. Damaged is a word that applies to property, not to people. I fell asleep knowing in my bones that I am property now.
The night after that, I was permitted to sleep in his bed chained only at the ankle, which was considerably more comfortable. But I was sent to bed alone, as he waited until hours later to join me. I remember, I had a bad dream and was all the way out of bed and standing on the floor when I remembered my tether. I contemplated it for a moment, and felt so safe in his bed, in his collar and his chain, that I climbed back into his bed and fell asleep again. They were all the comfort I needed just then.
The night after that, I slept chained again, this time with a lead attached to my collar instead of my ankle. Besides the massive weight of the lock on my throat, this was not uncomfortable.
Last night, I slept without chains, but only after asking if he was going to chain me. I begged him not to, pleading that because I am unaccustomed to it, I haven’t slept well in several nights and needed a good night’s rest. He seemed to consider this for a long time before allowing me to sleep next to him without chains. And while I have never forgotten what a treasure and treat it is to be permitted to sleep with him, I confess that I was intensely grateful to be permitted it without bondage last night - and yet, the nights that I slept chained, I was grateful for that too.
This is not a parable, but a telling of a true event which took place shortly after Master collared me. That is not to say, though, that there is no moral to the story. Being the tricky girl I am, though, I’m not going to tell you what it is. You’re a smart reader, and I trust you to figure it out. In any case, I felt that it was important to include it here to illustrate that as much as we can learn from reading, watching, and talking to others, there is no substitute for experience. Nothing teaches life as effectively as life itself.
SECOND INTERMISSION
Oh, I burn. Embers smolder long and hot in their bed
of ashes, just waiting for a master’s hand to find them,
stoke them up into flames, unafraid of their consuming
power. I crave the feeling of strong hands in my hair, on
my neck, forcing me up, down, anywhere… just to be led!
I yearn to offer it up, turn my face up with downcast eyes
and whisper, “If it pleases you” I’m greedy for the kiss of
the whip, for the stillness of bindings, for the darkness of
the blindfold. I’m eager to sit at his feet while he touches
my hair, turning my face into his palm, silently showing
my devotion. I thirst for my own tears. I long for him to
reduce my walls to rubble, to burn the fences of my outer
limits, to take me where I’ve not dared to go. I lust to
hear him speak to me in a low voice, sending shivers up
my spine, compelling me to obey, as if every fiber of me
responds individually and I cannot deny it. I am impatient
to experience myself this way, and to share it with him.
THIRTEEN
The Perfect Master (And Other Mythical Creatures)
A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfection. - Chinese proverb
IT’S COMMON FOR SUBMISSIVES WHO ARE NOT OWNED TO daydream about the relationships they wish they were in. Take you, for instance…. There’s a seemingly endless list of things about which to daydream, and maybe you have: what kinds of things would be required of you, the struggles and triumphs of overcoming obstacles and learning to submit the way you’ve always wanted to, being naked on his leash and a multitude of other things. But perhaps the most oft-pondered thing is… you guessed it - the master himself.
There is no end of traits that people in general desire, and submissive women are no different. But of course, what is the fun of fantasy if it’s based in reality? For that reason, most fantasizing about masters necessarily requires those imagined masters to be perfect. This perfection is different for every woman, but there appear to be some common features.
Just for fun, let’s go to Build-A-Dom, you and I. We’ll start with a wonderful physique… just the right height, weight and color to quicken your breath, of course with great skin. We’ll add the amount of head, body and facial hair that you like best, in your choice of colors. At the next station, we’ll add teeth out of an orthodontist’s magazine, and eyes designed to both melt your heart and send your knees quaking. Now it’s time for the facial features! Let’s see… a strong nose that he can look down when you’re on your knees, a nice square jaw for you to kiss, a handsome chin (dimple optional) right below the most kissable lips ever created. Choose the right clothes and accessories to finish off your creation, and here you have it - the shell of the perfect master!
Ahh, but we’re just getting started. If you’ve ever been to that store where you create your own stuffed animals, you’ll know that when it comes time to add the insides, you add a heart. The perfect master can have no less, so you choose from an astonishing list of qualities. The sky’s the limit, so don’t hold back! What should he be like? Let’s make him… generous, of course. Patient, but firm. Indulgent and strict. We’ll give him a good sense of humor, a flawless sense of direction, a catchy turn of phrase, just enough intelligence to be a touch smarter than you, and enough humility to never tease you about it. He needs a healthy sex drive, so toss that in. Don’t forget confidence, that’s crucial. Oh, and of course, we’ll make him telepathic, so he really can read your mind, but only when you want him to. And… rich. Yep, that oughtta do it.
Now, I don’t think for a second that you are really this shallow. But at the same time, this is perfectly normal entertainment, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with it, so go ahead and enjoy. It’s your fantasy and in it, he should be perfect. Reality has no place in fantasy. It’s just for fun, and no one is going to know, so dream to your heart’s content.
Unfortunately, I’ve known women who spent so much time building up the perfect master in their mental Build-A-Dom workshops that it began to interfere with their ability to accept real men on their own merits. What happens is that after a while, these imagined masters take on such personas that when a woman meets a prospective master, she compares him to her “perfect master,” who lives only inside her head, often without even being aware that she is doing it. Many a good candidate is never even given a chance to display some of his best qualities, since he’s been so summarily dismissed.
It’s great to know what you want, and it’s n
ever a bad idea to have standards. But it’s essential to have a firm grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality. The fact of it is that you’re never going to find your perfect master… and if you already have a master, you know just how true this is. No matter how great they are, they’re never perfect.
So where does that leave you? Allow me to answer that by sharing with you something that I wrote before I ever met my master. A submissive friend of mine, who was also not in a relationship at the time, asked me about my ideal master, and this was my response.
What is my ideal master like? He is… beautiful in his heart, kind in his words, honorable in his deeds, joyful in his soul, and peaceful in his mind. He loves me and accepts me as no one else does. He knows all my dirty little secrets and loves me all the more for them, because they are a part of me. He allows me to be myself, and helps me strive to be better. He understands me, and lets me have my own opinions. He trusts me and is strong enough to not be afraid to lean on me now and then. He is my best friend, my lover, my tormentor. He loves and hurts me with equal fervor and care. He takes me down beyond space, time and words, breaks through my walls and guards, reduces me to tears and emotion and sensation, and then builds me back up gently. He speaks harshly to me when I need it, disciplines me so that I can learn to better serve him, and punishes when necessary. He makes demands on me, he pushes me to my limits, he expands my horizons. He whips me and caresses me, whispers sweet nothings and calls me a whore. He is the duality in our natures, embodied.
I trust him beyond all others. He takes me to dinner and orders for me, but lets me choose the movie after, as a reward. He takes me to kinky clubs on a leash, and tells me to be on my “best behavior,” and I know that this means I am on high protocol, silent unless spoken to, eyes down, kneeling, and if I am good, I will be allowed time off the leash to go play with friends, or hold a conversation. If I am not, woe be unto me. He loves my high spirits, my talkative nature, my expressive face, and is pleased all the more when I can overcome these things to please him, when he desires me to be still and silent. He is not perfect. He makes mistakes, and readily admits them, and finds ways to avoid them happening again. He acknowledges his shortcomings and seeks to improve them. He takes responsibility for his part in the relationship. He does not collar me and expect me to submit and do all the work while he sits back and reaps the benefits… rather, he actively dominates while I actively submit, and we are symbiotic. He is imperfect, but perfect for me. He’s between the ages of 30 and 40… because his years of experience help me to trust him, but his relative youth gives me more years to enjoy him.
Sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it? I got incredibly lucky, but I also had a fairly firm grip on the difference between the fantasy of a perfect master, and the reality of a man I could love and respect enough to submit to. Just between us, I’ll confess that my master isn’t all of these things… but he is most of them. Yes, he has his flaws, just as your master does, or will, if you’re still seeking him. You must be fully prepared to accept that, if you’re to ever have a real chance at a fulfilled, healthy D/S relationship.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that masters are human too. They are just as much created by their experiences as we are; they are just as flawed and fallible. You simply will not find one who is perfect, because no perfect people exist. What you should strive to do, therefore, is to find someone who fits you, who complements you. Sit down and figure out what the reality of that should look like, and once that’s done, you’ll know where your standards are. Then, when you meet someone who isn’t your fantasy master, don’t write him off immediately, because he might still be your ideal master, if given a chance to show you those parts of himself.
A word of caution: do not, I repeat, not, find a master who fits half of your fantasy, and set out to change him so he will embody all of those impossible traits. Simply put, there is absolutely no way this will not end in tears. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen. Yes, he will grow and change within the relationship just as you will, and if he’s a reasonable human being, he will likely be willing and able to compromise on some things. But ultimately, you cannot change him into something he isn’t, and it will only hurt you both if you try.
FOURTEEN
Active Dominance - Lead from the Front
The eye of the master will do more work than both his hands. - Benjamin Franklin
DOMINATE IS A VERB.
I know, it seems obvious, but it’s an important consideration in how I want to approach this particular subject. Some of you might be wondering what on earth I know about dominance anyway, considering I’m on the other side of the whole power exchange thing. The answer is that I know dominance from the submissive perspective. I know what I’ve observed, what I’ve experienced, what I want and need in a dominant partner, and also what many female submissives have told me over the years from their own experiences and perspectives. My philosophy of active dominance is based on all of these things.
We’ve established that dominate is a verb, which means to rule or control. What I often see, though, is situations where much is expected of the submissive in a relationship while the dominant sits back reaping the rewards of all of this dedicated service, not outwardly contributing much in the way of active dominance… that is, he doesn’t do many things which require literal action on his part. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dom-bashing here. I have an idea why this is so common, and I honestly think it’s easily remedied.
First, though, it must be noted that there are relationships where this exact dynamic works well for both (or all) people involved. There are submissives who prefer this style of dominance, and wish to be in relationships where this is how things are done. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this - we all have different needs and desires for how we wish to express and experience love and devotion, and I’m not here to tell you that any of them are wrong.
However, if you’re a submissive in a relationship where things are this way, but you feel that your needs require a little more active participation on the part of your dominant, this chapter is for you. (Or if you’re a dominant looking for ways to enliven your own style of dominance, this chapter will also help you, I hope.) I want to say first that it’s okay to need what you need. A lot of submissives say they feel guilty about wanting more from their dominants, as if the submissives should simply be content with whatever is available. I call bullshit. You’re a human being in a relationship, and, submissive or not, you have the right to have your needs met. That is not to say that you have the right to every little thing your heart desires, of course. But true, deep-seated needs that you must have in order to be fulfilled and happy… yes, you have every right to have those needs, and to have them met.
You also have a responsibility to those needs. After all, if they never see the light of day, you’re pretty unlikely to be able to create a situation where they get the attention they require. So you have to communicate those needs to your dominant. If you’re in the “dating” phase of a D/S relationship, that’s a great time to begin making things like this clear (right along with more mundane matters, like whether or not you both want children), because if you notice right away that you both have wildly different viewpoints on this or other crucial matters, you may decide that you’re better off as friends. Not everyone is going to have compatible needs, so be prepared for that from the start. That doesn’t mean you should change yours, just expect to search a little to find someone whose philosophies align closely with yours. Of course if you’re already in a D/S relationship with someone, you also have a responsibility to let him know what needs you have as far as dominance goes. He’s not a mind-reader (except, naturally, when it is most inconvenient for us), so don’t expect him to know. It’s also bad form to think that he will be able to figure it out from a series of obscure clues and hints, no matter how obvious you might think they are. And never get caught in the trap of thinking, “I shouldn’t have to tell him, he should just know, bec
ause he’s the dom!” Newsflash: he doesn’t, so tell him. He’s dominant, not psychic.
So, back to that situation I mentioned a minute ago, where much is expected of the submissive but the dominant tends to be passive, receiving her submission without actually doing much. The reason that I think this happens is because (and I realize I might not be making many friends with this concept, but here goes) many dominants, particularly those who are fairly inexperienced or new to the lifestyle, simply don’t know a) that submissives want them to be more active or b) how to do it.
Let me tell you a story about me and my master. Over dinner one night, we were discussing the concept of active dominance, and he got frustrated. “I don’t even know what that means!” he exclaimed, then asked me to explain. I said, “Well, like you made all these rules I’m supposed to follow. That’s good, but then I have to work every day to stay submissive and follow them and all you have to do is enjoy that. I guess I just feel like there should be ways that you could also be active like I am, on a daily basis. Ways for you to show your dominance, just like I show my submission.”
It became a sort of quest after that, to find methods for him to express his dominance in other ways than simply enjoying the fruits of my submission. As we tried things and found some that worked, it became clear that the more active he was in expressing his dominance, the more dominant he felt overall. He told me that this was at least partially due to the fact that I was so happy and responding very positively, and that was encouraging to him on several levels. The more actively dominant he was, the more submissive I felt encouraged to be, and the two just seemed to feed one another.
Conquer Me: girl-to-girl wisdom about fulfilling your submissive desires Page 7