by L. S. Pullen
Chapter Thirty-Two
Charlotte
I groan and roll over, my arm hitting something soft. No… someone. I lurch into a sitting position, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Who the fuck is in my bed? I lean over the duvet, pull it down and let out a huge sigh of relief, bringing my hand to my chest when I see its Violet.
“Thank fuck,” I say breathlessly, my mouth drier than a roll of cotton wool.
“What the hell?” Violet says, pulling the duvet up back over her face.
Memories of last night come rushing back. I remember Vi and me drinking and then deciding it was a good idea to dance and party away my feelings.
My stomach rolls and I lay back down, squeezing my eyes closed.
“Why do I feel like I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer?” I grumble.
Vi lets out a kind of snort and rolls onto her back, peering up from under the duvet. Her under-eyes are caked in smudged mascara and eyeliner, and I bet I look the same. I don’t think it was a ‘removing your makeup’ kind of evening.
“That would be the shots,” she mumbles.
I cover my nose. “Yeah, you smell like a damn brewery,” I reply and then get a whiff of my breath, which makes my stomach churn.
Easing myself up, I go to my bathroom to relieve my bladder before I explode, and then I brush my teeth, trying to resist the urge to gag.
I can’t even be bothered to try and remove my makeup. I lean closer to the mirror.
“What the fuck?”
My hand goes to my neck, and I try to rub at the mark.
“Vi, why the fuck do I have a love bite?” I call out, the panic rising.
What the fuck did I do?
I swear I begin to sweat as I go back to my bedroom.
“Oh, you don’t remember?” Violet asks, stretching and letting out a weird cat-like yawn.
“No… What the hell did I do?” And my immediate thoughts go to Ethan, tears springing to my eyes, and I cover my mouth… fuck if I don’t start hyperventilating.
Vi’s hand reaches up and grabs my hand. “Breathe,” she says, her eyes more alert than before.
“Seriously,” I say between taking a deep breath. “What did I do?”
Her face goes a little sheepish. “You might have made out with me, and I might have then proceeded to give you said love bite,” she says with a toothy, half-guilty grimace.
“What the fuck, Vi?” I ask accusingly.
I squeeze my eyes closed as flashes of fragmented memories come flooding back.
“It’s not like I took advantage of you,” she says, her voice laced with hurt.
Opening my eyes, I grab her hand. Vi has always been open about being bi. I don’t have an issue with it at all. I’ve also never been interested in women, least of all my best friend.
“I never said you did. It’s just everything is a little sketchy.” It is, for the most part, but it’s all coming back to me now. A couple of guys hitting on us, me pretending Vi was my girlfriend.
“Those guys were super douchebags. Acting like the word ‘no’ was just a game for them to try harder.”
“Oh my God, I forced you to kiss me,” I say, my face heating in embarrassment.
She laughs. “You were drunk, and I’m hot. I can’t say I blame you,” she says, trying to make me feel better.
“And the love bite?” I ask, that part still a blur.
Biting her bottom lip between her teeth, she scrunches her nose. “Tanya was there.”
“Oh,” I say.
Tanya is her ex and was always super jealous of our friendship.
“You know how much she hates you,” she says, like it’s the most logical response.
I shake my head. “Yeah, but this?” I reply, pointing to my neck. “Why not just kiss me again?”
She laughs. “She was with her new girlfriend, and I knew it would be the best way to piss her off. She always loved when I did it to her. And it’s not like you were complaining. Now that I come to think about it, you did keep calling me Ethan.”
“Oh my God,” I say, covering my face with my hand as a fresh wave of embarrassment hits me.
“It’s okay, you gave me the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech the entire way home. A ten-minute walk which took almost an hour, I might add.”
Groaning, I turn to face her. “I’m so sorry.” I’ve never been able to handle my drink particularly well. Probably why I’m not a big drinker.
“It’s cool. I always wondered what kissing you would be like.”
“Really?”
She nods. “Yeah, I’m only human, and you’re a foxy lady,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Was it any good?” I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.
“Honestly, it was awkward, and as quickly as it began, it was over.”
I stare at Violet––even hungover and with her makeup a mess, it’s hard to ignore how beautiful she is.
“So, are we good?” I ask, pointing between us.
“Yeah, of course, you’re my bestie,” she says with a nonchalant shrug. “But how will you explain that to Ethan,” she says, pointing to my neck.
“Not that I have to explain myself to him, but I’ll tell him the truth. I have nothing to hide.” And yet, part of me can’t help but feel guilty. How would I feel if he rocked up with a damn love bite? But then it comes crashing back… me finding out about him and Meg.
“Yeah, well, your face right now tells a different story,” she says, throwing the duvet back and getting out of bed. “I don’t know about you, but I need some greasy food.”
“I need something, and it will either kill or cure it,” I reply as my stomach rolls, my head still fuzzy.
“True. I’ll order us something from Greasy Spoons.”
I let out a groan. “I’m going to shower,” I say, and head to the bathroom. Why the fuck did I wear a bandeau dress?
“Vi, you’re going to have to help me out of this torture device,” I holler back through the crack in my bathroom door.
“I told you to wear the all-in-one,” she says with sass.
I roll my eyes. “Yes, but I don’t like being practically naked when I have to go pee,” I reply, and I recall a similar conversation we had last night.
“Arms up.”
Doing as she says, she pulls the hem and hefts it up and over my chest and face. For a brief moment, I think I’m going to suffocate, and then I’m free.
“Fucking hell, remind me never to wear that again,” I say, pointing to the dress in utter disgust.
“Cute knickers,” she replies before she leaves.
“They’re comfortable,” I reply––plus, there’s something about having a superhero’s face on my crotch that makes me smile.
I crank up the hot water and stand under the spray for a good five minutes until a wave of dizziness overtakes me, and I know I need to hurry up and wash before I pass out.
Hunting around in my wardrobe, I look for something comfortable to wear, when I see a cute summer dress I haven’t had the chance to wear yet. Bingo.
Vi is paying the delivery guy when I come out to the kitchen, looking around for my bag.
“Have you seen my bag?” I ask, suddenly panicked, as she puts the bags down on the kitchen counter.
“Oven,” she says, pulling out our food.
“What the… Why the fuck would it be in the…” I open the oven door, and sure enough, sitting inside is my bag.
“You didn’t want to be tempted to drunk dial Ethan.” She shrugs as though it’s normal behaviour.
“This is why I don’t drink,” I reply with a guttural moan.
I dig inside and pull out a tenner. “Here.”
“Fuck off,” she says, and I don’t bother to argue with her. My brain can barely function as is. I stuff it back in my purse and then check my phone.
Ethan: I’m so fucking sorry about being short with you today, Lottie x
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ethan
Just as I’m leaving the ward, I stop and pull out my phone but hang up when I see Henry walking towards me.
“Hey, I was just calling you.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Is Meg okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, she’s good. She kind of kicked me out. There’s something I need to do.”
His lips curve into a smile. “Would this involve a woman by any chance?”
I can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, and I owe her an apology.”
“Is it Lottie?” he asks.
My face probably gives me away before I answer. “Shit. Yeah, but we’ve kept it quiet. How do you know?”
He shrugs. “I didn’t. I had a suspicion, but you just clarified it for me.”
I rake my fingers through my hair. “Well, I have damage control to do, so I need to get going.”
“No worries, and thanks for waiting with Meg while I was gone.”
Like he even had to thank me, she’s family. I leave Henry and go to my car, contemplating my next step, and I decide I should probably start with a peace offering… I know just the place.
The bell chimes as I push open the door to Sophia’s Deli. Rachel looks up from behind the counter and greets me with a smile.
“Ethan, how’s Meg?” she asks as I approach the counter, concern in her eyes.
“She’s doing good, considering… she was lucky. It could have been so much worse.” I swallow the lump in my throat at the thought. “I just left Henry and her at the hospital.”
She covers her chest with her hand. “I still can’t believe what happened. I’m so glad you guys got there when you did. Hopefully, she’ll be up for talking and I’ll give her a call later.”
I nod. “She’d like that.” Meg never had many female friends, and I know losing Clara has been hard on her, so I’m glad she’s found a friend in Rachel.
I eye the cakes and try to decide which ones to get.
“Are you eating in?”
I shake my head. “No, taking away,” I say. There’s a good variety, but I’m stumped. I know her favourite coffee but not her favourite cake.
“Looking for anything in particular?” she asks.
I shuffle on my feet and stuff my hands into my jean pockets. “I don’t know. What do you suggest?” I ask.
She smiles. “Is it for you or someone else?”
“Me and someone else,” I reply. “I know what coffees I want.”
Rachel smiles. “I can get them ready while you choose what cakes,” she says.
“A large caramel macchiato with soy milk and one with semi-skimmed.”
She bites her bottom lip and looks back to the cakes.
“Red velvet cupcake. They’re her favourite.”
My eyes spring to hers, and I feel beads of sweat on my temples. She turns her back to me and begins making the coffees.
“How do you know?” I ask.
She peers over her shoulder and smiles. “We talked,” she says with a slight shrug.
I nod, not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“Does Olly know?” I ask, trying not to sound as worried as I feel.
“No. As much as I don’t like keeping things from him, it’s not my place to say anything.” She finishes off the coffees and seals them with lids. “But maybe it’s time you two had a chat about where this is going. Secrets always come out eventually.” I somehow think there’s a double meaning to her statement and I nod. However you look at this, she’s right.
And I hope Lottie wants more, because I sure as hell do.
Rachel puts the coffees into a cupholder.
“So which cakes will it be?”
I give her a knowing smile. “Four red velvets, please.”
I pull up at Lottie’s flat about ten minutes later and am just about to buzz up when the main door opens, and their neighbour holds it open for me.
“Cheers,” I say and take the stairs two at a time, almost spilling the drinks. “Fuck,” I curse as I bring my hand up and knock on the door.
The door opens, and the woman I recognise as her flatmate leans against the door frame. “Oh, Violet, right?” I say, like a stuttering fool.
She raises an eyebrow. “And you are?” she asks, crossing her arms.
“Ethan.” I want to squirm under her gaze––something about the way she’s assessing me.
“Lottie,” she calls over her shoulder. “Lover boy is here.”
My mouth gapes open.
“Of course I know who you are.”
She eyes the coffees and points. “Is one of those a caramel macchiato with soy milk?” she asks.
I nod and she gives me a wicked smile. “Well, seeing as it’s your fault I have the hangover from hell, I’ll be taking that with me,” she says. Her hand hovers over the coffees, and I nod to the right one. She pries it from the cupholder, almost spilling mine in the process.
And then she grabs a bag off the side and slips into her shoes, brushing past me.
“Good luck. Try not to fuck this up,” she sing-songs over her shoulder as she sashays away.
“Ethan,” Lottie says, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Do you want to come in?” she asks, moving to the side as I pass her in the hallway, my eyes drawn to a mark on her neck.
What the fuck?
Something in my gut twists and I double-take, not believing my eyes.
“Is that a love bite?” I grit out.
Her face heats, and she quickly shuts the door as we stand in her tiny hallway, our bodies almost touching.
“It’s not what it looks like,” she says, her hand going to cover it like that will magically make it disappear.
I raise an eyebrow. “No? Because it looks like a love bite to me, and you’re yet to deny it.”
She ushers me down the hall towards her kitchen.
“Last time I checked, I didn’t owe you an explanation.”
She crosses her arms, and I am momentarily distracted by her pretty floral dress, and then I look back to her throat.
“Are you seeing someone?” I blurt out, dropping the cakes and the coffee onto the kitchen counter.
Her eyes grow a shade darker, and her eyebrows raise almost into her hairline. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
I cross my arms. “You tell me.”
She shakes her head. “When would I find time to see someone else? When I’m not at work, I’ve been with you, arsehole.”
She turns her back to me and towards the hallway.
Dropping my arms, I go after her, grab her shoulder gently, and she turns back to face me.
“Shit, I’m sorry. But what am I supposed to think?” I say, my index finger stroking her exposed throat. Her pupils dilate and she lets out a small gasp.
“It was Violet,” she says. And then she dips her chin, unable to make eye contact with me. “We got drunk and went out. Some guys were hitting on us, and apparently, I forced Vi to kiss me. Then her ex showed up, and she did this to spite her.”
I tilt her chin until she’s looking at me. “Violet’s gay?” I ask.
“She’s bi.”
“Do you like her?” I ask and hold my breath as I wait for her answer.
She shakes her head. “No, not like that,” she says.
I let out a sigh. “Thank fuck for that. I don’t think I could compete with her.”
Lottie almost smiles.
“Why are you here, Ethan?” she asks, taking a step back.
“I brought you a coffee and some cupcakes,” I say, pointing to the counter. “Well, Violet stole your coffee.”
Her eyes scan to the cake box and then back to mine.
“And I wanted to apologise about how I reacted with you at the gym. I’m sorry.”
I reach out for her hand, desperate for her touch, but she pulls it away.
“Because you were worried about your ex-girlfriend, Meg…” she says, and I can’t ignore the hurt in her voice or the look in her eyes.
I scrub my hand over my face.
Shit!
Chapter Thirty-Four
Charlotte
I wrap my arms around my middle, unable to hide the hurt of him not telling me, and I try to walk past him into the living room. Being this close to him makes it hard to breathe.
“Yes, but fuck… How did you find out?” he asks.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. My throat feels constricted.
He reaches out for me, but I take a step back and bump into the wall. Ethan crowds me, and I put my hands up to push him away, but then I feel how fast his heart is beating and I look up into his eyes.
“Does it matter how I found out? It’s the fact you never told me, Ethan. I get it we were just fucking, but I was honest with you. I was open with you.”
He grimaces. “Lottie, we were never just fucking, and you know it,” he says, a flash of anger in his eyes.
I lean my head back against the wall and look away, but he tilts my face towards his.
“Look, I’m sorry I never told you about Meg. It was complicated.”
“Was I just a distraction from her?” I whisper.
Ethan bends his knees, so we’re eye level. “I won’t lie. At first, yes, but then things changed, and it wasn’t about that anymore.”
“But you love her?”
“Yes, I love her…”
I duck under his arm to move away from him, spots flashing in my vision.
“Fucking hell, Charlotte, I wasn’t finished,” he says, grabbing my elbow.
“Please just go,” I choke out.
“No.” He lifts my chin. “Not until you let me finish,” he says, his eyes almost amber in this light. When I say nothing, he continues.
“I love her, but I’m not in love with her, not anymore.”
My heart hammers in my chest from his admission. “You’re not?” I say. My voice comes out high pitched, and I clear my throat.
“No,” he says, grazing my cheek with his knuckles, looking at me with yearning.
“Oh,” I reply.
His thumb grazes my bottom lip. “And I don’t want to hide, not anymore.”