The Uncomfortable Dead

by Paco Ignacio Taibo II

  So we did all that in the early hours of the 8th of this month, which is February of 2005, and when the sky was beginning to get gray, Erika and Toñita came to tell me that according to the reports, that Morales person, the aforementioned, had gone to the municipal seat in Ocosingo and was getting all drunk and bothering the women. Besides that, the aforementioned had with him a couple of gorillas as bodyguards, so he was being guarded wherever he went, and I think they even took him to the bathroom. Toñita said how maybe there was very few people and nothing to do in Ocosingo because the feast of Candlemass was already past and people didn’t have the money to go on partying, so that was why she thought it might be a good place to grab that Morales person, the aforementioned, without making a really big noise.

  El Justiciero came back and said the truck was all ready. Then Maa Jchixuch said he was ready to go. Then Doña Juanita said she was ready to go. Then Magdalena said she was ready, and Erika and Toñita had already said they were ready. Then I said I was ready and that they should wait for me to go to the john, and then I came back from the john and we all climbed in El Justiciero’s truck, and we got to Ocosingo when nighttime was settling into the streets. So we got ourselves installed in a little shed on the outskirts of the town called Paradise—the shed was called that, not the town—and Erika set up her radio with the antenna and all and sent back a message that read, Big eye to old horse. Big eye to old horse. NOBODY is ready. Repeat, NOBODY is ready. So that was the message for El Sup, letting him know that we were ready to carry out our agenda with a perspective to grab the aforementioned—Morales, that is. Then Toñita dug into her knapsack and pulled out a pack of gum and told me she had some that are laxatives and then went out to take a look to see where the aforementioned, which is Morales, was getting to. And then Doña Juanita went off to talk to her cousin who works in the Ocosingo market and is one of the biggest gossips around and … I mean, her cousin is the gossip, not Doña Juanita, so wherever she is, she knows what’s going on … the cousin. Then Maa Jchixuch got his things together in the yard of the shack and El Justiciero found a place for the truck so’s it would be handy, but not really out in the open. Erika got her sound equipment in place and set up a speaker in the yard and another where they put the cars—the driveway, that is. Magdalena was busy getting herself all fixed up. And I started thinking how NOBODY is really good at these jobs that the General Staff of the EZLN gives us every once in a while. Just then, Toñita came back and said that the aforementioned Morales was over in El Infierno, and I asked what the hell he was doing in the inferno when he was sposed to be here in Ocosingo, and how everything was mixed up, and then Toñita just looked at me and said I was right, but that El Infierno was the name of the cantina where we could find Morales, the aforementioned. So I guess it was clear that El Infierno was just the name of the cantina where he was, and Toñita went on explaining that the aforementioned Morales was about my age, that’d be around sixty, and my height, and had gray hair and was a bit fat. And then Toñita said for sure it was him, the aforementioned Morales, cause that’s what the bodyguards kept calling him. Then Toñita said how the bodyguards were these really big guys and double-wide, which is real strong like, and how they had their hair real short, sorta like the soldiers of the bad government. And just then Juanita came back and told us that the cousin said that the aforementioned Morales was a little tanked, which is a little drunk, and so were the bodyguards.

  So it was time to get together and go over the plan one last time and make any changes we might need, and then we sat back to wait for nighttime to get a little further on, until it was almost morning. Then, in the really dark part just before first light, I put on my hat and everybody understood that we were about to start the mission. NOBODY was ready to move.

  Then Maa Jchixuch, Erika, El Justiciero, and Doña Juanita got into their mission positions, and I took off with Toñita and her pack of gum and with Magdalena and her really high heels that were making her stumble every few seconds. And then we got to the doors of the inferno, which is the name of the cantina, which is El Infierno, and Toñita went in with her pack of gum and came right back out again. She said how there weren’t that many people, just a few, really, and that the aforementioned was right there—Morales, that is—and that he was completely gone, not that he wasn’t there, cause he was, but completely gone cause of all he had drunk, and gone with him were the bodyguards.

  Toñita explained how she had given the aforementioned’s bodyguards the gum with the laxative and that it would take awhile for it to work, so I told Toñita to get in her position. Then I told Magdalena to go on into the inferno, which was the cantina’s name, El Infierno, and I went in after her to make sure nothing happened to Magdalena.

  So Magdalena walked on in, doing her thing and moving so. And then the aforementioned Morales was all drooling as he watched Magdalena come in. The bodyguards were doing a bit of drooling themselves. Then the Morales person, the aforementioned, started saying things to Magdalena, like how come a pretty girl like her was all alone, and how she should be having a good time with him, and other things that were kinda dirty and I can’t tell you cause who knows if there’s women and children listening, or reading, depends. So then Magdalena went over to this aforementioned Morales and told him how she was looking high and low for a man who could do her right, cause she was all woman and there weren’t any real men in these parts, and how she was thinking of going over to the Zapatistas to see what they had. And then the aforementioned, the Morales person, said that the Zapatistas were all queer, that’s what he said, and the bodyguards laughed.

  So just then, Magdalena walked over to this Morales, who is the aforementioned, and stuck her butt in his face as she turned and winked at me and said to him, “Well, from what I can tell, some of them Zapatistas might actually be queer.”

  And she sat on his lap and started saying to him how come he was there in the inferno when she could take him to paradise, and then Morales, the aforementioned, said, well, why don’t you just take me there, honey, and they got up and moved to the door, and I moved out after them, and when they were at the door, the aforementioned Morales began grabbing her all over and she kept saying that they shouldn’t do it here and they should go to her room, cause she had all sorts of things there to make him, Morales, the aforementioned, really happy. Well, the aforementioned Morales said that was good and let’s go and all, and they went over to where he, Morales, the aforementioned, had his car, and I took off running to get there first. When I got there, I took my position, and just a second later I could see the car lights and then it went into the courtyard. They all got out of the car and one of the guards commented, hey, boss, I think I gotta go, cause something in that cantina didn’t go down right. And then the other guard said how he was feeling a little like going to the john. And then Magdalena told them how there was a latrine in the patio, and they both took off trying to get there before the other, but all the time bumping into each other cause they were so drunk.

  Magdalena went into the house and told the aforementioned Morales how he should wait for me here, sweetie, while I go slip into something a bit more comfortable that you’re really gonna like. And then Magdalena came into the room where we were all crammed. Then I gave the signal.

  Then Erika started her sound equipment how they should all surrender and they were all surrounded. Then Maa Jchixuch lit the fireworks he’d set up and it sounded like they were shooting the place up good. So there was a real riot sounding like a lot of shooting and noise. Then the bodyguards ran out, but they couldn’t hardly move cause they were so drunk and had their pants down around their knees. Now, a body would have thought that they would be scared shitless from all the shooting and all, and they woulda been, except for the trick gum Toñita gave them. So there they were, all covered with shit, both from being scared to death and from real shit, cause the noise and stuff caught them when they were in the middle of the diarrhea brought on by the gum. Well, all they could think of
doing was run, and they did, off into the woods. And then the Morales person, the aforementioned, asked what the fuck is going on, and you could tell the shock scared the drunk out of him, cause he was in control of himself. So that’s when we all rushed out of the little back room. And we surrounded him so he wouldn’t be going anywhere.

  Then I told the aforementioned Morales that he was under arrest by order of the autonomous justice authorities of the Good Governance Boards, and that we were going to take him back so he could account for all his evil. Then Morales, the aforementioned, said, “Nobody is going to arrest me!” and that’s when Erika said, “Well, that’s just fine, cause it’s NOBODY that’s arresting you.”

  So then Doña Juanita was about to tie up his hands, when the aforementioned Morales pulled out a gun and said we should all raise our hands. So that’s what we did. And Morales, the aforementioned, said how he was too tough a bone for any pissant Zapatista to chew on, and that no amount of nobodies was going to take him in. And then he pointed the gun at Toñita and said she was a damn street kid, and he pointed at Doña Juanita and said how she was a wrinkled old bitch, and then he pointed at El Justiciero and called him a no-count nigger, and then he pointed at Maa Jchixuch and said he was an earring-wearing punk shit, and then he pointed at Erika and called her a useless kid, and then he pointed at Magdalena and said she was a goddamn fag, and then he pointed at me and said I was a rat-shit Indian. And when he got through pointing—that is, when he had us all in his sights—he said he was just going to kill us and be done with it, cause we’re the kind of people there are always too many of and nobody was going to miss us anyways, cause there was too many just like us.

  So as this Morales, which is the aforementioned, was getting off his neo-liberal speech, Magdalena, it seems, just got her dander up and went at him and started wrestling hand-to-hand like. And then, as if Magdalena’s attack had been the signal, we all went at the aforementioned Morales. And that’s when we heard a shot. Course, we got him under control and took the gun from him. And then Doña Juanita, El Justiciero, Toñita, and Erika got up to tie this Morales, the aforementioned, so he wouldn’t get into any more mischief. That’s when we saw how Magdalena didn’t get up off the floor. So I thought it was cause she was beat up. But I went to pick her up and saw she had a bullet wound in her stomach. So I called out to Doña Juanita that Magdalena was wounded.

  So Doña Juanita got some herbs out of her knapsack and started packing her wound, Magdalena’s, to stop the bleeding. Then I told Erika to radio back urgent that we had a NOBODY down. And I told Magdalena not to worry cause we were going to take her to a hospital to get healed. But Magdalena was getting paler and paler. So I told El Justiciero to get the truck ready to leave. Then I told the others to get Morales, the aforementioned, into the truck to take him to justice. And I said to make room for Magdalena so we could take her to the hospital. So I was there with Magdalena, and she asked me how the mission had gone. So I said it had gone real good, that thanks to her, which is to him, the Bad was in custody. And then he/she asked me if she looked pretty. And I said she looked like a princess. And right there he/she got to crying. So I thought it must be on account of the wound, and I said she/he shouldn’t cry cause real soon we were going to get her to be healed. Then he/she said the crying was not on account of the pain but cause nobody had ever called her a princess before. So I said that actually she always did look like a princess, but I didn’t say so cause I didn’t want her to get me wrong. And just then everybody else came to be with Magdalena. Doña Juanita leaned over real close so’s only I could hear her, and she told me how Magdalena wasn’t going to make it cause all her insides were torn up. So me, I just stayed with Magdalena and held her hand and tried to cheer her up. And that’s when he, or she, asked me if he/she was going to die. And I said no, she/he wasn’t going to die. And then Magdalena said how she wanted to be taken to a Zapatista hospital so she could get operated on and finally have the body of what she was, which is a woman. So I said of course we would. And then he/she said that just maybe some Zapatista would fall in love with her when she was a woman and marry her, and then I, Elías, would be the father-in-law. And I said that father-in-law it would be. And then he/she asked, Papa Elías, did we really fuck the Bad and the Evil? And I said, you bet we did, son. And then Magdalena said, listen, Papa Elías, if I die, cry me a river. I said how she/he was not going to die, at least not for a bunch of years. And then Magdalena didn’t say nothing else. And then Doña Juanita took her pulse and said that Magdalena was deceased.

  Then we all grew really quiet and still … like as if we’d all died …

  The Morales Person Is Not Morales

  INQUEST RECORD

  Community of La Realidad, Autonomous Zapatista Rebel Municipality of San Pedro de Michoacán, Good Governance Board.

  At 10:00 hours, 10 a.m., of the 9th day of February of 2005, a meeting was held by the justice authorities of all the autonomous Zapatista rebel municipalities of the five Good Governance Boards of Los Altos de Chiapas, Tzetal Forest Zone, Northern Zone, Tzotz Choj Zone, and Border Forest Zone, to deal with the problem in the Montes Azules, in the state of Chiapas in our country, which is called Mexico, which is the fault of the bad national and international governments. The problem is that the rich and the powerful are trying to steal the Montes Azules, which belong to all of humanity, and they want to use it for their own benefit and with no thought of the great tragedies they may bring about.

  In order to find the alleged perpetrators of those deeds, on this very day a man was arrested and accused of committing that crime with the support of the bad governments. The accused was delivered to the autonomous authorities for investigation. The person who made the arrest is Comrade Elías Contreras, Investigation Commission of the EZLN, who is not present because a relative was severely wounded in the course of the arrest of the prisoner who was presented with the name of Morales, but whose name is not Morales and who has many different names. The prisoner was presented in good health, with no signs of beating or of wounds, except for the marks on his wrists left by the ligatures the arresting parties had to apply to prevent any further mishap, and he is also a little hungover from having been very drunk. Along with the prisoner, the following articles were delivered to the Zapatista authorities as having belonged to the prisoner:

  •One hand weapon, an automatic pistol: Colt .45, of the type issued to officers of the Federal Army of Mexico. The pistol has the national emblem of Mexico on the handle and the serial number has been filed off, making it illegible. Along with the weapon came one clip with six unfired rounds.

  •Various identification documents and passports, all with the prisoner’s photograph, but with different names, as follows:

  Diego Manuel de Jesús Cevallos Bartlett y Ortega

  Santiago Felipe Creel Calderón y Sahagún

  Onésimo Iñiguez Cepeda Sandoval

  Roberto Carlos Madrazo Salinas de Gortari

  Vicente Ernesto Fox Zedillo

  Enrique Mario Renán Cervantes Castillo

  Jorge Morales Serrano Limón

  [Note: Some are voter-identification documents and passports with the prisoner’s photograph and fingerprints; others have only a photograph, such as the membership cards for: Pro-Life, University Movement for Renovation Orientation, National Union of Family Fathers, Integral Human Development, and Citizens’ Action.]

  •In national currency: 150,000 pesos. In U.S. currency: $12,000. Credit cards from a number of banks.

  •One Goldstar satellite telephone (a telephone that allows the user to call from any point on the globe to any other point).

  • One small computer of the type known as “handheld” with many names, telephone numbers, and addresses.

  All the aforementioned things having been presented before the prisoner, who recognized them as being his, the prisoner was then informed that he stood accused of many wrongful acts perpetrated against the indigenous peoples of Mexico and against all of us wh
o live in this country, that among them are: sale of the natural resources of our nation to foreign interests; and planning to murder Indian brothers and sisters. He was informed that he is accused of doing wrongful business, together with the bad governments and the neo-liberals, by selling the riches from the region of Chiapas known as the Montes Azules.

  First preliminary public hearing with the alleged Morales

  The prisoner stated that this is not his name, that his name is not Morales, but that Morales is one of the names he uses in his work, and that he no longer remembers what his real name is because he has changed it so many times, according to who he’s working for. He further stated that he was detained in the municipal seat of Ocosingo, here in the state of Chiapas, Mexico. He said that nobody had arrested him. He was asked how it was that nobody arrested him, and he said that the people who had arrested him had said that they were nobody. The authorities could not understand what the accused was saying and asked him to provide clear intelligible answers. The accused grew angry and began insulting the authorities and the whole Zapatista movement and stated that he has great influence in the Supreme Court of Justice of the Nation and in the Congress of the Union and in the Presidency of the Republic and with Bush, Blair, and Berlusconi, the Royal Couple of Spain, and other personalities we were not able to copy down because the accused spoke too fast in his fury. The authorities just stared at him and let him finish what he was saying. The prisoner went from super-pissed to super-meek and said he could give us money or drinks or women, but please let him go. Then one of the women authorities known as Lupe began to get pissed on account of the prisoner’s disrespect for women, but she held her tongue and waited. Since we said nothing and just stared at him, the accused started crying and asking not to be killed. That took awhile. Between the prisoner’s insults and the things he offered to give us and the crying, it came time for pozol, and the authorities declared a recess. The accused did not want pozol.