A Son For Christmas (West Coast Christmas Secrets Book 1)

by Tina Cambria

  “I was young and immature. I’m not making an excuse. That’s the way young guys can be. But I’ve changed. Now I think you’re the one who still has some growing up to do.”

  “Me? The nerve of you. I’ve been raising a child on my own for almost seven years, and you call me immature?”

  His voice softened. “I didn’t say you were irresponsible as far as raising Matt goes. I’m just saying that you could use some maturing in the adult relationship department.”

  “Well, thank you for that assessment.”

  “Look, we both should have done things differently back in college. But we can’t change what happened. And you can’t let it go.”

  “I guess it’s easier for you to let the past go since your life went on exactly as you’d always planned and dreamed. No baby to cause you to make a course correction.”

  “And whose fault is it that I didn’t make a course correction? You’re the one who kept your pregnancy and Matt’s existence a secret from me.” How could she blame him for not being affected by a baby that he hadn’t even known existed?

  “Seriously, Shane, what if I had tracked you down and let you know I was pregnant? What would you have done anyway?” She planted her hands on her hips. “Taken leave from the army to marry me? I don’t think so.”

  “Well, I couldn’t have quit the army, that’s for sure.” He looked at her for a long moment. “I probably would’ve asked you to marry me. Plenty of military people are married.”

  “You would’ve married me because I was pregnant?” Her tone turned challenging.

  “No, that wouldn’t have been the only reason. Because you were pregnant and because I liked you enough to try to make a go of marriage.”

  “Liked me? Doesn’t sound like much of a foundation for marriage.”

  “You wouldn’t have had to accept. But I would’ve proposed.” He didn’t even need to think about that. He was sure he would have done the right thing and tried to make the marriage work.

  “I guess that’s easy to say now. But I wonder…”

  “See, you’re accusing me of lying again. But you’re the liar.”

  “How can you call me a liar?”

  “Not letting me know about Matt was essentially a lie. You’re the one who kept a secret from me. A very big secret. A huge, life-changing secret, in fact.”

  He nodded several times as if to emphasize that what he’d said was true. “And you had no right to do it. If either one of us has the right to be furious with the other, it’s me. You did a lot more damage to me than I did to you. You deprived me of my son for over six years.”

  “I don’t need to listen to this.” She put on the rest of her clothing from the night before and then pulled a comb from her handbag and yanked it through her hair.

  “We obviously have more things to work out—”

  Kendra cut him off. “I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to work everything out. I mean, you just called me a big liar. A big liar who earth-shatteringly damaged your entire life.”

  “I didn’t say it exactly that way.”

  She slung her handbag over her shoulder. “You’re welcome to come to my house on Christmas morning and to my sister’s house for dinner like we planned. If you want to see Matt today, text me later. I’ll drop him off at my father’s house, so you can visit him there.”

  “Wait, hold on.” He stepped toward her and reached out, but she backed away. “Why are you acting like this? Everything last night was so perfect.”

  “Our relationship can’t only be about sex.” She turned and headed toward the door. “I want us to start fresh, but it’s hard to let go of feelings that have been a part of me for so long. I need more time to think. About us.”

  Too stunned to try to stop her, he sagged into the chair as the door closed behind her. What kind of woman got up and stormed out of a hotel room first thing in the morning without so much as a trip to the bathroom? Was he really such a monster that she had to run away from him as if in fear for her life?

  His dazed state quickly turned to anger and determination. Did she think she was the only woman in the world? He knew he had to make things work with her in order to develop his relationship with his son. But if she insisted on limiting it to cordial interactions and nothing more, he could deal with that.

  She wouldn’t keep him from his son any longer. He would get his fair share of time with Matt.

  And if Kendra was scared that he was going to try to seduce her… well, she wouldn’t have to worry about that any longer.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Shane’s plan to focus on his relationship with his son and keep the relationship with Kendra strictly cordial fell into place during the last few days before Christmas. After the disastrous end to their romantic encounter in his hotel room, they’d arranged via text messaging for Shane to spend some time with Matt that same afternoon. He and Matt had enjoyed time at Pop’s house, watching Pop maneuver his model trains through his miniature village.

  There’d been no sign of Kendra and, if Pop knew about the flare-up, he hadn’t mentioned it. He’d acted courteously to Shane, and they discussed the plans for Christmas Day.

  Two days later, it was the morning of Christmas Eve. Shane couldn’t help feeling excited about watching his son open gifts under the tree for the first time. Would it be nicer if he and Kendra were a true couple enjoying Christmas morning with their son? He had to admit that would be more than perfect.

  But when was anything ever perfect? Almost never in his world.

  After a check to be sure all of the gifts he’d purchased were safely stashed in his car trunk, he headed to the office even earlier than usual to get a head start on wrapping things up before the holiday. With so much going on at QJV, he looked forward to having all of Christmas Day off.

  Would it be awkward being around Kendra and her family for Christmas dinner? Maybe a little.

  But he was willing to handle it, so he would be with his son. Besides, his mother would be at Pop’s house for the holiday dinner too. He was determined to fully enjoy a special Christmas with his son and his mother.

  Pulling into a parking spot when the sun was barely up, he realized he was at the office so early that the lobby sandwich shop probably wasn’t yet open. He’d have to dash over to the coffee shop across the street for a cup of coffee.

  Shane entered the coffee shop and got in line when the early morning newscast on the TV screen over the counter caught his attention.

  “We’re getting breaking news about a serious accident with possible injuries,” the announcer said. “Let’s go to the video that’s coming in from above the accident scene, courtesy of our news chopper.”

  The image of an overturned white Honda surrounded by fire vehicles and two ambulances made his heart hammer. The wrecked vehicle looked exactly like Kendra’s car. Pulling out his cell phone, he hit the speed dial for her number.

  Pick up! Pick up the phone! His brain screamed for Kendra’s voice to assure him she was all right.

  He didn’t know what her plans were for the day. All he knew was that the plan was for him to arrive at her house before seven the next morning. He didn’t even know if she was working today or had taken the day off. What if she’d been dropping off Matt before heading to work and gotten into an accident?

  My son!

  If anything had happened to either of them… He couldn’t even bear to think about it.

  It couldn’t happen again—not the same thing that had killed his father.

  The few seconds that passed were an eternity.

  “Hello?” Her voice, soft and slightly slurred, came through the speaker.

  He cried out, “Are you okay? Where are you?”

  “I’m at home,” she answered, sounding puzzled. “I took the day off to spend Christmas Eve with Matt. We slept in a little later than usual. What’s wrong?”

  He took a deep breath and relief washed over him. Kendra and Matt were safe.

  And he needed to be wi
th them. “Can I come over after I leave work this afternoon?”

  Kendra was silent for so long that Shane wondered if she’d hung up. She finally said, “I guess so. But why?”

  “I’ll tell you when I get there.” He ended the connection and almost forgot to buy a cup of coffee before heading to the QJV building.

  Wrapping up the most critical things that needed to be addressed, by early evening he decided there were no issues remaining that couldn’t wait until he returned to the office after Christmas. On the way to his car, he couldn’t stop thinking that something had changed. He’d always cared about Kendra. Even more after he found out she was the mother of his child.

  But seeing that car that looked just like hers overturned and not knowing if she might be seriously injured…even dead. And Matt too…

  He’d been fighting it, but he now realized he’d been in denial for a while.

  He was in love with Kendra.

  There was something about the way he felt when he was with her that was different than with any other woman he’d known. He knew the feelings weren’t only because they had a son together. And it was more than physical attraction, even though that was as powerful as the strongest magnet that existed.

  It was Kendra and the way she could show how much she cared. Her resiliency and inner strength. Her sense of humor and, heck, even the way she blushed so easily.

  His anger and hurt over the way she’d kept Matt a secret had overshadowed the seed that had taken root years ago and lain dormant until they’d found each other again. That seed, a seed that grew from sex with a fun partner when they were younger into full-blown love now that they’d had time to mature—well, it had developed into a twisting vine that wrapped itself around every part of him and wouldn’t let go.

  But what about Kendra? Had that seed grown into the same twisting, loving vine within her? Or had her doubts about whether their relationship was strictly physical hacked away at her growing love until it had broken away from its roots, destined to wither and die?

  * * *

  About an hour after she put Matt to bed, the doorbell interrupted Kendra’s attempts to disguise a 16-inch bike with wrapping paper. She propped the partially-wrapped bike against the sofa and checked the front window.

  Seeing Shane on the porch, she opened the front door. She wasn’t sure why he’d insisted on coming over. Why was she suddenly queasy? After the incident in his hotel room, she figured they were finished—except for co-parenting duties.

  But she didn’t want them to be finished. And now that he was standing in front of her, she was filled with regret for the way things had ended at the hotel. Why did she keep clinging to hurts from years before?

  He peeked into the living room and glanced around. “Where’s Matt?”

  “In his room sleeping. We had an early dinner and I tucked him in a while ago. I’m finishing up the last of my gift wrapping.” It struck her that Shane looked gaunt, reminding her of the morning he’d shown up on her porch after the fire in his apartment building. “What’s going on? Why’d you call me so early today?”

  “There was an accident this morning…”

  “Tell me.” She led him to the sofa, pulling him down to sit next to her. “What is it?”

  “I thought it might have been you.” He ran his hand across her cheek. “Now I realize what a fool I’ve been.”

  “We’ve both made mistakes.”

  He nodded. “The way you look in those jeans and that sweatshirt...” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Even with your hair a little mussed... no make-up on… there’s never been a woman who’s looked more beautiful to me.”

  “You really mean that?” What was he trying to tell her? Was there still hope for them to be an actual couple? She realized she’d given up on Shane too easily once again.

  “Yeah, and I think I’ve been fighting a losing battle with my feelings since that morning in my hotel room.” He ran his hands through her hair, mussing it even more. Drawing her face to his, he kissed her. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

  When she nodded and clicked off the TV, he followed her up the stairs to her bedroom. Something had changed with him. She was sure of it.

  She didn’t know what was ahead, but she knew she wanted Shane by her side. At least for tonight. Figuring out the future could wait until later.

  Maybe they could move past the episode when she’d overreacted in his hotel room. For now, if they took things slow and nurtured their relationship, it might develop into something precious.

  As precious as their son.

  Pulling off her sweatshirt and jeans and settling into bed, she locked eyes with him and rubbed her hand over the empty side of the mattress. “Shane…” She waited for him to join her on the bed and continue the stroking he’d begun downstairs.

  * * *

  Shane stared at Kendra for what felt like a full minute before he took off his jacket. After he placed his jacket and slacks on the chair in the corner, he picked up her bathrobe that was draped over the seat. “You must be freezing. Put this over you, and then snuggle close to me. We’ll warm each other up.”

  Looking confused, she slowly draped the robe over her bare shoulders. He dropped onto the bed, pulling her close. “I just want to hold you tonight,” he said. “I need to listen to you breathe. Make sure I’m not dreaming, and you’re really here with me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” She burrowed her head into his chest, and he wrapped the comforter over her shoulders.

  “That car accident spooked me. It made me realize what I could have lost.” He stroked the top of her head. “We have a lot of things to figure out. I don’t think we have to add sex into the mix tonight. Being near you is enough. That’s what I need right now.”

  * * *

  Kendra and Shane somehow managed to wake up on Christmas morning before Matt did, even without setting an alarm. When Kendra awoke, she was still nestled against Shane, and his eyelids fluttered a moment later.

  It was Christmas Day.

  She remembered there had been no visions of sugarplums before she’d drifted off the night before. She hadn’t been able think of anything but the man snuggled beside her. And how all she needed was to be near him too.

  Forever.

  Awakening with a muscled arm protectively wrapped around her, she felt like she’d already received the ideal Christmas present. “I could stay like this all morning.”

  “You wouldn’t get any argument from me.”

  “Umm, I don’t want to get up,” she purred, cuddling even closer to the warmth of Shane’s chest. Reluctantly drawing away from his broad shoulders, she said, “This is your first Christmas playing Santa Claus to your son. I want you to enjoy every minute of that.”

  He nodded. After pulling on his clothes, he hurried downstairs to turn on the tree lights and retrieve gifts from his car while she freshened up.

  A few minutes later, she was in the kitchen starting the coffee when Shane poked his head into the doorway. “I think everything’s ready for Matt. And I finished wrapping that bike.”

  She smiled. “Thanks. And just so you know and in my new spirit of full disclosure, we don’t have to worry about any unintended consequences from that night at your hotel.” Seeing his bewildered look, she continued, “Even with using a condom, I worry about it. But I got my period this morning, so we’re in the clear.”

  “Thanks for letting me know, but I hadn’t lost any sleep worrying about it. I don’t think another baby would be the worst thing in the world.”

  What had he said? He wouldn’t mind having another baby? The Christmas spirit must be getting out of hand. She was at a total loss to respond to his comment.

  “We’ll put all that kind of discussion aside for now,” Kendra finally said. She handed him a mug of coffee. “Nothing but Christmas celebrating today, right?”

  Before they knew it, Matt ran down the stairs, eager to open his gifts. Shane added a truck that turned into a dinosa
ur to the pile of Santa’s gifts that Kendra had placed under the tree.

  “You twist the truck like this,” Shane explained to Matt, “and next thing you know, you’ve got a T-Rex.”

  “That is so cool!” Matt continued to exclaim with delight after opening each package until he unwrapped one to find a dog leash inside. “What’s this?” He looked first at his mother and then at his father.

  “If you still want a pet, it’s okay with your mom if we go to the shelter after the holidays to find a nice dog that needs a home.” Shane smiled. “The people at the shelter will need to make sure we can provide a good home for a dog, and then you can pick out one that you like.”

  “For real, Mom?” Matt’s eyes gleamed with joy.

  “For real. Pop agreed to help with the dog if I have to work late.” She smiled at Matt, but then her expression turned serious. “And you’ll have to help take care of the dog too.”

  “I will.” Matt nodded vigorously. “I promise.”

  When Matt settled down to play with his new toys, Kendra pulled a package from behind the tree and handed it to Shane. “Some things can never truly be fixed…” She grimaced and then smiled tentatively. “But this is my way of trying to make up a little bit.”

  Shane quickly tore off the bow and wrapping paper to find a photo album filled with pictures of Matt. The words Matt: The First Six Years were on the cover along with a collage of small photos of their son. Inside the album, pictures of Matt as a baby, a toddler, and a young boy filled the pages.

  “I can’t believe all the work you put into this.” He slowly turned the pages of the album. “It looks like you put them in chronological order. And with a little caption describing each photo.”

  “That’s exactly right.”

  “This is so thoughtful. When did you do all this?”

  “I’ve worked on it for the past week. I know it can’t replace those missed years.” She felt tears forming in her eyes. “This was the only thing I could think of.”

  “I wish I could have been here for all of Matt’s milestones since the day he was born.”

  “I wish that too,” Kendra whispered.