“How are you feeling this morning?”
“Like I’ve been dragged through a hedge!” Hazel ran more cold water into the enamel bucket. “But it’s my own fault, so don’t go giving me a lecture. I feel bad enough as it is.”
“Why would I give you a lecture?” Eunice sat on one of the kitchen chairs. “Unless you think you deserve one?”
Hazel sniffed back her tears of remorse and plunged her dress and underwear into the freezing water. She could already see the blood stains were not going to come out.
“Oh, I don’t know why I’m bothering!” She dropped the bucket to the floor, splashing cold water everywhere. “It’s ruined!”
“It’s only a dress, Hazel,” Eunice said quietly. “At least you’re all right.”
“I’m not though, am I? You know it, but you’re too nice to say so.”
“Are you saying that you let Glenn have his way with you after all I told you about what might happen?” Eunice got to her feet and took a step closer to Hazel. “What if you made a baby? What about all your plans to be a magazine model? Do you think anyone would touch you with a bargepole once they find out what you’ve done? If you did get pregnant, well! That’ll be the end of your dreams, won’t it? Didn’t you think about that?”
“Shut up!” Hazel yelled at Eunice to stop the flow of incriminations. “I’ve thought about nothing else all night! Glenn told me I couldn’t get in the family way if we did it standing up, so I don’t have to worry about that. The only way anyone will find out is if someone tells them!” She scowled at her friend. “And there’s only you and me know, and I’m not going to say a word.”
“You’re forgetting Glenn and his pals. Word might get around even if we both stay silent.”
“Glenn won’t tell anyone. He respects me too much.” She knew she was lying to herself, but she couldn’t think about Glenn bragging about his conquest. It hurt too much.
“If you think that, then you’re more stupid than I thought you were.”
“So I’m stupid now, am I?”
“I’m sorry, Hazel, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“You thought it, though, didn’t you?”
“Not really.” Eunice took another step closer. “I was worried about you. I haven’t slept much either, you know. I hate to see you hurting like this.”
“Well, at least you can tell me, ‘I told you so’!”
“I wouldn’t do that, Hazel. We’re friends!”
Hazel took a cloth and got down on her knees to dry the floor. “I feel ashamed, Eunice. I know I did wrong, but it’s done now and nothing I can do or say will change things back to how they were.” Her tears came unbidden and fell into the water she was mopping up. “I thought about going to church this morning, but the prayers would stick in my throat. How could I look the vicar in the eyes, knowing what I’ve done?”
“Oh, Hazel, don’t cry. Things might turn out for the best. You never know.”
“How can anything be good after this?” She got to her feet and threw the cloth into the pot sink. “Glenn had been drinking when he met me last night. He left me after he’d had his way with me. He ruined my dress. He left me bleeding and sore, and you talk about things turning out for the best! You’re the one who’s stupid!”
Eunice ignored the insult and came to put her arms around Hazel. “Did he hurt you? Did he force you? If he did, we should go the police. It’s against the law to force a lass against her will.”
Hazel shook her head and gave a throaty, cynical laugh. “He didn’t force me, Eunice. Don’t worry on that score. He didn’t hurt me either. In fact, I loved what he did to me.” She couldn’t keep her self-recriminations inside any longer and blurted, “I couldn’t get enough of what he did to me! In fact, it was the best feeling I ever felt in my life! God help me, but I enjoyed it!”
“Then why are you acting as if it were the worst thing that ever happened to you?”
“Because I’m ashamed!” She let out a long, painful moan of anguish. “I’m no better than a streetwalker, and I might never see Glenn again. He won’t respect me now. He’ll drop me like a load of hot bricks, and you’re right. I am stupid. Too stupid to see what was coming.”
“Oh, Hazel, love.” Eunice held her tightly and rocked her like a baby. “You don’t know that. Glenn loves you, and you love him. It could still work out. You’ll see.”
Hazel clung to her friend. “Do you think so?”
“We’ll have to wait and see, but if Glenn comes back to see you at the café, you’ll be able to talk and work things out.”
“But he doesn’t think we’ve done anything wrong.”
“Then it’s up to you to tell him how you feel.”
“About what? I let him do it to me!”
“Tell him that you weren’t happy about him leaving you like that. Tell him you aren’t happy that he ruined your expensive dress. Tell him—.”
Hazel stopped her by interrupting, “If I tell him everything I feel, he’ll think I’m an awful nag and will run a mile!”
“You have to be honest with him, love.” Eunice dropped her arms. “Will I make us a nice cup of tea?”
Hazel nodded. Tea wouldn’t solve anything, but it would help to give her some breathing space while Eunice made it.
“Did you really want him to do that to you?” her friend asked while filling the kettle.
Hazel nodded, knowing Eunice would never understand until she felt those powerful feelings for herself.
“I can’t understand why your monthly came right after you did it.”
“I don’t think it was my monthly. The bleeding has stopped already. I think his thing tore something inside me. It hurt, but only for a few seconds and after that, well, after that, it was amazing.”
“That’ll be your virginity being torn. I heard some girls at work gossiping about sex in hushed voices once, and I tried to listen to see what I could learn.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not the sort of thing you can easily drop into a polite conversation, is it?”
“What else did you hear?”
“Not much, but I think Glenn is wrong when he said that doing it standing up won’t get you pregnant. They talked about various positions, and my mind was well and truly boggled, I can tell you!”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this, Eunice? I thought we were friends!”
“I heard all this a few years ago. We were barely out of school at the time, and to tell you the truth I didn’t understand most of what they said. Now it’s coming back to me, and it’s making more sense in light of what happened to you last night.”
“So I might still get pregnant?” Hazel felt the blood draining from her face.
“You might not. Don’t worry about that unless you miss a couple of your monthlies. If that happens, then you’ll have to get married, won’t you?”
Hazel felt her legs shaking and went to sit down before she fell down. “But Glenn was right when he said that girls don’t get pregnant every time they do it, or the world would be overrun with babies.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Eunice nodded and poured the boiling water into the teapot and continued making a brew. “When is your next monthly due?”
“About two weeks.”
“Then you’ve got a fortnight to make sure Glenn loves you like he says he does. You’ll have to keep him sweet in case he has to marry you.”
“But if I let him make love to me again, I could get pregnant, even if I’m not already!” Hazel felt trapped. “How can I keep him sweet when I can’t let him make love to me?”
“Tell him you’re sore down there. It will only be a white lie, won’t it?”
“I suppose, but that’s always supposing he’ll want to see me again.”
“He will, I’m sure of it!”
Eunice tried to reassure her, but Hazel could hear the tremble of doubt in her friend’s voice.
Chapter 13 – New Friends
Glenn hadn’t
been to the café, but Hazel remembered he was on the late shift and would be at work. She wouldn’t see him all that week, and she was glad of the distraction of her evening work to take her mind off the disturbing thoughts she’d been having about him.
She was finding it difficult to sleep at night from worrying that Glenn might not want her now. If it wasn’t for her new interest, the week would have dragged. As it was, she didn’t have time to dwell on Glenn’s affections, or lack of them, for long. Her modelling trial was uppermost in her mind when she finished work on Monday.
Her father left her at the town hall doors and promised he’d be back at nine thirty to escort her home. She didn’t know where to go but had an idea Mrs Wilson might be in the ballroom. She climbed the stairs and followed the sound of voices to find a group of girls with the owner of the dress shop.
“Ah, there you are, Miss Harris.” Mrs Wilson came to greet her. “Allow me to introduce Miss Vaughn. She’s my very able assistant, and you are to do anything she tells you. Is that understood?”
Hazel nodded, looking at the tall, thin woman with penetrating grey eyes standing behind the shop owner.
“My, but you’re a looker, aren’t you, Miss Harris?” Miss Vaughn eyed her up and down. “Those eyes are quite unusual. They are a real feature and will make you stand out from the crowd.”
Hazel felt her face colouring under the slim woman’s close scrutiny.
“Let me take your measurements, and then you can join the others.”
Hazel endured a good twenty minutes of being measured and assessed by the assistant. Even the size of her feet and head were measured and recorded.
While Miss Vaughn noted her vital statistics, she watched the other girls go through their paces. Mrs Wilson was making them march around the ballroom with books on their heads. If a girl dropped one, she was reprimanded quite sternly. “Hold your head high, girl. Posture is everything!” Mrs Wilson chanted regularly.
“There, that’s all I need, for now, Miss Harris.” Miss Vaughn tucked the pencil behind her ear. “Grab a book from that pile and join the others. Follow Mrs Wilson’s instructions.”
Hazel did as the assistant said and placed a book on her head. It wasn’t as easy as it looked to balance the thing while she marched in the circle. She was mortified to feel it slipping and kept putting her hand up to keep it in place.
“Hands by your sides, Miss Harris!” Mrs Wilson’s strident voice rang out. “You’ll never learn deportment with your hands flapping around your ears.”
The other girls giggled, and Hazel felt her face growing hot.
“Her bark is worse than her bite,” one of the girls whispered from behind her as they continued marching. “I’m Ally. What’s your name, I can’t call you Miss Harris.”
“Hazel,” she quickly uttered while trying to concentrate.
She didn’t turn to see who had spoken and struggled to hold her hands to her sides as she felt the book slipping from her head. It clattered to the floor, and she quickly bent to pick it up.
Mrs Wilson clapped her hands. “Stop!”
The girls halted and stood like statues, balancing their headwear and looking at Hazel.
“Nobody expects you to be perfect on your first attempt, Miss Harris.” Mrs Wilson came over to take the book from Hazel. The elegant woman placed it on her own head. “The secret is to hold your back and neck straight as a rod as you glide over the floor.” She took a few steps to demonstrate. “Move your legs from your hips, not your knees. Long, graceful steps, no jerky movements, eyes to the front, don’t be distracted. Do you see?” She lifted the book from her head and returned it to Hazel.
Hazel nodded. “I think so, Mrs Wilson.”
“Then let’s try again.” She clapped her hands. “Step out again, girls. Left foot first, long, smooth steps. Glide, girls, glide over the floor. Gracefully, now. That’s right.”
By the time she’d completed two circuits of the town hall dance floor, without losing the book from her head, Hazel was beginning to get the hang of it. Then the girls were made to move faster and turn as they walked, and Hazel kept dropping the book more and more.
By nine thirty, her back, neck and legs were aching more than she’d thought possible.
“We’ll call it a night there, girls. Well done.” Mrs Wilson clapped her hands to get their attention. “Put the books back on the table, and I’ll see you all again tomorrow at seven sharp.”
Hazel wanted to ask if she’d passed the trial but didn’t dare. She’d made such a hash of things. She thought Mrs Wilson might be disappointed in her.
The girl who’d introduced herself as Ally came to chat with Hazel as they were putting on their coats. Her short platinum hair was flat on top from balancing the book there for the last two hours. “Try to get a hot bath tonight when you get in. It will help with the aches and pains.”
“Is it always like this?” Hazel asked, rubbing her neck. “I’m worried that Mrs Wilson might not want to see me here tomorrow.”
“She would have said if she wasn’t happy with you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. This was your first time. You did well.”
“Do you think so?”
“Don’t worry. You did all right. It’s always difficult to get into the swing of things on the first day back. We haven’t done this since the Christmas show, so we’re all a trifle rusty.”
“You seem so sure of yourselves.” Hazel looked at the other girls chattering away quite happily and wondered whether she would ever feel as confident.
“You’ll fit in, I’m sure of it.” Ally patted her arm. “It must all seem daunting at first, eh?”
Hazel nodded. “Will we have to do the walking with books again tomorrow?”
Ally laughed. “Probably not. When Miss Vaughn thinks we can all remember how to walk properly, we’ll get to practice the catwalk moves. With luck, we might be allowed to start them tomorrow.”
“There’s more to becoming a model than wearing nice clothes, then?” Hazel smiled at Ally. “I had no idea it would be such hard work.”
“That’s why it pays well. Mrs Wilson wants to get her pound of flesh, for the wages she’ll be shelling out on us, won’t she?”
“How much does she pay?” Hazel asked.
“Didn’t she tell you?”
“I forgot to ask.”
“Well, the hourly rate is much more than I get at the city library, that’s for sure.”
“Is it?” Hazel wasn’t sure how much a librarian might be paid but knew it wouldn’t be much. “But she won’t pay us for the kind of rehearsal we’ve been doing tonight, will she?” Hazel didn’t expect to be paid for walking around with a book on her head.
“Why wouldn’t she?” Ally linked her arm through Hazel’s. “It’s all necessary preparation work. I’m hungry, do you want to go for some supper?”
“My dad is meeting me outside.” Hazel felt embarrassed to mention that her father would be chaperoning her. “He thinks I’m too young to be out on my own at night.”
“I wish my dad was around to chaperone me, but all I have is a mother, and she couldn’t care less, thank the Lord.” Ally giggled. “Which means I get to enjoy my freedom.”
“Lucky thing!” another girl commented as she joined them, walking to the ballroom exit. “My brother will be standing outside waiting for me. Neither of us is happy about it, but what can you do? We’re both destined to be virgins until we’re old and grey. Mam and dad won’t let us have a moment to ourselves.”
“Well, you are only eighteen, Nancy.” Ally grinned at the younger girl. “You’re hardly out of nappies!”
“Go on with you, Ally. I’m old enough for this lark or Mrs Wilson wouldn’t have asked me mam if I could do it!” Nancy started down the staircase and turned an impish smile to Ally. “But if my mam knew the kind of girls I was mixing with, she’d have a fit!”
“We’re not as bad as you seem to think, Nancy, and don’t you forget that.” Ally poked a finger at the younger gi
rl. “It’s all talk and banter. I thought you knew that.”
“Well, I’ve certainly learned a thing or two while working with you lot.” She looked at Hazel. “It’s an education working for Mrs Wilson, but the poor old dear knows nowt about what her girls are getting up to. Take Ally, for instance. What she can’t tell you about sex isn’t worth knowing.”
Hazel gasped, she couldn’t help it. The younger girl had shocked her.
“That’s enough, Nancy. You’re definitely not old enough to be taking an interest in my sex life, and even if you do hear things you’re too young to understand, you shouldn’t be repeating them.”
“Spoilsport.” Nancy cocked her head at Ally. “How are we virgins supposed to learn anything if you old slappers don’t tell us?”
“Cheeky mare! Watch your mouth!” Ally laughed and turned to Hazel. “How old are you?”
“Nineteen. What about you?”
“I’m an old woman compared to you two.”
“She’s twenty-four, and an old hand at this lark,” a girl with dark hair and more rounded proportions shouted from behind them. “Ally could teach us all a thing or two, isn’t that right?” She tapped Ally on the shoulder. “Will your fella be waiting for you tonight, or will he be home with his wife?”
“Mind your own business, Molly,” Ally sniped. “At least I keep to one fella at a time. From what I hear, you’re no angel.”
“Perish the thought, love. Angels don’t have as much fun as little devils, do they?” Molly bounded down the steps to join them.
“Girls!” Miss Vaughn stood at the top of the town hall stairs and clapped her hands. “Let us all show a modicum of decorum, please. You are all Mrs Wilson’s representatives until you are well clear of this place. Please remember that. We’ll have no more vulgar comments, thank you.”
Ally whispered. “That told you, Molly!”
“Miss Vaughn can say what she likes.” Molly glanced behind her and quietly added, “She doesn’t own me, thank the Lord.”
“She does until you get a safe distance away from here,” Ally warned. “Mrs Wilson would fire you in a second if she knew what you were up to behind her back. She’s all for good reputations, but yours is shot to hell!”
Happiness for Hazel Page 12