“You make it sound too easy, Mam.” Eunice took a sip of her tea. “But poor Aunty Martha and Hazel have Uncle Donald to think about. Shouldn’t you let them deal with their grief first?”
Hazel threw a grateful glance at her friend.
“You might be right, love. I suppose we can wait a few more days before we unravel the family secrets.”
“No, we can’t!” Martha pushed into the room, looking worse than Audrey. Her hair was untidy, and her face looked ashen. She clung to the doorjamb. “We have a baby to think about. That poor defenceless mite deserves a future, whatever deformities it might have. Time is ticking, and Donald is gone. Whatever we do or whatever we decide won’t hurt him now. That baby is what matters.”
“Mam!” Hazel had tears in her eyes as she watched her mother defending her unborn child. “You don’t have to worry. It won’t be deformed.”
Audrey helped Hazel’s mother to sit on the bed. “You can’t know that, love,” Audrey said. “The doctor explained everything last night. Close relationships such as you and Ray won’t always make deformed children, but they could suffer in other ways.”
“Like what?” Martha asked.
“They could have smaller brains, or be retarded. They could have stunted growth, or the deformities could be on the inside, like a defective heart or lungs that don’t work properly.”
“Oh, dear Lord!” Martha shook her head and took Hazel’s hand. “I wish we could have told you about this before any of this happened.”
“But, Mam!” Hazel tried to get a word in, but her mother was already launching into another round of regrets.
“We should have moved away when we had the chance, but your dad didn’t want to leave his son. I wish I’d been firmer with him. He couldn’t acknowledge Ray openly, but he loved him the same as he loved you and Norman. We all knew, didn’t we, Audrey. We knew this could blow-up in our faces, and now look what’s happened.”
Chapter 22 – Another Secret Revealed
Hazel was bored but didn’t want to risk hurting her baby, so she reluctantly followed the doctor’s orders and stayed in bed. She only left her room to use the toilet in the backyard. Her mother brought her a bowl and towel to wash in her room. If it wasn’t for Eunice visiting her, she felt she might have lost her mind.
She’d tried to tell her mother about the baby not being Raymond’s child, but each time she brought the subject up, her mother started crying. It was obvious Martha was not ready to listen to explanations. Her mam was still in shock from the sudden loss of her husband.
“What am I going to do, Eunice?” Hazel had frequently asked her friend the same question during the last few days.
“Wait until after the funeral, love,” Eunice advised. “Our Ray said the adults aren’t in a mood to listen to reason just yet.”
“How is Ray?” she asked, concerned that he’d not been to see her at all.
“He’s taken it badly. He keeps to his room when he’s not at work. He won’t talk to our mam at all.”
“Poor Aunty Audrey. She must feel awful. I wish they’d all listen to us. When they find out the baby isn’t Ray’s they might not be so upset.”
“I’ve tried to tell them, but as you said, they’re not in the mood to hear what we have to say. Your poor mam is really struggling with the funeral arrangements. My mam is helping, and she’s never away from your kitchen.”
“The funeral can’t come soon enough for me. I want this whole sorry mess to go away, but it won’t will it? I miss Dad so much, and I can’t help feeling it was all my fault. He shouldn’t be dead, Eunice. It’s all my fault.”
“Will you stop thinking like that, Hazel! It isn’t your fault that your dad had a heart attack. His heart was weak. If anything killed him, it was the big secret about Ray being his son that did it, and that was his own fault and nothing to do with you!”
“I know you're kind, Eunice, but if I hadn’t got pregnant, and if Ray hadn’t offered to marry me, this would never have all come out in the open.”
“It’s got nothing to do with me being kind! I’m telling you how it is.” Eunice wore an expression of determination. “They kept their secret so well that when it got out and bit them all on the bum, they couldn’t cope with it!”
Hazel giggled. “Oh, Eunice. You do have a way with words.”
“I’m right though, aren’t I?” Eunice lifted her chin. “Your dad was so angry when he thought our Ray had got you pregnant, but it wasn’t Ray he was angry with, was it?”
Hazel’s insides knotted with guilt. “No, it was me.”
“Wrong again, Hazel.” Eunice sighed sharply. “Uncle Donald was angry with himself. He knew it was his own fault. If he hadn’t got my mam pregnant, Ray would never have been born, and this would never have happened.”
“But nothing has happened between Ray and me!”
“But they don’t know that because they are too stubborn to listen to any of us.”
“Oh, Lord! What am I going to do?”
“Wait until after the funeral. Only another day or so and then you can try to find the right time to tell your mam the truth about your baby. Our Ray hasn’t said anything so he must think the same way.”
They heard someone knock on the door downstairs, but didn’t take much notice. Neighbours were always bringing things to help the bereaved family. Pots of stew and savoury pies filled the pantry cupboard.
When footsteps were heard climbing the stairs, Eunice went to see who it was. “You’ve got a visitor.” She stood aside to let the young woman into the bedroom.
Hazel was surprised to see the young model. “Ally!”
“Hello, Hazel.” The stylishly dressed young woman seemed uneasy as she clutched her cloth purse in her hands. “I heard about your dad. I wanted to come and give you my sympathy.”
“I’ll leave you to it.” Eunice stepped out on the landing and turned. “See you later.”
Hazel watched her friend leave and turned to Ally. “How did you know about my dad?”
“I read about it in the newspaper. Mrs Wilson showed me when I went to tell her about the modelling job in London. She was quite upset.”
“Did you get the job?”
Ally nodded and smiled. “I have to move down to the big city in a few days. I wanted to see you before I left.”
Hazel knew her friend would be pleased. “Congratulations. I’m happy for you.”
“I wish I could say the same for you, Hazel. I’m so sorry about your dad. How did it happen?”
“He had a weak heart. When Ray told him we wanted to get married, he had a heart attack.”
“Who is Ray? I thought you wanted to marry Glenn Bradshaw.”
Hazel didn’t want to reveal the family skeleton to Ally. She didn’t feel it was her place to open up the sordid secret to the world. “It’s a long story, but I don’t want to go into all that now. Tell me about the new job. It sounds exciting.”
Hazel listened to Ally talking about her interview with envy in her heart. The world was opening up for her friend, but all Hazel had to look forward to was becoming a housewife and mother. Her dreams of anything more were gone, now she was pregnant. Not that she’d ever thought seriously about leaving her hometown.
Hazel asked Ally what her thoughts were on leaving. “How do you feel about leaving your family, and what about Alfred? What does your sweetheart have to say about all this?”
Ally looked down at her gloved hands. “I haven’t told him yet.”
“But you’re leaving soon. Don’t you think he should know?”
Ally shrugged. “I think it might be better if I just slipped away. He’s married. I thought you knew.”
“You told me he was getting divorced!” Hazel had been shocked to learn her friend was having an affair with a married man but it somehow hadn’t seemed so bad when Ally had explained he was seeking a divorce.
“He kept telling me he would leave her and get a divorce, but I suppose I knew, deep down, that he wouldn
’t do it.”
“What about the little house? I thought he didn’t live with his wife.”
“Alfred bought the house so we could have a place to meet until the divorce. Like a fool, I believed him when he said we would be together properly one day.”
“Oh, Ally. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you.”
“Don’t waste your pity. I’m moving on to bigger and better things.” Ally grinned, but her eyes didn’t hold any happiness. “Would you wish me luck?”
“Of course, I do!”
“What about you? What will you do now? This Ray you mentioned. Will he marry you?”
Hazel shook her head. “That idea was never going to work. I’ll have to tell Glenn about the baby and hope he’ll want to marry me.”
“Then it’s my turn to wish you luck.” Ally’s face filled with sympathy. “I hope it works out for you.”
“Will you write to me?” Hazel asked. “I’d love to hear all about your exciting adventures in London.”
“Only if you write back. It would be good to hear all the news from home.”
The doctor had just left, and Hazel was getting dressed. He’d said she could leave her bed but should take it easy for another week or so. Eunice had already let Cynthia know she was not well and couldn’t go to work for a couple more weeks. Cynthia had been happy to accept that grief had been the cause of her indisposition and sent her a short note of condolence for the loss of her father. Hazel was too ashamed to write back and tell her boss the truth, though she knew Cynthia already had suspicions about her pregnancy.
The funeral would be held later that day, and she’d felt guilty for staying in bed all this time whilst her mother had the arrangements to make, but Eunice helped and Audrey was never away from the house. Raymond’s mother took it upon herself to help wherever she could.
Hazel had tried to talk to her mother about the baby’s real father many times, but she found it difficult. It was hard enough to get the words out to confess her affair with Glenn, and each time she tried, there was always some interruption before she could get to the point. Her mother talked over her, pouring out her heart and asking for forgiveness, making Hazel feel even more guilty. Martha had done nothing wrong. In fact, from what Hazel understood, her mother was the wronged woman in the big secret of Raymond’s parentage, and Hazel wanted to shake her sometimes.
Her father was the guilty one, but Hazel couldn’t be angry with a dead man. Audrey was equally guilty, but she’d been charmed into making love with her father, just as Hazel had been charmed by Glenn Bradshaw. She couldn’t be angry with Eunice’s mam. She was angry that nobody would listen to her.
She wondered what Raymond had said to them all, but he was keeping his distance. Eunice said he was very upset to learn the truth and had shut himself in his room, only coming out to work and eat. He wasn’t talking to anyone, not even to his sister. If she could see and talk with Raymond, maybe everything would work out for them. She had a notion that they might still be able to get married because she couldn’t ever see herself making love with him. There wouldn’t be a problem with the children of their union if they didn’t have any. She wished he would come to see her because until she could talk with him, she felt she was in limbo.
Hazel carefully descended the narrow staircase and went to look for her mother in the kitchen. She avoided the parlour, knowing her father was lying there in his coffin. Having no wish to see his body, she preferred to remember him as a living breathing dad, not as a lifeless body in a box. The funeral service was fast approaching, but she would deal with that stressful event when the time came.
“Hello, love.” Her mother pushed a strand of hair from her face and continued shaping some dough. “I’ll get these in the oven, and I’ll make us a pot of tea. It’s nice to see you on your feet.”
“Thanks, Mam. How are you?”
“Trying to keep busy. If I have things to do, I can’t dwell on what happened.”
“I’m sorry, Mam. If I hadn’t…” she couldn’t finish her sentence.
“Your poor dad’s heart could have given in at any time. We all knew that. It’s not your fault, love.” Her mother brushed away a tear with a floury hand. “Please don’t blame yourself.”
Hazel looked around. “Where’s Norman?”
“He’s over at Audrey’s house. Walter and Terry are helping to take his mind off things. Even little Hugh is sweet and kind to our Norman, for a change.” Her mother tried a wobbly smile. “Ray got the afternoon off so you’ll see him at the funeral. I expect you’ll have a lot to talk about.”
“I thought he might have come to see me before today, Mam. Is he all right? Do you know?”
Martha’s hands paused for a second. “Your Uncle Larry put his foot down and said we should keep you two apart for your own good until things settle down a bit.”
“Why?”
Her mother looked up quickly and snapped, “Because Ray took advantage of you, Hazel!” Martha sighed and lowered her tone. “That’s why you’re in this mess now. Larry thought it best to give you both some breathing space to come to terms with all the implications of what you’ve done. Now listen.” Martha took a quick breath before continuing, “We know you’re both not entirely to blame for the sin because you didn’t know what you were doing. At least, you didn’t know about the close relationship. The actual making of a baby is another matter, of course, but—.”
“But we’ve done nothing wrong, Mam!”
“Don’t get worked up, Hazel. It isn’t good for the baby.”
“No, Mam! Listen to me! You’ve all got it wrong, and I can’t understand why Ray hasn’t said anything.”
“About what?” Martha was busy putting the bread dough into the oven. “It all seems clear enough to us, love. Even Norman knows why you kept your affections a secret. He explained about you not wanting to get teased, and we all understand that. We know what our two families are like for banter and joking around, and—.”
Hazel lost patience and blurted, “Mam, will you please shut up for one second!”
Martha closed the oven door and straightened. “What’s got into you, love?”
“Please sit down and listen to me. I have to tell you something. I can’t let you continue thinking badly of poor Ray. He did not take advantage of me.”
As usual, when Hazel was about to spill her heart, there was a rap on the door to interrupt her. She sighed with frustration, but then saw Raymond enter the kitchen.
Hazel jumped up. “Where have you been?” She went to his side. “I expected you to come to see me, but Mam explained about your dad wanting to keep us apart. I was about to tell Mam there’s no need to worry, but she won’t listen to me, and I can’t understand why you haven’t said anything to them and…” Hazel realised she was babbling and shut up. Raymond’s expression looked serious.
“What is it, Ray?” Martha asked.
“I’ve come to say goodbye. I didn’t want to do it at the funeral, and I’m leaving right after the service to catch my train.”
“What? But no! You can’t.” Hazel couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “We’re getting married, Ray. You can’t leave. Where will you go?”
“They say there’s another war brewing. Since Hitler went into Czechoslovakia, the threat of war is high again. Now he seems to have his sights set on Poland, and there’ll be no stopping him if we don’t make a stand.”
“What does all that have to do with you?” Hazel was bewildered.
“It’s nonsense.” Martha wiped her hands on her apron. “Donald said Chamberlain would never allow Britain to get involved in a war over there again. That’s what the Munich conference was all about.”
“Chamberlain is wrong, Aunty Martha. Hitler has his mind set on war, that’s what people are saying.”
“They can say what they like. Our prime minister negotiated a lasting peace in Europe, and I’m happy with that. Donald wouldn’t like to hear you talking about war either.”
Raymond snapped, “Well, Uncle Donald isn’t here, is he?”
Martha flinched.
Raymond looked at the floor and shook his head. “Sorry, Aunty Martha. I didn’t mean to upset you, or disrespect Uncle Donald.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Martha lifted her head.
“But whatever happens, all this business has given me the push I needed to do something with my life.” Raymond looked at Hazel. “We can’t get married, love. I spoke to the vicar, and he said it would be impossible. Your dad’s name is on my birth certificate.”
Hazel could feel her world falling apart. “But I thought… Well, that doesn’t matter now.” She suddenly couldn’t stand the thought of Raymond going away. “Where will you go?”
“I’m joining the workforce down in Southampton to make fighter planes.”
“But that’s at the other end of the country!” Hazel began to panic. “You’ll be miles away!”
Raymond took her hand. “I’m sorry, Hazel, I know this isn’t what we wanted, but we don’t have a choice. We can’t get married, and I can’t stick around to see you marry someone else.” He glanced at Martha and then back at Hazel. “I suppose you haven’t told her, yet?”
“I’ve been trying to, but she won’t listen.”
“Well, when I’m gone, they’ll have to listen to you, and you’ll have to speak to Glenn. I don’t want you to marry him, but I can’t see any other way for you, love.”
“Who is Glenn?” Martha asked. “What’s Ray talking about?”
“Later, Mam.” Hazel drew Raymond closer. “What do you know about making planes, Ray? What are you thinking?”
“You know I’ve tinkered with motorbikes and cars, and I fix the machinery all the time at work when it goes wrong.” Raymond began to sound enthusiastic about his new job. “I’ll get some training down there.”
“Well, if this is what you want, Ray.” Hazel’s heart was hurting. She was the cause of breaking up a whole family.
“They’ve accepted my application, and your dad’s supervisor spoke to the boss down there on the telephone to give a recommendation for me. I’ll be leaving this afternoon.”
Happiness for Hazel Page 21