Happiness for Hazel

by Pearl A Gardner

  “So soon?” Martha gasped.

  “The sooner, the better. This news about Uncle Donald being my dad has come like a bolt from the blue. I can’t take it in. I’ve always loved Hazel. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to marry your daughter, Aunty Martha.”

  He used the honorary title of Aunty that all the Simpson children used when addressing Martha. The two households had been close for years, and the children thought of each other as family. Hazel had always thought of Raymond as an honorary big brother. Now she was trying to get used to thinking of him as her real brother.

  “I’m sorry, Ray.” Martha’s eyes filled with compassion. “This has been hard for you, hasn’t it?”

  “Especially since Uncle Donald died and I can’t ask him all these questions I have. Mam has told me a lot, but I wanted to hear his side of things. Now I’ll never know what was in his mind.”

  “He loved you, Ray.” Martha smiled sadly. “Never doubt it.”

  “Did he love my mam?”

  Martha didn’t flinch at the direct question. “No, Ray. He didn’t. He was in love with me, but my dad was against us being together because I was too young.”

  “So he got my mam pregnant and made her marry Larry!”

  “It wasn’t like that!” Martha insisted. “Larry loved your mam just as much as you say you love our Hazel. Larry is a good man, and your mother knew she was a lucky woman. She grew to love him. They still have a good marriage, and I’m proud I played my part in getting them together.”

  “Then why do I still feel cheated?” Raymond glared at Martha. “My whole life has been a lie. My dad is not my dad. My neighbour is my dad, and the girl of my dreams can never be my wife.” He looked into Hazel’s eyes. “You’ll always be my biggest regret in all of this. I know we could have been happy.”

  “Ray, perhaps we could still find a way…” Hazel was clutching at straws to save what they might have had. “Perhaps if I come with you. No one would know us down in Southampton. We could make it work, couldn’t we?”

  Raymond shook his head. “I couldn’t live my life with you, Hazel. It would be unnatural. While there was hope I could make you love me, I could also hope for a proper marriage with you, but not now.” He shook his head. “Not now we know the truth. We could never enjoy a proper relationship as husband and wife.”

  “Oh, Ray.” Hazel tried to stem the flow of tears but couldn’t. “Will I ever see you again?”

  “I suppose you might, but it won’t ever be the same, will it?”

  Martha took a step closer to them. “Good luck, son.”

  Raymond ignored Martha and kissed Hazel’s cheek. “I’ll see you this afternoon at the church.”

  Hazel watched Raymond leaving, with tears streaming from her eyes. She turned to her mother. “Well, I hope you’re happy! You might be proud of getting Uncle Larry and Aunty Audrey together, but how can you be proud of the result of all that secrecy and lying? You’ve broken Ray’s heart. We could have been happy, Mam!” She turned and quickly left the kitchen.

  Hazel knew she couldn’t go anywhere. She wanted to run as far away as possible but was still supposed to be resting, and she didn’t want to do anything to risk harming her baby. She left the house through the back door and entered the small yard where the toilet and coal shed stood side by side. She perched on the doorstep where she could cry in peace.

  Everything had gone wrong. Hot tears rolled, unchecked down her cheeks as she thought about how her dreams had fallen apart. Her poor dad was lying dead in the parlour because of her. Raymond was leaving, and nothing would ever be the same after today. She would have to see Glenn and explain about the baby. She would have to marry him, but she didn’t know how she felt about that. She thought she still loved him, but all that business with Raymond’s assault had shaken her. Would he still want her? Perhaps he’d already moved on to another girl because she hadn’t gone to see him on that Saturday in town. Would she mind if he was seeing someone else? Of course, she would. She didn’t want Glenn to love anyone else. She wanted him to love her, but how could she be sure Glenn was telling her the truth when he insisted he had nothing to do with hurting Raymond?

  Poor Raymond. More tears fell into her lap as she thought about what they might have had, but she realised he would be suffering as much as she was. He’d lost everything. He’d lost his real father before getting the chance to talk to him. He’d lost her, and now he was losing the rest of his family because he was moving away. She understood why he wanted to leave. He loved her and would hate to see her marry Glenn Bradshaw, a man he didn’t like at all.

  She’d always known how Raymond felt about her. Now she was feeling guilty for not loving him the way he wanted her to, but if she had, things could be more complicated. If her baby was Raymond’s baby, as her mother still believed, then everything would be much worse.

  After a few more minutes, she dried her tears. Crying wouldn’t solve anything. She felt drained of emotion, and she was thirsty. She would have to go back inside soon to face her mother and tell her the truth. She wondered how her mother would take it.

  When the back door opened, she looked around. Her mam came out, holding two cups of tea.

  “I thought you might need this.” Martha handed her a cup and perched on the low step beside Hazel. “It’s been an awful few days, hasn’t it, love?”

  Hazel nodded and sipped the hot tea.

  “I’m going to miss your dad so much, but in a way, I’m glad he’s not here to see all this upset. He’d be so ashamed of everyone knowing about Ray.”

  “Was he ashamed of Ray?”

  Martha looked into Hazel’s eyes. “No, love. He loved the bones of that boy.”

  “I don’t understand, Mam. What happened back then? Eunice tried to tell me, but I couldn’t take it all in.”

  “Well, you know how my dad thought I was too young to be going out with lads?”

  “I remember the conversation we had.” Hazel nodded. “You said dad went off to get some things out of his system.” She suddenly remembered more. “That woman he took up with. Was that Aunty Audrey?”

  Her mother nodded.

  “You said she got herself into a pickle. Was that when she found out she was pregnant with Ray?”

  “That’s right, love. Audrey wasn’t my friend then. I hated her because I thought she’d tried to take Donald from me. I knew he loved me, but there was a war on. Your dad and Larry had enlisted. Feelings were running high and folks got carried away. War makes people act differently, you know.”

  Hazel nodded.

  “Audrey admitted afterwards that she didn’t love him, but she’d got carried away with the charm of him. Your dad could be very charming when he wanted to be.”

  “I think I understand, Mam.” She thought of Glenn and remembered how attentive and nice he’d been with her. They didn’t have a war to excuse their behaviour but love was a powerful emotion.

  “Donald came to me to apologise for his actions. He hadn’t meant to hurt me and said he’d never loved anyone but me, but, well, it’s difficult to explain how everything turned out after that. Some things are better left unsaid.”

  “You don’t have to explain, Mam. It doesn’t matter now, anyway, does it?”

  “Well, all I will say is that we all worked our own ways through the mess and my father relented in the end when your dad explained how much he loved me.”

  “I’m glad it worked out for you, Mam. You had a good marriage with Dad, didn’t you?”

  Martha smiled and glanced over her shoulder to the parlour window. “That man in there was the love of my life, but you have to appreciate this fact love, nobody is perfect. Your dad had his flaws. He was a man and, well, young men are ruled by something other than their heads. It’s difficult to explain to someone as young as you, but, well…”

  Hazel interrupted, “A man has needs…” She could hear Glenn saying those words to her.

  “How would you know!” Martha gasped and glar
ed at Hazel before lowering her eyes. “Sorry. Of course, you’d know. You’re having a baby.” She took her daughter’s hand. “I still can’t believe you’re having a child. You’re still a child in my eyes. How can you have grown up so quickly without me noticing? How could you be pregnant?”

  “It isn’t Ray’s baby, Mam.”

  Martha’s mouth dropped open.

  Hazel quickly went on to explain, “He offered to marry me because I wasn’t sure I wanted to marry the real father.”

  “Then, who is the real father? Do we know him?”

  “No. He comes from the other side of Wakefield. He’s a collier and works in a mine in Ossett.”

  “Where did you meet him?”

  “At work. He came into the café, and he gave me this sweet talk and turned on the charm.”

  “Sound’s just like your father.”

  “He’s handsome, Mam, but he has a rough side to him. I heard his family have a bad reputation. One of his brothers had a brush with the law, but the police couldn’t prove it was anything to do with him.” She rushed on, “But Glenn’s not like that. He’s a good worker. He earns a good living, and I know he’ll be able to support the baby and me.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell us about him? Why all the secrecy? And why did you want to marry Ray?”

  “It’s complicated, Mam. Like with you and Aunty Audrey, and Dad and Uncle Larry. Some things are better left unsaid, don’t you think?” She thought about the assault on Raymond, and about how Glenn seemed more interested in making love to her than in getting to know more about her. She shivered. He’d have every chance to get to know her if they got married. They’d have the rest of their lives to get to know each other better.

  “I think I should like to meet your young man. When could you arrange for him to come to tea?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know when I might see him again,” she admitted.

  Martha raised her brows. “Did he make a fuss when you told him about the baby?”

  “I haven’t told him yet, Mam.”

  “Why ever not?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “I see.” Martha pressed her lips together. “Well, the poor man needs to learn the truth and the sooner, the better, don’t you think?”

  “I’ll try to talk to him soon, Mam.” Hazel knew where Glenn lived, and she knew the colliery he worked at. It wouldn’t be difficult to find him.

  “Let’s go inside.” Her mother took Hazel’s cup. “It looks like it might rain for the funeral. We’d better start getting ready.”

  Chapter 23 – A Nervous Meeting

  Her father’s funeral was the saddest day of Hazel’s life. Watching the coffin being lowered into the ground with her mother and brother sobbing beside her was almost more than she could bear.

  Afterwards, when she watched Raymond walking away with a small suitcase in his hand, she wanted to run after him and beg him not to leave, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t make him stay. She had no right to ask.

  The rest of that terrible day went by in a blur of tears. Neighbours were kind to her family, and it soon became clear that none of them knew about Raymond’s parentage. None of them knew about her pregnancy either.

  The two families had been relieved to discover the baby would not be born deformed. Her mother had calmly accepted that Hazel had been seduced by another man.

  Quietly, Hazel resumed her ordinary, everyday life. The summer ball had come and gone more than a month ago, but she hadn’t attended. Neither had Eunice and Kenny. It didn’t seem right when both families were still in mourning.

  She wasn’t looking forward to going back to work at the café, but her family would need her wages for as long as she could continue to earn them. She would have to tell Cynthia about the baby but hoped her boss wouldn’t sack her straight away. Her poor mother was also looking for work. The rent still had to be paid and food put on the table. Without her dad’s wages, they would soon begin to struggle with paying the bills on time.

  “Your father’s life-insurance money won’t last long, Hazel,” her mother had told her a few days after the funeral. “Even if we’re careful.”

  “We could sell some things, Mam.” Hazel had looked around the kitchen for inspiration. “There’s your good dinner service, and I know you have a few bits of jewellery.”

  “That will help, I’ll grant you.” Her mother seemed distracted. “But I have to think of the long-term, and I’ve made a decision.”

  “What have you decided?” Hazel asked with some trepidation. Her world had shifted already, and she didn’t want any more upheavals.

  “I’m going to ask your grandma to move in with us. Her war widow’s pension will help, and she can pay rent to me instead of paying for that damp basement she rents now.”

  “But where will she sleep?” Norman wailed. “I don’t want to give up my room and share with our Hazel. Please, Mam!”

  “You won’t have to move, Norman.” Martha smiled softly at her son. “We can make the parlour into a room for your grandma.”

  Hazel thought it was a good idea. “I don’t know why you didn’t think of that while dad was here. You spend half your life at grandma’s place already. It makes perfect sense.”

  “Well, I’m glad you approve, though I think your dad might be turning in his grave at the thought of it.”

  “Why, Mam?” Norman asked.

  “You must have noticed that your dad didn’t get on with my parents. They rubbed along for our sakes, but he would never have had her living under his roof.”

  Hazel felt cross with her father. “Ever since Grandma had her fall, we watched you working your fingers to the bone here, and then you’d go off to do the same at her house. You never complained, Mam, but I could see how tired you were, and all the while it was because Dad wouldn’t have her here!”

  “Now, Hazel. That’s not quite fair to your dad. He did his bit to support her. He paid for that inside lavatory for her and arranged for the place to be decorated when the damp ruined her wallpaper.”

  Hazel knew her father would have found it easy to pay money to other people to do the work. He wouldn’t have liked to get his hands dirty, especially if it were for the benefit of her grandmother. She knew he never liked the old woman and often referred to her as a harridan.

  “Will Grandma want to live here?” Norman asked.

  “She will, now your dad has gone.” Martha sighed. “It will make things easier all round, and our Hazel might be moving out soon, so we’ll need the extra income.”

  Hazel was shocked. “I’m not going anywhere, Mam!”

  “You’ll be getting married, lass. Or at least, we hope you will be. Have you seen your young man yet?”

  “Oh, I didn’t think about that.” Hazel realised that everything would soon change again for her. Glenn wouldn’t want to live with her mother and grandmother. She wasn’t sure he would want to live with her.

  “You’d better get a move on and arrange to see him soon.” Martha looked at Hazel’s tummy. “You’re not showing yet, but it won’t be long until you are and then tongues will start to wag.”

  “Kenny said Glenn still goes into town on Saturdays. Perhaps I’ll go with Eunice tonight and try to find him.”

  Her mother smiled at her. “That’s a good idea. If he’s not there, you’ll have to go to his house tomorrow, mind. Don’t leave it any longer, love.”

  “I won’t, Mam.” Hazel’s heart flipped as she thought about seeing Glenn again. Weeks had passed since he’d threatened to call it off if she didn’t go to town the night before her father died.

  “If you find him, invite him for tea tomorrow. We need to meet him and make sure he’s going to do the right thing by you.”

  “What’s he like, Hazel?” Norman asked. “Is he like Ray?”

  Hazel shook her head sadly. “No, Norman. He’s quite different to Ray.”

  “Will he like me?” Her brother’s expression was a contrasting mixture of hope and d
read.

  Hazel smiled. “How could he not like you, you little imp?” She reached to ruffle his pale blond hair, but Norman ducked away.

  “Don’t do that!” he complained.

  Hazel was reminded of Raymond’s bright hair. She wondered why she had never noticed the resemblance between her two brothers until now. Raymond had always been the odd one out in his family. His other brothers and Eunice all had dark hair like her Uncle Larry. Her own dad had fair hair like Norman’s.

  She glanced at her mother. “I’ll go ask Eunice whether she’ll mind me going with her tonight.”

  “You know she won’t mind,” Martha said.

  “But she’ll be seeing Kenny, and I don’t want to play gooseberry if I can’t find Glenn.”

  “What choice do you have, love?” her mother asked, pointing at Hazel’s middle. “You have to find him and tell him about that baby. You will need a husband and that child will need a father.”

  Hazel took extra care with her hair and makeup. She wanted to look her best for Glenn. She had to make him understand why she had doubted him. She wanted to prove to him that she loved him and would never doubt him again. Telling him about the baby and asking him to stand by her would be a big risk, especially if he had already moved on to another girl. Looking good would convince him of what he was missing and might help him to choose to do the right thing.

  She wore her green dress with the tiny white daisies printed all over it. The colour suited her, and the dress had buttons all the way down the front. It would suit her purposes perfectly.

  Escorted by Eunice and Kenny, her knees were shaking as they passed through the gate at the end of the footpath and walked into town. “Oh, I hope he’s there, Eunice. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t find him. I don’t want to go knocking on the door at his house. What if one of his brothers answers? Your Ray said they aren’t nice. I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with men who might become my in-laws.”

  “You worry too much.” Eunice sounded short with her. “He’ll be here tonight. You’ll see!”