Tight Knit

by Shaya Crabtree

  “Okay, whatever, you’re pretty, yes. I wouldn’t have dated you if you weren’t. But you’re also pretty annoying, which is why you’re single again.” A thought crossed Lara’s mind as she said the words. She didn’t actually know if they were true. “You are single, right?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  Paige was definitely flirting now, but she was also definitely doing it just to be an asshole.

  “I don’t really want to know.” She huffed. “It’s just small talk, Paige.”

  “That’s a big subject for small talk.”

  “Not really. It’s a pretty standard question.” Lara kicked at a hat that had fallen off the coat rack.

  “Fine, yes, I’m single,” Paige conceded. “Married to work, as you put it. Not much going on in the love life department. How about you?”

  “What?”

  “You still seeing that girl you mentioned?”

  “You could say that.”

  Lara couldn’t place the flash of recognition in Paige’s eye or the way her cheeks suddenly looked a little paler. Mostly because Paige wouldn’t let Lara look at her. She turned her head away and acted like this was the moment she turned serious about finding what she was looking for.

  Her voice lost all its playfulness. It sounded like she needed a drink of water when she said, “Do I know her?”

  “Her name’s Kerry Redshaw. She’s a tailor.”

  Paige’s face was unchanging. The name meant nothing to her.

  Lara could have dropped it at that. It was just small talk. Unimportant. Who cared if Paige didn’t know Kerry? But Lara found herself somehow disappointed by Paige’s reaction. Lara had moved on from their relationship and was on her way to finding someone else. Shouldn’t Paige have some reaction to that news beyond a shrug?

  “Actually, you probably remember her from Tight Knit,” she pressed. “She’s the woman I was talking to when you came over to ask me to do the contest.”

  Paige was quiet for a minute, remembering, Lara presumed. “Yeah. I remember. How’s it going?”

  How was it going? It was refreshing and fun and one of the best times Lara had had in a long time, minus the almost getting caught breaking and entering part. But it was also a little silly, wasn’t it? Lara was leaving—eventually. Kerry was nice, but was she reason enough to stay in Perry? Whatever fling they were having was bound to implode in the face of reality at some point. Lara couldn’t be sure they would both survive the explosion.

  “It was nice,” Lara said, deciding that nice was the best description she was going to be able to come up with. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t phenomenal. It was pleasant, if nothing else.

  “Rave reviews.” Paige’s usual sarcasm was undercut by a hint of bitterness.

  “Why do you need the details?” Lara asked. “You planning on asking her out yourself?”

  “Definitely not.”

  “You jealous?”

  “Please. You’re the one that dumped me over a sweater and moved a hundred miles away.” Paige stormed off, heading for one of the back rooms. “It’s probably in my bedroom,” she called over her shoulder.

  “What’s probably in your bedroom? What are you looking for?” Lara followed her. There was nothing else to do. If she stayed in one spot too long, the dust bunnies in Paige’s apartment would start nipping at her ankles. They reached Paige’s bedroom door. “It wasn’t about the sweater, you know.”

  “Really?” Paige asked as she shoved the door open with two hands, pushing aside a stack of boxes hindering its full range of motion. “Because you kind of made a big deal about the sweater.”

  “It wasn’t the sweater. It was what the sweater meant.” Lara shook her head. “Just forget it. It’s my fault. I knew better than to knit you a sweater in the first place, and I did it anyway. It’s that stupid fucking sweater curse.”

  Paige’s tone shifted from angry to confused in an instant. “What?”

  Lara rolled her eyes. “Of course.”

  “‘Of course’ what? What curse?”

  “Did you ever listen to me?”

  “I listen to you a lot. Because you’re practical. Smart. Rooted in the real world. You’re not the superstitious type. If you had mentioned a ‘stupid fucking sweater curse,’ I think I would have remembered that.”

  “It’s the curse of the love sweater,” Lara explained. “Gam Gam warned me about it growing up. It’s the idea that if you knit a sweater for someone you’re in a relationship with, the relationship becomes destined to fail. You’ll break up right after the sweater is finished.”

  Paige seemed to consider the story for a minute. “That’s silly. It’s an old wives’ tale.”

  “It’s not.” Lara took a deep breath. “Well, it is, but that’s no reason to dismiss it. Yeah, a lot of that stuff isn’t exactly scientifically accurate, and a lot of it is superstition, but there’s always some kernel of truth to old wives’ tales.”

  “And what’s the truth about magical, relationship-ending sweaters?”

  Lara sighed. “You aren’t listening. I already told you that it’s not about the sweater. It’s about the time it takes to make something for someone. It’s all of the effort and all of the emotional value invested in the creation. You pour your heart into making something, and then once you give it to the person, they say ‘thank you’ and shove it in the back of a closet. They don’t wear it. They don’t appreciate all the time and love and care that went into the gift, and then the knitter doesn’t feel appreciated. They realize that they value their partner more than their partner values them. Their expectations fail them, they get disappointed, and they leave. The sweater dooms the relationship.”

  “Is that why you left me?” Paige asked. “You felt like I didn’t care about the sweater?”

  “I felt like you didn’t care about me. You didn’t care about the sweater, but you also didn’t care about coming home every night. You stayed late at the office. You worked on weekends. You missed dinners. You missed vacations. You missed dates. The time you spent with me was less valuable to you than the time you spent at work. The things I could give you weren’t enough in comparison to the things your career could give you. The Perryodicals wasn’t even supposed to be a permanent job. You promised you’d move back to OKC with me after you finished your internship. You said you wanted to work for a big publication in the big city. Then you changed your mind without talking to me about it. You decided you wanted to stay here and turn The Perryodicals into The Daily Page, and you expected me to just go along with it. I wanted to do more than be a librarian for a boss I hated in a town I hated. Festive Feline Fashion was taking off, but you were too caught up in yourself to notice. I couldn’t fully invest myself in my career because I was too busy pandering to yours.”

  “I never stopped caring about you,” Paige said. “But I guess I can see why you felt like that. I wish you had told me.”

  “I did try to tell you. You never listened.”

  Lara sat down on the bed. Paige kept talking while she searched. “I never thought you’d actually leave, you know. Even when you left. At first, I thought you’d come back. But then you didn’t. I was so comfortable with you. I felt so secure. I loved that about our relationship. I felt like you were there to support me one hundred percent. I guess I didn’t realize that I wasn’t there to support you as much as I thought I was. I should have paid more attention.”

  “Yeah, you should have.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, you were right. I shouldn’t have spent so much time with work anyway. It was fun for a while, at least as fun as work can ever be, but then it was just… stressful. The more I accomplished, the harder everything got, the more responsibility I had. I wasn’t as cut out for it as I thought I’d be.”

  Lara could relate to that. Festive Feline Fashion used to be fun. Even when it first took off on social media, the increased demand was a welcome change of pace for a while. But lately Lara felt as burnt out as Paige sounded. />
  Was Paige doing that poorly, though? On the surface, everything seemed to be going well for her. She had taken control of the business. Her employees respected her as their leader, even if it was out of fear. But Lara supposed she knew what it was like to look composed on the outside when she wasn’t on the inside. Festive Feline Fashion probably looked as successful to Paige as The Daily Page looked to Lara, but under the surface Lara was still struggling to bounce back from the negative publicity. Meanwhile, Paige was a scattered mess. If she was truly capable of doing her job well, Lara never would have ended up in her office asking for answers about the Tight Knit ad.

  “I was happy when Bransom trusted me with the newspaper, but, man, sometimes I wish he had never retired. I never feel like I’m doing a good enough job. For me or for him or for the paper or for anyone I work with. It’s hard.” Paige paused. “If I could get a redo, I’d go back, spend more time with you, and stick to writing whatever drudge work Bransom let me have.”

  “Good to know that you think having a successful career and a functional relationship are mutually exclusive.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wish I’d found a better balance. Too much of one thing is never a good idea.”

  “Do you think you’ve found a better balance now?”

  “Considering I’m still overworked and have been on approximately one date in the last four years, probably not. Maybe if I could go back, I’d follow you. Truth is, I was stressed out back then, too, but I had you to help me, and that made it better. I probably could’ve handled a bigger job in OKC with you too.”

  Paige took a deep breath. “You know, we never actually talked about this. After you broke up with me, you just…left. And I don’t blame you for abandoning me or ignoring me or whatever you want to call it. You obviously didn’t want to see me or talk to me, but I’m glad that we’re talking about it now. It feels good to clear the air and get everything off my chest.”

  “You’re right,” Lara said. “About all of it. I don’t think I was ready to talk to you back then. I don’t think I was ready to talk to you until recently, actually. But I’m glad we’re talking now, too. And about your problem, it sounds like you need a change.”

  “What kind of change?”

  “That’s up to you. Maybe run away to OKC. Worked for me.”

  “Did it?”

  The question was more profound than Lara expected it to be. The more she thought about it, the more she had to think about it. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I liked it there. I liked having a new job and new friends and no one to take care of but myself. But it got lonely sometimes, too. Life wasn’t as easy as when you weren’t around to help me.”

  Paige nodded. “I don’t know if moving would solve my problems. I guess it would force me to quit my job. That would make me less of a workaholic, but that would also make me homeless, and I kind of like surviving, even if I have to slave away to do it.”

  “You could get a new job.”

  “And overwork myself there?” Paige asked.

  “Get a less stressful job.”

  “Less stressful usually means less money.”

  “Money isn’t everything,” Lara said.

  “Maybe you’re right.”

  “I’m always right.”

  Paige chuckled. “I don’t know about that.”

  The sounds of Paige’s shuffling were starting to get repetitive. If this took any longer, Lara was going to lie down and take a nap. “What are you looking for?” she asked. “If you tell me, I can help.”

  “Hold on, I can get it.”

  Lara groaned. Paige was so stubborn. If Lara was helping, they could have found what they were looking for ten minutes ago and been out of here already. At this point, they were going to be late for the parade.

  Paige ransacked her room, looking in dresser drawers and under piles of clothes. Lara looked around for something that might seem important, trying to guess what Paige was searching for, but the only thing that caught her eye was her own eyes staring back at her.

  “You still have pictures of me up?”

  “Not still,” Paige said. She stared at the photo in Lara’s hand, gathering her words. “I was mad at you for a long time. Years. I was still mad at you the day you came into my office. But I’m tired of being mad. It’s exhausting, and my life is exhausting enough. I’m not mad anymore, and I’m glad that you’re back in my life and that we’re, for the most part, I guess, getting along again. You’re my friend. I like keeping pictures of my friends around.”

  Were she and Paige friends? Lara didn’t exactly have much experience in the friendship department, but whatever relationship she had with Paige now was a lot different than any friendship she’d ever had. Lara couldn’t meet up with Paige and talk about pointless everyday minutia like she could with April. She couldn’t look at Paige and feel a temporary sense of easy, carefree calm like she did with Kerry. If what she had with Paige was friendship, it would forever be flavored by their history. But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She could talk about the deep things with Paige. She didn’t have to explain how she felt to Paige because Paige already knew. April and Kerry knew Lara on a more surface level. Paige was much deeper under her skin, she realized. Talking with Paige could be nice. Familiar. Intuitive. Sometimes Lara needed someone like that to talk to.

  “Why do you have all this junk around?” Lara asked. “This stuff in boxes that you clearly aren’t using. Why not have a garage sale? Or donate some stuff to Goodwill.”

  “I don’t want to get rid of it,” Paige said. “I just don’t have anything to do with it right now. I don’t know. Maybe I’m like you. I’m always ready to move, so I keep my stuff packed up. If I don’t settle down, I don’t get disappointed when I have to move on again.”

  Lara scrunched her brow. She hadn’t thought of it that way. “Do you move around a lot?”

  “Eh.” Paige shrugged. “Sometimes. After you left, I couldn’t afford to stay in the same place. I was living in my office for a while. I kind of already was anyway, which I guess is why you left, but…” Paige trailed off. “I stayed with a couple friends who didn’t think it was healthy for me to be sleeping in an office chair while I found my own place. Then I moved through a couple different apartments. I’m not moving because I necessarily want to move.” Paige stressed the word in obvious reference to Lara’s plans. “It kind of just keeps happening. I don’t move; the world moves me.”

  Lara felt like that a lot. When she didn’t take control of her own life, the world took over for her. It sent people like Roger Feldman. It made Betty sick. It kept Lara trapped in Perry while she waited on Paige to grow into a person she didn’t want to be.

  Paige groaned and fell to the floor like a tuckered-out child having a tantrum. “Argh! I can’t find them!”

  “Will you please just let me help you?” Lara asked. “Tell me what you’re looking for.”

  Paige hesitated, but ultimately gave in and let Lara share the burden. “My bags. They have all my camera equipment in them. I need them. They’re huge. They’re black. I should be able to find them.”

  “Did you leave them at your office?”

  Paige’s head fell back, eyes closed in defeat, but the smile on her face was a welcome change. “Yep,” she said. “I took my camera in so Lorraine could download some footage. We’ll have to stop by the office on our way.” After taking a moment to collect herself, Paige rose to her feet and dusted her hands off on her pants. “Thanks. We make a pretty good team, eh?”

  Lara rolled her eyes. “Can we go now?”

  CHAPTER 16

  “Lara!”

  Hearing her name surprised Lara more than it should have. Her eyes settled on a pair of hands waving frantically as their owner tried to get her attention. After a moment, Lara recognized the girl. Lorraine. The redhead who had bumped into her the last time she was here. The intern who had told Paige about the Roger Feldman article.

  “Oh. He
y.” Lara tried to sound welcoming rather than awkward, but she was too put off to smile. Lorraine gestured for Lara to come closer, and Lara was in no position to decline.

  “It’s nice seeing you again,” Lorraine said. “Ms. Daley talks about you all the time. I’m helping her with the Hometown Heroes contest, and I’m the one who edited that video we put out about your knitting.”

  Paige talked about her?

  “You do the editing?” Lara asked, trying to make small talk. “That’s cool.”

  “Yeah!” Lorraine’s eyes beamed. They were so green, they were neon. “That’s one good thing about being an intern. It seems like the younger you are in the industry, the more you know than the people in charge about the tech side of things. I do a lot for the website. Well, me and a few of the other interns, of course.”

  “That’s cool,” Lara said again. God, she sounded insipid, but there was little else to say. Lorraine was clearly passionate about her work, and Lara didn’t want to discourage her. Talking to Lorraine felt like talking to one of Lara’s younger cousins, like playing the older sister role she’d always felt obligated to fulfill. She had never been particularly good at it, but she supposed that came from being an only child.

  But Lorraine didn’t seem to notice. In fact, she seemed quite content to receive praise, too wrapped up in her own world to notice Lara’s awkwardness. “Have you seen it yet?” she asked, almost breathlessly.

  “I’m afraid not.” If she watched the video, then she’d surely find something off about her makeup or her posture or her words. Lara was more than happy to save herself the embarrassment of seeing herself on film. “I was planning on watching it with my grandmother next time I see her.” She didn’t even feel bad about making up an excuse.

  “Oh, come on.” Lorraine frowned. “We can watch it now! Maybe you could give me some feedback?”

  The cold mahogany slab of wood that was the closed door to Paige’s office offered Lara no comfort. What was taking her so long in there? If only she’d walk out and whisk Lara away from this moment. It suddenly occurred to her that if someone had told her a month ago that she’d be dreaming of Paige as her savior, Lara would have laughed in their face.