Delphi Works of Robert E. Howard (Illustrated) (Series Four)

by Robert E. Howard

  “Look here,” said Jim, holding his head which had a welt on it which was likely made by my fist. “I ain’t certain in my mind as to just what all has happened. Somebody must of hit me with a club some time tonight, and things is happened too fast for my addled wits. Seems like we been fightin’ and runnin’ all night. Listen, was we settin’ in the wagon-yard shack talkin’ peaceable, and did a grizzly b’ar bust through the wall and nigh slaughter us?”

  “That’s plumb correct,” said Bill. “Only it warn’t no b’ar. It was some kind of a human critter — maybe a escaped maneyack. We ought to of stopped for our horses—”

  “I warn’t thinkin’ ‘bout no horses,” broke in Jim. “When I found myself outside that shack my only thought was to cover ground, and I done my best, considerin’ that I’d lost a boot and that critter had nigh unhinged my hind laig. I’d lost you in the dark, so I made for the cave, knowin’ you would come there eventually, and it seemed like I was forever gettin’ through the woods, crippled like I was. I’d no more’n hit the path when you come up it on the run.”

  “Well,” said Bill, “as I went over the wagon-yard wall a lot of people come whoopin’ through the gate, and I thought they was after us, but they must of been after the feller we fought, because as I run I seen him layin’ into ’em right and left. After I’d got over my panic, I went back after our horses, but I run right into a gang of men on horseback, and one of ’em was that durned feller which passed hisself off as a cowboy. I didn’t need no more. I took out through the woods as hard as I could pelt, and they hollered. ‘There he goes!’ and come hot-foot after me.”

  “And was them the fellers I shot at back down the trail?” asked Jim.

  “Yeah,” said Bill. “I thought I’d shooken ’em off, but just as I seen you on the path, I heard horses comin’ behind us, so I hollered to let ’em have it, and you did.”

  “Well, I didn’t know who it was,” said Jim. “I tell you, my head’s buzzin’ like a circle-saw.”

  “Well,” said Bill, “we stopped ’em and scattered ‘em. I dunno if you hit anybody in the dark, but they’ll be mighty cautious about comin’ up the trail. Let’s clear out.”

  “On foot?” said Jim. “And me with just one boot?”

  “How else?” said Bill. “We’ll have to hoof it till we can steal us some broncs. We’ll have to leave all this stuff here. We daren’t go back to Grizzly Claw after our horses. I told you that durned cowboy would do to watch. He ain’t no cowpoke at all. He’s a blame detective.”

  “What’s that?” broke in Jim.

  “Horses’ hoofs!” exclaimed Bill, turning pale. “Here, blow out that lantern! We’ll climb the ledges and get out of the cleft, and take out over the mountain where they can’t foller with horses, and then—”

  It was at that instant that I launched myself offa the ledge on top of ‘em. I landed with all my two hundred and ninety pounds square on Jim’s shoulders and when he hit the ground under me he kind of spread out like a toad when you step on him. Bill give a scream of astonishment and when I riz and come for him, he tore off a hunk of rock about the size of a man’s head and lammed me over the ear with it. This irritated me, so I taken him by the neck, and also taken away a knife which he was trying to hamstring me with, and begun sweeping the floor with his carcass.

  Presently I paused and kneeling on him, I strangled him till his tongue lolled out, betwixt times hammering his head against the rocky floor.

  “You murderin’ devil!” I gritted between my teeth. “Before I varnish this here rock with your brains, tell me why you taken my Uncle Jeppard’s scalp!”

  “Let up!” he gurgled, being purple in the face where he warn’t bloody. “They was a dude travelin’ through the country and collectin’ souvenirs, and he heard about that sculp and wanted it. He hired me to go git it for him.”

  I was so shocked at that cold-bloodedness that I forgot what I was doing and choked him nigh to death before I remembered to ease up on him.

  “Who was he?” I demanded. “Who is the skunk which hires old men murdered so’s he can collect their scalps? My God, these Eastern dudes is worse’n Apaches! Hurry up and tell me, so I can finish killin’ you.”

  But he was unconscious; I’d squoze him too hard. I riz up and looked around for some water or whiskey or something to bring him to so he could tell who hired him to scalp Uncle Jeppard, before I twisted his head off, which was my earnest intention of doing, when somebody said: “Han’s up!”

  I whirled and there at the crook of the cave stood that cowboy which had spied on me in Grizzly Claw, with ten other men. They all had their Winchesters p’inted at me, and the cowboy had a star on his buzum.

  “Don’t move!” he said. “I’m a Federal detective, and I arrest you for manufactorin’ counterfeit money.”

  “What you mean?” I snarled, backing up to the wall.

  “You know,” he said, kicking the tarpaulin off the junk in the corner. “Look here, men! All the stamps and dyes he used to make phoney coins and bills! All packed up, ready to light out. I been hangin’ around Grizzly Claw for days, knowin’ that whoever was passin’ this stuff made his, or their, headquarters here somewheres. Today I spotted that dollar you give the barkeep, and I went pronto for my men which was camped back in the hills a few miles. I thought you was settled in the wagon-yard for the night, but it seems you give us the slip. Put the cuffs on him, men!”

  “No, you don’t!” I snarled, bounding back. “Not till I’ve finished these devils on the floor. I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, but—”

  “Here’s a couple of corpses!” hollered one of the men. “He kilt a couple of fellers!”

  One of them stooped over Bill, but he had recovered his senses, and now he riz up on his elbows and give a howl. “Save me!” he bellered. “I confesses! I’m a counterfeiter, and so is Jim there on the floor! We surrenders, and you got to pertect us!”

  “You’re the counterfeiters?” said the detective, took aback as it were. “Why, I was follerin’ this giant! I seen him pass fake money myself. We got to the wagon-yard awhile after he’d run off, but we seen him duck in the woods not far from there, and we been chasin’ him. He opened fire on us down the trail while ago—”

  “That was us,” said Bill. “It was me you was chasin’. He musta found that money, if he had fake stuff. I tell you, we’re the men you’re after, and you got to pertect us! I demands to be put in the strongest jail in this state, which even this here devil can’t bust into!”

  “And he ain’t no counterfeiter?” said the detective.

  “He ain’t nothin’ but a man-eater,” said Bill. “Arrest us and take us out of his reach.”

  “No!” I roared, clean beside myself. “They belongs to me! They scalped my uncle! Give ’em knives or gun or somethin’ and let us fight it out.”

  “Can’t do that,” said the detective. “They’re Federal prisoners. If you got any charge against them, they’ll have to be indicted in the proper form.”

  His men hauled ’em up and handcuffed ’em and started to lead ’em out.

  “Blast your souls!” I raved. “Does you mean to pertect a couple of dirty scalpers? I’ll—”

  I started for ’em and they all p’inted their Winchesters at me.

  “Keep back!” said the detective. “I’m grateful for you leadin’ us to this den, and layin’ out these criminals for us, but I don’t hanker after no battle in a cave with a human grizzly like you.”

  Well, what could a feller do?

  If I’d had my guns, or even my knife, I’d of taken a chance with the whole eleven, officers or not, I was that crazy mad. But even I can’t fight eleven .45-90’s with my bare hands. I stood speechless with rage whilst they filed out, and then I went for Cap’n Kidd in a kind of a daze. I felt wuss’n a horse-thief. Them fellers would be put in the pen safe out of my reach, and Uncle Jeppard’s scalp was unavenged! It was awful. I felt like bawling.

  Time I got my horse back onto the trail,
the posse with their prisoners was out of sight and hearing. I seen the only thing to do was to go back to Grizzly Claw and get my outfit, and then foller the posse and try to take their prisoners away from ’em someway.

  Well, the wagon-yard was dark and still. The wounded had been carried away to have their injuries bandaged, and from the groaning that was still coming from the shacks and cabins along the street, the casualties had been plenteous. The citizens of Grizzly Claw must have been shook up something terrible, because they hadn’t even stole my guns and saddle and things yet; everything was in the cabin just like I’d left ‘em.

  I put on my boots, hat and belt, saddled and bridled Cap’n Kidd and sot out on the road I knowed the posse had taken. But they had a long start on me, and when daylight come I hadn’t overtook ‘em. But I did meet somebody else. It was Tunk Willoughby riding up the trail, and when he seen me he grinned all over his battered features.

  “Hey, Breck!” he said. “After you left I sot on that log and thunk, and thunk, and I finally remembered what Jack Gordon told me, and I started out to find you again and tell you. It was this: he said to keep a close lookout for a fellow from Grizzly Claw named Bill Jackson, which had gypped yore Uncle Jeppard in a deal.”

  “What?” I said.

  “Yeah,” said Tunk. “He bought somethin’ from Jeppard and paid him in counterfeit money. Jeppard didn’t know it was phoney till after the feller had plumb got away,” said Tunk, “and bein’ as he was too busy dryin’ some b’ar meat to go after him, he sent word for you to git him.”

  “But the scalp—” I said wildly.

  “Oh,” said Tunk, “that was what Jeppard sold the feller. It was the scalp Jeppard took offa old Yeller Eagle the Comanche war-chief forty years ago, and been keepin’ for a souvenear. Seems like a Eastern dude heard about it and wanted to buy it, but this Jackson must of kept the money he give him to git it with, and give Jeppard phoney cash. So you see everything’s all right, even if I did forget a little, and no harm did—”

  And that’s why Tunk Willoughby is going around saying I am a homicidal maneyack, and run him five miles down a mountain and tried to kill him — which is a exaggeration, of course. I wouldn’t of kilt him if I could of caught him. I would merely of raised a few knots on his head and tied his hind laigs in a bow-knot around his fool neck and done a few other little things that might of improved his memory.

  * * *

  A GENT FROM BEAR CREEK

  First published in Action Stories, October 1934

  THE folks on Bear Creek ain’t what you’d call peaceable by nature, but I was kind of surprised to come onto Erath Elkins and his brother-in-law Joel Gordon locked in mortal combat on the bank of the creek. But there they was, so tangled up they couldn’t use their bowies to no advantage, and their cussing was scandalous to hear.

  Remonstrances being useless, I kicked their knives out of their hands and throwed ’em bodily into the creek. That broke their holds and they come swarming out with blood-thirsty shrieks and dripping whiskers, and attacked me. Seeing they was too blind mad to have any sense, I bashed their heads together till they was too dizzy to do anything but holler.

  “Is this any way for relatives to ack?” I asked disgustedly.

  “Lemme at him!” howled Joel, gnashing his teeth whilst blood streamed down his whiskers. “He’s broke three of my fangs and I’ll have his life!”

  “Stand aside, Breckinridge!” raved Erath. “No man can chaw a ear offa me and live to tell the tale!”

  “Aw, shut up,” I snorted. “One more yap outa either’n of you, and I’ll see if yore fool heads are harder’n this.” I brandished a fist under their noses and they quieted down. “What’s all this about?” I demanded.

  “I just discovered my brother-in-law is a thief,” said Joel bitterly. At that Erath give a howl and a vi’lent plunge to get at his relative, but I kind of pushed him backwards, and he fell over a willer stump.

  “The facts is, Breckinridge,” said Joel, “me and this polecat found a buckskin poke full of gold nuggets in a holler oak over on Apache Ridge yesterday. We didn’t know whether somebody in these parts had just hid it there for safe-keepin’, or whether some old prospector had left it there a long time ago and maybe got sculped by the Injuns and never come back to git it. We agreed to leave it alone for a month, and if it was still there at that time, we’d feel purty shore that the original owner was dead, and we’d split the gold between us. Well, last night I got to worryin’ somebody’d find it which wasn’t as honest as me, so this mornin’ I thought I better go see if it was still there...”

  At this point Erath laughed bitterly.

  Joel glared at him ominously and continued: “Well, no sooner I hove in sight of the holler tree than this skunk let go at me from the bresh with a rifle-gun—”

  “That’s a lie!” yelped Erath. “It war jest the other way around!”

  “Not bein’ armed, Breckinridge,” Joel said with dignity, “and realizin’ that this coyote was tryin’ to murder me so he could claim all the gold, I legged it for home and my weppins. And presently I sighted him sprintin’ through the bresh after me.”

  Erath begun to foam slightly at the mouth. “I warn’t chasin’ you,” he said. “I was goin’ home after my rifle-gun.”

  “What’s yore story, Erath?” I inquired.

  “Last night I drempt somebody had stole the gold,” he answered sullenly. “This mornin’ I went to see if it was safe. Just as I got to the tree, this murderer begun shootin’ at me with a Winchester. I run for my life, and by some chance I finally run right into him. Likely he thought he’d kilt me and was comin’ for the sculp.”

  “Did either one of you see t’other’n shoot at you?” I asked.

  “How could I, with him hid in the bresh?” snapped Joel. “But who else could it been?”

  “I didn’t have to see him,” growled Erath. “I felt the wind of his slug.”

  “But each one of you says he didn’t have no rifle,” I said.

  “He’s a cussed liar,” they accused simultaneous, and would have fell on each other tooth and nail if they could have got past my bulk.

  “I’m convinced they’s been a mistake,” I said. “Git home and cool off.”

  “You’re too big for me to lick, Breckinridge,” said Erath. “But I warn you, if you cain’t prove to me that it wasn’t Joel which tried to murder me, I ain’t goin’ to rest nor sleep nor eat till I’ve nailed his mangy sculp to the highest pine on Apache Ridge.”

  “That goes for me, too,” said Joel, grinding his teeth. “I’m declarin’ truce till tomorrer mornin’. If Breckinridge cain’t show me by then that you didn’t shoot at me, either my wife or yore’n’ll be a widder before midnight.”

  So saying, they stalked off in opposite directions, whilst I stared helplessly after ‘em, slightly dazed at the responsibility which had been dumped onto me. That’s the drawback of being the biggest man in your settlement. All the relatives pile their troubles onto you. Here it was up to me to stop what looked like the beginnings of a regular family feud which was bound to reduce the population awful.

  The more I thought of the gold them idjits had found, the more I felt like I ought to go and take a look to see was it real stuff, so I went back to the corral and saddled Cap’n Kidd and lit out for Apache Ridge, which was about a mile away. From the remarks they’d let fell whilst cussing each other, I had a purty good idea where the holler oak was at, and sure enough I found it without much trouble. I tied Cap’n Kid and clumb up on the trunk till I reached the holler. And then as I was craning my neck to look in, I heard a voice say: “Another dern thief!”

  I looked around and seen Uncle Jeppard Grimes p’inting a gun at me.

  “Bear Creek is goin’ to hell,” said Uncle Jeppard. “First it was Erath and Joel, and now it’s you. I’m goin’ to throw a bullet through yore hind laig just to teach you a little honesty.”

  With that he started sighting along the barrel of his Winchester, an
d I said: “You better save yore lead for that Injun over there.”

  Him being a old Indian fighter he just naturally jerked his head around quick, and I pulled my .45 and shot the rifle out of his hands. I jumped down and, put my foot on it, and he pulled a knife out of his boot, and I taken it away from him and shaken him till he was so addled when I let him go he run in a circle and fell down cussing something terrible.

  “Is everybody on Bear Creek gone crazy?” I demanded. “Can’t a man look into a holler tree without gettin’ assassinated?”

  “You was after my gold,” swore Uncle Jeppard.

  “So it’s your gold, hey?” I said. “Well, a holler tree ain’t no bank.”

  “I know it,” he growled, combing the pine-needles out of his whiskers. “When I come here early this mornin’ to see if it was safe, like I frequent does, I seen right off somebody’d been handlin’ it. Whilst I was meditatin’ over this, I seen Joel Gordon sneakin’ towards the tree. I fired a shot across his bows in warnin’ and he run off. But a few minutes later here come Erath Elkins slitherin’ through the pines. I was mad by this time, so I combed his whiskers with a chunk of lead and he high-tailed it. And now, by golly, here you come—”

  “I don’t want yore blame gold!” I roared. “I just wanted to see if it was safe, and so did Joel and Erath. If them men was thieves, they’d have took it when they found it yesterday. Where’d you get it, anyway?”

  “I panned it, up in the hills,” he said sullenly. “I ain’t had time to take it to Chawed Ear and git it changed into cash money. I figgered this here tree was as good a place as any. But I done put it elsewhere now.”

  “Well,” I said, “you got to go tell Erath and Joel it was you shot at ‘em, so they won’t kill each other. They’ll be mad at you, but I’ll cool ’em off, maybe with a hickory club.”