by Vera Hollins
“You heard me. You’re a—”
“Okay, enough!” I pushed against both of them, gripping the lizard so I wouldn’t drop it. “I get that you’re pissed off, but you’re asking for trouble,” I told Mateo. “Let him be, okay?”
Mateo shook his head. “I can’t believe you, Mel. You used to say the worst things about him. Now you’re hanging out with him and defending him? What has happened to you?”
I clenched my teeth. I didn’t need another reminder of how absurd it was that I’d gotten closer to Masen. Mateo was right, because I didn’t have any business hanging around him, even with these new, stupid feelings. Nothing had changed. That kiss was the mother of all mistakes, and it was there—a clear red line—to remind me never to cross it again.
I needed to steer clear of Masen, because anytime I was close to him, my common sense didn’t seem to exist.
I looked at Eli. He’d been silent all this time, observing us with a guarded expression, and I felt sorry that he had to witness this.
“Mateo, let’s go. Shreya is waiting for you.” My voice left no room for argument. I grinned at Eli. “Alas, I must depart from this place and leave your outstanding presence, but I’ll see you on Sunday. Okay?”
His shy mode was fully activated in front of Mateo, so he just nodded. I didn’t even look at Masen, already walking away, but then he called after me.
“Melissa!”
I halted. Heat blossomed in the pit of my stomach at the sensual sound of my name on his lips. This was the first time he’d called me by my name, and I liked it more than I would’ve anticipated. I turned around slowly, fighting not to show this on my face.
“What?”
A playful smirk curled his lips. His eyes held a silent promise. “See you on Sunday.”
Mateo’s scowl bore into my skull at this, but I didn’t even flinch as I answered, “Unfortunately,” and walked away.
Mateo didn’t speak much after that. We exchanged quick goodbyes, and I got into my car, irked by the way he’d acted with me. I wanted to yell at him not to jump to such baseless conclusions, but then I remembered I’d been the same way with Sar and Jess. He was protecting his friend, just like I’d been protecting my friends, so it would be hypocritical of me to complain about that.
Did Jess and Sar feel this way, too, whenever I complained? Did they feel guilty, but at the same time feel as though they needed to defend their feelings?
That was the problem—I felt the need to defend my feelings when I should be working on eradicating them.
I pulled in my driveway and shut down the engine, so tired of everything. The feel of Masen’s lips on mine lingered on my skin, and the warmth I felt when his lips met mine rippled through my chest.
“Stop right now, Melissa Brooks. Sure, that kiss was the best kiss of your life and all that shit, but you will forget about it and forget about him.” The lizard on the passenger seat demanded my attention. “And what should I do with you?” How could I forget about Masen when just looking at this lizard reminded me of him?
With a sigh, I stuffed the lizard in my backpack and got out of my car, preparing myself for the heavy and lonely silence I knew I would find in the house. Mom was most likely out with one of her besties, seeking refuge from the pain that was locked deep inside her.
I headed straight for my room, imagining a long, hot shower that would wash away all my anxiety, but the sobs coming from Steven’s room stopped me in my tracks. I took careful steps forward, my breathing hitching.
The door was open ajar, and I looked inside. Mom was curled on his bed, crying. The wound in my chest snapped open too easily.
“Mom.” I rushed inside and sat down next to her, taking her by the hand. She sobbed into a tissue, her face swollen from crying.
“I miss him, Meli. I miss him so much.”
My chest hurt; the ache was a fire that would never stop burning. I squeezed her hand as I looked over Steven’s video game posters on the walls. His room was too empty without him.
“I know, Mom. I miss him, too.” I missed him every single second.
“It’s all my fault. It’s my fault for not helping him. I was so blind.”
I bit into my lip to the point of drawing blood, pressure spreading through my head. “It’s not just your fault. We are all to blame.”
She sat up and wiped away her tears. “I keep thinking about it, but I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know how it came to this.”
I sighed. The weight in my chest became even heavier. “I think it’s the combination of everything. You, Dad, your fights, your divorce . . . drugs. Me. Him. We tried to help him, but it wasn’t enough. We didn’t do enough.”
She clutched her tissue in her shaking hand. “What if we couldn’t do enough? How can you fight against someone’s addiction when they don’t want you to? He didn’t want to stop. He just got worse. How long would we have gone through the same cycle?”
I took a deep breath, staring off into the distance. I’d asked myself the same question. If we’d tried harder, if we’d done all we could have, would it have made any difference?
“I don’t know, Mom. I really don’t know.”
I just knew that as much as I tried to plan out someone’s life, thinking I knew best, I didn’t know best and it was out of my control. I couldn’t try to make others happy at the expense of their happiness.
I met her gaze. “Do you miss Dad?”
Her brows scrunched up. “Meli, why are you going back to that again?” She took my hand. “I know how hard it was for you and—” She swallowed with difficulty. “And Steven. It was hard and you weren’t happy, but Robert and I couldn’t handle each other anymore. It was becoming too toxic, and we couldn’t settle our differences.”
“I just don’t get how you can stop loving each other after everything. You vowed eternal love and had children! Why did you have us if you weren’t ready for forever?”
She pressed her wobbling lips together, a new tear sliding down her cheek. “Of course we thought we would stay together forever. Of course we took having children seriously. But we can’t predict the future, honey. We can’t predict every change or new circumstance in life.”
Dad had told me something similar, but I still struggled to believe it.
“All we can do is deal with it the best way we can, and in our case, that was a divorce. We argued every day, which you and Steven had to witness, and it was impossible for us to get along. So that was the healthiest solution for all of us.” She gripped my hand. “You just have to accept that.”
I smiled bitterly. “It seems there are a lot of things I have to accept. Steven’s death, your divorce . . . Life sucks.”
She gave me a rueful smile and brushed away her remaining tears. “Life is hard, and it’s difficult to accept many things.” She cupped my cheek. “It’s not fair, and it will never be fair, but you’re strong, so strong. You’ll be able to withstand it all. I believe in you.”
“Will you be able to withstand it? I don’t want you to make a sea of tears for him day after day. You’ll flood our house.”
Her lips curled into a tiny smile. “I have to. For you, I have to stay strong.” She ran her hand through my hair. “So will you try to accept my divorce?”
I looked at the picture on Steven’s desk, a group shot of him and the rest of the school soccer team, taken two years ago. Nothing was fair, but life didn’t seem to care. Life kept going, throwing new hurdles at us, and we obviously had to adapt. Their divorce was just another bitter pill I had to swallow, because as much as I wanted them back together, they wouldn’t get back together. That was another aspect I couldn’t control, and maybe I shouldn’t even have to. Mom had enough on her plate as it was.
I would be so happy if they got back together, but I didn’t want my happiness to be built on the misery of others. Steven’s death was a lesson enough in that.
So, I took a deep breath and met her gaze. “I’ll try. I don’t like it at all, and I
’d rather eat cow shit—“
“Meli,” she warned me.
“Fine, fine. I’d rather eat blueberries and have the worst allergic reaction ever than accept you and Dad aren’t going to get your happily ever after with each other, but I’ll try.”
Her face warmed with an expression of gratitude. I didn’t know how I would come to grips with it, but I wasn’t going to push it anymore. Maybe this was for the best.
We hadn’t been a functional family to begin with.
Sunday came, along with Eli, Masen, and Mawar. I’d spent more time than usual picking a bathing suit and eventually decided on a black bikini that accentuated the sensual curves of my wide hips and breasts. My face was free of makeup. I was almost tempted to do something with my hair, but then I stopped myself when I realized I was acting more than ridiculous—I was actually primping myself for Masen.
And if that wasn’t stupid enough, when we entered the pool room and Masen took off his denim shorts and T-shirt, showing his body corded with pure muscle and perfection, I stopped mid step to stare at him.
I told myself to act like my usual self, determined to suppress the memory of our kiss at all costs, but it was difficult when my brain seemed to care only about how handsome he was in those tight black swimming trunks.
I wanted to puke. Had the aliens abducted me in my sleep and brainwashed me? Had someone else possessed my body and mind?
With pursed lips, I took off my bathrobe. I was unprepared for the wall of heat that crashed over me as his gaze fixed onto my body the moment the material slid off my skin. My pulse became a mess as he so painfully slowly ran his eyes down my body, lingering on every part of me, and I got the urge to cover myself again. But I didn’t.
I straightened myself up and faced him directly, growing even hotter. His gaze turned searing. The place between my thighs throbbed.
Fuck.
Inviting Eli here had been one of my worst ideas ever.
I flexed my jaw and went over to Eli, determined to ignore Masen as much as I could.
“Thank you for inviting us, Melissa,” Mawar said. She entered the pool and stopped near the edge, where she would keep guard once Eli was in the water. On the tiled floor next to her were Eli’s pool noodles and floats.
“Don’t mention it. You haven’t experienced the true joys in life until you’ve swum in my pool.” I winked at Eli, who grinned in return. He looked like a little kid, overly excited to be here, and it warmed my heart, seeing him like that. His eyes didn’t look as sad as they had when I’d first met him, and now, more often than not, they glimmered happily.
Masen approached us to pick up Eli, and I automatically took a step away from him. At this point, I didn’t trust myself when I was close to him. Noticing this, he made a small frown, but he didn’t say anything.
“Are you ready, champ?” he asked Eli.
Eli was all smiles. “As ready as I can be.”
Masen lifted him from his chair and lowered him down at the edge of the pool. Eli’s face was adorable, manifesting excitement and anticipation as he pushed himself into the water, and I made one of my rare real grins, feeling excitement of my own. I was happy he was able to experience this.
Mawar placed a pool noodle under his arm pits and followed him slowly as he swam along the edge of the pool. I felt pride as I watched him swim.
Masen stepped toward the deeper end of the pool. I tried not to watch, but my eyes seemed glued to him as he dove into the water in one perfect, sexy move. He swam under the surface until he reached Eli and then surged up, slicking his hair back with his hand in a movie-worthy manner. Fucking hell.
I tore my gaze away from him and stomped over to the other side of the pool. It was as if my brain had departed my head for good, leaving my stupid, hormonally ravaged body in charge. Everything he did looked sexy now. Gross, gross, gross.
I jumped into the pool and remained underwater until my chest started burning from the lack of air. I had to clear my head. It was unfortunate that I had to tolerate him, but I could get over this stupid crush and forget about him.
I broke through the surface of the water and gulped for air, almost colliding with Masen. “What the hell are you doing?” I hissed at him as I swam backward, away from him.
He smirked and splashed me. “Relax, Satan. I’m not going to drown you.” He smiled darkly. “Yet.”
I snorted and swam further away from him. “You can try, but it would be a waste of time.”
“You think?” He reduced the distance between us, and my stomach clenched with excitement.
“Why don’t you go over there and help Eli?”
“He doesn’t need my help.”
My body worked harder to put more distance between us. “That’s so irresponsible of you to say.”
“He has Mawar with him, and he’s in the shallow end of the pool. Chill, already. Besides, weren’t you the one who told me he wasn’t made of glass?”
I was surprised he’d remembered, but I didn’t say anything to that. I stopped at the pool’s edge and spun around to face him. “Go away.”
He tilted his head to the side, treading water. “And if I don’t? What are you going to do?” A huge smirk danced across his lips, showing me how thoroughly amusing he found me.
“I’m going to kick you.”
His smirk grew bigger. “That’s all you’ve got?”
“That’s all you’re going to get.”
His smile turned into a contemplative frown. “What does your friend Mateo get?”
My heart kicked in my chest. I could think he was playing around all I wanted, but that was definitely jealousy popping up there.
I grinned. “Dozens of kisses. Did you know that he likes being kissed on his neck the most?”
I had no idea if Mateo liked his neck kissed, nor did I care, but it worked. Masen’s face twisted with spite.
“Yes. It makes him reaaaally horny.” I suppressed the urge to chuckle. “And he also likes when I—”
“You’re making all that up,” he said through clenched teeth, and I burst into laughter. I had to grab the edge because this was too much.
“Nooo, absolutely not. Why would I invent something like that when it’s obvious I can’t live without him—”
He moved toward me, and I stopped laughing, the blood in my veins humming with awareness and pleasure as his gaze turned dark. I wanted him to erase all the distance between us, just as he had in that haunted house, to show me once more how amazing physical contact could be, which was a big no-no, per se.
So, I pointed at Eli, who was now closer to the deeper end of the pool. “How about you go help your brother now? He’s coming in our direction.”
Masen looked over his shoulder then spun around, going to where Eli was immediately. I held onto the edge of the pool as I watched him tread water with Mawar near Eli, his attention fully focused on him. My belly stirred. His expression matched Eli’s, who was laughing heartily as he swam along, and it was almost painful to watch Masen, because I was filled with a raw longing that grew stronger the more I tried to suppress it.
I swam to the ladder and got out. “I’m going to bring us some drinks and snacks,” I muttered to no one in particular and rushed out of the pool room.
Droplets of water cascaded down my body and created a wet path on the floor behind me as I entered the kitchen. I opened an upper cabinet and reached for a bag of organic snacks I’d bought for Eli, the kiss I’d shared with Masen replaying in my mind once again. I dropped the bag on the counter and shut my eyes against the shiver that coursed through me.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Masen said directly into my ear from behind me, and I jumped.
“Geez!” I spun around with a scorching glare. “What are you doing now? Pretending you’re a ninja?”
We stood eye to eye, just as we had when he’d cornered me in his kitchen, or when I’d gone to his room to bandage his back. Only this time, we were almost completely naked . . . Water droplets cou
rsed down his face, shoulders, and chest, creating a captivating pattern on the canvas of his taut skin.
My arms folded over my chest, which turned out to be a mistake, because it drew his gaze to my breasts, and my stupid body enjoyed his attention too much. No fear whatsoever.
I snapped my fingers twice in his face. “Hey, sex freak. The last time I checked, my eyes and boobs didn’t switch places. Up here.” I pointed at my eyes. “What do you want now?”
“You.”
This was like a kick in the gut, yanking all the air out of me. The whooshing in my ears coincided with my sudden lack of words. Don’t look at his body, don’t look at his body.
“And I want Batman to stop wearing that ridiculous suit, but guess what? That’s impossible, too!” I sidestepped him, but he stepped in front of me, preventing me from moving.
“You’re running away again?”
My hands curled into fists. “I’m just trying to save you from my incoming vomit.”
He snorted. “How thoughtful of you. And sure, save yourself with your childish comebacks, but it won’t change the fact that you kissed me back.”
To my horror, I blushed.
“And you liked it.”
I gripped the counter behind me. “Yeah, right. The same way I like dental drills.”
I bypassed him again, and this time he let me, watching me as I took juice out of the fridge and pulled glasses from a cabinet. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I may as well have been completely naked with the way my whole body was on display for him.
“Will you stop staring at me and go away?”
“What are you afraid of this time?” His voice came out deeper.
I tightened my fingers around the glasses and put them down on the counter. “I’m not afraid of anything. I just want you to stop trying to seduce me, or whatever it is that you’re doing, and leave me alone.” I took a bowl out of another cabinet, too aware of him standing closely behind me.
“You kissed me back,” he said simply, which infuriated me.
I slammed the bowl on the counter and turned to face him. “So what? That kiss doesn’t mean anything.”