by Vera Hollins
The intensity in his eyes grew stronger. “It doesn’t?”
“It doesn’t.”
“So, if I kissed you again, you wouldn’t feel anything?”
Flutters kicked in my belly. “I wouldn’t let you kiss me.”
He tilted his head to the side and took a step closer to me. I didn’t move an inch. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “Why not? It wouldn’t mean anything, so why would a kiss or two matter?”
My eyes dropped to his mouth, betraying me. His lips were tempting, sending me an almost irresistible invitation to kiss him again, and it took everything I had to tear my gaze away from them.
“Unlike you, I don’t whore around. I have no clue what on Earth you’re trying to do here, but you can stop wasting your time. Go get your kicks from the girls that worship the ground you walk on.” I swiveled around and reached for the juice. I unscrewed the cap and began to pour drinks. “I know this is just a game for you. Because, one—you hate me, and two—this is what you do. You always play around. You—”
“That’s true,” he whispered in my ear, and I inhaled quickly, goosebumps erupting all over my arms. The juice sloshed over the rim of the glass and splashed onto the counter.
I had to put down the juice carton so I wouldn’t drop it.
“All of that is true.” His lips were just an inch away from my skin. A droplet of water fell from his face down onto my shoulder. I was unable to move. “You’re the worst. I hate you. But when I tell myself to get away from you, I can’t.” His tantalizing lips grazed my neck for the briefest of moments, and a moan almost slipped past my lips. “I tell myself you’re crazy and there are millions of girls out there who are better looking than you . . .” He nibbled the skin below my ear and tugged at it. My core heated, my eyes fluttering shut. “I tell myself I have no business getting any closer to you, kissing you . . .” His hand slid up the side of my waist, sending shivers down my spine. “I tell myself I’m going crazy for thinking about you all the time . . .” He left a soft kiss below my ear. “But that doesn’t stop me from wanting you. Fuck if I know why.”
I was trembling. I was turned on.
At some point, his words and touches had created desire unlike anything before inside of me, and it was terrifying because I didn’t know how to deal with it. It was completely new, contradicting everything I’d felt since that night, and it didn’t feel normal . . .
That night . . . The images from the woods resurfaced, reminding me of how easily my body could betray me and lead me into something horrible, how easily it could all go bad, and I was hit with the feelings of hopelessness and fear all over again.
No. I couldn’t lose control. I couldn’t trust him or let my guard down around him. Not even for a second.
His lips connected with my neck, and I swiveled around, shoving him away from me. “Don’t!”
I backed away, pressing against the fridge like a cornered animal, gasping for air.
His eyes grew wide, and I hated the concern in them. “What’s wrong—”
“Don’t ever touch me again!” I flinched when the sudden hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I was crying. In front of Masen. Again. “You hear me? Because the next time you do, I’ll snap your dick into two, asshole. Now get out of my face!” I pointed at the door. “Get out!”
His face went rigid, and it was as if someone had built an invisible wall between us. Without a word or another look, he strode out of the kitchen, and I was left to wonder how the fuck I’d let myself get into this emotional mess.
Masen had ignored me after that, which was absolutely fine by me. I was more than ready to put as much distance between us as possible by, let’s say, going to Neptune, but I was determined I wasn’t going to run away, and as much as my instincts told me not to go to school, I wasn’t going to listen to them. I strode into the school and then to my locker with my head held high, carrying a list of assignments for prom.
Sar and Jess had already found their dresses, and with prom only a few weeks away, I didn’t have a lot of choices left, not that I cared about the stupid dress or prom. I didn’t have a date, which wasn’t that big of a deal, except that Masen would walk around with some bombshell right in front of me, and I was going to be pissed off and—
There I go again. Stop thinking about him. Enough.
“He’s a man whore, a man whore, a man whore—”
“Who’s a man whore?” Shreya asked me.
I winced. “Geez, don’t creep up on me like that!” I looked at her over my shoulder as I slammed my locker shut. “For all you know, I may be prone to heart attacks, and you’d be giving me one!”
She giggled. “Sorry about that.”
I leaned against my locker. “Apology accepted,” I said solemnly. “So. How did it go with Mateo? Did you have a good time?”
Her eyes glazed over, and a smile illuminated her whole face. “He’s amazing. He was super nice the entire time, and it turns out we like the same music and movies! So . . .” She rocked on her heels. “I may have invited him to go with me to see the new Marvel movie coming out this weekend.”
I gaped at her. “You did?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. Like, one moment we were laughing at some movie reference, and the next I asked him out. I was so nervous, but I thought ‘to hell with it’ and asked him. I basically told him it was my way of thanking him for bringing me home.”
I tilted my head to the side. “And he accepted?”
“Yep.”
Hmm. Could it be that Mateo’s icy, icy heart was beginning to thaw? Or maybe he thought they were going as friends?
“You’ve got guts, girl! So, what do you think? Is he into you? Did he show any signs?”
She smiled wistfully. “I can only hope! I mean, he took my hand when I lost my balance and helped me get inside the pirate ship. Also, at one point, he couldn’t stop looking at me, like really looking at me, and it felt as if he was trying to figure me out or something. He wouldn’t have done that if he weren’t interested, right?”
I grinned. “Keep going, keep going. Feed me all the details.”
She giggled. “And then when I . . .”
“You what?”
She scratched her neck. “You know, threw up. He didn’t tease me. He offered to take me home.”
“And how did that go?”
Her eyes shone with a dreamy twinkle. “Better than I would’ve thought. He’s really fun to spend time with. And he’s so hot.” She let out a small giggle and bit her lip. “I like him, Melissa. Like really, really like him.”
I grinned cheekily. “Then let’s keep our fingers crossed that the movie date will bring you even closer.” She nodded enthusiastically.
Masen, Blake, and Hayden stopped nearby with a group of their football friends, and tightness compressed my chest. Masen hadn’t noticed me yet, as he stood sideways to me, laughing at something one of his teammates had said. His words danced along the edges of my mind.
“I tell myself I’m going crazy for thinking about you all the time . . .”
A jolt of excitement hit my stomach. I met Shreya’s eager gaze. “Say . . . what did you like about Masen?”
“Masen?” She looked over to him.
“I mean, he’s a bully, and he only cares about sex and having fun,” I continued, but the moment the words were out, I knew they weren’t entirely true. He cared about his brother and sacrificed to help him. He wasn’t all that bad. But still, that wasn’t enough.
Shreya shrugged her shoulders. “I guess it’s the same old—I want to be the girl he’d change his ways for. Like, it would be so cool if, out of all girls, he fell for me? Plus, he’s super, super attractive.”
“So, it was all about his looks? Nothing other than that?” Surely, she could find at least some virtues. More virtues that would outweigh his flaws.
“I don’t know him all that well, but I always imagined that once you got to know him, you’d find out he’s a sweet guy who wou
ld buy you flowers and open doors for you.”
A sweet guy? Masen? I almost snorted at that.
“Why do you ask?”
Yes, Melissa Brooks, why do you ask? You’re supposed to give him a wide berth, remember? Not obsess over him.
“I’m just conducting a social study on human predators.”
She arched one of her perfectly shaped brows. “Mmmkay.”
But instead of dropping the subject, I went ahead and asked an even more stupid question. “And what’s he like during sex? Rough? Selfish? Cares only about his own pleasure?”
She giggled and bit her lip again, glancing covertly at him. “Hmm, he can be rough, but it’s a good kind of rough, you know?”
No, I don’t know, I wanted to say. The only kind of rough I know is the one that destroys your life and leaves you with fears and nightmares.
“And he’s really good at sex.” She leaned in and whispered, “I came three times that night!”
I grimaced. I didn’t like hearing about other girls having orgasms with Masen. At all.
“Are you also asking this for your social study on human predators?” she asked with an amused grin.
“No. This time it’s for a study on the nastiest cockroaches on Earth.”
She chuckled just as the bell rang. “Sure. I’ve gotta go. See you later.”
“Later.”
My skin prickled with awareness. I could feel Masen watching me as I turned to leave for my class, but I didn’t look back at him. I was already too invested in him as it was.
The night was dark and thickly quiet when I came out of my Krav Maga class and passed the car parts store on my way to the parking lot. Sarah hadn’t come tonight, because it was Hayden’s mom’s birthday, and they had gone out to celebrate it. She’d told me Hayden’s previously rocky relationship with his mother had started to improve; they were making slow but continuous progress.
The alley between the two buildings brought on more darkness and silence, but I was unaffected by this, more than ready to defend myself if needed. Just then, angry voices erupted nearby, and I went into high alert, my body preparing to kick ass.
“You thought we were joking around, huh? You didn’t take us seriously, but you will after tonight,” someone shouted. The voice was coming from an alley on the other side of the parking lot.
I took a few steps forward to confirm my suspicion that some poor guy had been cornered by some baddies, having already decided to take my baseball bat out of my car. I found what I’d expected, all right, but I hadn’t expected to see that Masen was the poor guy in question. The same guys from the school parking lot, along with two new guys, had gathered around him in a way that reeked of violence, and my heart lurched wildly against my ribcage. Two of them grabbed Masen and dragged him deeper into the alley.
Shit. Shit. Shit. They could kill him!
I had to help him, but the baseball bat wouldn’t cut it. Without giving it a second thought, I jumped behind the wheel, buckled up, and started the engine. I stomped on the gas pedal and swerved left, driving right into that alley as they started kicking his form on the ground from all sides. I floored the gas and drove straight at them.
They scattered the moment I smacked down on the horn, leaving Masen huddled on the ground. I lowered the passenger window as I came to a stop next to him.
“Get in!” I shouted.
His eyes widened when he saw me, but he didn’t waste time. Holding onto his stomach, he scrambled to his feet and rushed into my car. I stepped on the gas the moment he shut the door after him, tires screeching on the pavement as I tore out of the alley. I raced down the half-empty road, gripping the steering wheel with shaking hands.
My heart raced its own race. “They’re really persistent, aren’t they?” I commented, barely glancing at him before I passed the car in front of us.
He didn’t reply, and I looked at him. He was staring ahead with a frown marring his face and a hand clutching his stomach. He was breathing unevenly. He didn’t have bruises on his face, but I bet the same couldn’t be said for his abdomen. I checked the rearview mirror to see if they were following us.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You look as if you’ve been constipated for years.”
“If I’d have been constipated for years, I probably wouldn’t be alive to talk about it now.” I could see him glaring at me out of the corner of my eye as he snarled, “This was not your smartest move. Seeing this is the second time you’ve helped me, they may have you on their radar.” He wiped his bloodied mouth with the sleeve of his shirt.
“It was either that or them turning you into dog food. What were you doing there in the first place?”
“I came to pick up some parts for my car, but they popped up out of nowhere and ambushed me.”
“Why are they so obsessed with you? And don’t tell me it’s none of my business, because I’ve just saved your ass, you ungrateful baboon.”
He looked over his shoulder before he reached for the seatbelt. He winced when the belt pressed against his waist. “Where are you driving?”
“I don’t know. Around. So?”
He watched me for a long time, his breathing still ragged. I was surprised by my own uneven breathing, but also my reaction. For a moment there, I’d been absolutely terrified for him, which was a feeling that scared me and angered me in equal parts. I wasn’t supposed to care about him getting into trouble, especially since he’d brought this on himself, but my brain had already lost the battle when it came to Masen.
“There’s this big race. It’s the same race they talked about the other day.” I nodded, and he continued, “The prize is huge, so a lot of folks want their hands on it. I have a beef with that bald guy, Ryder. He wants me out of the race one way or another.”
“I see they were so desperate that they showed up at school in the middle of the day.”
“Yeah.”
“You must be a damn good racer, then.” I’d never paid attention to Masen during those times I’d visited the track. Steven had been my sole focus, making my stomach churn every time he’d made a wrong turn or ended up in a ditch, driving high. I’d always feared he would crash.
“Yeah,” Masen repeated, a hint of smugness coloring his voice. “One of the best.”
“And one of the most arrogant.”
“It comes with the territory.”
“And he keeps barking. I just don’t get it. If they’re obviously ready to do anything to get you out of that race, why don’t you give up on it? You’re going to breathe your last one of these days if this keeps up.”
“Is that worry I hear in your voice?”
“You wish. It’s just genuine curiosity.”
“Sure it is. I won’t quit, because that race is important to me, obviously. It’s the biggest race this year, and if I win—” He stopped abruptly.
“If you win . . . what?”
“Nothing.”
I glanced at him. The car interior was too dark for me to see him well, but it looked as though his cheeks were pink.
“Oh, come on! I just helped you. You can tell me.”
Our gazes met, and I could see he was debating on whether he could trust me or not. I couldn’t blame him, because I would feel the same in his position. We didn’t trust each other.
I felt a small pang in my chest at that. Trust. Did I really want to trust him?
His voice was quiet. “If I win, I can pay off all our bills and loans for Eli’s care.”
My chest constricted. I turned right at an intersection. “I see.”
“So, I won’t quit. I won’t let them win like this.”
“Even at the cost of your life?”
“It’s always been at the cost of my life. This time isn’t any different, but I don’t care. My family comes first.”
My heart dropped as the truth of those words settled in my mind. I’d always thought there was more to
Masen’s life in the gang besides his dedication to his family. I’d thought it wasn’t strictly because of necessity. But it was turning out to be all obligation, and nothing more.
He was sacrificing too much. He was ready to throw his own life away for his family.
Once more, I felt his long, intense stare on me, and only now I stopped to think how near we were to each other. The darkness in the car made this moment feel all too intimate.
“What are you looking at? Do I have a horn on my cheek?” I asked, my gaze fixed straight ahead.
“Why did you help me?”
I looked at him, and my breath faltered when I met his serious, dark gaze. I returned my attention to the road promptly. “I’ve decided to become a superhero and save the world, one person at a time.”
“So, you’ve decided to save villains first?”
I bit into my cheek. “I want to be original in all ways that count.”
“And you’re also lying, but I’m already used to that.”
I didn’t have an answer for that.
“Thank you for helping me.”
I parked my car near a convenience store and shut off the engine. I looked at him. “Now I know I’ve died and this is hell. Masen Brown is thanking Melissa Brooks—again? What has this world come to?”
He offered me a small smile. “Then I’m guessing you’ll have a heart attack now, because I’ll also say I’m sorry. Again.”
I watched him with narrowed eyes. “For what?”
“For yesterday. I pushed you too far.”
I didn’t answer. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked ahead, my pulse accelerating.
“There’s something I wanted to ask you,” he said.
“What?”
“Were you raped?”
The question was like several simultaneous punches to the gut. My vision blurred, and the pressure in my head and chest reached an alarming level as the old memories and feelings swarmed me. That word was a knife to my heart—a knife that sliced me deeper and deeper until I bled out in unimaginable pain. I never wanted to even think about it, yet it was hanging in the air, so final and dark.