Can't Break Me

by Abby Reynolds

  * * *

  When I stood in the locker room, I removed my shirt and examined my body in the mirror. My arms were large and swollen with muscle. My stomach was tight, and I had a noticeable V in the front. Ironically, I wasn’t the biggest guy in the league. In fact, I was on the slimmer side. But the dumb brutes didn’t know anything about anatomy and physiology. They spent more time and energy throwing a punch than I did, and by the time they made their move, I already made mine—twice. In other words, I was fast and precise. I caused a lot of damage.

  Adrianna came to my then placed her hand on my shoulder. “You’ll do great.” She gave me a nice smile.

  Adrianna was always just a friend. She was beautiful and sexy, but when she made her advances, I turned her down. If I couldn’t offer her a serious commitment, I didn’t want to mess with her. It would ruin our friendship, and that wasn’t worth it. And I didn’t want to hurt her.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “You aren’t nervous?” she asked incredulously.

  “Nope.”

  “Cocky asshole,” she said with a laugh.

  “You got that right.”

  Bran and Tony stayed in the locker room with me. They didn’t give me any pep talks, but they were always there for support. I appreciated it, despite the lack of necessity.

  “Scotty is almost here,” Bran said when he looked at his phone.

  “Scotty?” Tony asked.

  “That guy from the courts.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Tony said. “He’s cool.”

  I remembered him, but vaguely.

  “He said he’s interested in the sport,” Bran said. “He’s a pretty big guy. I think he’s serious.”

  “Well, I hope I don’t fight him,” I said. “Don’t want to discourage him.” I laughed at my own joke.

  Scotty came into the locker room wearing a gray T-shirt, jeans, and sandals. He looked like he belonged in San Diego. “What’s up?”

  Bran clapped his hand. “Glad you could make it.”

  Scotty greeted Tony. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  I grabbed my water bottle from the bench then took a drink. “Hey, man.”

  “Are you excited to win that twenty grand?” Scotty asked with a smile.

  Finally, someone who didn’t ask if I was nervous. He just moved up in the ranks of my friends. “Yep.”

  “You’re taking us out for drinks, right?” Bran asked.

  I looked at Scotty. “He’s only with me for the free booze and the girls.”

  “Why do you think I’m here?” he countered.

  I clapped his shoulder then laughed. “Stick around.”

  When the fight was about to begin, we left the locker room then approached the ring. My opponent was already in his corner, stretching and hopping on his toes. He was bigger than me, but I wasn’t worried about it. He was about to do a face-plant.

  “You better win,” Bran said. “I want some of the good stuff tonight. Not the cheap booze.”

  “Thanks for the support,” I said sarcastically.

  “No problem,” he said with a laugh. They took their spots directly alongside the ring. Adrianna stood next to Scotty and engaged him in conversation. I wondered if she’d found someone else to use her moves on.

  The referee blew the whistle, and the match began.

  I always held back until I knew what my opponent was capable of. After a few missed hits, I knew he was a mindless brute. He didn’t time his aims. He lashed out at me randomly, hoping to land a punch. He’d tire out soon.

  I took advantage of the open shots, getting single punches with incredible force. I drew blood every time.

  Ten minutes into the match, I knew the guy was tired and in pain. But I didn’t feel bad. I loved this. I took advantage of his momentary need for rest and demolished him. My fists bashed against his face, and then I aimed at his gut. He was on the floor, and I didn’t stop. I started to see red as my rampage set in. My need for blood lust couldn’t be sated by anything. The guy was clearly down, but I kept going. When two refs pulled me off, I stopped.

  “Back off,” the ref yelled. “You won. We get it.”

  I looked down at my gloves and saw the blood. I tossed them aside. The ref raised my hand and pronounced me the winner. I took my check and my friends out to the bar. After we had our celebration, I picked up a girl and took her home. After I fucked her brains out, I put her in a car and never saw her again.

  4

  Keira

  When Scotty picked me up the next morning for breakfast, I was embarrassed to see him.

  I got into the passenger seat then buckled my safety belt. “Hi,” I said without looking at him. “What did you do last night?”

  He didn’t drive forward. “Keira, we need to talk…”

  No. I just wanted to pretend nothing happened. “Not now, Scotty. Let’s just get breakfast.”

  “I can’t. You’re always sweeping things under the rug. Avoiding things isn’t going to help you.”

  I was sick of hearing that.

  He handed me a business card. “This guy is good. I think you should call him.”

  I looked at the card but didn’t take it. “Scotty, I’m fine.”

  “Some guy tried to ask you out, and you acted like he mugged you and held a gun to your head.”

  I felt the tears under my eyes. “Stop…”

  “No, I can’t. I’ve been babying you for too long. I know what happened to you was horrible, but it was a year ago. You need to put yourself back together and move forward.”

  “It’s hard…”

  He grabbed my hand. “I know. I’m here for you for everything. But we need to start improving.”

  I pulled my hand away and took the card. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can give you.”

  “Thank you.” He still didn’t drive.

  “Can we get breakfast now? I owe you a meal.”

  He smiled. “I got it. I know you’re poor.”

  “I am not,” I said.

  “You spend all your money on alcohol. If you weren’t so active, you’d have a huge beer belly.”

  He knew me too well. “I’m starving right now.”

  “Fine. I’ll let you change the subject—for now.”

  I smiled, knowing I won.

  * * *

  After we had breakfast, he drove back to my house. Instead of dropping me off, he came inside. The entire place was spotless because I always cleaned when I had panic attacks. Doing something so normal made me calm down.

  He sat down on the couch then turned on the flat screen. A basketball game was on, and we watched in companionable silence. Living alone was a constant battle. I hated sharing my space with other people because I had so many secrets, but without a roommate, I felt incredibly alone. There was only one person I’d want to live with.

  “Scotty?”

  “Hmm?” he asked.

  “How’s the apartment?”

  He shrugged. “It’s alright. Not much privacy when you’re living with three other guys.”

  “Well, I have two extra bedrooms…”

  He stopped watching the TV and looked at me. “You want me to live with you?”

  I shrugged. “It would give me some peace of mind.”

  He eyed me. “Is everything okay?”

  I shook my head. “I have nightmares…”

  He pondered my request. He rubbed his chin while he was in deep thought.

  “You can live here rent-free.” I hoped he would take the bait.

  “You don’t need to offer me that,” he said. “If you want me here, I’ll move in.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “I know you need me.”

  I cuddled next to him on the couch. “Thank you so much.”

  Scotty wrapped his arm around me. “You don’t need to thank me.”

  “But I do…I really do.” After I had my emotions under control, I pulled away. “So, what did you do last night?”

  “Are you still tryi
ng to change the subject?” he teased.

  “No.”

  “I went to a UFC fight. Then we went out for drinks.”

  “UFC fight?” I asked.

  “It’s when two guys fight in a ring. You’ve seen it on TV before.”

  “Oh. Why would you want to see that?” I asked.

  “A mutual friend was in the competition. Apparently, he’s the best of the best. I wanted to see for myself.”

  “Is he?”

  He nodded. “He’s fast. And powerful.”

  “Cool.” I guess. It sounded barbaric to me. “Prize money?”

  “$20K. This guy has made a substantial living for himself doing this. He’s rich.”

  “Cool.” I didn’t think that was very noble. Hurting other people for money? No thanks.

  He smiled. “Not your thing, I see.”

  “It shouldn’t be that surprising…” Especially to Scotty.

  “You aren’t going to get better if I avoid certain topics altogether. That’s not how life is. And you need to start living it.”

  I knew he was right. “Did you call that girl?”

  “No. When we went to the bar, I found a different one.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re gross.”

  He shrugged. “At least I’m honest about it.”

  “I guess…” I watched the game, not really seeing it. “When can you move in?”

  “I can start bringing my stuff tomorrow.”

  “Great.” I was relieved to have him in the house. Now I could sleep at night and not be scared all the time. Every time I heard a quiet noise, I sat up in bed and had a panic attack. I stayed awake all night, never moving. Only listening. Scotty was a strong man. He could protect me, physically and emotionally.

  My life had changed irrevocably. I would be broken for the rest of my days. Nothing could heal me. Nothing could make me forget. I lost all my friends because I pushed them away. Instead of going out on the weekends, I stayed home because it was safe. It was just better that way. I never went anywhere without Scotty. He was the only protection I had. He was the only person who knew what happened to me. And I wanted it to stay that way.

  5

  Keira

  One Year Earlier…

  Finn and I had sex on a regular basis. I tried to forget the night I gave myself to him. I considered breaking up with him because I felt so used and uncherished. But I never did. Since he was my first, I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to make it work. I knew I loved him…

  Our relationship changed the longer we stayed together. Since I was still in high school, I was still under the rules and regulations of my parents. They strongly disliked him Finn and forbade me from seeing him. But of course, I didn’t listen.

  “He’s trash,” my father said firmly. “He only has a high school diploma, and he’s never going to college. There is no future with him.”

  “You don’t even know him.” I turned to walk back to my room.

  My father grabbed me and pulled me back to him, making me face him. “I know him well enough. I see his type every day. He’s a waste of existence. My daughter deserves better than that.”

  I felt my tears burn. “I hate you.”

  My father’s eyes flinched in offense. “I don’t care. I will do what’s best for you.”

  I tugged away. “You just don’t want me to be happy.”

  “Pumpkin, that doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Yes, it does,” I screamed. “You want me to be alone forever.”

  “Once again, that’s not true. You will find the right guy for you. It’s not Finn.”

  I bolted to my door then locked it. I curled up in a ball under the covers and cried. My parents didn’t accept my love for Finn. Why couldn’t they just be supportive? My dad pounded on the door, but I ignored him. I cried until I fell asleep.

  * * *

  When I went to Finn’s after school the next day, the place was a mess. There were beer bottles everywhere, burned cigarettes, and trash all over the floor. He had another party on Tuesday. I couldn’t sneak out of my house every night, so I decided not to come. Besides, he said he didn’t want me there. For whatever reason.

  Finn was still slightly high. “Hey, baby.” He was sitting on the couch.

  “Had fun last night?” I sat beside him and ran my fingers through his hair.

  “It was awesome. There were so many people here, I could barely walk.”

  “Cool.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment. “What’s up with you?”

  “My parents are still being annoying.”

  “Why can’t your parents just get hit by a car and die?” The venom in his voice told me he was being serious.

  I thought that was harsh, so I didn’t say anything. In my heart, I knew they were just looking out for me. Sometimes, I wished they didn’t, but nothing would ever stop them from caring.

  “My dad left when I was five, and look at me. I’m fine. You don’t need them.”

  I looked around at his tiny apartment on the bad side of town. He didn’t seem fine. Finn worked at a laundromat and barely made more than minimum wage. I wasn’t sure how we would survive on that after we got married, but I still wanted to be with him anyway.

  He patted his pockets, searching for something. “I think I left my phone in my room. Get it.” The command in his voice made me flinch. I did as he asked.

  When I walked into his bedroom, I found the phone on his desk. But I also saw his unmade bed. There were condoms littered on the surface, and his trash can had a used one sitting in the bottom. A pair of earrings sat next to his phone.

  I felt the room spin as the pain started in my stomach. Finn always locked his room when he had people over. If anyone was in here, it was him. I started to cry, feeling overwhelmed with the knowledge.

  “What the hell are you crying about?” he yelled from the living room.

  I stilled at the anger in his voice.

  “Bring me my phone.”

  I walked in there slowly, letting my tears fall.

  “What? Is it because I said something mean about your parents? Get over it, Keira.”

  I sniffed. “I saw the condoms on your bed. And the earrings…” I headed toward the door. “How could you do this to me? I loved you.”

  He jumped off the couch and grabbed me. “Baby, that wasn’t me.”

  “You never let anyone in your room.”

  “Well, I was wasted and high last night. I let Bud in there.”

  I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not.

  “You really think I would do that to you?” he asked incredulously.

  “No…I don’t know.”

  He glared at me. “I’m offended you even assumed that.”

  “Well, you never bring me around your parties or your friends.”

  “Because you’re a minor,” he snapped.

  “But you still have sex with me.” I raised my voice, feeling my anger.

  “Don’t yell at me!” He got in my face then pushed me hard. My back hit the wall with a loud thud. “Don’t talk to me like that again. Do you understand me? I’m your man, so treat me with respect.”

  I shook under the intensity of his anger.

  “Look at me!”

  I finally did. Then he slapped me across the face. I was winded by the force. My skin burned and turned red under the slap of his hand. My lungs stopped for a moment in time, too shocked to breathe. I cupped my face then let my tears fall.

  “Don’t cry. It didn’t hurt.”

  I reached for the door, but he grabbed me.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Let me go!” I pushed him off.

  He grabbed my hair and yanked me to him. I screamed because it hurt. “If you walk out that door, we’re done.”

  “Good!”

  He shoved me hard against the door. “Then go! You’re a fucking cunt, anyway.”

  I thought he loved me, but now he was treating me like garbage. I l
eft the apartment then ran down the road. Schoolkids passed me, seeing the tears fall down my face. I couldn’t go home, so I went to the park. There were strange characters around and I felt uncomfortable, so I kept going.

  I stopped down the street from my house and bawled my eyes out. I didn’t understand what went wrong with Finn. He never hit me like that. I still felt the burn of my cheek. I thought he loved me. What went wrong? Did I cause this? Was it because I accused him of cheating on me? Maybe I shouldn’t have done that…

  After I stopped crying, I finally went home. I told my parents I didn’t feel well then barricaded myself in my room. I finally fell asleep and was awoken by the sound of a vibration. My phone was ringing.

  I looked at it and saw Finn’s name. I knew I shouldn’t answer it. I decided not to. He left a voice mail, and I debated listening to it or just deleting it. A text message popped up before I could decide anything.

  Please talk to me. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.

  Those were the words I secretly wanted to hear. He made a mistake and wouldn’t do it again.

  I love you.

  And I wanted to hear that too. We seemed to be so happy a year ago. I just wanted to feel that way again.

  Baby, talk to me.

  With a shaky hand, I called him. I tried to be quiet so my parents wouldn’t hear me. “Hi…”

  “Hey,” he said with a relieved voice. “I’m sorry about today. It won’t happen again.”

  “Promise?” I whispered.

  “I promise, baby. You’re still mine, right?”

  “I’ll always be yours.” As soon as he crawled back to me, I couldn’t resist him. When he was sweet and romantic, it made my heart flutter. I felt like I belonged somewhere. He loved me.

  “Come over tomorrow.”

  “Okay.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I whispered.

  We hung up. I held the phone to my chest, feeling happy and elated. Finn just made a mistake. He wouldn’t do it again. And slapping me wasn’t that bad… I decided to just let it go.

  My door burst open, and my dad came in wearing his PJs.