Can't Break Me

by Abby Reynolds

  I wanted to be more than just friends. I’d wanted that the moment we met. But I couldn’t rush her, and I didn’t want to mention it and push her away. Keira was a delicate creature, and every move I made could bring us closer together or destroy us. But I knew I really liked her if I was willing to make such an effort. That wasn’t me. When I hit on a girl, if I didn’t get her in the sack in the five minutes, I moved on to someone else. But I spent two months with Keira just to get a date.

  I wasn’t sure why I liked her so much. I was attracted to her beauty, which was hypnotic and breathtaking, but I was drawn to the person she was. When she was calm and happy, she was a joy to be around.

  But I recognized the same hurt in her that I carried. She and I were the same. I wasn’t sure how I knew that, but I did. If she opened up to me, I would open up to her. And we would realize how similar we were.

  All in all, I knew I wanted Keira. And I’d do anything for a chance.

  * * *

  When I was having lunch with Bran at the tables on campus, Scotty joined us.

  “Hey,” Scotty said as he embraced us.

  “What’s up?” I said.

  “Just got out of class,” he said. “What’s new with you?”

  “I’m twenty grand richer,” I said.

  “Congratulations,” Scotty said. “Sorry I missed it. I couldn’t get off work.”

  “It’s cool,” I said.

  Scotty turned toward me. “Can I talk to you for a second—in private?”

  “Sure.” I suspected this was about Keira. I left the table and walked a few feet away. Bran watched us but kept his silence.

  When we were alone, I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for Scotty to speak.

  “I wanted to talk about Keira.”

  “What about her?”

  “Are you…into her?”

  I smiled. “You think I’d hang out with a girl for two months and not being into her?”

  He nodded. “That’s what I thought. Well…she’s not the kind of girl you would normally go out with—if you catch my meaning.”

  “I realize that.”

  “She doesn’t sleep around.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I know Keira pretty well. This isn’t new information to me.”

  “Then you’ve probably realized something is off with her.”

  “Unfortunately.”

  “Just don’t fuck with her, okay?”

  “Fuck with her?” I asked incredulously. “You see me all the time. Have I slept with anyone since I met her?”

  “I don’t stick my nose in your personal life.”

  “Well, I haven’t. I’ve been very patient with her and have shown her nothing but respect. Believe me, I wouldn’t invest this much time if she weren’t important to me.”

  He nodded. “Okay. I just don’t want her to get hurt. I can’t afford it.”

  I thought it was an appropriate time to ask about Keira. “What happened to her?”

  Scotty looked away. “You’ll have to ask her.”

  Loyal cousin, like always. “Now can I ask you something?”

  “What?”

  “Am I wasting my time with her? Is she never going to open up to me?”

  Scotty shifted his weight. “Honestly, I can’t answer that. But I hope she does.”

  “Does she talk about me?”

  “Only in a friendly way,” he answered.

  I was disappointed in the response. “You don’t have to worry about me hurting her. It’s the other way around.”

  Scotty crossed his arms over his chest. “I guess that’s how I would prefer it.”

  Me too.

  * * *

  We headed to La Jolla to go surfing for the day. We left really early in the morning. We piled into my truck then made the short drive to the oceanside.

  Keira was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, but I saw the strings of her bikini underneath. The pervert deep inside me hoped she would take off her clothes when we surfed. I wanted to see her body.

  It was getting harder for me to deny my desire for her. I hadn’t thought of her in a sexual way beforehand, but she was too beautiful for me to ignore. My natural manly desires came to the surface when she was around. I imagined kissing her, feeling her lips against mine. I wanted to feel my palm against her bare skin. My thoughts continued in a never-ending spiral.

  We parked at the beach then headed to the sand. After we laid out our towels and our coolers, we got ready to get into the water.

  “You coming?” I asked.

  “I’m scared to surf,” she said.

  “Why?” I pulled off my shirt and studied her face. Her eyes immediately lingered on my chest and stomach. I was pretty sure she liked it. And that made me feel good.

  “I guess I’m scared to drown. I like to boogie board—it’s safer.” She patted her board.

  “I can surf with you. I’ll be there the whole time.”

  “It’s okay,” she said quickly.

  “Okay,” I said. “Need anything before I go?”

  “No. But be safe.”

  “Always.” I winked at her then headed to the ocean. Bran, Tony, and Scotty were already in the water. We paddled out to the bigger waves then waited for the right one to ride. I kept glancing at the beach to make sure Keira was okay. She sat on the towel and watched us.

  Several waves passed, and we never found the right one.

  “So, are you two together or what?” Bran asked.

  I’d been getting this question a lot. She and I spent a lot of time together. It was a natural assumption, and one I didn’t want to deny. “Yes, on my part.”

  “Huh?” Bran asked.

  “For all intents and purposes, we are together,” I said. “She’s mine.”

  Bran raised his hands and laughed. “I was just wondering, man. I wasn’t trying to steal your lady friend.”

  I splashed water in his face. “You better not.”

  “You’re scared because you know I could do it,” Bran said.

  I pushed his shoulder, and he fell in the water. Tony and Scotty laughed.

  When the right wave finally arrived, we paddled into the water then jumped on our boards. We all went different directions as we let the waves guide us. I finally crashed then swam back out to sea. When I sat on my board, I looked at Keira. But she wasn’t sitting on her towel. She was gone.

  I panicked then searched for her on the shore. Then I saw her. She was wearing a yellow string bikini, her wet hair sticking to her neck and shoulders. She was boogie boarding near the beach. She fell off then grabbed the board again. A perfect wave arrived, but I let it pass. I was hypnotized by her.

  Her stomach was lean and flat, a perfect hourglass around her hips. Slender and toned, her legs were dark and sun-kissed. Her arms were sculpted and cut, like she used them often. She was smiling while she tried to catch another wave. And the look made me smile. She was so beautiful. The color of her bikini perfectly highlighted her skin tone. I wanted to touch her.

  I forced myself to look away and concentrate on finding the right wave. When I found it, I rode it to the shore. We spent the next hour hitting the surf. When my eyes burned from the salt and I was exhausted, I headed back to the beach.

  Keira was still playing with her boogie board. Seeing her in the shallow water, riding the smaller waves, made me smile. She was so cute.

  There was that word again. Cute.

  “Having fun?” I asked.

  She flinched when I came beside her. “Oh, yeah.” She immediately pulled the board in front of her body, shielding her beautiful curves from view. And that stung. I thought she trusted me. I turned around and walked back to our towels.

  After I sat down, I dried off and looked at my feet. Keira came back and immediately pulled her clothes on. I didn’t look at her.

  The guys were still on the water, and I concentrated on them.

  She sat beside me then put her sun hat on. “Is everything okay?”

  I didn’t w
ant to be angry, but I was. “I thought you trusted me.”

  “I do…”

  “Then why do you hide from me?”

  “Oh. I just…I’m uncomfortable.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I just am.”

  I decided to drop it.

  She lay back and placed the hat over her face.

  I was hurt. She and I had made so much progress. It shouldn’t matter if she was barely clothed. I still wouldn’t hurt her or disrespect her. I just wanted her to be mine. Was that so much to ask?

  When I realized I was being an ass, I let it go. I knew I had to be patient. Getting upset would get us nowhere.

  The guys came back then dried off.

  “We’re going to head out,” Bran said.

  “Okay.” I looked at Keira and realized she’d fallen asleep. I turned back to him. “I’ll catch you later.”

  “Cool.” They grabbed their stuff and left.

  I opened the large umbrella we brought and pitched over Keira and me. I didn’t want her to get sunburned, and I couldn’t put sunscreen on her. I lay beside her and watched her. The hat covered her face, but I still stared at her.

  I eyed her hip, remembering the way the bikini clung to her. The curve of her waist against her hip was mesmerizing. I wanted to pull the swimsuit down and kiss the area, tasting her. I wanted to hear her moan while I touched her. When I imagined going further below, I halted the thoughts. I couldn’t go there… I adjusted my shorts and tried to think of other things.

  Hours passed, and Keira still slept. I wondered if she hadn’t slept well last night. I didn’t want to disturb her. Even thought she was unconscious, it was still nice being with her. When she stirred, she sat up then pulled her hat off. She looked around and realized we were alone.

  “Where did everyone go?” she asked with a raspy voice.

  “They headed out a few hours ago.” I sat up on my elbow and looked at her.

  She ran her fingers through her now dry hair. “I can’t believe I fell asleep. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I like being at the beach.”

  She lay back down then felt her clothes. They clung to her body with moisture. “I’m freezing.”

  I grabbed my shirt and handed it to her. “Wear this. It’s dry.”

  “But I’ll get it wet.”

  I shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s just a shirt.”

  “Okay.” She pulled her clothes off, and I eyed her hip, my thoughts becoming sinister again. I internally rushed her so I wouldn’t have to look at it anymore. It was torture. She pulled my shirt on, and it stretched to her knees. Somehow, she looked even sexier wearing my shirt.

  Fuck.

  She lay back and sighed happily. “That feels better.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat then lay back. “Did you have fun boogie boarding?”

  “Yes. It’s less scary than surfing. And only a little shark can bite me.”

  “Well, you’re so small, a little shark can do a lot of damage.”

  “I may be small, but I put up a fight,” she said with a smile.

  I opened my backpack and handed her a bag of Skittles. “I got you something.”

  “I’m going to have so many cavities because of you.”

  “Your dentist will be happy,” I countered.

  “My insurance won’t.”

  She and I talked for the next few hours. Neither one of us wanted to leave. I could stay with her all day. She and I had been spending more time together, so seeing each other all day wasn’t odd for us.

  I turned my head and watched her close her eyes. She seemed so peaceful with me. She seemed happy. I wondered how she felt about me. Most women threw themselves at me as soon as we met. With Keira, I didn’t know what she wanted.

  I eyed her hand. Her fingernails were yellow. “Is yellow your favorite color?” I blurted.

  “Yes. How did you know?”

  “You nails and swimsuit are yellow.”

  She smiled. “I made that pretty obvious, didn’t I?”

  I looked at her hand again and felt my heart accelerate. I’d never been so nervous to hold a girl’s hand before, but I was terrified. I wanted us to move forward, but the action could easily push us back. But I thought the touch was appropriate. It was juvenile, even friendly. I decided to go for it.

  My hand slid to hers, and I interlaced our fingers.

  She took a deep breath but didn’t look at me. Her eyes flashed open.

  I liked touching her like this. I’d never held a girl’s hand—not since I was a teenager. My hold was tight but not gripping. She could pull away if she wanted to. But she didn’t. She kept it there.

  And I was happy.

  I breathed a sigh of relief and felt the faint pulse of her wrist against my hand. She was so small compared to me. I could crush her with a simple squeeze. We lay together for minutes, neither one of us speaking.

  Then she pulled away. “I need to leave…”

  Fuck. I scared her off. “Okay.”

  She stood up and packed her stuff without looking at me.

  I was heartbroken, but I hid it. After a sigh, I grabbed my stuff and headed back to the truck. Once I threw everything in the back, I opened the passenger door for her. She always gave me an odd look when I did it, like she didn’t understand what I was doing. But this time, she jumped inside and shut the door immediately.

  This was bad.

  I got into the driver’s side and saw her pull her knees to her chest. She looked out the window and refused to face me. After a shot of pain, I started the truck then drove back home.

  We sat in silence for the entire drive. I turned on the radio so it wouldn’t be so tense. But the fear she was emitting was too hard to ignore. Was my touch that repulsive to her? Why couldn’t she want me like all the other girls?

  When we arrived at her house, she jumped out and grabbed her stuff. She hauled ass inside. I didn’t bother getting out. I knew she just wanted to get away from me. Chasing her down wouldn’t accomplish anything. I’d spent enough time with her to understand her. The best thing I could do was give her space. In a few days, I’d try to work it out—again.

  * * *

  I called her five days later, knowing she would be home. If she didn’t answer, I’d call Scotty. She couldn’t hide forever, and I knew I’d given her enough time to give her a false sense of security.

  She answered on the fourth ring, the last one before voice mail. I knew she’d debated answering it for a long time. “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  Silence.

  “How are you?” I asked.

  “Good. You?”

  “I’ve been better.”

  She didn’t ask why. She knew exactly why I was hurting.

  “Can we talk?”

  “We’re talking now.”

  “In person.”

  “Um…”

  “Please come over.”

  That made her panic. “I have to…”

  “Please,” I said. “I just want to talk—that’s it.”

  Two minutes of silence passed. A normal person would assume she wasn’t on the phone, but I knew Keira better than anyone. She was debating with herself—over and over. “Okay.”

  I thought I would have to work harder to get her to agree. “Great. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Yeah.” She hung up.

  An hour later, her Toyota pulled into my driveway. I was watching from the front window.

  When she came to the door, I opened it before she could knock. “Hey. Thanks for coming.” I invited her in.

  Slowly, she stepped inside. She fidgeted with her hands and looked at everything in the house like she’d never been there before. I hated seeing the fear on her face. What the hell happened to her? “What’s up?” she asked with a weak voice.

  I put my hands in my pockets. She was always calmer when I did. “I want to talk about us.”

  Her eyes flashed at the topic.

&n
bsp; “I know you said you just wanted to be friends and I said the same, but I don’t feel that way anymore. I want something more, Keira. I really like you. I love being with you. You make me happy.”

  She took a deep breath but didn’t speak.

  “And I know you feel the same way.”

  Keira didn’t deny it.

  “I’ve worked really hard to earn your trust. I’ve been patient with you every single day. But now I’m tired of waiting. I want you, Keira. I want you to give yourself to me, to really trust me, and have a relationship with me. I don’t want anyone else, and you don’t want anyone else. So please, be mine.”

  She still didn’t speak.

  “If you don’t want that, I accept it. We can be friends, and I’ll never touch you again. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. But I don’t want to pretend I don’t have feelings for you, because I do. Strong feelings.

  “I’ll take care of you, protect you, and give you whatever you want.” I fell silent, knowing I’d said everything I needed to say.

  Keira crossed her arms over her chest, closing off from me.

  No. Please don’t reject me.

  “I…I don’t know.”

  I stepped forward, getting close to her. “What don’t you know about? You like me, right?”

  After a moment of stoicism, she nodded.

  “You trust me?”

  She nodded again.

  “Then be mine.”

  “I…I’m just not ready to be physical with someone.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” I said quickly. “We’ll take this as slow as you want. I don’t expect anything out of you. I’ll wait forever for you. That’s not a problem.”

  “But…you seem a lot more experienced than I am.”

  “So?” I whispered. “That doesn’t mean you need to meet my level.” I took a giant risk and cupped her face with my hands, looking into her eyes. “I want only what you’re willing to give. I’ll never take something that isn’t offered freely. Okay?”

  “Okay…”

  I pressed my face close to hers. “Is that a yes?”

  She still didn’t speak.

  “Keira, I’m a really good guy. Scotty wouldn’t let you spend so much time with me if I didn’t have his approval. And I promise, I’ll make you really happy. Please, please trust me.”