Back to Shore (Meade Lake Series Book 1)

by Taylor Danae Colbert

  “So,” I say, and he looks over to me, “what was she like?”

  The fact that Derrick mentioned that Ryder and Maura were meant to be somehow burns my insides. Because once upon a time, I thought Ryder and I were.

  When I was sixteen, I would have told you I loved him. When I was seventeen, I would have said he was my soul mate, the direct correlation to my being in this universe. We were cosmic.

  But when I was eighteen, I would have said I hated him. I would have said I wished he had never been born so that I could selfishly spare the heartache he caused.

  He smiles as he washes the salad bowl.

  “She was amazing,” he says. “She had this crazy zest for life. She was an artist. She could walk up to anybody and get them smiling.”

  I’m smiling just hearing about her.

  “She sounds great,” I say.

  “How about your husband?” he asks. “Must have been a real dope to lose ya.”

  I look up at him, and he gives me this playful smile as if to say takes one to know one.

  I smile back at him, and I feel my cheeks flush.

  I think about Luke. He was my light, my laugh, my home.

  “He’s...he’s incredible, actually. He didn’t lose me. Actually, I think I lost him,” I say matter-of-factly. It feels weird to divulge this to him, but Ryder has a way of getting the information that should make me feel the most vulnerable and turning it on its head to make me feel stronger than before.

  He nods, and I feel the air between us get a little bit cooler. We finish up, and I dry my hands on the towel and hang it back up.

  “Well, thanks for dinner,” I say, grabbing my keys off the counter.

  “Hang on there,” he says, leaning back against the counter. The way his arm muscles bulge when he crosses them over his chest makes me look away. “Don’t I get a letter tonight?”

  Oof. Given the nature of tonight’s conversation, I was going to hold back tonight.

  “We can do it another time, if you want,” I say with a shrug. He smiles and takes a step closer to me. I look up at him, and I have this urge to get closer.

  “I like that there’s going to be ‘another time,’” he says, “but I think I can handle one tonight. Even though they aren’t the, ah, most pleasant things to read, I kinda like getting a little glimpse of the Mila I missed out on.”

  I smile and bend down to grab my book out of my bag that sits on the floor. As I stand, I feel his eyes on me, scanning me, and I love the way I feel under his gaze.

  I turn around, open my journal, and flip to the next entry I had saved for him. I tear it out and hand it over.

  Ryder,

  I met a guy tonight. And I have this weird feeling about him.

  It’s sort of like the feeling I had when you first told me you liked me. Except that now I’m twenty-one, and it’s a little bit more grown-up. We were both at a friend’s house off-campus for a small get-together. Everyone else got drunk, but we stayed out on the patio all night just talking.

  He’s supposed to call me tomorrow. He was sweet, and kind, and funny. Like you.

  I really liked him. I really LIKE him. But for some idiotic reason, when he went to kiss me goodnight, I half-expected you to be standing there when I opened my eyes.

  And I hate that.

  Mila

  I watch his eyes scan over the letter, and I see the pain beneath them rising to the top. He reads it again and then looks up to me.

  “Is this the guy?” he asks. I nod.

  “Yeah. Luke,” I say. I look down at my pad then rip out the next letter.

  “Two-for-one?” he says with a smile. I look down at the letter in my hand, and it starts to shake. The nerves. This one cuts me open like a damn knife. And the worst part is, I know it’ll do the same to him, too. I hand it over.

  Ryder,

  It’s my wedding day. I’m literally sitting in the bridal suite. I’ve got my hair done, my makeup on, my dress is zipped. I’ve got a million and one people around me, and all I can do is think about my brother. And how he’s supposed to be here, walking me down the aisle.

  When I was sixteen, I thought he’d lead me down the aisle to you. You two would do that weird bro-hug thing you always did, and he’d probably tell you some inappropriate joke at the altar.

  But neither of you are here.

  And now I have this amazing man waiting for me inside this church, smiling, thinking about all that our future holds. Waiting to tell me I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.

  And he has no idea that I’m sitting here thinking about you.

  How badly I wish I wasn’t.

  Mila

  He folds the note up and sticks it in his back pocket. He takes another step closer to me, and I hold my breath. I remember how intoxicating his scent used to be to me. There’s no room for that right now.

  “Oh, Mila,” he whispers. “I know you were the most beautiful bride.”

  I lift my eyes to his slowly, and I can feel that familiar weakness, my senses going numb to the situation around me. I take a step back.

  “Goodnight, Ryder,” I say.

  10

  I’m lying in my bed at the inn, staring up at the ceiling. There’s dark-green-and-red striped wallpaper everywhere, and it’s making me dizzy. I’m so concentrated on it that I can’t sleep. Or maybe I can’t sleep because, earlier tonight, I wanted to kiss Ryder Casey.

  The guy who killed my brother.

  Jesus, I think I need to get laid or something.

  And not by Ryder. Just in general. He shouldn’t have this much power over me after all this time. He shouldn’t be able to make me forget so easily.

  I roll over and close my eyes, hoping that his face isn’t the last one I see before I actually doze off.

  The next morning, I’m up with the sun again. I drive into town and stop in at a little coffee shop. It must be new-ish to Meade Lake. It wasn’t here when we were still coming.

  “That’ll be seven-oh-six,” the barista says to me. As I reach into my wallet and pull out my debit card, I stare down at the name.

  Mila Boughman.

  Boughman. As in, Luke Boughman’s wife.

  Ex-wife.

  I pay for the coffee and donut I got and walk outside. I hear laughing and cheering up the street a little ways, and it’s coming from Big Moon Sports.

  I remember what he told me—that they were always looking for workers.

  I don’t have to go home at any certain time.

  I could suck it up and eventually stay in the lake house so that I don’t need to use Luke’s money to pay rent.

  I could stay in Meade Lake for a while, if I wanted.

  But do I?

  I walk down Lakeside Highway and cross the street at a crosswalk.

  The store is huge with big windows that look out over the water. There looks to be more rafts and tubes displayed outside than there were the other day, and even more hanging on the walls inside. There’s a huge line wrapped around the inside of the store again with people waiting to check out, but no one seems pushy or in a rush. Some people are looking through the clothing racks; others are checking price tags on sunglasses. Ryder is at the front desk, handling the massive crowd with ease. He’s smiling and talking to the customers, offering restaurant recommendations to the vacationers for later. I slip around to the side of the desk where I see a sign that reads Applications. I snag one and a pen from the cup next to it then slink to the back of the store.

  I take a breath as I fill it out. I haven’t applied for a job in a long time. I was with my last company for almost eight years, working in the accounts payable department. But then it got stale. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled. I was losing my love for numbers. So I left and didn’t look back.

  I fill it out and turn back to the front of the store. As I make my way back up, I notice a slew of teenage girls patiently waiting for Ryder to give them the safety run-down of using kayaks. They each have on a different neon-colored biki
ni top, their hair with those perfectly tousled summer waves. They are batting their eyes and leaning further than necessary across the counter in his direction.

  “Once we’re done here, you’ll take this slip down to the dock across the street, and Derrick will get you fitted for a life vest,” he tells them.

  “Oh, you don’t do that here?” one asks while the others giggle around her. I can’t even blame them. When I was their age, Ryder was all I saw, too.

  I clear my throat behind them, and they whip their heads around to me. They straighten up like they’ve been caught. Ryder smiles.

  “Hey,” he says to me, and it’s like no one else in the store even exists.

  “Hey,” I say back. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “Nope, we’re all good here. Here’s your slip, ladies. Enjoy!”

  They shoot me the stink eye as they walk past, and I can’t help but smile.

  “Quite the fan club,” I say with a chuckle, but he smiles and shrugs it off.

  “So, what can I do for you today, ma’am?” he asks, leaning across the counter on his elbows.

  I slap the application down on the counter between us. He looks down at it, registers what it is, then looks back up to me.

  “You’re hired,” he says, one corner of his lips tugged up into the most perfect half-smile.

  “You’re not even gonna check my experience? Call a reference?” I ask, smiling playfully back at him. He shakes his head.

  “Nah. I knew a girl like you once. If you’re anything like her, I think you’re good,” he says. My smile fades a little bit. I don’t know if I’m really anything like that girl he used to know.

  Finally, the rest of the crowd in the store disperses for a bit, and it’s just him and me.

  “If you want, I can show you the ropes,” he says. I nod. He walks me around, showing me where everything goes. He walks me to the counter again and explains the check-out process, the different rental packages, and how much everything costs.

  Then, we walk up the big staircase toward the backside of the store, and he walks me inside a massive storage room filled with boxes, and plastic, and tubes, and paddles.

  “Whoa,” I say.

  “Yeah. It’s a mess in here,” he says. “But this is where we have all our stock of everything. We try to take inventory once a week.”

  I nod.

  “Got it,” I say.

  “After the lunch rush comes and goes, Derrick and I will switch, and I’ll go down to the docks. You can join me, and I can show you how everything down there works.”

  I nod again.

  We’re walking around the store, tidying things up, and then another big crowd of people comes bursting in the doors. Rental times are three-hour shifts, so Ryder explained that they come and go like this throughout the day. Finally, the crowd dissipates again, and Derrick comes up from the water.

  “Hey!” he says.

  “Meet our new employee,” Ryder says, not lifting his head from the paperwork he’s filing. Derrick looks at me, eyebrows knit together.

  “What?” he asks. I smile and shrug.

  “I’m around for a little while,” I tell him.

  “Or maybe longer,” Ryder says from the counter, and we both turn to him. His eyes are wide, and I realize he didn’t mean to say it out loud. We don’t say anything; we just stare at each other for a moment. Derrick clears his throat and walks to the front.

  “Well, I can take over up here,” he says, and Ryder nods.

  “Cool, I’ll show her the ropes down there.”

  I follow him out the doors and across the street to a big set of rickety wooden stairs. If I took one misstep—which I am prone to doing—I’d be face first into the lake.

  There’s a big dock with a shed at the end of it. Inside is a rack of life vests, all varying in size, and a few file folders.

  “So, here’s where we collect their payslips, see what they’re renting, and hand out the life vests,” he says. I nod. This is really a well-oiled machine he and Derrick are running here. In another life, I think I’d be really proud of him.

  Maybe I’m a little proud of him in this life, too.

  “To make sure they have the right size, have them try it on.” He looks at me and holds one up. “May I?” he asks.

  It takes me a moment to realize he wants to put one on me. I pull my hair up in a bun and nod.

  I slip my arms through the holes and zip it in front. Then, he reaches over and tugs the zipper up.

  “Make sure the zipper is all the way up and all three clips are secure,” he says. I nod. “Then, grab the shoulder straps and give a little tug upwards. If the straps go past their ears, it’s too big.”

  We both freeze for a moment, realizing how close we are. The shed smells like lake water and sunblock, but his scent is the only thing I can concentrate on. The shed rocks with a big wake, and we stumble a bit. He steadies me, and our eyes meet.

  “Got it,” I finally say.

  A few people come down with their slips, and I help Ryder find the right sizes for them. Out on the dock sit two chairs. As we walk toward them, a flock of jet skis fly by us, sending another huge wake our way. Before I manage to reach my chair, I’m wobbling. No, wait.

  I’m falling.

  Off the dock.

  Into the water.

  I pop my head up out of the water, looking around. Ryder is right in front of me, his arm lowered down into the water.

  “You okay?” he asks. I swim up to the side of the dock and grab hold of him. With one quick movement, he pulls me up and back onto the dock. I nod and start to laugh. He does too, until he looks down and quickly stops. He looks away, his cheeks flushing with red.

  I look down, and suddenly I want to jump back in the water and never come out.

  Because of course I wore a white tank top.

  Without thinking, he grabs my arm and pulls me across the dock into the shed. He closes the door behind us and turns around. He lifts the bottom of his blue Big Moon Sports polo up over his head and hands it to me.

  “Here,” he says. My eyes scan his body quickly, soaking it all in. There was a time when I could picture it from memory, every freckle, every peak and valley of his muscles. Now they’re bigger, firmer. I remember kissing his chest and neck, inhaling so deeply in hopes of carrying him with me everywhere I went.

  I remember crashing into him, fists full of rage and pain and love and lust, pounding against him.

  I take the shirt, and he slips quietly out the door, like the gentleman he’s always been, leaving me to change in privacy.

  I slip my wet shirt up off over my head then pull his on. It’s warm against my cool body, and I steady myself as his scent wraps around me.

  I walk back out, rolling the bottom of the huge shirt up a little bit.

  “Looks better on you, anyway,” he says with a smile as he waves a boat renter in.

  “Thanks for this,” I say. “I’ll wash it and bring it back.”

  He smiles.

  “No worries,” he says. “I have a million of those. I’ll have Derrick throw me down a new one once this crowd gets back in.” I nod. “So, you’re gonna be here for a little while?”

  I look at him, and I can see the hope in his eyes.

  I don’t know what he wants from me; it’s not like he’s waited for me all these years. But maybe it’s that he wants to be forgiven as badly as I want to forgive him.

  “Yeah, I think so. Open-ended, I guess,” I say.

  “Cool, well, promise you’ll give me two weeks’ notice?” he says with a smile. I smile and nod.

  “Promise.”

  11

  Then, Summer Before Junior Year

  A few hours of fishing pass, and I’ve caught three sunfish. Ryder helped me free them, and then we celebrate when he catches a bass. He tosses it back and rises to his feet.

  “You wanna head into town? We could meet up with your brother,” he says. I look up at him. The sun is starting to
go down now, but I don’t want this day to end.

  “And watch him fall on his ass with that girl? Sure,” I say. He laughs and pulls me up to him. He grabs my pole and the tackle box, and we start back down the path toward his truck.

  “That was fun,” I say, thinking out loud. He smiles down at me.

  “Well, we have all summer,” he says with a shrug.

  “All summer,” I say, counting down the days that we still have left. This morning, I was almost hoping for time to pass. Now, I want it to slow down so that we’re in Meade Lake as long as possible.

  We drive to O’Murray’s, and before I can even get out, Ryder’s on my side of the truck, opening the door. He helps me down, and we walk in stride together down the steps and onto the restaurant patio.

  “Casey!” a voice calls from the back corner. A group of kids that all appear to be around our age are waving in our direction.

  “Ryder Casey, where you been?” says one, a handsome black guy perched up on the patio railing.

  On the side of the group sits a pouting Chase. In the middle of the group sits a beautiful girl, perched between the legs of another one of the guys, smiling up at him like he holds the whole world there.

  “Hey, Luna, hey Daniel,” Ryder says.

  “Hey,” they say back in unison. I almost laugh. Chase is used to being the big man on campus at home. Looks like he just struck out.

  But he perks up when he sees me, and I brace myself for his reaction.

  “Hey, guys, this is Mila,” he says, holding a hand out to me. I step forward, and he places it on the small of my back. I feel my whole body tense under his touch.

  “Hi,” I mutter, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

  “We were fishing,” he says.

  “Fishing?” Chase asks, stepping forward.

  “You know her?” one of the other girls asks. Chase nods.