Tainted

by Kallie Mathers

  Once the legal bullshit had been dealt with again, Mia spiralled. She was continuously strung out on whatever substances she could get her hands on. Hell, when we hired a shrink to come out to the house, she felt we’d betrayed her.

  That night she sent me away, and I had to honour her wishes, however little did I know it would be the last time I was to see her for many months to come.

  Chapter Two

  Carter - Past

  The next morning when I showed up to the house after being kicked out the prior evening, I was met with a frantic Chase.

  “What’s going on?” I questioned as I stood just inside the front doors.

  Chase ran his hands through his hair, clearly frustrated. “She’s gone.”

  My stomached dropped. “What? Where did she go? We need to bring her back. She isn’t in the right frame of mind to be out there on her own dealing with the emotions that have taken over her life!” I needed an answer. Hell, she could have been on the other side of the world, it wouldn’t have mattered, I would have immediately hopped on a plane to bring her home, where she belonged.

  “I have no idea where she’s gone. I don’t even know how long she’s been gone. If we don’t find her, she’ll be dead soon.”

  My eyes closed, I knew he was right. “I guess we start by calling her,” it was all I could come up with.

  “I’ve tried, numerous times to no avail. She’s off the damn grid. I even tried using the Find My Phone App, but her phones switched off. Other than that, I haven’t got much to go on.

  “I can’t believe she picked up and left. Do you think she’ll take a few days to herself and then return home?” Please

  say yes. I can’t live without her.

  “I want to tell you she’ll be back, but she’s pretty messed up, emotionally. She has been for some time. I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen next.

  ***

  For another week, we still hadn’t heard a peep from Mia and the cops were beyond useless. They told us that because she’d just turned eighteen, there wasn’t much they could do, but we were welcome to file a missing person’s report the next week if we still had gained no information.

  Eventually, Mia did call Chase, but she refused to give away her location because she knew we would come to get her. She was good. She used burner phones to call him, but I couldn’t help but feel abandoned.

  From the moment we met, we were inseparable, went everywhere together. We were the perfect couple, at least that’s what I thought.

  Having to go through life feeling incomplete, left me dealing with my own depression. My general practitioner thought it would be a good idea to put me on a mild does of anti-depressants. The first few days were tough. I suffered from migraines and nausea. But they did help lift my mood.

  Needing a distraction, I threw myself into my work. And instead of staying an employee of a faceless corporation, I built my own empire.

  I’d always been good with computers, so I began building them. I built them, and I also patented my designs, and it took off faster than I could keep up with, so I had to up my game.

  Withing the first six months, I owned four retail stores and I also sell hundreds of thousands of dollars with of products online. Yes, I knew Mia was rich especially since gaining her inheritance, but I wanted to be the man that took control and provided for her when she did finally return.

  For thirteen months, I did everything I could think of to track Mia down, but it came to no avail.

  But one night, fifteen months after she disappeared, I received a frantic call from Chase.

  Present

  “Dude, it’s two in the morning. Is everything okay?” I asked as I rubbed my eyes.

  “I hired a private investigator a couple of months back. He found her. He found Mia!” He yells down the phone.

  Immediately I sit up. “You’re kidding. What do we do now?” Shit, this is the call I’ve been waiting to receive. The call that would tell me where the girl I would give my life up for, has been found.

  “She’s in New York. I’ll book us on the red eye. Get your ass over here!”

  “Will do. Be there soon,” I assured him, and I hung up the phone.

  Forgoing packing, because I figured it would only take up valuable time and I could buy what I needed while gone, I hopped into my black 1970 Chevy SS, and I broke every speed limit to get to Chase’s house.

  As I pull up to the gates, I spot him standing on the foot path. When the car is in park, he hops in. “Go! I managed to get us on a four AM flight. We need to get to the airport ASAP!” He snaps.

  The flight was frustrating, to say the least. Knowing I would see my love had me feeling on edge. I didn’t know how she’d react to us showing up, but it needed to be done.

  Chase hired a car at the airport after we landed, and when he typed the address to the motel the PI had given him, we made haste.

  As we pulled up to the motel, my heart ripped into pieces. The place was a junkie’s heaven. The pool was black, there was graffiti everywhere, and the local bums were sleeping on the ground beside the pool.

  Oh, and when we hopped out of the car, I almost threw up in my mouth from the intense smell of urine coming from the property.

  “He said she’s in room four and that she’s been here since leaving LA,” Chase explains as we approach her door.

  “I can’t believe she’s been living in this dump. She deserves so much more,” I sigh.

  “I know, but look around you, it would be the quickest place to buy drugs. She’s not stupid, Mia’s always been a step ahead of us even before she ran away.” Chase then reaches for the handle, and to our surprise, it turns.

  When we enter the room, my heart sinks. The room is a mess. There are empty alcohol and pill bottles scattered everywhere.

  “Shit! Mia, Mia, are you alive?” Chase calls in a panic as we approach her.

  Looking down, I can’t get over just how skinny she is. As much as I don’t want to admit it, she may need to go into rehab.

  “I’m not dead, just hungover,” she manages, but she doesn’t move.

  “For gods sakes. Why, why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Chase’s anger towards his sister surprises me. Chase usually keeps calm and collected when having to deal with her. But he would have to have spent the last fifteen months scared for his sister’s safety, I know I have.

  “How do we get her out of here? This place is a health hazard.” She can’t stay here. The room alone will kill her. The smell of mould and mildew was wafting up my nostrils.

  “What is ‘he’ doing here?” Mia snaps. My eyes close for a moment, and I try to keep my composure.

  “Just shut up so we can get you the hell out of this hell hole,” Chase snaps back. “Can you stand?”

  “I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t open my eyes. It hurts too much. It’s too bright.”

  “Take my hand, I’ll help you up.”

  Chase reaches down, and he tries to help her up, but she doesn’t try to help the situation. Mi’s clearly in denial. She never wanted to be found, but she will have to suck it up and get on with things before she drops dead on us.

  “Dude, take her other hand, she’s dead weight. Fuck, Mia!”

  “I’ve got her.” Moving to her side, I lean down, and I scoop her up in my arms and when I do her head flails about. “Shit, she passed out. We need to get her to the closest hospital, Chase.” My heart is thumping against my ribs, and fear bubbles within me.

  “Let’s go!”

  Mia

  Feeling somewhat rested, slowly, I open my eyes, and immediately, I’m set on alert when I see that I’m not in my motel room.

  Sitting up, I look around, and I see him.

  “Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” Carter asks in a whisper. Shit, I forgot just how sexy he was. He looks like he’s been hitting the gym. And here I am looking like a moron in a white, backless hospital gown. I can’t be here with him. I don’t deserve him. I’ll
never again deserve to be wrapped up in his perfect arms.

  My hands begin to both sweat and shake. “I need to leave,” I say as I avoid eye contact with him. If I look into his deep brown eyes, I know I’ll crumple into a million pieces. Pieces of a puzzle I can never put back together.

  As I go to climb off the bed, I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. “You need medical help, Mia. You’re malnourished, and you’re just skin and bones. Why, why did you do this to yourself? You deserve so much more from life,” I feel him beside me, and all I want to do is turn and walk into his warm embrace but I can’t. I can’t do that because I don’t deserve his sympathy. I don’t deserve his love, not after what I did. He doesn’t know what happened, but I do, and it was a betrayal of the deepest kind.

  As he tries to take me in his arms, I reach up and I push him away. “No! Get away from me! I don’t want you! I don’t want anyone. Why the he’ll couldn’t you have left me to rot in that motel room!” I scream at the very top of my lungs.

  “Stop degrading yourself, Mia. Fuck, you need to realise just how special...” but I don’t let him finish his sentence.

  Looking down, I see there’s a drip in my arm, so I rip it out. When I find my jeans folded on the chair beside the bed, I do what any normal person would do. I ripped off the gown and I proceeded to get dressed, but as I do, I hear Carter on the phone to someone, “Get your ass in here now!”

  Shit, he called Chase. I need to get gone before the guilt trip begins.

  While I pull in my shirt and begin the search for shoes, the door opens, and in walks Chase, wearing a pair of black faded jeans, along with a black t-shirt.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” He asks, clearly frustrated. Not that I can blame him. I’ve been a handful since my mother walked out on us. The poor guy thought it was his responsibility to look after me, it was a job he took seriously but I could see just how much it affected not only him but Carter too, hence why I up and left in the dead of night in a snap decision. I had no idea where I would go until I found myself at LAX.

  It wasn’t a conscious decision to move to the opposite side of the country, it was just the first flight out of there. Hell, if the earliest flight was to Afghanistan, I would have hopped on that one in a heartbeat. I just needed to get away from LA.

  Looking at my brother, I tell him, “I’m getting out of here, is what I’m doing. You can’t keep me hostage!”

  “Shit, Mia, we aren’t trying to keep you hostage, we’re just trying to keep you alive!” he runs his hand through his hair, something he does when he’s either frustrated or mad as hell.

  When I spot the phone by the bed, I pick it up and I begin dialling Stef’s number, luckily for me, she answers after the second ring.

  “Hello?” She says, sounding guarded.

  “Chase and Carter dragged me to the hospital! Come and get me, or I’ll get in a cab and disappear.” I know I’m being childish, but I don’t know what else to do.

  “Shit, what hospital are you in?”

  Looking around the room, I see the name on a plaque up on the wall above the bed. “Riverside Doctors’ Hospital Williamsburg. I’ll be out the front.” And I hang up the phone.

  “You need help, Mia. Fuck, you can’t spend the rest of your life high on drugs. I swear, if you try to leave here, I will tie you up and I’ll drag you into rehab. I’ll find the most secure rehab there is, one you can’t escape from. It’s about time you dealt with your past. Dealing with Jo upping and leaving us. With dad spending everyday up until he killed himself pining over a bitch. If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. Please?”

  Seeing the tears in his eyes, tugs at my heartstrings. “I don’t deserve your help or your pity, Chase. I’m a bad person. You think you know me, but you don’t. I’ve done bad things, things that can never be forgiven. Let me leave here without a fight.” A lump forms in my throat.

  If only they knew.

  “Please, let me walk out of here. Please,” I beg.

  Chase’s head drops. “I know I can’t keep you against your will but if you swear to me that you will stay with Stef and not in that motel hell hole, then I’ll let you go without a fight, but you must stay sober. You’re killing yourself. What the hell would I do if you died, Mia? Where does that leave me? I’ll tell you where, it leaves me dead right beside you. If you died, so would I.” The tears are now falling down his cheeks.

  Y poor brother. “I’ll stay with Stef. I won’t get into trouble. I just need some time to fix myself, to fix my life and it’s something I need to do myself, without help.” I’m lying through my teeth, but I hope to hell I’m putting on a fantastic act, to fool him into thinking I will do as I’ve said.

  Eventually, I was set free, but both Carter and Chase followed me to the front entrance of the hospital, and they didn’t move a muscle. I felt like I was on parade for their amusement. The sooner I’m gone, the sooner I can get back to getting wasted.

  As I stand on the sidewalk, waiting for Stef to arrive, I begin to feel uneasy, knowing Carter is so close my emotions overwhelm me.

  All I want to do is pull him to me and ravish his perfect body, but I know I can’t do that to him, I can’t give him a sense of hope. If only Carter knew what I’d been through, what I’ve done since being in New York. No, I can’t look at him knowing I betrayed him in a way I can never make up for.

  Carter deserves to find someone that will love him, that will care for him and not be an asshole. In the end, we weren’t in a relationship, hope; it was more like Carter was my caretaker.

  Over the years, all he’s done is look out for me, and put me first, I can’t let him do that for a moment longer.

  “Mia,” that voice. I can’t look up at him or I’ll cave in.

  “I can’t look at you, Carter,” I stick to the truth, for now, but that could change at any moment.

  “Then just listen to me,” he says, I know he’s coming towards me, and then I smell him and when I do, my eyes close. How I’ve missed that smell. Hell, I was so desperate to be close to him just a couple of months ago that I went to the department store and I purchased a bottle of Escape for men by Calvin Klein, the aftershave he’s worn for as long as I’ve known him and as pathetic as I am, I sprayed it on one of his DC jumpers I’d brought with me and I held onto it and I cried for days.

  As his scent wafts through my sensors, I stay in place. He then gently rests a hand on my shoulder, and when he does, the tears well in the corners of my eyes so I take a deep calming breath willing them away.

  “I love you, I always have and I always will. Know that you can come to me if you ever need help. I know you think you don’t deserve to be happy, it’s something I’ve never been able to wrap around my head, but you do, Mia. You ‘do’ deserve to be loved and have the life you always dreamed about. I remember the things you wanted, I remember you always wished to be in a happy marriage, and a happy home with children running around,” my tears fall down my cheeks and my chest tightens at his words. “I can give you that. And most importantly, I ‘want’ to give you that. When you’re ready, I’ll be there waiting for you. I don’t care if it’s twenty years from now.”

  As my chest heaves with the sobs now emanating from me, I see Stef pull up in her white Maserati.

  She couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.

  Needing Carter to stay where he is, I race into the car and I slam the door behind me. “Go, go, go!” I yell, as I lean forward and place my head between my knees, doing everything I can not to hyperventilate.

  “Shit, what happened, Mia?”

  I don’t respond. I stay silent until I feel the car come to a stop and I hear the jingle of Stef’s keys, and the engine cut.

  “Okay, girl. You need to tell me what the he’ll happened back there.”

  “Bourbon, then talk,” I tell her as I sit up.

  “Fine,” she rolls her eyes and exits the car.

  Stef’s apartment is huge, with
three bedrooms, a large kitchen and living area and it’s so damn bright. Everything in the place is white. There are no colour contrasts and it drives me crazy. I don’t know how the hell she can live in these surroundings. I’d be depressed as hell if I had to stay here full time. I’d much prefer to be on my shit colour brown motel room than staying here.

  “Come outside,” Stef calls with two glass tumblers in her hands.

  “I’ll follow the bourbon,” I call as I follow her out onto the balcony where we take a seat under the black umbrella. Looking out over the city, I let my shoulders relax.

  Reaching for the glass, Stef beings grilling me for information. “So, how did you end up at the hospital, girl? I thought you were cutting back on the pills?” she asks as she pushes her long brown hair over her shoulder. I have always been jealous of my oldest and dearest friend.

  Stef is your typical hot chick. Hence the reason she moved to New York to become a model, a job she is killing it at. And who could blame her agency for wanting to get her perfect face out for the world to see.

  She’s five foot eleven, she has curves in all the right places, and she’s classically beautiful in an Audrey Hepburn kind of way.

  “I ‘was’ trying, I really was, but I didn’t need to be taken to the hospital. Chase and Carter showed up at the motel while I was sleeping off last night’s party and they panicked. Typical Chase.” I shrug as I take a sip of my drink.

  “I wish you’d let them help you. I know I’ve tried on many occasions, but I also know I can’t tell you what to do even though it scares me to death. You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Have you told Carter?” she tilts her head to the side, pitying me. She’s lucky I love her. I detest it when people feel sorry for me. I don’t need pity, I don’t need help, I just need to be left the hell alone.

  Shaking my head, I tell her, “No, how could I, Stef. If I told him everything, if I let him in, he ‘will’ hate me. He’d never be able to forgive me.” He’d never be able to look at me the same way again.