The Customer Service Survival Kit

by Richard S Gallagher

  Don’t Take It Personally

  In an ideal world, passengers would understand that you do not control the weather. Unfortunately, in a less-than-ideal situation such as this, they are at great risk of taking out their frustrations on you. Dr. David Burns, a psychiatrist, refers to this as “emotional reasoning”: You feel lousy, and you (incorrectly) blame others for making you feel that way.

  This means that some passengers may invent some blame and hurl it back at you: You should have known about this weather and planned ahead. You should have gotten them off the plane sooner. Your policies are horrible and unfair. Your response? Do not lead with trying to correct them, but rather be present with their frustrations:

  Passenger: If you could have gotten us back to the terminal sooner, we could have gotten on another flight!

  You: Tonight has frustrated the heck out of a lot of our customers. I don’t blame you for being upset. What can we do to help you from here?

  If it makes people feel better, you may choose to eventually explain the reality of the situation, whether it is to correct a misperception or to take ownership of a legitimate grievance. Just understand that it is more important to first acknowledge and validate what people are feeling. Once people feel that you get them, it becomes much easier to engage in productive dialogue.

  This scenario is based on my own experience being stranded overnight at a major airport in a winter storm, on my way back from a speaking engagement in the Midwest. As a frequent traveler, I personally handled the situation with kindness and good humor (in fact, I greeted the gate agent with a smile and the statement, “No stress in your life tonight!”), but many people were agitated and upset. One person, for example, forced his way to the front of the line while railing loudly against the airline, and others grumbled about the amount of time they had been cramped on the jet or how the situation impacted their plans.

  While I was in line, I noticed an interesting dynamic in how the gate agents handled this situation. All tried their best to be polite, but some would visibly shut down once a customer started getting angry, avoiding eye contact and saying as little as possible. Others were able to engage these customers, and those agents had much more success in defusing their anger. Even in situations with many angry people, the right words, thoughtfully chosen, give you your very best chance to keep things under control.

  CHAPTER 17

  Anger Management

  YOU ARE THE NEW PERSON at a busy private gym and weight-training facility. It is your first week on the job, and you and your coworker Frank are sitting around talking about some of the regular customers you will be dealing with. Before long, he brings up Bruno, a muscle-bound daily customer who intimidates everyone and “is always angry about something.” You smile and respond, “Like a barking dog?” “More like an ogre,” your partner replies with a laugh. “Big, intimidating, and turns several shades of green as you talk to him.”

  About an hour later, with a line of customers at your counter, in walks Bruno—and sure enough, Frank was right. He isn’t very happy. In fact, his face is turning red as he raises his voice and pokes his finger on the counter for emphasis. “Look at these machines! The weights haven’t been put back in the rack, and half of them haven’t been wiped down by the last person. I demand that you drop everything right now and clean up the weight room.”

  “Hey, my shift is over, so I’ll let you take Bruno this time,” Frank says, in a stage whisper, as he slips out the back of the room. Three people are in line ahead of Bruno. In this chapter, we focus on how to respond to someone with an anger-management problem.

  Frame the Situation

  Before you even open your mouth to respond to Bruno, let’s check in on your own feelings here. Do you feel frightened? Intimidated? Uncomfortable?

  In this case, these very normal human emotions are all based on a mirage. Bruno is a big, muscular man with a booming voice. How do we process these physical cues? As though we were at risk of being physically assaulted. And Bruno, who is used to getting his way through intimidation, would love for you to keep perceiving the situation that way.

  In reality, he is not going to hit you—unless, of course, he has a thing for jail cells, lawsuits, and getting permanently banned from his favorite gym. So first and foremost, remember that all you are dealing with here are words. Loud, angry words to be sure, but words nonetheless. He is no more of an actual threat to you than a little kid with a squeaky, high-pitched voice.

  One of the other things you may be feeling is anger at Bruno, especially since he regularly uses intimidation as a way to get what he wants. You may be tempted to respond to him in a way that is designed to “put him in his place.” Of course, you have the right to set appropriate boundaries with him, but a stance of pushing back on him at first is likely to be doomed to failure.

  So before you say anything to Bruno, frame the situation correctly. Tell yourself that you are perfectly safe, that he can express any feelings that he wishes to, and that whatever happens, you will respond to him professionally. Now, let’s look at how to do this.

  Acknowledge Bruno

  There is only one response that will give you any hope of getting Bruno to calm down: Acknowledge everything he says. Wherever possible, use the techniques of validation and identification discussed in Chapter 3 to respond to each of his outbursts. And do it with as much gusto as possible. For instance:

  Bruno: Look at these machines! The weights haven’t been put back in the rack, and half of them haven’t been wiped down by the last person.

  You: That’s terrible! People should know better than to leave a mess for others at this gym. That bothers me too.

  This first response is where human nature trips most of us up. Since Bruno is demanding our immediate attention and putting us on the defensive, our first instinct is to defend ourselves, or to set boundaries with him. Too often, we are tempted to respond with statements like these:

  “There are people in line ahead of you. Please wait your turn.”

  “Only a couple of the weights are out of the rack. Could you just put them back?”

  “I’m sorry, we can’t possibly keep an eye on everyone who uses the equipment.”

  News flash: Bruno doesn’t care about the people in line. He doesn’t care how many weights are off the rack. He certainly does not approve of your lack of oversight. And his explosive temper may well come, in part, from learning that anger moves people off excuses and boundaries like these and gets him what he wants. So statements that sound even the least bit like these simply cause you to walk right into his trap.

  Your only possible hope of calming him down is to meet him where he is. Here are some other examples:

  Bruno: This is wasting my valuable workout time!

  You: Absolutely. No one likes to pick up after some slob who came before you.

  Bruno: You don’t keep this gym in adequate shape. You’re falling down on the job.

  You: I wouldn’t be happy if I was seeing this stuff happen regularly either, so I’m glad you’re letting us know.

  Remember that acknowledging people is never the same as giving in to them. Use language that shows Bruno you understand him, and you have your best hope of getting him to back off and listen to you.

  Frame Your Response

  Here is the key moment of the discussion: Bruno is insisting that you drop everything, ignore the people in line ahead of him, and take care of him first. Do you give in to his demands?

  No, you do not. That would not be fair to your other customers. More important, it would be enabling his penchant for bullying people. But the way you set your boundaries will mean everything to the success of this situation.

  Let’s be honest. Most of us would normally respond to Bruno by trying to “correct” his behavior and focusing on our boundaries with language like this:

  Bruno: I demand that you drop everything right now and clean up the weight room.

  You: You’ll have to wait until I’m done with th
e people in line ahead of you.

  It is your perfect right to say this. It is technically the correct answer. And it is the policy that is most fair to everyone. So now, how likely is Bruno to respond by saying, “Golly, you are right. I will wait my turn.”? Not very. You must try another approach if you want to avoid a confrontation.

  In Chapter 6, we discussed how to frame your response around the customer’s agenda, not your own. This is the key for how you respond to Bruno’s demands. Try this:

  Bruno: I demand that you drop everything right now and clean up the weight room.

  You: Of course. I’m going to hurry as much as I can with everyone here so you can get back to your workout.

  How will he respond to this? Hopefully more calmly, because you have played his agenda back to him and honored it, while keeping your boundaries. But a more subtle point here is that it doesn’t really matter how he responds. All that matters is what you say—and whatever his provocations might be, you can keep responding with the simple, mechanical technique of framing your response around his agenda:

  Bruno: My time is more important than these people. I’m a paying customer.

  You: Your time is very important. I don’t like anything holding up my workouts either. Give me just a little time, and I’ll jump right on this.

  Bruno is probably demanding two things here: getting what he is asking for, and respect for his concerns. By framing your response around these concerns, you give him something tangible in return for his complaint: the promise of a resolution. In the process, you also honor his second goal of being respected for how he feels.

  Execute the Endgame

  The language proposed here will probably give you your very best chance of making things go more constructively with Bruno. But he does have a pretty short fuse. What if what you say doesn’t work, and he keeps ranting?

  Calmly repeat yourself. In Chapter 6 we discussed the power of repetition in convincing people that their anger won’t benefit them. Be prepared to go two or three rounds with Bruno, and after a while he should start to realize that he is only making himself look bad, rather than getting what he wants. And after the third time, extinguish the effect of his anger further by focusing on your other customers—perhaps politely holding up your index finger to remind him that his turn is over, and you are now focused on someone else.

  At the end of the day, Bruno is only going to persist in behaviors that benefit him. He may be angry, but he probably isn’t stupid. And if you calmly stick to your communications process and execute it, even if he still is not happy, he will most likely decide his best interests are served by calming down and waiting.

  What is the worst that can happen in this situation? Again, he is highly unlikely to act out violently. Of course, there are customers whose behavior crosses the line, and times when you need to go for your worst-case solutions: asking people to leave, calling for security, and so forth. But perhaps the key point here is that when you use the right language, the need for interventions like these is much less common than you might imagine. The odds are very good here that Bruno will eventually calm down, wait for you to finish, and then go back to his workout.

  In Chapter 8, we looked at a more detailed approach for handling angry customers involving the use of the highest acknowledgment level possible, asking good questions, and then shifting the discussion to problem solving. A process like this would be appropriate once Bruno reaches the front of the line. In the meantime, the steps outlined here serve as a good approach for managing the situation until it is his turn to speak with you.

  Relationship Building

  One closing note. Remember how your coworker Frank described Bruno as a regular customer whose anger was well known? This raises what may be a deeper issue with your most difficult regular customers: How do they feel about you?

  We all react differently to friends than to foes. If Bruno comes in, says little, works out, and leaves, you and your coworkers may seem like faceless robots he feels he can react to. But if you show an interest in Bruno—get to know him as a person, ask how he is doing, and champion his aspirations—you may start becoming real and human to him. This, in turn, is often the key to turning Bruno into a nicer person who is much easier to deal with.

  CHAPTER 18

  Not So Smart

  AN ELDERLY MAN walks into your electronics store and slams a box down on the counter. “This is the third time I’ve had to bring back one of your stupid, defective computers,” he says, loudly and angrily. “None of them have worked!”

  You ask him politely what went wrong, and he exclaims that he can’t even select anything on the screen with the mouse. Noting that this was the third computer he has had to return, you offer to set it up in the store and test it for him. As you do so, he also shares that he is a retired professor who is “pretty smart” at most things.

  After you plug in and power up the computer, he grabs the mouse, holds it in mid-air, and points it toward the screen like a remote control. Clicking furiously, he turns to you and says, “See! Nothing is happening! And that arrow thingy isn’t even moving!” How do you respond to this gentleman? In this chapter, we suggest how best to protect this person’s feelings and the sale.

  Meet the Customer Where He Is

  You are clearly seeing an example of someone who lacks the ability to use a computer. He does not see it this way, though. In his mind, he just made an expensive purchase that should have better directions and be easier to use, just like his television set or his telephone. And, in a sense, he is right! So start the conversation by validating his view of the world, as outlined in Chapter 3:

  “You’re right. Computers can be incredibly frustrating to use. Let’s look into this.”

  Notice that we are not starting the conversation by saying that people have trouble using computers. This would be placing the fault on the customer before we even investigate the problem. After you test the computer and make sure everything is working properly, you then can begin to discuss the issue of learning to use a computer by normalizing it, as discussed in Chapter 7:

  “Computers often require instruction to use for the first time, especially if you’re new to them. I have some great options that I could discuss with you. First, I’d like to learn a little more about how you would like to use this system.”

  A particularly powerful form of normalizing is the “I” technique that we described in Chapter 4, where we frame things in terms of our own experience:

  “I found computers like these to be really confusing when I first started using them too. Here are some things that helped me come up to speed with them. . . .”

  Explore the Deeper Question

  Note that the statements above included a question about how this person wanted to use his computer. He may want to communicate online with his grandchildren, check his investments in the stock market, or write his next book in a world that no longer accepts typewritten manuscripts. Whatever he tells you is valuable data that will help inform your responses to him.

  Once you know this customer’s reasons for using a computer, you can explore appropriate solutions. If he needs to become comfortable with a word processor and email, for example, computer training may be in order. If he simply wants to play games or chat online, a simpler device, like a tablet computer, may be more appropriate. For some tasks, you could even explore whether a knowledgeable member of his household could work with him once you help him set up the computer. Learn what his real wishes are, and then partner with him to help make them happen.

  Make the Customer Feel Good

  Finally, the most subtle point here is that this customer was really annoying at first. His behavior was a perfect trifecta when he came into your store: arrogant, wrong, and not terribly well-informed. Human nature often leads us to “correct” customers like this one—and when we do, we often pay a price in bad reactions and lost business. Instead, start thinking how to make this customer feel good for giving you his business.

>   In the middle of his bluster, this customer has handed you several important pieces of information. He used to be a professor. He feels he is intelligent (and perhaps, by corollary, doesn’t feel appreciated for it at his age). He is persistent enough to keep returning computers. You can leverage these facts to help build a relationship, by doing things like:

  Asking about what he used to teach as a professor

  Normalizing the situation by mentioning other intelligent people you know who had issues when first using a computer

  Talking about how much he will enjoy doing what he plans to do with the system

  Sharing how someone with his talents often learns quickly

  Giving him credit for trying hard to resolve the issue

  In Chapter 10, we talked about reaffirming the customer relationship, or even thanking a difficult customer, as you wrap up the transaction. By helping this customer feel good about a potentially embarrassing situation, and by helping this product benefit him, you may well gain an appreciative customer for life.

  PART IV

  Beyond the

  Worst Case

  CHAPTER 19

  When Talking Isn’t