The Invisible Choir

by Tessa Lynne

  It is easier now for me to be present to my grief, to not be caught unaware in the jaws of the predator, ravaged by its torments, defenseless. I can visit the past for a moment or an hour, be intentionally present as I remember past delights or feel again that all is lost to me—a willing embrace of tears and laughter.

  It was a year ago today that Zachary revealed his role and purpose to me. I could not have predicted, then, the amazing journey that lay ahead of me—one in which I would learn of the world of spirit not only from him but from personal experience. I journeyed far into unknown territory, without a map, but I did have a guide.

  I once referred to Mahalia’s search for Michael as an odyssey—it ended when Amelia told me of our destiny and I reached out to him. I had no idea, then, of the new adventure that would unfold. What started as a quest for knowledge, to being open to Zachary’s teaching, segued to a pursuit of love, to reclaim a lost destiny. My final journey has been a search for truth—a truth my spirit has always known.

  9/3

  Sally’s session. In the moment before I expect Amelia, I am surprised to feel the energy that is Michael beside my chair—a welcome reminder to me of the distinct and palpable difference between his presence and his non-presence. Amelia says hello to both of us, then turns and listens before repeating his words.

  “I am nearly finished with this part of my transition. A final meeting with you has been approved for after I complete it. I have recently met with Amir, the spirit of Kahlil Gibran. I am greatly impressed with him and have been granted a second meeting. I am honored, for he is within the inner circle, the ten spirits who are closest to the Creator. He expressed interest in our experience and in the significance of his writing to us, and he has given me a message to convey to you when we meet. And now, I must say goodbye.”

  Michael has changed: his energy is more contained, not attempting to merge with mine; his words are simple statements of fact; and he departs with none of his former reluctance. He has but a single focus, came only to deliver his message. The stark contrast prompts an image—man becomes spirit.

  9/8

  Michael is back. His arrival is so definite that I don’t question it. I am sitting in my chair, engrossed in a novel, when I am engulfed by a dense energy, impossible to ignore. I feel his essence surround me, a stronger energy than before—he has completed the plane of manifestation.

  9/11

  Michael has been close all afternoon as the girls and I share our recent experience of him. They, too, have had some awareness of his presence. We work side by side to prepare one of their favorite dinners, chicken curry on jasmine rice. The doors and windows are wide open to air that is equal parts sun and earth and the sight of autumn perennials in rich, saturated colors. I savor the earthiness of vegetables from a local garden, breathe deeply the essence of cut peppers and onions, admire the form of a perfect pear and apple. I marvel at the alchemy as their flavors blend with pungent spices.

  Michael’s presence, the outdoors coming in, the timeless quality of making a family meal, the delightful companionship of my daughters—all combine in a synergy of elemental forces, infused with love. So strong is Michael’s presence that, when I reach for plates to set the table, I find myself counting out four of them. He could hardly be more present if he were physically here with us.

  9/12

  The battle is over. The most rational, logical part of my mind now accepts the truth of Michael and demands his appearance, expects him to show up on my doorstep, to share my bed—last night he did. I was lying there, still awake, when I felt Michael’s strong essence. Then, for a long minute, I felt his physical being lying next to me. It was as obvious as any body that has ever lain beside me.

  I reflect on my past doubts, the times I would zero in on whatever did not meet my expectations. I would focus with a zoom lens on some isolated part of the whole and be stuck there, could not zoom out and see the larger context. Those doubts most often lasted minutes, not hours, with some notable and painful exceptions. They did not, ultimately, compromise my belief, but they did cloud it. I had to return again and again to my center, to rest in what I know.

  9/13

  Amelia comes long enough to say that my meeting with Michael will be today. I had already sensed his presence next to my chair. When he takes her place, his eyes immediately tell me that he has achieved a greater peace. We greet each other with more certainty—accepting our limits, we are more secure. I am about to say something when Michael speaks first.

  “I have completed three more of the seven stages of transition, including that of manifestation.”

  As he speaks briefly of each stage, I remember how Zachary and Amelia have described them to me.

  The Seven Stages of Transition

  Initial Transition: A spirit is welcomed by a pathway of light that helps them break free of all earthly impurities. The spirit becomes lighter and freer as human attitudes and mindsets are left behind—as if the spirit is wearing heavy layers of old coats and one by one they drop off and away. A spirit becomes more aware of their purpose and able to go forward and process what has been learned, including what the next lifetime should offer. The spirit meets, and is embraced by, loved ones from this and previous lifetimes, and then remains in a state of rejuvenating limbo until beckoned onward to the next plane.

  However, if the lessons of this lifetime have been largely incomplete, there is a difference in progression. The wandering plane is the destination for those who have taken the life of another, or their own, and also for those who have wasted the lifetime, are in a period of indecision, or simply desire a break. There are various levels and degrees of experience available, depending on the circumstances. A sojourn there is not an easy one, but it is not meant to be a punishment. It is a place to realize where one’s actions or attitudes have led and to make a course correction. Its name comes from the process—spirits wander from one resource to another, seeking assistance, and are given whatever is needed to get back on track to a spiritual progression. There is even joy to be found there, in finding one’s way.

  Renewal: The spiritual energy expended during the life-time is renewed. It is a longer and more intense experience for those who have suffered greatly during their life, a time for healing and replenishment. Upon completion of the first two planes, a spirit may choose to pursue other tasks in the spirit world before progressing further with their transition.

  Learning: A spirit reviews, with assistance from Masters, their completed lifetime: the intended lessons are compared with what was learned; every thought and action is replayed, sorted, and put in order of importance; and a more thorough assessment is made of what the next lifetime should include. Master spirits help the returning spirit to be objective and honest as they decide what is relevant. Not all memories of the lifetime are retained, only those relevant to their spiritual growth and related to their future needs—negative as well as positive memories. The experiences of the recent lifetime are used to further forge and develop a spirit’s identity.

  Decision: A spirit decides what previously learned material would be valuable to take to the next lifetime and what lessons must be learned in the spirit world before then. Some spirits take a long time between physical lifetimes, either because they need to focus on the lessons of the spirit world or because they prefer to wait (some for the equivalent of several hundred years). This plane must be completed before the next lifetime is taken.

  Awareness/Manifestation: Spirits are able to make their presence known in the physical world. This is possible to some extent after completing the first two stages, but now their presence will be stronger and can be maintained for a longer period of time—their ability to do so is related to their status. Some spirits will not complete this plane until they have taken more physical lifetimes.

  Reflection/Recollection: Similar to the plane of learning, but this stage includes all previous lifetimes. Relevant material is reviewed, with less emotion but with greater awareness of the
effect it had on others. The spirits of the individuals involved may be present to give their perspective, but it is not required. A spirit will gain greater insight during this phase and realize what they might have done differently.

  Restoration: After fully processing the material from the most recent lifetime, a spirit transitions to the higher status level they have earned. Spirits are questioned by a number of Masters and Sages; those of higher status may be summoned before the Creator. There is the spirit world equivalent of the granting of awards and honors and a listing of credits, after which a spirit is restored to their full spiritual essence. Upon completion of this stage, a spirit may request a stint as a guardian or as an assistant to Master spirits; younger spirits may request a transfer to the angel realm to be messengers.

  Michael explains to me how completing his transition has changed him.

  “I have accepted my role in the spirit world and have given up most of my human characteristics. I now speak to you more as the one who was Alexander, with the addition of the pertinent memories of this last lifetime. As important as this lifetime has been, and will always be, as Alexander I had lived many lifetimes and retain experiences from each.”

  Michael, speaking now from the perspective of Alexander, tells me how he and Mahalia rejoiced at having found each other last October. He is at his most intense with what he says next.

  “We have spoken of the doubts that sometimes assail you. Teresa, I want you to know this—it is of the utmost importance that you believe. To not believe in us would be a repudiation of all you have been taught and of the many opportunities opened to us. They were a gift. For you to fail now in your belief would interfere with our being together in future lifetimes. You would lose status and our path ahead would be altered.”

  I am flooded with relief—I have already battled with my doubts and have reaffirmed my belief. Just as, in my twenties, I could not accept Pascal’s wager, I cannot now base my belief in Michael, and in all that I have been told, on the consequences of disbelief.

  I have been anticipating Amir’s message for me, which Michael has committed to memory.

  “I once wrote that we are all toys in the hands of fate when speaking of the cruel blow dealt to my beloved and me. You must think that fate has treated you the same. Do not dwell on that which has been lost to you in this life, but rejoice in what you have shared with your beloved Michael. Take heart that you found each other, if only for a brief interlude. Eternity approaches. You shall not be denied the joy of love or the glory of youth. Through my living word, I will live in death. Let my words be a comfort to you and live within your heart.”

  I do take comfort in Amir’s words, and I am deeply honored to have received a personal message from one within the inner circle, closest to the Creator. I am especially touched by his reference to “your beloved Michael.” There are so few who can speak to me of him.

  As always, our time together is up too soon. This farewell meeting has had both a greater finality and an easier acceptance. As we say our goodbyes, the air between us holds the knowledge that we are bound and encompassed by our eternal love.

  9/18

  When Amelia comes today, we discuss her changing role. She will remain in close contact with Sally but has begun to pursue other assignments in the spirit world, as is typical of most guardians. She gives me an example of a recent natural disaster in which over a thousand lives were lost; she was among those spirits who assisted others with their journey to the spirit world.

  “There was a primary window of opportunity that we knew would close at this time. And now, I have a question for you: what do you imagine Michael’s physical appearance will be when you first see him in the spirit world?”

  I mention what Zachary once told me, that spirits have a vaguely physical form.

  “The appearance of spirits is not at all ghostlike, and we are not wisps, but neither are we solid. We have the appearance of a physical body, but we lack substance. When you first see Michael, his appearance will be what was described to you, with brown hair and eyes and of the same height. Later, you will see his true spiritual self—his blond hair and blue eyes have been common to most of his lifetimes, and he is almost as tall as he was in this last lifetime. Certain aspects of appearance are similar over all lifetimes.”

  I tell Amelia that descriptions from near-death experiences vary greatly, e.g., those who report seeing Jesus describe widely dissimilar physical features. Some use this as evidence that such experiences exist only within the mind of each individual. She gives me a logical explanation.

  “Those returning to the spirit world are meant to see what they expect to see. A spirit will have been greatly influenced by the physical life. It is important that they receive validation of their human experience so that the memories of that lifetime can be processed during their transition.”

  I ask what more she can tell me about the appearance of spirits.

  “Each spirit is surrounded by an aura; with gains in status they become larger and more intense. It is how we recognize each other. No two are so alike that they cannot be told apart. Masters and Sages are immediately recognized to be such by the size and quality of their auras.”

  Amelia hesitates, then asks if I have questions related to my visit with Michael last week. I ask if she can give me any examples from the life material he processed in his transition.

  “As you know, Michael is of fairly high status, but you cannot assume his transition would be an easy one because of it. Still, he found it easier than a young spirit would have, and it took less time. Michael completed his transition in a matter of weeks; younger spirits can require up to several years for the full process.”

  She pauses a moment, eyes closed, then looks at me.

  “I can give you one example. Michael may have spoken to you about Vince’s mother, of her inability, or perhaps it was her unwillingness, to embrace the maternal role. He judged her for that, and he took advantage somewhat to demonstrate his greater skill and suit-ability as a parent. In the stage of reflection, he spent considerable time reviewing how he might have handled that situation differently. First, he had to recognize how his actions and attitudes might have contributed to hers; then, he had to identify what he might have done to assist her. It was he who was in a position to teach and guide her, but he failed to do that.”

  I ask her if there are other benefits of higher status. Is it rewarding in itself? Amelia looks at me intently as her demeanor takes on both a softer and a more serious aspect.

  “It is the goal of all spirits who assume physical lifetimes to strive to become more like the Creator.”

  I remember now that Zachary said something similar, what seems a very long time ago. Amelia pauses, and then I hear a tone in her voice that I have not heard before. It is a subtle distinction that conveys a strong sense of purpose and anticipation. I see in her eyes a reflection of the truth she knows.

  “Promotion in the spirit world is a joyful process that brings one closer to the Creator. Spirits of the highest status are in the inner circle, followed by Sages and Masters, and then others. What you know as the Light is visible to all in the spirit world. As spirits grow in status, they draw ever closer to the Creator, and the Light is of a greater intensity and power. Spirits are aware, during the most arduous moments of their physical lives, that the lessons they are learning will bring them closer to the Creator.”

  Our time is up and we say our goodbyes, with more finality than usual. The timing of Amelia’s next visit is uncertain.

  As I walk tonight, I reflect on what Amelia said about a spirit striving to be closer to the Creator and on how Zachary once told me that spirits can become weary and depleted by what happens in a mortal life, by man’s inhumanity to man—a spirit will suffer as the human life suffers.

  I think of stories of great hardships overcome, how the spirits of those individuals often shine through. Is it their awareness of that closer presence that illuminates their features? I remember
how the Light appeared to Sally, Michael’s experience of the Light, and my own. I have some sense of that striving, of that desire to come into greater presence.

  My thoughts go to what has been conveyed to me of the spirit world and to the role of each individual life. What I was initially told by Zachary left me feeling that all of the blanks had been filled in. Not that I had had a list—and not that I was told all there is to know—but I had been aware of a vague sense of incompleteness that vanished then.

  I am flooded now with images of the spirit world that came to me on first meeting Eli. I wrote of it as being a resonance, within which exists purpose, and that the Light illuminates everything and infuses it with love. Adding all I have since learned, I am overwhelmed by the immensity and symmetry of its design—its intricacy and its simplicity.

  9/20

  I have told two colleagues my story, and I wrote a lengthy account to a friend who is also in this field. All three were open to the truth of my experience and two of them shared their own encounters with the world of spirit. I will be alert now for opportunities to share it with others.

  I consider reading our earliest letters—will they bring pain or comfort? I know it will be both, but I retrieve the box that holds them from a shelf in my bedroom. Since Amelia returned them to me, I haven’t looked at those I wrote to Michael, the ones he held in his hands. As I read one, then another, the undeniable reality of our experience washes over me. My timing is right—comfort outweighs pain.

  My reflections take me to the Greek myth of Eros, the god of love, and Psyche, the personification of the human soul. When they first meet, Psyche is not allowed to see Eros by daylight. She must accept that he is love in its purest form—based solely on her nightly experience of him. Her sisters are suspicious and convince her that Eros must be a monster. Determined to see his face, Psyche takes a candle to his bed. Eros wakes up, sees the distrust in her eyes, and flees. Psyche wanders, forlorn and bereft, until a series of difficult tasks is assigned to her. She is assisted by the gods and is finally reunited with Eros.