by Matt Zachary
“Sit down, honey,” she said rather than answer the question.
Billy took a seat on the bed and his aunt followed. His heart was racing. Her demeanor told him bad news was coming. Was she going to ask him to move out, he wondered...not that that would be altogether bad news.
“My son, the girls’ dad, was a good man,” she began and continued to tell Billy all about her pride and joy. He listened quietly, knowing that talking about her son and what had happened to his was therapy for her...therapy that was long overdue.
“You know,” Billy told her when she was done, “it’s good to talk about loved ones that aren’t with us anymore. It keeps them alive in your heart.”
“I know that now,” Aunt BJ replied through her tears that had re-started. “It just hurts so much still.”
“It’ll get better...the more you talk about it. Just remember the good times...and, talk to him. I talk to my mom all the time when I’m having problems or doubt about something. I know she’s in Heaven looking down on me,” Billy explained.
“Oh, that’s right...you lost your mom,” Aunt BJ said as she took her hand and lovingly placed it on to Billy’s. She looked as if she would start crying again at every second. As soon as she composed herself, something else would make her fill with sadness again. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“It’s been a long time now, and I was young when it happened,” Billy explained, not intending to lighten the importance of his mom’s life but he knew it wasn’t the time to focus on his sadness. He needed to help his aunt.
After they talked a bit more and Billy thought his aunt was in a better place, he asked where things stood with his uncle.
“He’s stubborn,” she replied but then confessed that the main reason he was mad and that he never mentioned their son either was to protect her. “He didn’t want anyone upsetting me. He may be a pig and have no manners, but he loves me,” she added with a smile. “If he gives you any trouble, you just let me know.”
It had been a highly emotional and draining day for Billy as well as everyone else, but he went to bed feeling accomplished. The family needed to get all of that trapped hurt and pain out so they could begin to heal. He started to feel like maybe his being there was a good thing...not just for them, but for himself as well.
Chapter 10
For the first few days after the blowup in the living room, Billy’s uncle gave him the silent treatment. It was uncomfortable for Billy, but not really very different than how he was treated before. By mid-week, though, Uncle Bob was beginning to cool off.
“Why don’t you help me fix the fence near the road?” Uncle Bob asked Billy. It was the first time since Billy had begun working around the farm that he had asked his nephew to work with him.
“Sure,” Billy smiled. As they headed out to the fence with the supplies they would need, Billy waited for his uncle to make small talk. That was asking too much, though, he assumed, because each step they took was in silence. “How long have you had the farm?” Billy finally asked to get the ball rolling.
“Well, let’s see...,” Uncle Bob began, stopping for a second to calculate the date in his head. “It was my Pa’s farm. Your Pa was supposed to take over, but he had bigger dreams. Me, I guess, I’ve always been more at home here than anywhere else. I guess I took over running it about twenty seven years ago...after my Pa got sick.” Billy could see the light shine in his uncle’s eyes. If there was anything that got him excited, it was talking about the farm.
“So, you didn’t want to go to college?” Billy asked, not really sure if he should. He knew Uncle Bob resented his father for leaving.
“Oh, I went. That’s where I met Barbara June. But, when my Pa got sick, I had to make a choice. Your Pa had already run off, and someone had to tend to the farm. My Ma was too old to do it on her own.”
“Do you regret not getting to follow your dreams?” Billy asked, fascinated with the conversation.
“Naw. You see, in life, dreams change like the wind. I love this farm and I love my life. I wouldn’t have anything any other way,” Uncle Bob answered. “But, that doesn’t mean farming is for everyone.”
“You mean my dad?” Billy asked.
“No, I mean you! You’ve been doing a good job, but anyone that looks at you can tell you’re meant for city life,” Uncle Bob laughed.
Billy knew how his uncle felt about the city life, but what he had said didn’t seem mean-spirited. Instead, Billy got the idea his uncle was attempting to encourage him. Either way, his uncle had just complimented him...kind-of. It was a first, and Billy couldn’t help but feel they were bonding. “Yeah, I plan on going to college. Don’t know what I’d want to be yet, though.”
“You don’t have to decide right now. Hell, I was going to school for business! Don’t that beat all? Can you picture me in a suit?” Uncle Bob slapped his knee and laughed...so hard he started coughing up a lung.
“Are you okay?” Billy laughed, hoping his uncle wasn’t actually choking or something.
Before he knew it, Billy and his uncle had finished repairing several portions of fence and the day was over. The conversation and lack of complete boredom really helped the day fly by. “Let’s go see what yer aunt fixed us for dinner,” Uncle Bob said just before the sun began to set.
At dinner that night, everyone was laughing and giggling and having a good time. Billy imagined that’s how things probably were before he came along. He was glad to know, his uncle had a fun side...a sense of humor. Before that day, he had barely even seen the man smile.
“I don’t know how you did it,” Aunt BJ told Billy as they cleaned up the dished, “but, I haven’t seen him that happy in years.”
“I’m just happy that he’s not still growling at me,” Billy confessed with a chuckle as he took a stack of dried plates and placed them into the cabinet.
He still missed Stuart...a lot, and they talked as often as possible, but Billy was happy that he now had a connection with his relatives. He felt more at home finally, and a lot less like a prisoner. The farm was definitely hard work, but he really didn’t mind helping his aunt and uncle. He felt he owed it to them, at least in part, to make up for his dad leaving so many years ago.
Once he was all settled for the night, and in his cozy bed, Billy texted Stuart all about his day. He was typing so fast trying to get everything in that Stuart barely had a chance to read each message before the next one came.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE FINDING YOUR PLACE THERE - Stuart wrote back.
ONLY ‘TIL I’M BACK IN YOUR ARMS - Billy wrote back and then added a wink symbol.
His life had changed so much in only a month. He wondered what the following year would hold in store for him. As he thought about it, he could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He fell asleep without even turning the bedroom light off or saying ‘goodnight’ to Stuart.
Chapter 11
For the next two weeks, things around the Marchetta Farm continued to be lively and jovial. Everyday, Billy and Uncle Bob would head out and work, most of the time together...sharing stories and getting to know one another. Then, the family would share a meal, laughing as they did. And, finally. Billy would retire to his room where he would spend about an hour or two texting with Stuart.
Just as Billy was getting used to the monotony, he got a surprise. “Billy, Billy! You got a letter!” Aunt BJ called as she ran through the fields towards Billy.
Billy looked up from ground where he was digging a hole. The sun shone in his eyes and he could barely make out who was heading towards him. “What did you say?” he called out while his aunt was still a good ways away. He wasn’t sure what was going on. At first thought, he assumed something was wrong...that maybe his uncle was hurt and that they needed his help.
“It’s, it’s,” Aunt BJ tried to repeat but was quickly running out of steam. “It’s a letter. It came for you,” she finally got out.
Billy was confused. Who would write him...at the farm? Then, suddenly, he figured it coul
d be a letter from his father. He hadn’t heard from him at all since he found out about his father’s arrest. He knew he should reach out and at least find out if his father was alright, but he hadn’t bothered. “He can contact me if he wants to talk,” Billy told Stuart when asked if they had spoken.
As his aunt handed Billy the envelope, though, he saw that it wasn’t from his father at all. It was a letter from one of the scholarship committees he had applied to.
“Well, hurry up and open it!” his aunt ordered, still attempting to catch her breath.
Billy ripped the envelope open and quickly scanned the letter before reading aloud. “We are pleased to inform you that you have been awarded...,” Billy read to his aunt but before he could even get any further, she embraced him tightly, kissing him on the cheek.
“It’s just a small scholarship,” Billy explained though his laughter. It was true. It would barely cover books for one semester, but it was a start. Besides that, he had to write an essay to win it. His words and thoughts were picked over all of the other applicants. That meant something to him, and gave him hope that maybe there would be more scholarships awarded him. And, even if he didn’t have enough to completely cover school, he knew he could always get student loans.
In the days to follow, Billy did get several more scholarship letters. Most began with the words, “We regret to inform you...,” or something along those lines. He did manage to get two more scholarships awarded to him, though. It was enough to get him through his first year of school.
At the end of June, Aunt BJ surprised Billy with a party in his honor to congratulate him for his good news. She and the girls dressed in their finest dresses and she even managed to get Uncle Bob in a suit and tie that he reserved for the two or three times a year she forced him to stop working on Sundays and go to church.
“What is all this?” Billy asked when he got back from town that Saturday. He looked around the room and saw balloons and decorations as well as a tray of cupcakes, with one candle lit in the center of it. “It’s not my birthday or anything.”
“It’s not a birthday party!” Sarah laughed.
“It’s for your college scholarships,” Aunt BJ explained. “And, they are lemon butter cream cupcakes...your favorite, I believe.”
“NaNa made them, but me and Sarah helped,” Sonya bragged.
“They looks delicious!” Billy said and they did. He thanked everyone and suggested they sit down and have one immediately.
“You gotta get your presents first,” Sarah yelled as she handed Billy a card that she made out of construction paper, some flowers, glue and glitter.
Following Sarah, Sonya presented Billy with her gift. She made him a wooden picture frame and filled it with a picture of herself, her sister, and Aunt BJ and Uncle Bob.
“These are wonderful!” Billy told them and gave them each a hug, followed by a hair tussle.
“Here,” Uncle Bob said as Billy started to pick up the tray of cupcakes and take it into the dining room.
Billy put the tray back down. “What’s this?” he asked.
“Just open it!” Uncle Bob snapped and looked towards the ground.
Billy took the envelope from his uncle and opened it to reveal a hundred dollar bill. “Oh, I can’t take your money,” Billy said and immediately tried to offer the money back.
“You earned it,” His Uncle refused before ordering everyone to the table as a way to change the subject.
Billy was touched...by his uncle...by everyone. He had never been thrown a party for anything, as far as he could remember. He didn’t want to embarrass his uncle but did want to show his appreciation somehow so he made sure to hand the first cupcake to him, as a sign of respect. As he did, his uncle winked at him to let him know the gesture had been acknowledged.
As they all ate the cupcakes, Sarah used a camera to capture the moment. Billy even handed her his phone, so she could take a few pictures for him. To get her to laugh, he sacrificed a small bit of his cupcake, and smeared it all over his chin as he pretended to forget how to eat. Even that eventually made it into his mouth, though. It was truly the best cupcake he had ever tasted and he didn’t want to waste even a bite.
That night, he sent the pictures to Stuart via text message and Stuart sent him a few back in return. It had only been a matter of weeks but he could see differences in Stuart as he stared at the pictures. His confidence was showing through more and more. He especially liked looking at the pictures of Stuart wearing the clothes he had given him. Somehow, it made him feel connected. He couldn’t wait until he could see Stuart once again in person.
Chapter 12
As happy as everyone around the farm was becoming, things took a drastic turn just a short time later. Every weekend, Billy took Sarah and Sonya into town for ice cream. It became their little ritual. Sometimes Aunt BJ came along, but normally it was just Billy and the girls.
“I want to get chocolate with peanut butter cookie sprinkles,” Sonya shouted. She made a point of always ordering something different. She was determined to try every combination imaginable.
“And, what about you?” Billy asked Sarah, though he already knew the answer.
“Strawberry!” she laughed. She had gotten the same thing every visit.
“Don’t you want to try something else?” he would always ask, but would always receive the same answer.
“No, I like strawberry,” Sarah would giggle almost uncontrollably.
As they sat at a window table and told stories, Billy would keep his phone on the table and exchange texts with Stuart...sometimes sending him silly pictures he and the girls would take.
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” Billy asked the girls after they had finished eating. The last thing he needed was for them to have to go on the way back to the farm. There was virtually nowhere to stop for a restroom for thirty minutes...just the wide outdoors.
As usual, after both girls returned from the bathroom, Billy took his turn. Even if he didn’t have to go, he always wanted to wash his hands of the sticky ice cream that would often melt down his waffle cone.
“You got a message,” Sonya told Billy upon his return.
“Are we all ready?” he asked as he picked up and looked at his phone. It was a picture of Stuart making a heart with his hands that he held over his chest. Billy smiled.
The trip home continued with more talking and laughing. He always got a kick out of how the girls showed so much enjoyment just for having the windows down and letting the strong winds blast them in the face, sending their hair flying all around. Billy imagined they would love roller coasters and amusement parks.
At dinner that night, Billy noticed that the sisters started making hearts with their hands and holding them over their chests, signaling to each person at the table that they loved each other.
“Where in the world did you learn that?” Aunt BJ laughed, thinking it was the cutest thing.
“From his cell phone,” Sarah answered pointing at Billy. “His friend sent him a picture doing it.” Immediately her smile faded, though. She realized she just told on herself for looking at Billy’s text message while he was in the bathroom.
He looked at her and smiled to let her know that it was alright.
“Oh, my...does someone have a girlfriend?” Aunt BJ turned to ask Billy. She had never really taken the initiative to ask Billy about his love life before he arrived on the farm. She did suspect that maybe he had met someone in town and that was why he went there as often as he could.
“No, it’s not a girl...it’s a boy!” Sarah laughed.
Instantly, the room became quiet. Aunt BJ’s cheeks flushed and she looked nervously down at her food.
“Why don’t you two take yer food up to your room,” Uncle Bob told the girls through a locked jaw.
“Is something wrong?” Sonya asked, not realizing what had happened.
“No, no, honey...just go up to your room,” Aunt BJ assured her and Sarah.
Billy knew that
something was most definitely wrong...and he had a good idea what it was. But, he was prepared to defend himself. After all, who he loved had nothing to do with his aunt and uncle.
Once the girls were out of the room, Uncle Bob let into Billy. “So that’s it!? That’s what you are? This is Sodom and Gomorrah all over again!” he yelled.
“Let the boy speak,” Aunt BJ interjected, but not with her usual determination.
“That’s what I am?” Billy asked. “What? What am I? Say it!” he yelled back, feeling his blood beginning to boil.
“A damn faggot! That’s what!” Uncle Bob answered, surprising Billy that he had actually said it.
“If you mean, I have a boyfriend...then, yes. I’m gay,” Billy replied, looking his uncle square in the eye. “That’s none of your business.”
“None of my business? This is my God-damn house! And I won’t have you bringing that filth into it!”
Billy could understand that his uncle would have a hard time with his orientation, but he didn’t see how he was bringing filth into the household. “I haven’t done anything wrong and I won’t be ashamed of who I am,” Billy stated as he stood up intending to leave the table and just go to his room.
“Well, then I tell you what, Mister, you can just be as gay as you want...somewhere else! I won’t have a faggot soiling my house!”
“Robert!” Aunt BJ cried. “You can’t kick the boy out. He’s just confused,” she offered hoping she could talk her husband into changing her mind.
“I’m not confused!” Billy began to shout, but his voice softened as he looked at his aunt who was on the verge of tears. “I love you and thank you all for all you’ve done for me. But, if I’m not wanted here, I’ll leave,” Billy told her and with that he put his plate in the sink and headed upstairs to pack.
“Did we get you in trouble?” Sarah asked as Billy passed by the girls’ room.
“No, it’s fine. You did nothing wrong. We’re just having a disagreement, so I need to go live somewhere else,” Billy answered, trying to keep his voice as positive and uplifting as possible.