by J. M. Dabney
“You’re doing great. She’s happy and healthy, settling in well.” Troy told the truth because Win was doing an amazing job with being new at the whole Dad thing. The older man needed to relax though.
“That’s more because of you than me. You’ve been the great one. I panicked.”
“Anyone would’ve panicked. You didn’t know about her, and without warning, you’re hit with the reality of being a parent.” Troy took advantage of Win studying Bella to take in his strong profile, the sexy beard on his jaw and cheeks.
“I don’t want to fuck her up. What do I know about being a parent? Mine didn’t do anything…” Win’s voice broke.
Troy watched the big man lower his chin to his chest and briefly close his eyes.
“Win, baby, they showed you exactly what not to do, and you’re nothing like them.” He squeezed Win’s hand once more, then started to pull away. Strong, calloused fingers slipped through his and held tight.
“But I’ve done…” Win paused.
Troy knew what the man was going to say and saved him the misery. “You made a mistake, one that you paid for with eight years of your life.”
“How did you know?”
“I’m observant, and a bit sneaky. No one ever notices me, and you learn a lot when you’re invisible.” Troy tried to make a joke of it yet had a feeling the joke fell flat.
“You’re not invisible. I wouldn’t have made it through the beginning without you.”
“I’m glad I helped. You know I love her.” He glanced at Bella to find her watching them with a wide smile on her cute face. It made him happy and broke his heart at the same time. Everything he wanted was sitting beside him and across the room, that elusive dream he’d never found.
“The feeling is mutual. It’s always Troy this and Troy that after she comes home from spending time with you.”
“Go show your daddies your pretty nails.” The nail lady’s words broke into their conversation.
Win’s eyes went wide, and Troy tried to deflect whatever meltdown the man was going to have. “I’m not—” Bella’s giggles cut him off.
Win released his hand seconds before the tiny girl attacked them. She sat on Win’s lap and shoved her little hands in Troy’s face. He couldn’t contain his chuckle, and he wrapped his fingers around her wrists to look down at the most horrid shade of pink. It was close to Pepto and covered with dots of bright purple.
“Beautiful,” he told her.
“Do you want to have lunch and dinner at my place?” Win asked, and the question took Troy by surprise.
“You have food at your house?”
“Maybe.”
“Not encouraging. I’ll take Bella home to grab her things. Then we’ll head to the store and be over.”
“Okay, don’t be too long, um, I need to talk to you about something after Bella goes down for her nap.”
An instant feeling of nausea filled the pit of his stomach. He hated talks, despised the uncertainty of it because this was Win and Bella, a talk seemed ominous. Releasing one of Bella’s hands, he pressed his hand flat to his stomach to calm to nerves spiking into overdrive with agitated pangs. He squeezed Bella’s hand a little tighter and attempted to knock his fatalist tendencies aside.
“Okay, we won’t take long. Come on, Miss Bella, let’s go grocery shopping.”
“Ice cream,” she screeched and threw herself at Troy.
When he looked up, he noticed Win’s raised brow and his face flamed. “Don’t look at me like that, Dad likes ice cream, and sometimes it’s easier on his stomach.”
“Yeah, whatever excuse you want to make, baby, it ain’t going to work. You remember the video, right?” Win leaned to kiss Bella’s cheek. “See ya’ll in a bit.”
With that Win left and Troy stared at the door long after the man left. Okay, maybe the talk wasn’t bad as he thought. He could hope.
8
You’re an idiot, and he’s going to laugh in your face. Win mentally berated his reflection. Lifting his hands, he scrubbed his palms over a week’s worth of beard. On the ride back to Clifton, he’d made the decision to talk to Troy like Clay suggested.
What was the worst thing that could happen? He could laugh in your face. He groaned and dropped his chin to his bare chest. What would Troy want with him? Six-pack abs were a thing of the distant past, and he already found a gray hair in the thick mat of hair on his chest. He wasn’t out of shape, but he wasn’t like those slick, ripped men that men and women seemed to drool over.
He turned away because his face looked the same as it did a day ago, a week ago. The insecurities tore at his decisions, lingering doubts of whether he deserved Bella and Troy. He’d laid his daughter down half an hour ago, made an excuse that he needed to shower and his procrastination had to end soon.
Quickly changing into ragged jeans and a faded t-shirt, he left his room and checked on Bella once more, then went in search of Troy.
“Now or never, Sanchez,” he muttered to himself and quietly stepped into the kitchen. Troy stood at the sink with his back to Win.
He barely made it two steps into the room before Troy’s voice stopped him.
“Is Bella still asleep?” Troy asked.
It was the first time they’d spent alone, no Miller or Brent to act as a buffer. It’s the reason he’d invited Troy there, and he didn’t have much time until Bella awakened.
He squared his shoulders and drew whatever courage he possessed. “I just checked on her.”
Win crossed the small expanse between him and Troy. He hesitated for the span of a breath then reached out to curve his hands over the edge of the sink on either side of Troy.
“I thought you weren’t my maid.”
Win let his breath fan the side of Troy’s throat, and he pushed flush to the smaller man’s back. Disappointment radiated from the center of his chest at the stiffening of Troy’s body, yet the younger man didn’t move away. Troy almost seemed to lean into him, then changed his mind. He didn’t want the indecision, he’d seen the man watching him from the corner of his eye and the little touches, although, they had never strayed past comfort. Really there had to be something between them, a trace of attraction and affection, even as Win’s mind raged with doubt, his heart wanted to believe there was more between them than the little girl down the hall.
His lips brushed the rapid beat at the side of the man’s throat. “Um, you cooked, I clean, it’s polite.” Troy trembled against him and a plate hitting the water caused a splash.
“Troy,” Win whispered, then nipped at the hollow behind Troy’s ear.
“Whoa,” Troy croaked.
Win amusedly watched Troy duck under his arm and spun to pin him with a wide-eyed stare.
“What are you doing?”
“Apparently, I need more practice,” Win muttered then smirked.
Thankfully the kitchen was small like the rest of the place, and in a few long strides, he had Troy backed to the wall. His lips lowered to Troy’s—he kept the kiss gentle and slow. He had to push aside his usual need to dominate, quicker and rougher always worked for him. The soft mouth under his gave just right, and his dick went from half-hard to aching by what could be considered nothing more than a chaste kiss.
Slender arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and Troy’s slim body moved restlessly between him and the wall. A groan rumbled deep in his chest at the first tentative swipe of Troy’s tongue along his bottom lip. Troy slightly opened his mouth inviting him inside.
“No, dammit, Win,” Troy said breathlessly and slipped away from him again.
“What?” he asked.
“What are you doing?” Troy motioned between them. “What is this?”
“I thought we were kissing.”
“Why?”
“Why not?” Win queried and pushed his fingers roughly through his hair.
“Because you’re straight, I understand—” He moved towards Troy, and the smaller man darted away putting the small island between them. “Y
ou’re thankful for my help, but this—” Troy licked his lips, and Win growled.
Focus, Win told himself. “This isn’t going like I planned.”
“What the hell did you plan?”
“Lunch, Bella down for a nap and we talk, but you, fuck, I’m no good at this.”
“I don’t want your gratitude.”
The statement acted like a punch to the gut.
“That isn’t what the kiss was about.”
“You’re straight,” Troy repeated.
“First, I’m bi,” Win corrected.
“Oh, really, since when?” Troy demanded.
“Probably as long as you’ve been gay, since birth. And for another thing, this has nothing to do with my daughter. I’ve wanted you before she came along. Now, are you going to stop acting like an offended virgin and come back over here or not?”
“I’m not acting like a virgin, and I’m not one for your information. I’ve had plenty of—” He glared at his slim man cutting off the rest of that statement.
Win placed his palms flat on the island. “I wouldn’t finish that if I were you.”
“You’re no saint either, Win.”
“Never claimed to be, it’s one of the reasons I never tried anything before. I don’t deserve Bella or a chance with you. I get that, but, damn, could you not act like I’m some monster ready to attack? I get that shit enough.”
“Win, I didn’t,” Troy whispered and walked slowly back to him. “Bella loves you. She got so excited when she knew you were home. You’re not a monster, that isn’t why I freaked out. Win, baby…” Troy sighed, and then a soft hand came to rest on his cheek. The slightest pressure turned his head, and supple lips instantly conformed to his. He didn’t dare touch Troy in case the smaller man panicked again.
Rough panting breaths warmed his cheek as Troy eased the kiss from sweet to hot. He gathered Troy’s slim body in his arms and lifted the light man high on his chest, placing him on the counter. Their tongues teased, pushed at and stroked over the others. Win nearly lost it when strong legs twined around his waist. He’d dreamt of what a kiss with Troy would be like, fantasized about having Troy’s body wrapped around his, but no fantasy he’d had touched the reality of it.
His heart was beating an erratic rhythm in his chest, and his cock ached. The impression of an equally hard dick pressed hard to his abdomen. Troy’s sweet little moans and whimpers pushed him to take the next step, but he stroked his hands up and down Troy’s back. He massaged the flexing muscles, going lower on each downward stroke until he palmed the smaller man’s ass.
Win had been right; each cheek fit perfectly in his big hands. He was heading deeper into alien territory even though this wasn’t what he had planned. It wasn’t all about fucking, he’d strip Troy in a second, but it had to be right. He gentled the kiss, easing back until he nipped tenderly at kiss-swollen curves.
“Wow, that was better than fantasy.” Troy’s words took him by surprise.
“You thought about this?” Win asked with a good bit of hesitation.
“Almost from day one, I drooled over black leather chaps and knuckle tattoos. Sixteen-year-old me thought you were hot.”
“What about twenty-six-year-old you?” Win asked and held his breath awaiting the answer.
“Even hotter now. So, you’re bi, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ve only ever dated or hooked up with women, I know what to do and expect. In the neighborhood I grew up in, different of any kind put your name at the top of a hit list.”
“I’m your first at the advanced age of thirty-six?”
“Not yet, you’re not.”
“Yet, I like the sound of that.” Thick lashes batted and a new side of Troy came to the surface. Soft fingers slid beneath his t-shirt and stroked over his belly, and he instantly sucked it in. “Don’t do that; I like this.” Troy practically purred and ran his fingers through the curls covering his slightly soft belly. “Now, what was this talk you wanted to have?”
“That’s a bit too distracting.” He growled and pressed deeper into the V of Troy’s thighs.
“Should I stop?” Troy asked him while he nuzzled Win’s neck.
“No, but you went from freak out to freak on in nothing flat.”
“Ten very long years.” Troy’s soft hands stroked up his sides, and he lifted his arms to allow Troy to remove his shirt. “I would’ve jumped you at the smallest hint you were interested.”
Win barely concentrated on the husky whispers because he finally had Troy’s soft hands and short nails stroking over his skin. He pushed closer to the smaller man, and Troy’s thighs parted and gripped at his waist at the same time. He brought his hands up and cupped Troy’s jaw, traced the curves of Troy’s lips with the rough pads of his thumbs. “Why?” Win sighed the question across Troy’s mouth.
“Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time”—Win chuckled, feeling Troy’s smile against his lips—“there was a very sexy, knight in black leather chaps. The young and completely off-limits prince of Canter nearly swooned.” Troy sighed heavily.
“Swooned? Really?” Win laughed softly.
“Who’s telling this story, baby?” The younger man asked.
“Accept my humble apologies, please continue.” His bow earned him a pinch.
“Okay, where was I, oh yeah, swooning.” Troy brushed a gentle kiss to his lips, and Win’s heart seemed to constrict in his chest. “Then the young prince noticed shadows in beautiful blue eyes, well hidden, yet still there. He knew the strong, wounded knight would never see him as anything but the King’s son. So, the prince hid his growing affection for the knight and resigned himself to pining from afar. Until one afternoon, the knight approached seeking assistance with a beautiful princess, the prince fell instantly in love, but with this love came pain as well. A daughter and handsome knight weren’t in the prince’s future.”
“Troy.” Win cut off the words that were turning Troy’s voice sad. “As much as I want to believe I’m worthy of it, I’m still waiting for it to all fall apart or at least to wake up to find Bella and you gone.”
“It’s sappy and clichéd, but dreams sometimes come true. We’re well past the age of fairy tales, and your armor is pretty tarnished.” Troy laughed and laid his cheek on Win’s chest.
Win closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Troy tenderly drawing patterns on his lower back with soft fingertips. “Actually, it’s downright rusty.”
Troy lifted his head, and his eyes met Win’s. He almost had the urge to look away from the gentle gray eyes. “I don’t think any knight made it out without a lot of dents. You’ve got a beautiful daughter, a great job, and you’ve left whatever past you have behind.”
“It’s still there some nights when I close my eyes.”
“Eighteen years, Win, eight of them you spent locked up and the other ten you made a life for yourself away from wherever it is you came from. You can live with the guilt until it eats you alive, but it won’t change what happened.”
“That’s what Clay said while we were away, but everything changed for me when I woke up sober in that cinderblock cell.”
“But are you the same man now as you were then?”
Win thought about it, and he didn’t know how to answer except with the truth. “I’ve always been angry. There’s a monster existing below the surface waiting to explode for no reason or for the slightest offense.” He kissed Troy and closed his eyes leaning his forehead to Troy’s. “Except for when I’m with you and Bella, the rage isn’t there. I don’t know if it’s only a momentary respite before it’s back.”
“Come to bed, I need a nap, and to be honest, it’s a test. I hate bed hogs. It’s definitely a deal breaker.” Troy’s slender hands pushed him back, and Troy jumped from his perch on the counter.
Win held his breath as Troy darted a look over his shoulder and exited the room. It was too easy, yet it felt right, and he didn’t hesitate to follow. He made it to his bedroom in time to watch Troy strip down. Smo
oth skin stretched over lean muscles, and Win thought the younger man was perfect. The man wanted him, and he didn’t understand it, but he didn’t want to question it and waste a moment of time. He removed his jeans and left them beside the dresser.
Kiss darkened lips tilted into the sweetest smile and Troy lifted the covers inviting him to lie beside him. Win set on the edge of the bed, then turn to stretch out. Instantly, a long, lean leg came to rest over his hip and arms slipped around his neck.
“What did you say about a nap?” Win asked between slow lingering kisses. Relishing the soft moans and Troy’s tight embrace, a slender hard dick lined up to Win’s thicker length. He pushed his hips forward, and Troy rewarded him with a sharp gasp.
“Screw a nap…we can sleep later.”
Win easily rolled to his back at the small shove of Troy’s hands, and the smaller man straddled his hips. He laid his hands on Troy’s flat stomach, gliding them over the smooth chest until he wrapped them around the back of Troy’s neck and pulled the man down. Smiling lips met his, and for the first time, he pushed away the doubts—the fear—and decided to believe for once he deserved something and someone good. “Let’s take it slow, okay?”
Troy’s only answer was a nod and a smile that made the bottom of his stomach drop out. He wouldn’t question whatever higher power there was finally giving him what he’d always dreamt of—family.
9
Slow was killing Troy, he groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. He loved Win, part of him always had, but giving Win what he wanted was battering at his control. Evenings spent with Win and Bella, nights sleeping in Win’s bed and hot and heavy make-out sessions. It was more than he dreamed of in ten years and he couldn’t deny the glimmer of fear still existing in Win’s gorgeous eyes. Three weeks of taking it slow, so he reminded himself he would be Win’s first male partner.