Rodger lowered his hand. “Sorry, ma’am. They’re just so good.”
“Yeah, and you’ll get some in turn,” Ronnie barked. He looked at Carolyn. “Hello, Mrs. Jennings.”
“Hello, Mr. Richardson,” Carolyn returned.
Ronnie didn’t hear her. He was busy grinning at Hazel. “This is your first party, isn’t it?”
“In Debarr, yes,” Hazel stiffly answered.
“Then you don’t know the tradition. The new folks always have to dance. I’m the fella that takes ladies for a spin. You ready?” he asked.
“I’m not interested,” Hazel tried to decline.
He caught her hand and led her to the dancefloor anyway. Rodger began to talk to Carolyn about blackberries and farming, yet her eye ventured to Hazel and Ronnie. She couldn’t see that Hazel was discreetly trying to slip from Ronnie’s grip.
“Why aren’t you sweet on me, Hazel? Most gals would run through a cornfield to get to me,” Ronnie said.
“That’s one thing about you. Your ego,” Hazel retorted.
Hazel’s stare rested on Carolyn. She watched as Rodger grinned at something that Carolyn said. How badly I want to be over there, Hazel thought. Instead, Ronnie’s accent grated her nerves.
“My ego? I don’t got an ego. I’ve got facts. Fact is you’ve never met a man like me. I can give you things that soldier can’t.”
“Oh, do tell,” Hazel spoke, amused by his words.
Carolyn glanced in Hazel’s direction. She saw a subtle smile on Hazel’s face, which made her believe that perhaps Hazel was enjoying her time with Ronnie. Seeing Hazel with someone else made Carolyn shudder.
“I’ve been told that I’m the best kisser from here to Missouri. And not just that…” Ronnie boasted.
“So, all these times that you’ve offered me a ride, you had necking on your mind rather than a quiet drive in the country?” Hazel pretended to be awestruck.
“You know that,” Ronnie said.
“I do,” Hazel confirmed. “That’s why I’ve turned you down.”
“Do you really love that soldier so much you’d turn down fun with me?”
“Fun? You think that being with you would be fun?” Hazel cackled.
Carolyn watched Hazel giggle. She was dancing in perfect time with Ronnie. An image popped into Carolyn’s mind. She saw herself in Ronnie’s place. Her arm would keep Hazel’s waist close, and Hazel would giggle at something that she would say. Carolyn couldn’t handle that fantasy. She darted to the door.
“You really shouldn’t make me mad, Hazel. I’m fun if you’re with me. I’m real bad when you’re not,” Ronnie snarled.
“Threatening a woman, are you? Does that make you feel strong? A real man wouldn’t meet rejection with fire. He’d take it for what it is.”
“And what is it?” Ronnie hissed.
“Nothing more than a difference of opinion,” Hazel said.
Hazel glanced at the side of the barn, expecting to see Carolyn. She wasn’t there. All that Hazel saw was a flash of Carolyn’s dress. It was fluttering through the door. With force, Hazel twisted away from Ronnie.
“Thank you for the dance. I’d appreciate it if you find a different dance partner. Goodnight, Mr. Richardson,” Hazel spat.
Outside, Carolyn was almost at her truck. Hazel sprinted through the barn door and frantically searched the area with her gaze. After recognizing Carolyn’s silhouette, Hazel realized that Carolyn was moments away from leaving. Hazel rushed towards her.
“Hey,” Hazel called. Carolyn stopped in her tracks. Hazel caught up to her. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah. I brought the pies around. That’s all I had to do, so I should get going. My kitchen isn’t as clean as it should be,” Carolyn responded.
“You were going to leave without saying anything to me? I’d have been worried.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt you. You were having a good time, so I—”
“A good time? What on earth would make you say that?” Hazel gaped.
“Well, you were laughing and—”
“That? I was laughing at him. He’s the last person that I would ever want to dance with. I don’t want to dance with anybody in there, actually,” Hazel admitted.
Carolyn’s face was hot from embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I assumed is all.”
“You don’t need to apologize for that. You do need to apologize for one thing.”
“What?” Carolyn frowned.
“You left before I could tell you something important.”
“I’m sorry I did that. What is it?” Carolyn asked.
Hazel whispered. “You’re the one that I want to dance with.”
Carolyn was overwhelmed. Hazel extended her hand, but Carolyn was trying to hold back. Carolyn looked around to be sure that they were alone, and then her resolve faded. She took Hazel’s hand and allowed Hazel to pull her closer. Even in the dark, Hazel could see Carolyn’s blue eyes.
“Heaven. I’m in Heaven. The cares that hung around me through the week seem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak when we’re out together dancing…cheek to cheek…” Hazel sang as they swayed.
Hazel hummed the rest of the song. Carolyn wasn’t much of a dancer, yet neither was Hazel. They shared slow motions, and their bodies moved closer with each step. Suddenly, the fireworks burst in the sky. The noise sent Hazel further into Carolyn’s grasp. Then, their noses touched.
This time, they didn’t fight it. They let the kiss bloom.
Twenty-two
It was just as incredible as the women imagined. Neither of them had been kissed with such fervor, and they had never felt emotions tingle on their lips. A simple peck wasn’t enough for them. They kissed deeply and strongly as Hazel’s hands cupped Carolyn’s cheeks. Carolyn led her hand across the small of Hazel’s back, yet a fold in Hazel’s dress lightly tugged on Carolyn’s wedding ring. It was as if an alarm sounded inside of Carolyn’s head.
Carolyn sharply backed away. Her eyes avoided any contact with Hazel’s stare. Rather than explain herself, Carolyn turned towards her truck. Hazel’s brow knit. Hazel had no idea about what had just happened. So, she jogged after Carolyn.
“Carolyn?” she asked.
The truck door slammed, and the engine started. Although Carolyn was silent, Hazel noticed that tears shimmered on her skin. Carolyn began to drive away, but she could still see Hazel in the mirror. Hazel was chasing after her.
“Carolyn!” Hazel shouted while she ran.
When Hazel realized that the truck made it to the main road, her legs slowed. Hazel was in a daze. On one hand, she didn’t think that she had ever been so happy. That kiss was everything that she dreamed about and more. However, Carolyn had just abandoned her with no explanation. Hazel was too young to consider the consequences of their actions. Carolyn knew them too well.
Hazel didn’t believe that she could return to the party after that kiss. Solemnly, she climbed into her car. She didn’t know that Rodger had poked his head through the barn door. He was looking for Carolyn. And, he did see Carolyn. He saw her drive away, in a hurry, and he saw that a woman chased her. The boy didn’t know that it was Hazel until she got into her car.
He didn’t know the significance. Yet.
*-*-*-*
Carolyn parked the truck as close to the house as she could. She leapt up the steps and through the door. When she slammed it, the sound echoed. She wandered into the kitchen, which only upset her more. The table reminded her of her husband, and the leftover blackberries reminded her of Hazel. Carolyn was having trouble accepting that the kiss really happened. However, she could still taste Hazel on her mouth.
She told herself that she could sleep it off, pretending that Hazel were merely an overdose of whiskey. When she reached her bedroom, she remembered what happened earlier that afternoon. He took her hand. He forcefully led her up the steps. He laid her down. He told her to tell him what a man he was. He would hurt her if she didn’t.
Disgusted, sh
e ripped the dress from her skin and threw it across the room. Her hands frantically dug through her things until she found her best pair of overalls. She marched into her bathroom and turned on the shower. She let the water seer her skin. It hurt when she put on the overalls, but that was nothing new.
There was no way that she could stay in that house. It made things too real. The wedding picture was on the wall, his clothes were waiting to be washed, and those sheets. Those sheets were toxic. She couldn’t bear to see them.
She went to the barn to see her horse. He greeted her fondly, as he always did, and then she found a clear space on the ground. It was in an acute corner that was protected from any muck or mess. She curled up against the wall. The quiet was welcoming.
Absentmindedly, her fingertips fiddled with the ring on her finger. It would barely wiggle. She remembered the day that he gave it to her. She could recall how wrong it felt when he kissed her at the altar. She knew how often she thought about kissing her childhood friend, that girl with the adorable freckles, and damned herself for it.
It wasn’t like that with Hazel. It felt like Hazel was the only one she should hold. She replayed the night in detail. Hazel finding her, dancing with her, singing to her, kissing her, and chasing her—it was overloading Carolyn’s insides. Terror gripped her.
She refused to let herself think about what she wanted. If she did, it would tear her apart. There was a husband, a fiancé, an age difference, a sin, a damaged woman, and who knew what else…how could anything good come from that? How could anything come from it at all? Nothing should anyhow, she thought.
Regardless, tears formed. She had never wanted anything as much as she wanted Hazel.
*-*-*-*
Hazel parked her car as close to her front porch as possible. Just as Carolyn had done, she stormed up the steps and slammed her front door behind her. In her case, the screen door came off one of its hinges from the blow. So, Hazel tore it down.
She paced the halls. If she saw something of Eugene’s, something that she hadn’t broken yet, she would hide it in a drawer or closet. If she saw something that reminded her of Carolyn, she would merely shed a few more tears. When she passed her table, she saw Sally’s letter. She read over the final paragraph again. You are engaged. Finding a lover out there can only end badly.
Hazel crunched the paper between her hands until she formed a ball. Then, she went into the field behind her house. She chucked it as if she were pitching in a ballgame. Of course she knew that things could end badly, yet she couldn’t help trusting that something good was going to happen. Rather, something incredible. She didn’t want to give up on that dream.
Over and over, she thought about the kiss and the dance. It was a mutual kiss, she knew. There was no doubt there. Carolyn obviously wanted to dance too, otherwise she wouldn’t have held Hazel so securely. Still, she deserted Hazel without a word.
Hazel knew what could have given Carolyn pause. There were many tangible obstacles in their way, but Hazel couldn’t help thinking that Carolyn fled for a different reason. Carolyn was afraid of what she was feeling. That had to be the main reason for her sudden departure. Hazel didn’t want to believe otherwise. There was no way that she was going to back down now.
On some level, Hazel thought that Carolyn might come by the farm. Thus, Hazel sat on the steps of her front porch. She refused to go inside for the longest time, yet rain began to fall. Lightning flashed across the sky, and ominous thunder followed. The storm that Carolyn sensed had arrived.
Hazel didn’t realize that she sat up all night until she saw the clock. She considered going to bed, but the rain revealed that there was a hole in the roof. She did her best to block the leak with a blanket and placed a bucket beneath it. The bucket was too small and soon overflowed.
This called for a trip to Elmer’s store. She was exhausted and hardly in the mood for socialization. However, it seemed that the room would surely flood if she didn’t take some action. In the end, she chose to endure chitchat over finding herself under water.
“There’s Ms. Mayer!” Elmer cheerfully greeted her.
Her response was hardly bright. “Good morning.”
“Where’d you slip off to last night? I never got a chance to thank you for helping me with the table.”
“I felt very tired, so I went home for some sleep,” Hazel answered.
Elmer stared at the bags under her eyes. “Doesn’t seem like you got any.”
“Not really. Are these the biggest buckets you have? This rain has created a waterfall through my ceiling.”
“There are a few bigger ones in the back corner there. Believe you me, I’ve had a whole bunch of people coming in here for buckets. We forget about cracks and holes around here because we don’t get a lot of rain. Not enough to be a nuisance, anyway. But, when it rains, whew. It really rains. You need to think of something more than a bucket in the future,” Elmer suggested.
“What do you think?”
“Well, you should get it patched, of course. But, if you can’t afford a real good patch, I’ve got some tarps over there. You just have to nail it over the hole. Just be sure that you hang it on the inside of the house, if you want to use it now. It’s too dangerous to be climbing up a roof in this sort of weather. You could fall down dead or get struck by lightning. But, some people are too stubborn to listen to me and go up on their roofs anyhow. Don’t be one of those.”
Another flash of lightning lit the windows of Elmer’s store. Hazel thought back to the moment when Carolyn was mending her fence. I should be worrying on the holes in the roofs.
Too stubborn. That sounded like Carolyn. The wind was picking up as thunder came closer. Hazel left her things at the register.
Twenty-three
The ladder swayed from side to side as Carolyn battled the wind. She fixed the slit in the cows’ barn, but her main concern was the hole in the storage barn. The hay and feed were inside, and those were the last things that should get wet. Carolyn balanced her hammer and box of nails on the edge of the roof. She went back down for the new board.
Over the thunder, Carolyn did not hear Hazel’s car as it approached. Hazel jumped out of her car in record time, and she dashed towards the barns. The lightning was pure white and moved in perfect lines. Hazel’s legs vibrated when the thunder roared, and the wind ripped a loose button from her dress. Her eyes were blurred by the thick and heavy raindrops.
In the distance, she saw something moving on top of the storage barn. Hazel hurried towards that barn, but Carolyn still hadn’t noticed her. Her focus rested upon holding the board down long enough to hammer nails into it. Even when Hazel reached the edge of the barn, Carolyn was oblivious.
“Carolyn!” Hazel fiercely shouted. “Carolyn! Hey, Carolyn! Down here!”
Carolyn paused. She thought for certain that she was hearing things.
“Carolyn! CAROLYN! Down here!”
This time, she looked. Hazel stood at the base of the ladder. Carolyn continued to fight with the board. “Hazel? What are you doing here? You shouldn’t of driven in this weather!”
“Driving is a lot safer than what you’re doing. Get down from there before you get hurt!”
“I have to do this, or the storm will ruin I’ve got in there.”
“Then let me help you!”
Carolyn shook her head at Hazel’s stubbornness. “It’s too dangerous for you.”
“But you can do it? That makes no sense. It’s downright hypocritical. Let me come up there.”
“I don’t have another ladder.”
“Yes, you do. There’s one in your other barn,” Hazel argued.
She knew that Hazel wouldn’t back down. “All right.”
Hazel retrieved the second ladder and placed it beside Carolyn. Instead of trying to yell, Carolyn physically placed Hazel’s hands on the board. She carefully hammered in nails along the edges. Hazel noticed that the board wasn’t securely in place, given the slant of the roof. Nevertheless, it was the best
that they could do.
When they reached the ground, Carolyn picked up her ladder and stomped into the barn. Hazel promptly followed her, wincing when Carolyn pounded the ladder against the wall. Her words were a grumble. “You shouldn’t have come. It’s not Thursday. And, I had it.”
“You didn’t have it,” Hazel spat as she slammed the barn door shut. “You’re an idiot, you know that? Do you know what could have happened to you out there?”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Is that so? The wind took a button off my dress, and I’m pretty sure that lightning will strike your field in the next few minutes. And what were you doing? Standing way up in the air, wielding a metal object. Could you even see through the rain, or were you just hoping that you wouldn’t send a nail through your thumb?”
“Did you come all the way out here to lecture me?” Carolyn spat.
“I came out here because I didn’t want you to get hurt or worse.”
“I’ve been farming my whole life, and I’ve been through bad thunderstorms. Hell, I’ve been through tornados. One so bad it took everything from me. I can handle some rain and lightning, all right?”
“What’s wrong with you? You haven’t once shown me any gratitude. You usually thank me before you can catch your breath,” Hazel hissed.
“You want me to thank you for being dumb? You could’ve been hurt out there when you didn’t have to be. I had to be out there. I had to patch this roof. You didn’t. You shouldn’t be here. You should be at home where you’re safe and dry and away from me.”
Hazel’s blood froze. “You want me to be away from you?”
“Please go home.”
“Not going to happen. Are you really this upset because I came here?” Hazel asked. The expression on Carolyn’s face said it all. “This is about the kiss, isn’t it? You don’t want me to stay because you don’t want to address what happened last night. Unfortunately, Carolyn, I am here. And, I do want to talk about it. You ran away from me, and I want to know why.”
“I ran because what we were doing was wrong,” Carolyn replied.
The Way We Are Page 11