“That’s a joke. If you really think it’s wrong, why did you kiss me?” Hazel snapped.
“Listen to me, all right? I’m married. You’re engaged. And, you’re young enough to be my daughter. Even if all that wasn’t true, we’re women, Hazel. Women can’t be with other women. It’s a sin. It’s wrong, and it’s a wrong way to be. That’s how it is. That kiss shouldn’t have happened.”
“I don’t want to know why it shouldn’t have happened. I want to know why it did.”
“I can’t say it,” Carolyn muttered.
“Why? Because it’ll be too real if you do?” Hazel returned as she neared Carolyn. “I think that we both know what we’ve been feeling for a long time. Being with you is my favorite thing in the world. I miss you as soon as we’re apart. It just feels right with you. Everything feels right. I’m pretty sure that you feel that way too. So, explain to me how something this right can be wrong.”
“There is no way that this can end well. None.”
“How can you know when we haven’t even tried?” Hazel challenged.
Carolyn’s head shook. “You don’t understand. Your solider isn’t here. My husband is.”
“You’re staying with him because you’re scared, and that’s the only reason. I see how scared you get when you talk about him and how you have to run home all the time. He always gets his way, you’ve said. You need to get your way, Carolyn. You deserve that. You deserve to stop being scared.”
“It’s not easy like that.”
“You’ve already given up. I can hear it in your voice. After all these years, you think that you’re stuck with him, don’t you? It’s never too late to be happy.”
“You wouldn’t know about time. You’re so young.”
Hazel glared. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“You have time to figure out who you are and what you want. If you stay here with me, one day you’ll look back and regret this. You’ll regret that you didn’t have a chance to live your life while you were young. I can’t rob you of a future. One that you make.”
“I may be just eighteen, but I know what I want.”
“You can’t stay with me. You can’t be like me. I’m wrong and I don’t want you to be wrong. I’m a lost cause by now, but you’ve got a shot.”
“A shot? To, what, stop being attracted to women? I’ve been this way, Carolyn. Looking back on my life, I have always wanted women. So, don’t give yourself so much credit.”
Carolyn dryly swallowed. “And you’re all right with it? Being like we are?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I don’t see how any religion or town should dictate who I am.”
“This town turns on people. I’ve seen it.”
“I don’t care about them.”
“You should.”
“I should do a lot of things. I should think a lot of things and believe a lot of things. But, I won’t. I’ll always think that I need to be right here. With you.”
“You need to think with your head and not your heart.”
“You need to stop thinking all together and let yourself feel, Carolyn. For just once in your life, let down the wall and just feel. Feel how much I want to be with you and how much you want to be with me. Forget about everything else and stop running. I don’t want to regret that I never got a chance to share my life with you.”
“Hazel…”
In a flash, Hazel moved forward. She placed her hands on Carolyn’s neck, drawing Carolyn furiously to her lips. At first, Carolyn resisted. Then, her heart took over. She gripped both of Hazel’s wrists while her mouth passionately returned the kiss. There was no way for Carolyn to escape.
This time, she didn’t want to.
Twenty-four
Their mouths collided with fire and tenderness. Although their lungs demanded air, they couldn’t let each other go. Hazel caught Carolyn’s hand in hers, gradually sliding it from her hip to her chest. Carolyn’s brain told her stop, but the rest of her body insisted that she feel every inch of Hazel’s skin.
Carolyn nimbly unbuttoned Hazel’s dress. This was the point of no return, they both knew. Hazel kissed Carolyn’s jaw while she finished with Hazel’s buttons. Desperately, Hazel escaped her dress. She wanted nothing more than to be with Carolyn. In that moment, nothing else mattered.
Tantalizingly, Carolyn’s fingertips inched along Hazel’s ribs as Hazel worked on undoing her bra. Hazel threw it across the barn with her dress. Carolyn’s breathing hitched. Despite having no experience, Carolyn knew what to do by instinct. Hazel softly moaned at Carolyn’s light touch.
When Carolyn’s fingers and lips reached Hazel’s navel, Hazel shed the rest of her outfit. Hazel caught Carolyn’s face by the cheeks before they went further. She kissed Carolyn’s mouth and then her throat. Then, she reached for the straps of Carolyn’s overalls. Carolyn attempted to stop Hazel, yet Hazel was moving too fast. Hazel undid the first few buttons of Carolyn’s shirt. There was no way to hide her secret then.
Hazel saw the deep bruises and scattered scars on Carolyn’s flesh. The situation finally made sense to Hazel. Carolyn was rigid. She wanted to know what Hazel was thinking, as Hazel hadn’t moved or made a sound. After a moment, Hazel leaned forward to gingerly kiss a nasty bruise on Carolyn’s collarbone.
“Come here, sweetheart…” Hazel murmured.
They kissed tenderly. Hazel delicately undressed Carolyn, internally wincing at every wound and mark on the woman’s body. Skin to skin, they continued. They felt and tasted as much of each other as possible. Carolyn never knew that someone could bring her such pleasure and happiness, and Hazel never imagined that anyone could make her feel so complete.
After, they could scarcely catch their breath. There were no blankets in the shed, but there were empty burlap sacks. They draped them across their bodies to block the damp air. Their clothes were still soaked from the rain. The storm was still raging, though it was waning. The thunder sounded farther away, and the raindrops on the roof weren’t as loud. Carolyn rested in Hazel’s arms.
“So this is why you don’t want anybody to know you…” Hazel whispered, affectionately caressing Carolyn’s battered arm.
“I’m used to it,” Carolyn faintly replied.
“Was it always this way?”
“It was good for the first few years. But, dinner was late one night, so he took a pan and hit me with it. He said that he’d never do it again. He used to say that all the time. He knows that I could never believe him now.”
“Oh, Carolyn,” Hazel muttered. Her heart could hardly stand to know more. “Why did you marry a monster like him?”
“There was a tornado when I was sixteen. My mother and father died, and by then my brothers were gone too. The house was mostly torn up. I had nowhere to live and no job to do. The Jennings family needed a maid, so that’s what I did. Thompson was eighteen. He asked me to marry him after a month or two. He said that it was marry him or leave, so I married him.”
“You couldn’t leave?”
“No. There was nowhere to go. Not a person in town had room for me, and the closest town to here didn’t even exist back then. With no car and no horse, I’d have had to walk for miles to get to another town, and chances were I’d end up in the same spot. Married to some man I didn’t love. I just didn’t realize that Thompson would raise a hand to me. I liked him once. Now, I get sick when I hear my name. Mrs. Jennings. It’s awful.”
Hazel nuzzled Carolyn’s ear. “What is your name?”
“Carolyn Arksdale.”
“Hello, Ms. Arskdale. I’m Hazel Mayer.”
Carolyn smirked at the game. “Nice meeting you, Ms. Mayer.”
“Nice meeting you too,” Hazel widely smiled. She gave Carolyn a brief kiss. Then, her voice lowered. “I hate seeing you like this. You shouldn’t be hurting.”
“You shouldn’t be either.”
“I’m not hurting like you.”
“But, you are hurting. That boy. You get sick when you say his na
me like I do when I talk about Thompson. Why do you stay with him?”
“My father is very ill. No one really knows exactly what’s wrong. He fainted one day about three years ago. He’s seen every doctor in New England since. That sort of thing requires money. When the stock market crashed, we lost almost everything. Eugene Miller is the son of the infamous Miller family. They’re big money in Boston. They’re paying my family’s bills now.
“Why? Because Eugene met me in school. He fell in love with me, supposedly, shortly after my father’s health declined. So, Eugene asked me to marry him one day. My mother pushed me into it. After I said that I would, I went into the nearest bathroom and vomited. You should hear what he thinks about women. It doesn’t matter. I have to marry Eugene or the Millers will stop paying.”
“That boy is using your father’s life to make you stay with him?”
“Yeah. I become Hazel Miller, or I sit by my father’s deathbed. That’s the idea, anyway. My sister wrote me to tell me that my father is getting worse.”
Carolyn moved closer to Hazel. She set her chin on Hazel’s shoulder with a frown. “I am so sorry, darlin.”
“I don’t know exactly how bad it is. I don’t want to know, honestly. I want a chance to breathe. To think. I can do that out here. No Eugene or Mother or Sally pressuring me.”
A natural hush fell over them. Carolyn and Hazel had the same thought in their minds. Where do we go from here? They admitted that they were trapped with Thompson and Eugene, but it wasn’t stopping them. They only moved nearer to each other.
“The storm is getting quiet. Can’t say that I’ve heard thunder in a long while,” Carolyn commented.
Hazel sighed. “As much as I’d hate to move, do you want to get out there? See how things are getting on?”
“Yeah. We probably should. But, not in those clothes. We’d catch us death of cold. I bet you something.”
“A bet? Do tell,” Hazel playfully said.
“I’ll get to the house before you do.”
Carolyn popped upright. She wrapped the burlap sack around herself, and then she ran for the barn door. Hazel jumped to her feet and did the same. The rain was still falling, though it was a mere mist. The women reached the backdoor of the house in unison, and they impishly fought over the slippery knob. Carolyn was victorious in the end. Hazel pinned her against the frame for a few kisses.
“I almost hate to put clothes on,” Hazel muttered.
“We should look after this farm first. First,” Carolyn smiled.
“How about a warm drink before that? Milk?”
“It’s in the icebox,” Carolyn told her. “I’ll see about something to wear.”
After a last kiss, Carolyn went upstairs for a few outfits. Hazel searched the kitchen for the milk and a pot. While she waited for the milk to heat, she noticed a photograph on the wall that wasn’t usually there. It was of Carolyn and a man. Hazel guessed that it must be Thompson, yet she barely recognized Carolyn. She was so young.
“Found some overalls for us,” Carolyn announced.
She stopped in her tracks when she realized that Hazel found her wedding picture. Hazel glanced at Carolyn. Then, she glanced at the photograph.
“Is this you and Thompson?” Hazel asked.
“Yeah. I put that picture in a drawer most of the time. I forgot to do that today.”
“You look so different in this picture. If it wasn’t for your beautiful eyes, I never would have guessed that it’s you.”
“Yeah. Back when I wasn’t old and washed up,” Carolyn grimaced.
Lovingly, Hazel draped her arms around Carolyn’s neck. “You’re way more gorgeous now than then. Not that you weren’t a looker before.”
“You’re too sweet.”
“It’s the truth. Let’s fix this,” Hazel said as she took the photograph off the wall. Pointedly, she put it in the drawer. She reached to Carolyn. “Now, Ms. Arskdale, I say we have our milk and then take care of the farm.”
“All right. That sounds perfect.”
As happy as they were in that moment, they were more than aware it couldn’t last.
Twenty-five
Whistling a happy tune, Hazel drove to Elmer’s store the following morning. The leak in her roof made her living room a disaster area, and she was not equipped to handle the mess. Elmer would surely have mops and cleaning supplies. She wasn’t sure if it’d help, but she had to visit Elmer anyway. She’d left her items at the register the day before.
Elmer was expecting to see Hazel again, but he could barely believe his eyes. Hazel was happy. No, Hazel was elated. He’d never seen her that way. It was refreshing.
“Good morning, Ms. Mayer,” Elmer greeted.
“Why, good morning, Elmer. Beautiful day, isn’t it?” Hazel cheerfully hummed.
“Sure is. You wouldn’t know that Debarr was under water last night. I’m guessing that’s why you’re here. That, and all the things you left up here. How bad was the flooding?”
“Bad, to put it mildly. I’ll have to see about getting that roof fixed. In the meantime, I’ll deal with the aftermath.”
Hazel radiantly grinned. Elmer heard her singing a jolly tune while she wandered the aisles. He couldn’t stand the suspense any longer. “Say, Hazel, you seem real happy today.”
“Do I? Well, I am,” Hazel readily confirmed.
“What’s got you happier than a hog in mud?”
“I just had a wonderful night is all,” Hazel said.
“In the storm?” Elmer suspiciously replied.
Hazel was quick on her feet. “Most certainly, Elmer. Boston gets more thunderstorms than you do here. I’ve always liked listening to them. The rain and all that. It lulled me right to sleep. There’s nothing better than sleeping well.”
If she had a chance to stay with Carolyn, she knew that she would have had the best sleep of her life. Instead, she had to bolt in case Thompson decided to come home. Regardless, she had a marvelous night in her flooded home. It was filled with dreams of Carolyn’s barn, and she woke up knowing that they were real.
“Funny Northerners. We hate thunderstorms out here. They lead to tornadoes, and we really hate them. Half the town was wiped out once. That was years ago when I was just a young man, but it was devastating. The only thing even close to being that bad was…well. Let’s just say a fire hit the town and leave it at that.”
“I can’t imagine tornadoes. I’ve always been uncomfortable with that idea. That, and tidal waves.”
“Tidial what?”
“Tidal waves. Giant waves that hit land,” Hazel explained.
Elmer briefly shuddered. “I’d be real scared of that too. Thank goodness we don’t have water like that here. You been on the coast before?”
“Of course. I lived practically on the Atlantic Ocean. Hasn’t anybody else been there?”
“I have,” Mrs. Deanwood said, having just entered the store.
“Good morning, Mrs. Deanwood. You’ve been to the ocean?” Elmer asked.
Mrs. Deanwood nodded. “My darling Joseph took me out there for a night or so after we wed. It’s gorgeous. I’d love to go back someday.”
“The waves do call people home,” Hazel agreed.
“Something so big like that…makes you feel lost. Like nobody could ever find you,” Mrs. Deanwood added.
Elmer shrugged. “All right, ladies. Whatever you say. How can I help you, Mrs. Deanwood?”
“Oh, I was just here to get some more coffee. I’ve already gone through most of it,” Mrs. Deanwood laughed. Abruptly, the idea struck her. “Hazel, why don’t you come over for coffee today? I could use a stimulating conversation.”
“That sounds lovely, actually. I could use some company,” Hazel decided.
“This afternoon?” Mrs. Deanwood asked.
“Yes. I’ll come around after lunch,” Hazel confirmed.
“Excellent. After lunch it is,” Mrs. Deanwood smiled.
*-*-*-*
Hazel met with Mrs. Dea
nwood right after lunch. They discussed several novels for quite some time. Once the coffee ran out, they sat around for a simple chat. For once, it did not center around the darling Dr. Joseph Deanwood. That was a relief to Hazel.
“My parents are far away now. My pa is living with my brother in the big city. My ma died a few years ago. I miss her every day. Joseph was the one taking care of her. That’s how we met,” Mrs. Deanwood shared.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother,” Hazel gently responded.
“Thank you. We were close. Good friends, you could say. Are you close to your mother?”
Hazel almost snorted at the concept. “No. Not really. We don’t get along. Her opinions are very different than mine.”
“What about your father? Are you close to him?” Mrs. Deanwood wondered.
“Closer to him than my mother. He’s seriously ill.”
“My, I’m sorry. That’s terrible. Are they treating him at all?”
“Yes. They’re not entirely sure what they’re treating, but they’re doing the best they can. I’ve been told that it could be terminal, if they don’t keep doing whatever they’re doing right now.”
Mrs. Deanwood sighed. “That kind of thing drives my husband crazy. He wants to know what’s happening and fix it. It’s awful that they can’t do that with your father.”
“It is. The bills are crippling my family as well. It’s a horrible thing to see. My sister told me that it’s getting worse,” Hazel’s voice fell.
“Oh, that’s dreadful. Will you visit him soon?”
“I’m here for now. I won’t go unless my fiancé is back in Boston.”
“Well, I wasn’t there when my ma…” Mrs. Deanwood took a steadying breath. “I’ve always regretted not saying goodbye. Just a thought. Not to be dismal or anything.”
Hazel’s throat burned. The thought of her father dying cut deeper than she imagined. She swiftly changed gears. “Thank you for all the advice. How about we revisit the topic of Persuasion?”
“All right. I did have something else I wanted to say about the plot,” Mrs. Deanwood mentioned.
Their conversation returned to books. It was just enough to keep Hazel occupied. She refused to dwell on thoughts of her family. It’d make her think about consequences far too much.
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