Desperate By Dusk

by Alexander Salkin

He tightened his gaze. "Do they? Who are 'they'?" He wasn't bothered by the introvert comment. He knew at least that much about himself.

  The amusement faded from her face somewhat. "I told you, I have my secrets too. But I meant nothing sinister by it."

  "Well, you're not doing a good job of that." He stared back at her assertively. "It was Ullah, wasn't it? There is no 'they', is there?" he said in more of a statement than a question. She remained silent. "What do you want with us, Aveirasen? We're dealing with a lot of strange things and I'd really appreciate a lot less vagueness from someone who supposedly is in the know of things."

  She seemed to think the matter over unhappily. "I guess I shouldn't wear a Cheshire Cat smile around you. I've heard Voices can't get along, if you can believe that... I apologize if you find me untrustworthy. I wouldn't trust myself either." She paused. "I'm not used to dealing with people in the way they want, I suppose." The two shared a quiet moment. He couldn't tell if he wanted to sympathize with her for a statement like that or feel adversity in his core. It was an odd sensation. He didn't know how one would detect a Voice or a Guide just by looking, but she did have a strange vibe now that he thought on it.

  "Listen Simon, I didn't wait for you here to bust your balls. I want to give you advice as someone who's been a Voice for a bit now." Simon watched her warily, but gradually nodded.

  "As I said earlier, there are many kinds of Drifters. We're all wanderers and nomads of a sort. I can't give you the how's or why's, so just take that as it is. The most common type of Drifter is called a Hand. Ramone's one, I would imagine. Probably your friend Jessie too. Call it intuition."

  "Oh... about him... you were covering earlier?" Simon asked, unintentionally veering off topic for the moment. "You didn't infect him, did you? If I'm a Voice, then it was me. No?"

  She nodded softly as if tinged with a bit of regret. "You can read between the lines well... but yes. It was probably you. You came into contact with your friend for a sustained period of time before I did so I would leave the odds to that. Ramone is the only one I infected by definition. Hands don't infect others."

  "Why the lie?"

  She looked off to the side. "It's not so much a lie, but a misdirection of the truth. I believe there is a difference. The water arrives at the village regardless of the source. As for why...?" She grimaced somewhat. "In the long run, it shouldn't matter. I don't have a good reason to give you. Maybe I thought saying otherwise would cause a problem between you. Maybe that's just more bull. If a Clayforged holds a secret, then I... well, fill in the dots." Simon nodded slightly but he did not particularly understand. A white lie for the sake of itself? Or a lateral approach to the same path? It seemed like a strange principle to have, but then again, he knew some people growing up in Dresden Port that might've had a similar nature out of a non-thinking compulsion.

  "Like I said, Simon. I wouldn't trust me either." He couldn't help but sigh. She was still being very hard to read. "Still want to hear what I have to say?" Simon nodded. He knew even within lies there could be some grain of truth and she had a reason for speaking with him in the first place. Or so he hoped.

  She brushed her hair off one shoulder and continued. "Hands, Voices, Guides, and so on. All different kinds of Drifters. Hands are the most common, but for sake of your friends, you'll need to stay with them. Or they won't make it for long."

  "Why?" Simon asked. "Something I do as a Voice helps them? I don't even know the difference."

  "Well, yes actually. Think of everyone as being on a ship. The Hands are the ones who can do the heavier work and keep things afloat. But the Voice is more like a navigator. He's the only one who can read the map and get the ship to where it needs. Without him, the Hands will sail around in circles. They'll get lost... die on their own... or at least, they're more likely to. As a Voice, you can guide them."

  "On the other side? What do I do?"

  "Just listen to your gut, your hunches... your instincts. I've never meaningfully done it myself, being alone on Black Mountain, but the Voice of a group leads the Hands along their destinies... that image of the Tree of Life you saw? That's a fairly telltale sign of a Voice. Supposedly, the other side is vast and diverse. You might stay in one place... but what if you didn't? Or couldn't? There are strange limitations that can trap a person within an area, but the Voice can find the way out. That's about as good as I can explain it. Your friends might get lost or die in the process of wandering around on their own over there. It's that risky. They could even see the 'door' and not be able to comprehend opening it."

  "And how does a Guide like Ullah fit into this?"

  "A Guide is similar to a Voice. They can escort others around... to a degree. But supposedly, their ability to do so is much more limited. The Guide is an enlightened soul- his job is to teach and advise, but it's much less his purpose to lead someone on their destiny. Some are very familiar with what goes on around them and can help out if needed. At the same time, a Guide is more independent than a Voice and can survive going solo better. With that in mind, a Guide might have their own agenda... they don't need to look after others. Caveat emptor."

  The beatnik looking Drifter absorbed this knowledge. "Come to think of it, he did seem very unwilling to really tell us what we were supposed to do. He was vague about a lot of things and seemed to stress whatever was happening was more of an individual story to us... someone else might experience things differently," Simon noted aloud. "By the way, you keep mentioning destiny... are you implying there's something awaiting a Drifter?"

  She smiled mischievously. "I don't know. Are you inferring that?" She laughed, having repeated a certain line earlier with Ramone and shook her head, clearly enjoying it as some private joke. "The rabbit hole goes deeper than you think, Alice."

  "Fine," he sighed. "So tell me this much then... what do the Hands do exactly?"

  "Well, do you like living? Because if they're smart, they'll protect the Voice. Traditionally speaking, they tend to reflect capable people. The longer the Voice lives, the further they go. It's mutually beneficial."

  He thought about it. Jessie and Ramone were certainly capable people in their own right. One was a brilliant young man with a natural penchant for engineering and sharp critical thinking. Ramone was strong, charismatic, and extremely good with cars. Simon himself was simply generic and didn't possess any particular talents. He liked to run sometimes? Maybe draw. That was about it. He wasn't sure why that would have made him a good leader, from the way Aveirasen put it, but the descriptions of a Hand at least made sense. He also realized she basically told him this much indirectly in her definition of what the Guide was about.

  "Oh. Know this much... as a Voice, there's a general rule that you won't get along well for long with other Voices, such as me. Every Voice leads a different destiny of sorts... by associating closely for too long; our natural sense of guidance would become fouled up." She seemed to become somber at this, as if to further avoid the topic, but she waved it off. "Also, you can only have around five Hands with you. Anymore become extraneous and can become lost even if they're with you. Think of yourself like a palm and they're the fingers. I know that makes the Hand terminology awkward, but just go with it. I didn't come up with this stuff."

  "And if they become lost...?"

  Aveirasen paled and looked at some random wall. "Then... they're gone. Lost. Maddened. Or just dead. They call it 'going off the grid' or something like that. Only a Guide like Ullah might find them, then. So I hear. Another feather in their hat, I suppose. A good Guide might know of some specific nooks out there even we wouldn't be aware of."

  He looked at her. "Aveira?" She stared off. "Aveirasen, look at me." Reluctantly, she did as requested. "What happened? We're... not the first Drifters you've ever met, are we?" he asked with the tone of a statement. She looked hesitant.

  "No... you're not." Aveirasen swallowed hard, wincing. "I knew people. Once. I made all the wrong decisions. More than one Voice, I think. More than five ot
her people. Then people just started vanishing. They'd go around a corner and they'd never return. No sound, no hint, nothing. Even Ullah went to look, but he found no trace of them. That was a couple years ago."

  Simon could feel her sadness about this. It felt genuine, not a hint of a lie in it. It was the flavor of hurt and guilt. Of course, it contradicted what she suggested about herself earlier... why was she so intent on misdirection? He couldn't say, but if her heart was sorrow filled, maybe it was being done to protect others. It might've even been the reason she wore such dark clothes, if it was more than just gothic fashion sensibilities. She seemed interested in Ramone but similarly afraid of being found on the other side of Black Mountain by him. "So you've been at Mountain on the other side ever since... all by yourself?"

  "Basically. I don't even hear much from Ullah anymore, but he's usually busy. Simon... you need to make sure Ramone doesn't try to go up Black Mountain for his experiment. I can't follow you guys. Because you and I are Voices, one or more of us will potentially go 'missing'. More than one Voice traveling together, too many Hands, a Hand traveling too far alone… same oblivion result as far as I know."

  "I see..." He understood why she stood up and walked away from the table now, although she seemed to mend her feelings quickly enough to specifically wait for him. It was Ramone, who might cajole and persuade; she was trying to avoid that sort of thing with him. Even if it was someone she no doubt liked from the sound of things. "You want me to tell everyone what I've heard?"

  She nodded softly. "They'll trust you and you can determine how much of what I've said needs to be repeated to them. They don't need to trust in me. And it's better if Ramone doesn't get too cozy with the idea of me. I'm not some princess who can be rescued- this is Rapunzel pulling up her hair and watching the world go on without her. He's... not mine to direct and he could get in serious trouble if he tries to find me alone as a Hand. There would be potentially dangerous complications. He's your friend, Simon. I can see that. I don't want to take that away from you two."

  "Yeah, but... there's gotta be a way to get you out of there."

  "I'm sure there is. I may not have a car, but if I took a taxi somewhere else, I might appear on the other side within that respective town. But that isn't any guarantee I'd survive. There's stuff out there that can make the Clayforged seem like buzzing mosquitoes. Until I'm somehow graced with Hands again, it's not necessarily safe for me to leave Black Mountain prior to a Drifting. The thing that makes it dangerous up there, also keeps me safe as well. Self imposed imprisonment..." she said, trailing off listlessly.

  "You know, you make mention of Hands being the capable ones, but I don't see how you're like a Voice. To be fair, you seem pretty up and about things. And you know a lot of information."

  She smiled uneasily. "I've been infected for longer than you, Simon. It's got a deeper hold on me. And I've stared into the abyss... you'll know what I'm talking about when it happens. Whenever that is. Drifting is just one of those things you'll have to experience for yourself. No amount of textbook explanation is will do it justice." She raised her hands. "Look, I should get going. Your friends are going to wonder what's going on."

  "Hang on..." Simon motioned, causing her to hesitate once again. "You really don't want us to come find you?" He understood what she meant earlier, but he was uncomfortable with the idea of just letting this go.

  She shook her head. "Sounds like what I said. We may both be Voices, but we can't make a duet here. I come and go often- that's not going to change, I'm afraid. Ramone is part of your group. It's not right of me to have him visit outside of the Drifting and for me to just vanish or whisk him away. He's your Hand, Simon."

  "All right. But, then do me one favor..." Simon said thoughtfully.

  Simon returned to the table. Ramone and Jessie seemed to have settled their differences. They leaned against the booth, waiting on him while they made idle chatter. Ramone, however, took notice that Aveirasen was not back yet. "Did she leave?" he asked. Simon affirmed as much with a simple nod.

  "Yeah. I caught up with her before she took off." Simon could see Ramone looking somewhat disappointed that she didn't even say good bye, so he slapped his friend on the shoulder. "Hey, uh... you guys figure out what we should do? I, uh... forgot to look up those motels." It had been a several minutes. Unless they both spent the whole time chatting up a waitress, he imagined at least Jessie would have come up with something.

  "As a matter of fact, yeah..." Ramone began, straightening up. "We can't go home with those bastards prowling around. But they've got to monitor things somehow and since they cruise around looking for us, it's probably better we stay out of obvious sight. We're gonna head back to the campgrounds. It's off the road and out of sight from passersby, you know? With any luck, Jessie has his episode there and he'll sort of know where he is, instead of having it happen in some other town. And he might not have to deal with any strange people while in the campgrounds on that side, especially if he just waits it out, kind of like what Ullah said. Then we can figure it out from there."

  It wasn't much of a plan, but they had nowhere else to go. The 4 H grounds would at least be good for lying low, although Simon didn't expect that to work forever. "I see. Well, as long as we stay together, we'll see this through."

  "Cool. This won't be a glorious situation or anything, but there's just been a lot to deal with today. Jessie didn't want to make any rash moves while the potential of a Drifter fever might be coming on. Makes sense to me. Anyway, when we get through all of that, then we can get Aveirasen off the mountain..."

  Simon looked down wistfully. "About that... there are some things I need to share. Things Aveirasen told me. Why don't we get going? I'll explain in the car." He put his jacket on and the three walked outside into the barely lit parking lot. Simon blinked and reached into his pocket. He presented a scrap of paper with a phone number on it scribbled in women's handwriting to Ramone. His tall friend accepted it and looked on curiously.

  Simon smiled. "I don't make the same mistake twice if I can help it. And you're welcome, man."

  Ramone looked at it, blinking incredulously as he absently crossed the lot. "No shit...? You actually got her number for me?"

  "It's the genuine article... thought it might make up for certain hard truths." Ramone was unlocking the doors and was about to get into the vehicle as he slowed a bit, looking at Simon with uncertainty. Simon smiled faintly and went into the car without a word.

  His large friend fired up the vehicle, buckled in, and gave a look that demanded an explanation before he would put things into gear. Simon chuckled. "Well... you know the birds and bees, right? Maybe your father gave you the talk. Or maybe you pieced it together. This is one of those things." Both Ramone and Jessie, the latter of which was forming a little sweat on his brow, exchanged glances.

  Simon chuckled again and made a motion for them to drive. "Well... what I'm about to tell you isn't going to make you too happy, Ra. But you both need to hear this- Aveirasen thought it would be best coming from me. So sit back, enjoy the ride down the road, and I'll you about the Hands and the Voice..."

  CHAPTER 15

  Ramone and Jessie listened quietly to Simon's talk of the strange rules of being a Drifter. No more than one Voice and no more than five Hands to a Voice. The Hands needed the Voice to travel onward or they might become marooned or 'lost'. And mention was made of other bits of trivia, such as Ullah's status as a Guide. Questions were asked but Simon was effectively just parroting what he was told. Inexperienced as they were, he had no certain unique insight to give his friends.

  Jessie ruminated quietly over things, but Ramone shook his head. "I don't understand. Why can't we get Aveirasen off Black Mountain? Is it just the double Voice problem?"

  Simon shrugged ever so slightly. "That was the main impression I got. More or less."

  "More or less?" She was right. Ramone was the kind to cajole and prod. Simon was rather impressed she picked up about that so quickl
y.

  "Well, she said she doesn't want you to treat the matter like rescuing a princess. She told me what keeps her isolated up there, also keeps her safe and that there's nastier things out there than the Clayforged."

  Ramone crossed his arms and rolled his tongue across the inside of his teeth. "So... on the other side, there are some nasty conditions where she can at least hide out. And on this side... I can't get her why? And don't say because you're both Voices because you were just talking to her for around ten minutes at the bar, not counting the time she was seated." Simon raised a brow from behind his shades- Ramone was coming off almost confrontational or challenging, as if Simon chose this fate.

  "I don't know, Ra," Simon sighed, looking at the barely lit trees on the outskirts of the 4 H grounds dirt parking lot. "She said she leaves to the other world often enough. Maybe that's why she left you her number. It sounds almost like it would be the same as if it were a long distance relationship… but she said she didn't want to split us up. You can get all of this again from her, I'm sure. I don't know... maybe associating is safe on this side but if we or she got dragged into the other world suddenly, it would become an issue. In the immediate sense, she believed Jessie was due for a trip over there, so..."