Compassion Be Damned

by Rebecca Royce

  “That’s an argument I think we’re going to keep having but not this very second.” He opened his bag and pulled out a piece of fruit and some bread. “Here, you need this. It’s like you’ve been through an assault, I think.”

  He wasn’t far off. I took the food. “Thanks.”

  “Titus,” he called toward the front. “She’s up.”

  All four of the others turned around at once, smiles crossing their faces. It was Paden who spoke. “That’s great. How are you feeling? Good, he fed you.”

  Ryland rolled his eyes before he gave him a half smile. “Imagine that, I fed her.”

  I hadn’t actually eaten yet, which reminded me to take a bite. I did so, chewing and swallowing before I spoke again. “What you guys did is not okay. Some bird tells you the demon is going to kill me and you sweep me away like we have to run for our lives. That is my calling.”

  Ryland sighed. “If you want to hate us for it when we get you to Anne, you can go right ahead. We’re not going to apologize for saving your life. You only recently discovered you could exorcise a demon. When that bird, as you call him—who clearly knew you, who clearly knew that Aspen person, and Reed—shifted into a man he told us you were going to die if you did that. We believed him. What’s more, you believed him, too. You were just too caught up in the power to think reasonably about it. Part of the guards’ duty is to protect the Sister when she won’t protect herself.”

  I scrunched up my face. “I think you made that part up. I never heard that part.”

  “Well, it’s implied.” He leaned back on the side of the carriage. “There are enough good people who have died for no reason in this world. You dying and also not killing that demon wouldn’t have helped a damned thing. The world needs you alive. Doubt me on other things, but not that.”

  I touched his leg. Ryland was so strong, even through his pants I could feel his hard muscles. I took a deep breath, ignoring thoughts about how it would feel to really get to see his bare legs. By Divinity, what was wrong with me?

  “Maybe those people by the train that got knocked around needed me to help them.”

  He shook his head. “They didn’t need you to die not killing it. Paden and Zeke ran off the remainder of the people who hadn’t fled the train. That being said, demons are everywhere. I don’t know a person who hasn’t encountered one at some point. There are more of them than us.”

  I was tired of this conversation. “I think we see the world very differently.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me at all.”

  I let go of his leg. There it was. Just what I’d always heard. The guards hated us. Why didn’t I understand what had happened earlier? They didn’t think I could get the job done, and I couldn’t blame them. I’d fallen apart taking one little demon out of a woman on a train. Then that bird guy went and confirmed what they’d believed. I was a mess they had to get rid of as quickly as possible.

  I stared off into the setting sun. I’d lost a whole day to the pain. Other Sisters didn’t have to battle guards and demons at the same time. Maybe when I got to Anne’s I could convince some to help me out.

  “I’m not going to get stronger if I don’t get the chance to try. Like how you guys didn’t really get to do what you were trained for? They told me I had the wrong powers and that was that. Turns out I can do something. I need to be allowed to do it. I get that this might not have been the time nor place for it, but we don’t always get to choose. Someone is going to have to guard me when I learn. I’ll try not to ask it of you guys anymore.”

  Ryland rubbed his eyes. “I am really screwing up this conversation. Krystal, believe me, it’s not that…”

  The shadows moved around me, and I tuned out what he was saying. Just because I’d left the train didn’t mean the Darkness that stalked me was giving up. Why did he want me at all? Even my own temporary guards weren’t impressed with my skill set. Maybe that was the point. Maybe Katrina hadn’t been powerful before he took her. Maybe he needed weak.

  “Stop the carriage. The Darkness is coming.”

  Ryland banged on the front and Titus slowed down the horses until they stopped. Some of the carriages were automated. This one needed to be pulled. The richer the people, the less they needed horses. We must be somewhere pretty middle of the road. “Darkness is coming.”

  “Do we want to stop?” Paden stared straight at me. “Maybe we should keep moving.”

  “We couldn’t outrun it on a train. We can’t now.” Titus jumped down. “But it doesn’t get to throw her around. I’m not afraid of it. It needs to be afraid of us.”

  That wasn’t likely. At least they weren’t going to whisk me away. “I know you guys don’t think much of me, but I have managed to hold out this long. I can keep going.”

  “Where did you get that impression?” Zeke jumped off the carriage and walked around to extend his hand, to help me down.

  Ryland shook his head. “I’ve somehow managed to screw up a conversation really badly.”

  “Don’t do this right now.” Titus came off the carriage toward me as I landed on the ground. “She doesn’t need this, and neither do we. Not at the moment. We can work on who said what and was misinterpreted later. For now, Krystal, take my word for it, no one here thinks anything badly about you or your powers.”

  I snorted, which was an odd sound for me. I’d never, that I could remember, made it before. “Thanks, Titus. That makes it all better.”

  He raised his eyebrows slowly. “Little bite coming out in you. Nice to see. You don’t look quite as defeated as when we first found you.”

  “Speaking of things that are maybe not important right now.” Jett elbowed Titus.

  I walked toward the woods, managing to avoid Paden when he would have grabbed me. “Don’t manhandle me right now? Okay? I’m not a child. I don’t have to be restrained from hurting myself. I want to meet the Darkness where I want to meet him. Get in my way and I’ll… well, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll think of something. I want to keep you safe, too. And that’s all there is to it.”

  “Krystal,” Titus called for my attention, and I ignored him. He might not be afraid of the Darkness, but I was, and I had a lot more experience with this than they did. The trees called to me. They were big, old, and it was unusual to have such a grouping of them this far into the Badlands.

  I touched the bark. It was rough against my fingers. These trees were healthy, but I wasn’t exactly sure how. They needed water. My powers surged to life. I looked around. There was no one with me but the guards, and my powers had never suggested I try to heal the Darkness before. No, it wasn’t that.

  I stepped back. Could it be?

  “Sister Krystal,” Paden called out to me. “Are your powers on because you intend to take on the Darkness?”

  So we were back to the whole Sister thing. I supposed that was to be expected, considering how I’d been yelling at them for thinking they had to save my life. I almost snapped at them again. Did they mean to run away with me if I meant to fight? But that wasn’t important, and whatever was making me so darn cranky had no place in this moment.

  “No, I think the trees need me.”

  Titus approached me slowly. “The trees?”

  “That’s right.” I placed my other hand on the tree, and I closed my eyes. My power traveled out of me. This sensation I was familiar with. This was like the child I’d helped on the train platform. This was gentle. I didn’t have to pull anything out of the tree, just make it feel better.

  The tree practically sighed, which I knew was impossible, but that was the sensation. A vision traveled through my fingertips into my mind. I dropped my hand, letting it roll through me. I could see this forest. But it was bigger. Not just a few trees but hundreds and hundreds of them. Some looked like my tree and others different. There were paths with people quietly walking through them. Animals, some I knew and some I didn’t, and white snow that looked pure and not tinged with gray.

  Everything was so alive
.

  I came back to the present, to the brown ground, the few trees, the purple sky, and the gray clouds floating above my head. But the vision was still there. It was like I could be in both places. I reached out, grabbing onto Titus’ hand. “Can you see?”

  As though, I’d done it a million times and wasn’t making this up as I went along, I brought him in with me. We stood together, holding hands, in the live version of this forest. Snowflakes drifted onto our heads, but I couldn’t feel them so much as I could see that they were there.

  “You can see it?” I didn’t want to do this alone.

  His smile was full of wonder. Titus looked so young. That was when it occurred to me that we were probably not that far apart in age. He just had a lifetime of experience that I didn’t have.

  “You’re doing this.” He reached up to touch the snowflake. “Making the world look like this?”

  “I think it’s the tree, actually. I just made it feel better.”

  He laughed, a joyful sound. “Is this real? Somewhere else? Some other time or is it all pretend?”

  “I really don’t know. Thanks for joining me. I feel… better.” Leaving that demon had done more than make me mad, it had physically strained me, as though the cells in my body didn’t want to function properly. Everything hurt. But in here? This was… easy. Relaxing. Right.

  He dropped my hand and touched the side of my face. “You are so beautiful, Krystal. And when I saw you, it reminded me of something that Mika said to me on the train when we took her. I hardly remember most of that, but I remember she told me something about Sisters and their guards. Please don’t hate us for keeping you alive. I’ll never be able to not do that. It’s like not breathing.”

  I didn’t understand all that he’d said. “What did she tell you?”

  Just then the scene vanished and we were back in the present, together. He jolted before he winced. “I liked that.”

  “Krystal, Titus, whatever is happening, the Darkness is coming.” Paden tugged on my arm, shaking me like he could wake me up.

  I touched his shoulder. “I’m okay. We’re back.”

  “Sometime you’ll tell us where you went?” Zeke looked between Titus and me. “I’d love to know.”

  Titus nodded. “Sometime. Surround her.”

  They moved into a circle around me. “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I think it’s probably fruitless.” Titus’ words resonated in my head. Keeping me safe was like breathing. “I understand that you need to do this.”

  The Darkness grew big, becoming a visible shape. I braced myself. The creature was going to be able to pluck me up from inside the circle and take me wherever he wanted. I closed my eyes. I always withstood him, and I would again. Only nothing happened. I lifted my lids.

  The creature threw himself toward me and was blocked, falling backward before he ever got near me.

  “Are you doing something?” I asked all five guys. Maybe one of them had figured out some kind of spell…

  “We don’t have that kind of power,” Jett supplied. “We would if we could, for sure. That’s not you?”

  I shook my head. No, I hadn’t done a darn thing. “Not me.”

  “Then what?” Paden looked around. “What’s keeping him away?”

  Titus touched the tree next to him. “They are?”

  “They?” Paden swung around. “The trees? Are they magic?”

  Titus met my gaze. Soon I wouldn’t be able to see him in the falling darkness, but with the remnants of the fading sun, I could make out his expression just fine. The same awe I’d seen in the vision was present there now. “They’re something. They like Krystal.”

  “You can speak to the trees?” Ryland craned his neck to stare upward at the tops of the aforementioned giants. “Since when?”

  “Not me, no,” Titus explained. “Krystal can.”

  We all stood there waiting. Surely, the Darkness would be back. The trees couldn’t possibly have the ability to keep out a demon. If not, why weren’t there thousands of them planted all over the place, keeping the evil beings out left and right? I sighed. I had no answers. I never did. I touched the side of the bark.

  “Whatever just happened, if you helped me tonight, thank you.”

  I ended up sitting down on the edge of the tree, all five of the guys around me as we waited. Still, the Darkness didn’t return that evening and soon it was too late for shadows. The air grew cold, and although a fire would have been incredibly nice, no one suggested it. Maybe they felt the way I did, that anything that could possibly burn the trees that just saved me for the night was out of the question.

  Paden rose and crossed over to me to sit closer. He unzipped his jacket and redid it back up, keeping both of us inside his warmer piece of clothing. The body heat helped, too. I leaned against him.

  The other four readjusted themselves, all coming to surround me until we formed the closest thing we could to a human heater.

  “I’m sorry I was so mean earlier.” I made sure to look for Jett when I spoke. He had gotten the worst of my bad temper. “I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t even realize it. I do now.”

  Jett shook his head. “You can be cranky if you want. You’re being chased by a Darkness that keeps trying to hurt you, and you apparently have to make demons feel better to get rid of them. Doesn’t sound like any fun. Hey, I want to see what Titus saw.”

  There were multiple “yeses” spoken all around me, and I smiled. They were all kinds of adorable. I touched the tree. I hadn’t done it last time, and I wasn’t in control now but maybe…

  We all moved into the vision, and I sighed. It wasn’t cold here. Gasps sounded around me.

  “Pretty cool, right?” Titus nudged me with his leg. “I couldn’t believe it.”

  Zeke jumped to his feet. “Is this before, or something that could happen? I mean, are we looking at past or future?”

  “Sorry to be the pessimist, but maybe the never was.” Ryland rose slowly. “There’s no evidence this place was ever covered in trees or ever could be. Unfortunately, for as long as there was life here, it seems clear there was never very much of anything in this part of the world.”

  I half expected the whole thing to fade away with his words but that didn’t happen. “Then let’s go with future. Maybe there is some kind of future where this forest could grow.”

  Ryland let out an audible breath. “If something were to happen to the soil around here to make it suddenly better able to sustain this kind of life, sure.”

  “Don’t mind, Ryland.” Paden still sat with me, his jacket wrapped around the both of us. “He has a problem letting go of concrete truths. Even when he’s seen magic every day for the last few years.”

  “The magic. The demons. They make me nuts. I’d rather deal in fact. But that’s fine. I accept there are more things in life than I can readily explain. Like the fact that this is actually happening.”

  I smiled. This was fun. It shouldn’t necessarily be that way but there it was. Hanging out with the five of them in this strange vision was actually a really good time. I needed to acknowledge the moment. It would be over soon. If I didn’t point out, at least in my own mind, when things were good, I was going to spend my life never knowing I’d ever been happy.

  “You okay, Krystal?” Paden pulled me slightly closer.

  He’d dropped the Sister again. I much preferred it. “Yes. I really am. Right now.”

  Chapter 5

  Morning came slowly. We couldn’t spend our whole night in the dream tree world, so it was back to the cold for all of us. When the sun finally showed itself, I was grateful for the warmth that followed. We walked out of our sanctuary. I turned once more to stare at the trees. Was I ever going to really understand what had gone on here?

  Probably not.

  “So the train is out of the question since it’s likely not up and running yet.”

  Zeke nodded. “If ever again. That might be the end of the trains for good. At least in this direct
ion. The nobility will have trains for a while yet. Until a demon tilts theirs over, too.”

  I hated that thought. One step closer to the end. Always moving in that direction…

  “And we’ve lost our carriage-slash-wagon.” I pointed to the mess that was our last means of transportation. It had been destroyed. Probably by the Darkness when he couldn’t get to me. It was nothing more than strewn wood on the side of the road. The horses, however, were still there, and they seemed to have gained two friends in the meantime.

  I put my hands on my hips. “Where do you suppose they came from?”

  “Why do you think they didn’t run off, our original two?” Paden held up two fingers. “They also have feed bags. Someone came here, took care of our horses, and gave us two more. Why do you suppose that is? Or who? I mean, I don’t know what the more important question is.”

  I stared up at the sky. The ravens were missing. That was hugely unusual. I couldn’t remember the last time I hadn’t seen them above my head. I thought I saw something moving, but it wasn’t the birds. It was almost like I could, for just a second, see movement when there wasn’t any—creatures that weren’t of here. I blinked. What was the matter with me?

  Titus patted the head of one of our original horses, the brown one. “I think if last night showed us anything, it’s that Krystal is very important. I think we knew that already. All the Sisters are, but she’s… special.” There was an intensity to Titus’ gaze that hadn’t been there before. He was always super focused, but now when he looked at me, there was a newness to his regard I couldn’t quite place. By Divinity, I was really at risk of becoming obsessed with all of them.

  He kept speaking. “Divinity wants Krystal to reach Anne. They keep sending us guides. Maybe they sent us horses. We’re going to use them to get her where she needs to be.”

  I scrunched my face. “Divinity hasn’t been particularly on my side ever before. I’m really not important other than the stupid Darkness trying to take my body. I’m not… special.”