Compassion Be Damned

by Rebecca Royce

  Okay, I could focus on the query he seemed rather determined to have answered. “I just wanted to see anything other than the four walls and those people who brought me food. Honestly, I thought they were her guards. I… I wanted to see more things. I never left the Sisterhood anyway. I wanted to do what I’ve been doing.” The truth of what I said slammed into me, forcing me to catch my breath. “Isn’t that ridiculous? This is just what I wanted, and I’m getting it.”

  He was long in answering. “That’s not ridiculous. Not at all. I wish I had known you were in that room. I would have fought the spell, I would have gotten you out.”

  Those were kind words. “You were Katrina’s guards. You would have believed I had to be locked up because she’d bespelled you to do so. Just like other things you may or may not have wanted to do.”

  “Not if I’d had one view of you. I… You belong to us. We know it. And, what other things? I mean, we took a lot of trips, we picked up new Sisters, made Mika leave Anne’s to come with us. She said some things that really resonated. It kind of started the need to get away. I…” He didn’t finish his thought and I didn’t ask him what it was. “We never went out and did regular guard things with Katrina. She never, in all that time, exorcised a demon or helped anyone.”

  I touched the door to the closet as the banging downstairs got louder. “It’s really none of my business. None whatsoever.”

  “I don’t have any secrets. I’d answer whatever you wanted to know if you ask it straight.”

  The door to the room pounded into the wall. Or at least that’s what it sounded like. “It’s okay,” Jett told me, opening my door. “It’s just Ryland and Zeke. It’s over.”

  “On our end anyway.” Ryland grinned at me. “Titus and Paden are still playing with theirs.”

  Jett offered me his hand, and I rose with his help. “Thank you. For doing all that. For me.”

  “Well, we would have done that with or without you.” Ryland shrugged. “But it was really nice doing what we were trained to do, and serving you. I’ll admit it. Living up to my oath and honoring a Sister was everything it was said to be. Particularly this Sister.”

  Just then, a Zombie tore into the room. I jumped, hitting my elbow as I fell backward into the closet.

  “Missed one.” Jett grabbed my arm as Zeke tripped the thing. Ryland lifted his sword and cut off its head. My mouth flew open. I’d never seen anything like that? I tried to close my lips and managed it but swallowing the bile in my throat was another matter. By Divinity, I was such a baby. Other Sisters saw this all the time. What was my issue? I wiped at my cheeks. Crying? No, that was just pathetic.

  “I’m sorry, Krystal.” Zeke’s voice was low. “Wish that hadn’t happened.”

  I wiped my hated tears away. “No, I have to grow up. Sorry.”

  “It’s not about maturity.” Jett squeezed my fingers. “It’s about heart. Don’t lose that. I’d rather you stare in horror at every awful thing in the world than ever get over it. I really like this about you.”

  Titus and Paden tore into the room, then skidded to a halt. Titus pointed at all of us. “Told you. They had it under control.”

  Paden sighed. “I know, but given the circumstances I’m going to worry about every small thing until we get to Anne’s.”

  Jett shook his head. “Not me. We got this. And so does she.”

  I wasn’t sure what they were talking about, exactly, but I knew Jett had just given me a huge compliment.

  Chapter 7

  I sat in the middle of a long table and ate. And ate. And ate. And ate. It hadn’t been that long since I had been fed. Most people in our world went much longer than I had without food, but it was the power usage that got to me. We had to feed after we used our gifts. I hadn’t really been able to do that.

  I finally set down my fork. “I’m sorry. I don’t usually eat like that.”

  Titus set down the rib he was eating. “Eat like what?”

  I looked around. None of them were done. Oh thank heavens. I was always the last one eating when I’d dined with the other Sisters. Katrina often criticized my appetite. “Nothing, never mind.”

  I took a sip of the cider they’d brought me. I’d learned that word, having never had any before. It was close to apple juice, but different. I loved it, and I drank it slowly because this was probably a one-time thing. I had to appreciate single time events in slow motion or they went by too quickly.

  Zeke reached across the table toward me and picked up the cider from the jug that Titus had gone back for after the zombies were gone. “Do you want more?”

  I shook my head. “No, all yours. I am going to be done after I drink the rest of this.”

  Titus steepled his fingers together. “After we’re done, we should all try to sleep. I want to attempt to make it almost all the way to Anne’s tomorrow.”

  “How long a trek is that? And not that I’m not anxious to get there but are we in some kind of hurry?”

  Titus regarded me a long moment, holding my eye contact a beat longer than what was comfortable. “No, everything is fine. I’ll just feel better when we get you there.”

  He was lying. I knew that immediately, and it wasn’t because I could pinpoint any particular part of Titus’ demeanor. No, I just… did.

  The sun was setting outside and with the Darkness coming and the inn having already taken on a zombie attack, I had to get ready to try to protect myself from what I knew was coming. Night after night without fail. This was my life. The why and what of Titus’ untruth would have to wait until the morning.

  His intentions were good. I could feel it in the cells of my body. Whatever this was it had to do with… protection. I wasn’t going to be lied to, not for long. But for the time being I’d let it sit.

  “I’m going to go get ready for my nightly assault. When he’s done, maybe I can sleep.”

  Ryland jumped to his feet. “Titus, as we discussed?”

  “Yes, you’re in with her. The rest of us will spread out around the inn and make sure nothing gets in here tonight that we can keep out.”

  They were sweet. “Haven’t we sort of determined there isn’t much we can do about the Darkness? You might as well sit it out.”

  “That’s not what friends or family do, right? At the very least, we’re friends.” Ryland touched the back of my neck. “We stay together. I’d never abandon these guys, and I won’t do that to you. This is called being together in a group. You’ll get used to the idea. I can’t fix this, but I can be there for you while you have to go through it.”

  I didn’t expect the tears that pooled in my eyes, so I quickly dropped my head so no one would see. “I… It’s hard not to feel like I’m taking advantage of you. You guys give and give. I’m not doing much in return.”

  “Sure.” Ryland shook his head. “Just giving us purpose for the first time in years and curing all of our aches and pains. Nothing at all. Not to mention you’re super sweet and beautiful. It’s really such a challenge to help you.”

  Was that… sarcasm? “You’re kidding?”

  He put his arm around me. “See you later, guys. Come on, Krystal. Yes, it’s sarcasm. I tend to roll around in it a lot. Maybe it’s some kind of covering mechanism for my really sweet side I want no one to see.”

  “Don’t believe him,” Jett called after us. “He doesn’t have a sweet side.”

  I shook my head. “If you guys ever stop needling each other, I may actually think you’re upset.”

  “That would be a good call. Tomorrow we get out of here, and we’ll almost be somewhere they can keep this thing from you.”

  We made our way back to the room, and I sat down on the bed. “I really just have to hope this isn’t my life forever and ever. Like what if Anne can’t get the Darkness to go away? What if I’m spending the rest of my life being banged around by this thing until it finally beats me down? Then it’ll use my body and whatever it wants of my powers to scorch and burn what remains of existence—wearing my
body.”

  Ryland didn’t usually get mushy. I’d noticed that about him right off the bat, but as he stared at me from next to the bed, his eyes glistened. He visibly swallowed. “Somehow, we’ll figure it out. They say that Anne’s Sisterhood is better connected to the divine. If they can’t help you, I’ll hit the books, travel all over the place collecting knowledge. Someone will have a spell and somewhere someone else will be able to do it. I won’t fail you.”

  I caught my breath. “Ryland, I wasn’t saying that as some kind of referendum on you or asking you to make me an oath like that. I was just… unloading on you, which is bad enough.”

  He dropped to his knees, leaning forward on the bed with the upper half of his body. “I’ll make you any oaths I can. You’re our redemption. I knew it when I saw you. You were what I waited for, what I held on for. We won’t fail you, I promise. We’re damaged. I admit it. You could do better than us for guards, but we’re strong and we don’t lose fights. Ever. We’ll get you where you have to go. Divinity can get out of my way.”

  That was the second time one of them had said something like that. “Is there something going on with Divinity that I need to know about?”

  He took my hand, kissing the top of my palm. “No. There’s nothing you need to know right now.” He was also lying. I’d suddenly become some kind of dishonesty detector.

  “Ryland, if you’re protecting me from something I think you should know I’d rather know what’s coming for me than not.”

  He rose and scooted onto the bed, which made me scoot over to give him room. “There’s nothing coming for you. Well, I mean the Darkness is probably coming. We know that. Other than that, there isn’t a thing that is going to get anywhere near you.”

  I doubted that was true, and the more they kept from me the more worried I grew. I chewed on my bottom lip. It hurt, and I forced myself to stop. “It’s a little disconcerting to have everyone know something about you that you don’t know.”

  He looked down at his hands. “While you were in the hole, Titus had a visit from a raven. Not one he’d seen before. He was full of information. But the big piece was that Divinity does not expect you to survive this. They’ve… decided the Darkness gets you. There is a future where it doesn’t and the ravens are very anxious to help us get you to Anne. And Titus is going to kick my ass for telling you. He didn’t think you knowing would be helpful. But I wouldn’t want everyone to know something about me.”

  A strange calm moved through me. Divinity thought I was finished. Ryland turned his head to regard me, and we sat in silence as the sun set outside. I was full. I was warm. I was going to be possessed.

  “Krystal? Can you say something?”

  I really did need to speak. Ryland had done what I’d asked and told me hard news without any extra drama. “Maybe I always knew? That it was inevitable? I haven’t had anything to do with keeping it out of me. It just hasn’t been able to get in. I actually feel… calm. Less like I don’t know what’s coming now that I do.”

  “No.” He shook his head tugging me closer to him. “There is a future where you don’t get taken and that is the one that is going to happen. You can trust us.”

  I smiled at him. Ryland had what some of the other Sisters would have called classic good looks. He could be nobility. If somehow he could be placed in their well-made clothing, he’d fit right in. His blond hair was so fair it practically sparkled.

  “I don’t know anything about timelines and futures. Just that I have always been off, this demon wants me, badly, and now I know that Divinity thinks I’m done. In some ways, it’s freeing. What does it really matter if I screw something up?”

  His face was suddenly so close to mine, I couldn’t tell where he started and I ended. Our foreheads were pressed together. “In the future where you are fine, things get better. So you’re not to just assume it will go bad. You live. We somehow come through this.”

  Well, there was nothing like this kind of pressure really made my head spin. “I’m not sure how I could save anything.”

  He scrunched up his nose. “Krystal, can you really see yourself so badly? This thing isn’t taking you, and you are getting to Anne’s where you will apparently save the world. Congratulations. You’re suddenly everyone’s savior.”

  “I…”

  I never got to finish my thought because his lips came down on mine, hard. Ryland didn’t ask, but I suspected he hardly ever did. He followed Titus because it suited him to do so, got to be his own person without too much of the other responsibility. He seemed a man to speak his mind and own his truth.

  I was so glad he decided he wanted me right in that moment. Ryland was just what I needed. I couldn’t think about what he’d told me. I’d never felt so powerless in my life. But there it was. I might be stuck in a destiny I couldn’t control, but I wasn’t alone.

  This handsome, beautiful, man was right here with me.

  I let him lay claim to my mouth. I wanted to be owned right in that second. If my time was limited, then I wanted this before my destiny took me.

  His mouth was soft even if his pressure was hard. It was intoxicating, my head swam, and I loved it more than anything else. I couldn’t think, couldn’t make sense of anything except the taste of him on my tongue. Our mouths danced.

  Who needed air? I leaned back flat on the bed, and he moved his body over mine. Ryland was hard everywhere. I clutched his shirt. A low moan sounded in his throat before he pulled back, panting.

  “Fuck. We can’t be doing this. Not with the Darkness coming.”

  Ryland practically launched himself off me, finally all but flinging himself to the other side of the bed. “Lost my head there for a second.”

  I rubbed my eyes as a startling thought struck me. One of these days, the Darkness was going to take me. And one of them would be there to watch it happen. They were already all wrecked with guilt over whatever had happened with Mika. They thought I was their Sister.

  I caught my breath and regarded Ryland in the quiet of the room. I couldn’t really be theirs. Not if I was doomed. They’d get to Anne’s. They’d find their Sister there. A pang of regret wrecked me for a second before I pushed it away. Ryland didn’t notice. His eyes weren’t on me and that was probably a good thing.

  I watched the Shadows in the room, waiting for one of them to change, to become the night’s assault.

  I knew one thing for sure. I would not destroy these guys. If I was done for, I wasn’t taking them with me. They thought they had to protect me, but the truth was that I had to take care of them. My heart bled for the idea that they’d lose me. Another Sister gone… this one on their watch.

  I’d grown to care about them a great deal… even sort of love them. I didn’t know if it was too quick a time, and I didn’t really care. I still had to know them, but in the way my soul knew when I had to heal someone, I knew that these guys were incredible.

  Maybe Divinity had written me off, but they’d given me this last minute gift to make it more bearable.

  I didn’t want to die, but I could think of worse ways to go than being surrounded by friends who could have possibly been more if life had been kind. Of course, when had it ever been that?

  I waited. Where was the Darkness? It had never waited this long. We sat like that for an hour. Ryland eventually turned his gaze forward. We both seemed to be staring at the window. It was well past the time the shadows should have moved.

  “Has this happened before?” His voice was low, barely cutting through the stillness in the room to reach me.

  I shook my head. “No. This is a first.” I leaned forward. “So bizarre. The night you tell me he’s going to get me he doesn’t come?”

  “That is weird. But coincidences don’t necessarily make correlations. It’s easy to see a one-to-one relationship where none exists. Maybe he’s just busy tonight. Or found someone else. I like that idea.”

  I nudged him. “I’ve started thinking of you as the realist. Don’t get all optimisti
c on me now.”

  He leaned his head on my shoulder. “I am. That’s why you can believe me when I say you’re going to be okay.”

  “Did you kiss me because you felt sorry for me?”

  “What?” His whole body jolted. “No, are you crazy? I kissed you because I had to kiss you. Because you make me think about highly inappropriate things when I’m supposed to be guarding you. Because… I did. That’s all.”

  I sighed. “Just checking.”

  “I’d never feel bad for you, Krystal. You’re loaded with power and apparently have the ability to save this crazy world. Feel bad for me. I’m caught in your pull, and I can never get enough of you.”

  I linked our hands. A decision had to be made on how to spare them but not tonight, not lying in the dark with Ryland, somehow spared the night’s pain from the Darkness. Tonight, I would just be. “Maybe it’s just a natural pull from Sister to guard.”

  He shook his head. “Are you not attracted to me? Were you into every guard you met?”

  “Absolutely not.” The image of the five who always came to hurt me flew through my mind. Not even a little bit.

  “So let’s throw that idea out the window, shall we?”

  All right. I could go with that idea. “Did you have sex with Katrina?”

  If I was going to lose my body and powers to the Darkness, I wasn’t going to fool around anymore. I was going to do what I wanted and ask my questions without worrying about it.

  Ryland choked. His eyes were huge, and he quickly started shaking his head, no. “Did I sleep with Katrina? No. Absolutely not.”

  “You were her guards. There tends to be sex with the guards. She’s beautiful. She’s not undesirable.” I could keep making a case for it. Not like I wanted to convince him that he should have if he hadn’t, but it wasn’t within the realm of possibility that they’d done it. I really wanted to know.

  He got up on his knees. “If she’s having sex with anyone, it was not us. We ran errands. Did some dirty work for her. That was about it. We were bespelled, but it wasn’t to have sex with her. She never called us for that.