by M. J. O'Shea
THEIR BED-AND-BREAKFAST was… adorable. Fen thought the word “adorable” a lot lately. At least he refrained from saying it out loud most of the time. They were staying in a pretty Victorian house painted a faded shade of sage green with tons of white trim. It was nestled on a back street only a few blocks from the tiny town center, which was filled with spas and restaurants and kitschy little shops.
“Do people actually live here?” Fen looked around. Everything seemed like some sort of northern California theme park. Their bed-and-breakfast looked like it was more suited for dolls than actual people. Part of him loved it, but the whole too-good-to-be-real cuteness was somehow a little off-putting. Fen liked it for the weekend, but he couldn’t imagine living there.
Kevin grinned. “Someone’s gotta run the shops. Besides, Chico looks like this to someone from a real city.”
Fen rolled his eyes and mouthed “real city.”
“What? It’s all cute and tiny. Nothing like LA, which I’m sure you noticed.”
He did have a point. “I guess it would look tiny to someone like you. You should see the town in Michigan where I’m from. Everyone knows all your shit and the downtown is about five blocks in all directions. Maybe four. Makes Chico look like Metropolis.”
“Did you guys have cute spas and wine shops?”
“More like maple syrup, donuts, and nosy aunts.”
Kevin laughed. “I get it, a little bit. My neighborhood is kind of like a small town. I had to make sure I told all the people in the building all my contact numbers so they could tell me if anything happened, even though I have my cousin staying there. Agnes called me the first night, sure that Jackie was an intruder.”
“Sounds about right.”
Fen had flashbacks to high school and how impossible it was to get away with anything. The CIA could’ve hired his neighbors. Their surveillance skills were unparalleled.
“You hungry?”
They’d been in the car all day, so Fen hadn’t had much of a chance to work up an appetite, but there were so many great places he still kinda wanted to try them all.
“I could eat. You pick. My choice tomorrow.”
THEY ENDED up at a tiny Italian place a bit off the beaten path with a wine menu longer than most restaurants’ actual menus. There were only about ten tables total and that, combined with the faux-finished walls and a singing chef, made Fen feel like he’d landed smack in the middle of Tuscany. It was impossible not to smile. The food on the menu looked amazing. He wanted to try everything.
After some serious deliberating, Kevin got pumpkin-filled tortellini and salad and Fen got a grilled mushroom focaccia sandwich with white bean and basil soup. They ended up with two wine flights at the table, one of whites, one of reds. The glasses were quite a bit bigger than either of them anticipated.
“It’s a good thing we walked.” Kevin eyed them suspiciously.
“No kidding. Reds first?”
“Yeah.”
They drank their way through the reds with their salads and breadsticks. Fen had never been much of a wine expert, they all tasted pretty good to him, but Kevin got into a fairly deep, and confusing, talk with the sommelier about hints of caramel and sea salt with fruity finishes. Fen was pretty sure the guy was flirting with Kevin because, seriously, he had to be making that shit up to keep the conversation going. They all tasted like wine. Had it been a girl, it wouldn’t have bothered him, but it was a guy. And Fen’s slightly wine-addled brain didn’t like it very much. So maybe he put on a bit of a public show as soon as the dude went to help another table. He wound their ankles together and touched Kevin over the table… a lot. He may have leaned over for a kiss or two as well, and sue him if he ran his toes up Kevin’s calf.
“If you keep doing that, you’re going to end up pinned to the wall with your legs around my waist and they’ll probably call the police on us,” Kevin muttered after a few minutes.
Fen was chastened. Sort of. He was still happy that Mr. Flirty-Pants-Fruity-Finish had noticed. Hands off.
AFTER DINNER they walked around the tiny downtown and along the riverfront. Fen loved it there. The summer heat was somehow more bearable. The whole place was picturesque and so perfect it barely seemed real. He kept Kevin’s hand in his own and even brought it up to kiss once or twice. Add romantic strolling to the weekend getaway. It was a picture of Fen nobody who knew him would recognize. Hell, he barely recognized himself.
“You want to get frozen yogurt?” Kevin asked when they walked by a shop. The place had a long line of tourists, but it sounded perfect. As long as he could stand in line lightly spooned with Kevin, he didn’t mind the wait. Kevin got a cup of peach frozen yogurt with some fresh fruit on top, but Fen, true to form, put at least four flavors in his cup and piled on half of the toppings from the topping bar. The thing had to weigh nearly a pound by the time he was done.
Of course Kevin laughed at him. It seemed to be one of his favorite hobbies.
“What the hell are you going to do with that thing?” he asked.
“Language, young sir! There are children in here.” Fen grinned. He probably already had a sticky rim of caramel sauce around his lips. No regrets. “I’m going to eat it, duh. Let’s go back outside.”
HALF AN hour later, Fen was lying in bed groaning. “Why did you let me eat that whole thing?”
Kevin flopped down next to him. “I’m not going to say I told you so, but well….”
“Yeah. I know. You told me so.” Fen flipped Kevin a bratty look like he would to any of his friends. The laughing kiss he got in return was a bit different, though.
FEN AND Kevin lay in bed that night and watched a silly movie on the room’s TV set. As much as Fen wanted Kevin all the time, every day, every single time he looked at him, he still had just as much fun simply hanging out.
“What are we doing tomorrow again?” Fen asked when the room was dark and they’d cuddled together under the light duvet. “Is that when the manis and pedis come in?”
Kevin chuckled against Fen’s neck. “I’m so going to make you a facial appointment. You’re gonna like it too.”
“I’m not getting a fucking facial.” He felt like he had to protest on principle.
“Yes, you so are. Lemon and sugar scrub, then I think you could use a honey and rose petal mask.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“You’re the one who always tells me how nice my skin is.” Fen felt Kevin shrug behind him. He couldn’t tell if he was bullshitting him or….
“Really?”
“I do them at home, but yeah. I gotta look pretty for you, don’t I? Besides sometimes it feels like the smoke gets in my pores and I can’t get it out. I hate that.”
Fen was speechless for a second and then replied, “I guess I could try it.”
Kevin burst into cackles and rolled away onto his stomach so he could snicker into his pillow. “You fell for it. I didn’t think I was gonna pull that off.”
“You’re an asshole.” Fen punched him. He laughed a little too. It wasn’t exactly a new experience to be the butt of the joke.
“I can totally give you a facial. You won’t even have to leave this room.” Kevin snickered some more.
“Fuck off, perv. I’m going to sleep.”
He pouted for another thirty seconds or so before he rolled over into Kevin’s embrace for more good-night kisses.
FEN HADN’T ever been to a vineyard, despite nearly six years in Northern California. To be honest, he was more of a Bandit kinda guy. Maybe some Barefoot Moscato if he got a wild hair. But he had to admit, the first stop on their bike tour was gorgeous.
The main house was Spanish turn of the century, with broad wood-beamed ceilings, sunny yellow stucco, and embellished tiles all over the outside. All around it, rolling hills covered in neat rows of grapevines stretched forever.
Their tour included wine tastings and snacks at three adjacent vineyards. He thought the bike ride to the last vineyard would be interesting, if not
a bit weavy. Watching Kevin flitting among the wines was entertainment in itself. He tasted and discussed and pressed sample after sample into Fen’s hand to try. Fen’s belly was a bit burny before they even got to the appetizers.
“I like this one too.” Kevin handed him a rather large sample of a pinkish white wine. That was about as much description as Fen was capable of.
“I might need to grab some food before I have any more.”
Kevin made a soft face, like Fen was the most adorable thing in the world. “You’re downing all the samples aren’t you?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No, babe. I don’t want to have to crawl to the final place.” He ruffled Fen’s hair. “Let’s get you some snacks and then slow it down a bit. Just take a sip unless you really like it.”
“Seems like such a waste,” Fen grumbled.
Kevin ruffled his hair again, then went off in search of their host so he could order a few bottles to be shipped home. To San Diego. Not Chico. Fen decided wine made him maudlin. Fen firmly pushed thoughts of imminent departures out of his head. He wanted to have fun, not think about everything ending.
It worked. Mostly. The rest of the day was fantastic: sun and wine and food and slightly wobbly biking. He and Kevin were both exhausted but smiling by the time they made it back to their bed-and-breakfast for one last night.
“I DON’T want you to go back to San Diego,” Fen muttered into his pillow. He wasn’t sure whether the wine or the fact that their weekend, and everything else they had, was quickly coming to an end made him say it.
Kevin scratched gently at Fen’s hair, then down his back. “I know. I didn’t think this was going to happen. If we didn’t live in different places….”
“I’d want to be with you.”
Kevin grinned. “So you’re saying you like me? It’s not just the sex? Does Fen have a crush?”
Fen pinched his nipple. “Shut up. I hate you. You’re just hot in bed.”
“That’s what they all say.” Kevin giggled and blew a raspberry in Fen’s neck. Fen laughed and fought back with tickles until they were both breathless and rolling around, not having sex but just laughing. And in that minute it felt real. Not like a fun fantasy that had an impending expiration date, not an experiment, but a relationship. The relationship they had both just admitted they wished they could have.
Fen didn’t know what was going to happen in two weeks when Kevin packed up his Jeep and went home. He didn’t know what he even wanted to happen. But here, the way it was, it felt like nothing he’d ever felt before.
“I do like you,” he said finally, when they’d calmed down. “Other than Ben—and he’s pretty much my brother, so eww—I’ve never gotten along with anyone this well. It feels right.”
“I really like you too.” Kevin ruffled his hair gently. “I think we just get each other.”
“Yeah.”
Kevin made a dorky face. “Aww, Fen does have a crush.”
“Don’t give me shit about it or I won’t make you dinner anymore.” Yeah, right. All it would take was one tiny pout and that threat would be over.
“Please. You can’t resist me.”
Didn’t mean he had to like that fact. “I wouldn’t push it.”
Kevin chuckled and pressed a kiss to Fen’s forehead.
They fell silent after that. Fen lay on Kevin’s chest, cheek pressed to springy pecs, hand curved around strong slats of rib, and he thought. He’d never put much thought into another person, certainly not one he’d only known for a couple of months. Fen had always been the easy type: no muss, no fuss, no real connection. But things with Kevin were… different. Better.
All threats from Rory aside, maybe it was time to tell Ben. And Jeremy. Not that he had a boyfriend—he and Kevin couldn’t be that. Not anymore. But if Ben was his best friend, well he’d be hurt if something like this had happened to Ben and he’d kept it to himself. Fen shrugged to himself. It was time, he supposed. Probably long past it.
Chapter 9
“HEY, B.” Ben was probably confused. Fen had talked to him earlier that day but he hadn’t worked up the stones to confess. At this point, it wasn’t even the boyfriend part itself, it was the rest of it—the part where Fen had been seeing Kevin for months and hadn’t told his best friend, and that he’d told Rory first. Ben wasn’t going to like it and Fen didn’t blame him.
“Fenny, what’s up? You sound all constipated or something.”
Fen laughed a little. Mostly he was trying not to throw up. He hadn’t been so nervous in years. He kept reminding himself that it was just Ben. It wasn’t like he was calling his mother. That probably wasn’t the best thought to have if he wanted to calm down. Calling his mother. Fuck. It’s just Ben….
“Not that you need to know, but it’s all good in that area.”
“Great. I can sleep better tonight. Hey, is it something important? Ro was supposed to call me after dinner.”
“Um,” Fen cleared his throat. “He’s waiting until I’m done talking to you before he calls.”
“Fen… what the fuck. Did something weird happen with you and Rory? Did you two get in a fight or something?”
At least he didn’t think they’d been screwing around behind his back or something. Fen would hate to have a friend think that of him.
“No. Not exactly. I just… I told him something and he said I had to tell you or he was gonna do it.”
“You’re hiding something from me?”
“You don’t tell me everything. Case in point, I didn’t know all the stuff that was going on between you and Rory.”
“That was private. We were—oh.” Ben was silent for a few moments. Fen couldn’t make himself start talking. “So this is about whoever it is the boys think you’ve been seeing all summer.”
“Y-yeah.”
“Dude, I’m not going to get all judgy. Unless it’s Pinky. You’re not dating Pinky, are you? Oh God, is it Pinky? I’m sorry, it’s totally cool if it is, and—”
Fen laughed. He was glad he could at least count on Ben to relieve some of the tension.
“Ben, stop. Stop. I’m not dating Pinky.”
Their friend and the orchestra teacher at the school, Pinky was nice… if a bit neurotic and a little predatory.
“Thank fuck. So who is it?”
“Um, it’s Kevin,” Fen squeaked out. “I’m seeing Kevin.”
Ben was dead silent for a really, really long time. Fen started to sweat. “You’re gonna have to repeat that for me,” Ben muttered.
“Kevin. I’m with Kevin, or I was, am. I don’t know. He’s leaving soon and there’s not much either of us can do about it, but I’ve… been with Kevin. All summer.”
“So you’re seeing a guy.”
“Yes,” Fen answered, even though Ben hadn’t said it as a question. “Well, not just a guy. It’s because it’s him, and maybe because you weren’t here and he was, but I like him.” Okay, babbling. Fen clenched his jaw shut.
“And you felt like you couldn’t tell me because?” Already the hurt was creeping in, like Fen had betrayed their bonds of bro-ness or something. He kinda felt like he had.
“I don’t know! You always gave me so much shit for liking the Sugarshack.”
“That’s ’cause I thought you were straight. If I knew you were into the guys I’d have shut my dumb mouth and helped you find a boy to take home… wow, that feels fucking weird to say.”
“That’s the thing, though. I liked to look but I never seriously thought about doing anything until I met Kevin. I….” He didn’t know how much of this he wanted to admit to himself let alone say out loud. “I think I have actual serious feelings for him.” Fuck lot of good they’re going to do me, though.
“You don’t think it’s just the first good sex you’ve had clouding your judgment?”
“I’ve had good sex before,” Fen grumbled. He had. Well, not compared to Kevin.
“Please. I saw your face when you were down here visiting. That was sex
-haze face. It doesn’t come often. I was confused at the time, but now it makes perfect sense. This dude must be quite talented.”
“Hey. I don’t want to talk about that.”
“You haven’t—?”
Ben was nothing if not nosy. Always had been. Fen sighed. “Yes, we have. Lots. But that’s not your business.”
Ben crowed. “Welcome to the dark side, my brother.”
“So….” Was it really that easy?
“So I’d never judge you or give you crap for who you like. You know that.”
“I know that.”
“I’m glad you’re happy.”
“Thank you. I am happy.”
“I’m gonna kick you in the balls when I see you the next time for telling Rory and then making him hide it from me.”
“I kinda figured.”
“And you better tell Finchy, ’cause I’m not hiding it from him.”
Fen grinned. “I notice you didn’t call him Finchy to his face when we were down there.”
“I’m too pretty to get punched.”
“You’re an idiot.” Fen snorted. “But I still love you.”
“Love you too, man. I am happy for you if this is what you want.”
Fen shrugged in response, and then remembered Ben couldn’t see him. “It is, but it doesn’t really matter. He’s moving home in two weeks. I just thought you should know.”
“Don’t lie. Rory thought I should know. I’m still glad you called me.”
“I did want to tell you. I don’t like hiding things from you, I just felt weird about it. I promise.” And he did. He didn’t know what the holdup had been in his head.
“Okay. I believe you. Just don’t do it again.”
“’Kay. So, like, if I was there, we’d totally hug it out. What are we supposed to do?”
Ben barked out a loud laugh. Fen was relieved that things were okay with them. “I don’t know. We can pretend. I’ll send Ro over there tomorrow and he’ll hug you for me.”