Greegs & Ladders - By Zack Mitchell and Danny Mendlow
Page 3
CHAPTER 3
Greeg Career-Paths
Greeg children often fantasized about their future adult career. The only difference with Earthling children, who dream of being any random thing like an actor or a scientist, is that Greegs' career choices were entirely limited to one of the many sub-categories of schmold production. However, Greeg children were still free to dream about which exact area of schmold production they would like to be a part of. Schmold Tunneler? Schmold Taster? Schmold Bathroom Attendant? Some children had high hopes, announcing to proud parents they would one day be the owner of their very own schmold Dealership. Some children aimed their sights low, announcing to embarrassed parents they wished to be a lowly schmold Bottler.
“No son of mine is going to settle for working as a Bottler!” was a phrase commonly heard screamed by the father of the Djoog household. “We won’t be able to afford a drop of schmold on the pension of a bottler! What is it? You think you aren’t important enough for upper management? I suppose you also think the suns and planets weren’t just put there for your own enjoyment?”
“Don’t be harsh,” the logical Djoog mother might have said. “We don’t want him to start pouring water into a schmold pit like the Glurj boy.”
“The Glurj boy tainted our schmold pits out of jealousy, because those useless Glurjs never owned a drop of schmold in their whole schmold-less life! Do you want to wind up like a Glurj? Unable to walk down the street without people pointing at you and laughing?”
I later checked in on the Djoog household. Their son fulfilled his dream of being a bottler. With his paltry salary the family were able to afford no schmold at all. In a fit of shame the father leaped into a schmold pit. Although dead, the Djoog father was henceforth thought about with great reverence and jealousy by all Greegs, as it was widely believed that leaping into a schmold pit was the greatest bath one could take.