by Maren Cooper
“Oh, Jess, that’s so generous of you. Honestly, I’m not sure how I deserve all of this. But it feels wonderful. I feel like I have a family.” She wiped away her tears and then added, “Are you sure it will fit PJ? He’s growing like crazy.”
“Not to worry. Both of my babies were robust.” Jess laughed. “PJ will look divine in it.”
“So, how’s Thanksgiving going in Portland? I saw you take a call just before dinner. Going OK?”
“Well, it’s the first time Beth and Tom have ever eaten Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant. And Arthur has them staying in a hotel, which was a surprise for them. Evidently, the lady of the moment is out of sorts about something, so they’re not meeting her this trip.”
“That sounds weird.”
“To them as well. But they love their dad and are happy to see him. That leaves lots of time to see Portland, I guess.”
“You sound pretty calm about the whole thing.”
“My kids are incredible, and they’ll get through this. Only a few weeks until they’ll be home. I can hardly wait. I’m already planning parties for the holidays so that we can keep things bright and happy—a neighborhood open house, a party for Tom and Beth’s friends who’ll also be home from school—and we’re very excited about the christening. Let me help you plan the after-party?”
“Sure. But, Jess, are you sure about all this activity?” “You know, I love to have parties, but I’ve given it up for the last few years. It’s fun for me. But yes, I need to keep busy right now. I’m still buying time for my broken heart.”
When Diane joined forces with Claire on the issue, Jess knew she couldn’t fight them. They had signed her up for a dating service that did some matchmaking for professionals who were too busy to devote the time themselves. This one catered to those who didn’t go in for the bar scene and could afford something beyond an online service.
Jess couldn’t really trust her feelings about dating yet. On the one hand, she realized Arthur was way ahead of her in his recovery and that she should catch up already; on the other, she didn’t think she could cope with casual dating. Her feelings were still too raw. Still, she had reluctantly agreed, mostly for her friends’ sake.
The day of her first date, she parked a couple of blocks away from the restaurant in order to walk undetected for a bit. Taking a few deep breaths and telling herself she had survived worse, she propelled herself through the door.
Fortunately, she was not the first to arrive. She was shown to a table where Kevin, her date, was already seated. He half rose to greet her, smiled, and took her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
She tried to get a good look at him while they talked about the restaurant. How did one judge the looks of middle-aged men? She tried to imagine him as a twenty-two-year-old but couldn’t. Gray, thinning hair, bifocals, clear eyes with deep circles underneath, a thin physique, maybe six feet tall. No instant jolt of electricity signaled love at first sight.
“I’m a banker and always have been. I graduated from college in business and have worked for only two local banks since then.”
Well, if he was trying to sell her on consistency and reliability, that was the ticket. Did that matter to her? She didn’t really know.
“I work in the health care field,” Jess said. “I’m divorced”— she cringed as she realized this was the first time she had said that aloud—“and I have two college-age children.”
Jess didn’t see a ring mark on his finger, then remembered that his profile mentioned two divorces, the most recent only a year earlier. Can’t blame a guy who keeps trying.
They ordered. He was not a conversationalist. Jess decided to play this like a business lunch and made small talk about the food, the weather, hobbies. He didn’t ask much about her at all. He did like to talk about golf. A lot.
“Do you golf?” he asked. When she shook her head no, he gave her a subtle shoulder shrug in response. Evidently, “no golf” was a nonstarter. She wondered if that was a deal-breaker, and whether she cared.
“I love to travel, mostly adventure travel,” Jess said. “My favorite trip was to a rain forest in Costa Rica. I really liked the hiking and whitewater rafting there.”
“Wow, that’s too far for me, and way too hot,” Kevin responded. “I couldn’t stand to sweat that much.” Then his eyebrows shot up and he looked at her with what Jess imagined were his bedroom eyes. “At least not while upright.”
Jess swallowed and held his gaze out of curiosity, then looked down quickly at her plate. Nope. Don’t ever want to get sweaty with this guy. When the check arrived, they each proffered a credit card to split the bill. It was pretty evident that this would be their only lunch.
As she walked back to her car, Jess wondered if she cared. She breathed deeply and said aloud, “Absolutely not.” She laughed, lightened her step, and congratulated herself on having jumped the first hurdle. She realized there was a lot to think about if she wanted to date. Although she surprised herself with the realization that she did have preferences after all; she knew Kevin didn’t make the cut.
On her way home that night, she stopped by Diane’s, and from there they called Claire. Both friends expected a report, so she didn’t disappoint them. As they peppered her with questions, she laughed lightly and teased them that Kevin would be a better match with Claire, since his golf game was so important to him.
“Jess, remember, we signed you up for six months of dating opportunities,” Diane said. “So don’t get disenchanted after the first one. It’s good for you to get out and meet new people.”
“And don’t say you’ll be too busy with your fancy new project, either,” Claire added. “We’re watching you.”
Diane walked Jess out to her car after the phone conversation with Claire. “I see a new glint in your eye, my friend, one that I haven’t seen in a while. You’ve come a long way.”
If it hadn’t been so dark, Jess would have looked in her car mirror for evidence. She was pleased that her friends had pushed her to take this next step on the road to recovery. She never would have done it on her own.
She drove home slowly. What exactly did she want, now that she was single again? She found herself whistling for the first time in years. She looked out both windows to see if anyone was watching. What kind of amazing life could she conjure up? And did she dare?
The holidays came. The neighborhood open house was a hit. Longtime relationships bridged the changes in her family life more easily than Jess had expected. Someone suggested that the party become an annual tradition. When Mariel told Tom and Beth about Trixie and how Jess had taken her in for several days, they insisted on meeting her, and after they reappeared from a visit to Mariel’s house, Beth said, “Mom, Trixie’s really sweet. Why didn’t we ever have a cat?”
“Well, your dad’s allergic to them, and we didn’t want to cope with the schedule a dog requires.” Jess remembered the one summer when Beth’s lobbying for a pet had been in full swing, but it hadn’t lasted and they hadn’t succumbed to the pressure. Parental unity, at least that time.
Beth and Tom were delighted with PJ, and the christening was a high point for everyone. Jess had searched out the baby pictures of each of her kids wearing the christening gown, and Claire had the photographer take similar shots of PJ with the kids so that they would all have a keepsake of the day and their new relationship.
On Boxing Day, Arthur surprised Jess with a late request. “I know this isn’t planned, but I’m hoping it’s OK with you if the kids spend New Year’s with me at the lake.” His voice was almost timid on the phone.
“Where are you now?” Jess asked.
“Still in Portland. I didn’t want to pressure you by showing up. But I’d like to fly in on Wednesday and pick them up. I haven’t spoken to them about this yet.”
Jess processed this information. Arthur wasn’t rushing her. Ushering in the new year at the lake was a family tradition. He was politely asking if he could keep that going. Memories of cross-country s
kiing, hot chocolate, and candle luminaries on the path to the house crowded her mind. She felt a pain in the palm of her hand and saw her nails pressing into her skin.
She breathed and relaxed her wrist. “Well, I don’t know what their plans are, but we have nothing firmed up together, so, yes, go ahead and talk to them.”
With that, Jess spent New Year’s Eve watching old movies with Claire and toasting at ten p.m.
“Is this a hard night for you?” Claire asked while pouring champagne into their glasses.
“I thought it might be, but I’m all right. It’s been some kind of year. Thank God it’s over. I’m ready to move on.”
“Yeah, a year ago, who would have figured a divorce for you and a new baby for me? Amazing. It makes you wonder what will happen next year, right?”
The kids returned from the lake with just a few days before they needed to go back to school. Both were subdued, and Jess knew not to pry. They huddled together in Tom’s room for a while, then raided the refrigerator for leftovers, claiming they were starving.
The next day, she took them out clothes shopping for the next semester’s essentials, and they stopped for dinner at a new restaurant that had just opened in the neighborhood. No memories here. After they shared a dessert, they finally gave Jess a glimpse into their new world.
“Mom, did you know Dad is thinking about selling the lake place?” Beth was near tears.
“No, I didn’t.”
“He didn’t say that exactly, Beth,” Tom said. “She hinted about it, but he didn’t say that.”
“She?”
“Rebecca. They’re together. Living together, in Portland.” Beth looked worried. “You knew that, right?”
“Yes, Beth. I knew.”
“And she’s not crazy about the lake house, I guess.” Tom shrugged. “She doesn’t even cross-country ski.”
Jess’s heart ached for her children. They obviously felt conflicted about how much to share about their father’s new life, and she wondered how to comfort them without making false assurances. “Well, I would guess the decision isn’t made yet. Did you get a chance to talk to your dad about your feelings about it?”
“No, not really,” Tom said.
“It wasn’t easy to talk—really talk—about anything. It was weird,” Beth said with finality.
“And anyway, if Dad truly cared about our feelings, he’d still be here,” Tom blurted, then looked away, then at his sister, whose eyes were welling up.
“Hey, you two. Look at me.” Jess waited for them to oblige, then said, “It’s a weird time for all of us, I know. And it’s hard. But we’ll find our way through it. Please know that we can talk about whatever you want to talk about at any time, and that I’ll give you my best shot at a sensible answer. Right now, when the opportunity presents itself, if you feel you want your dad to know about your feelings about the lake house, you should tell him.”
That seemed to be the end of the conversation, for now. Jess hoped she had at least opened a couple of doors for them—a door they could open to talk to their dad, and one that they could always open to talk to her.
When they left the next day, she knew they were flying to their separate coasts and their increasingly independent lives. If only she could protect them.
Chapter 30
The holiday hiatus behind them, work started heating up again. Cindy and Jess sat at the worktable in Jess’s office with files of background information on Goodmoor Family Medicine scattered about. “What’s in this for Midwest Health?” Cindy asked. “With so many changes in the industry, I can understand why Goodmoor wants to take shelter in the loving arms of a large health system.” She paused and pointed at the group’s financials. “However, it doesn’t look like the group has any financial problems to speak of.”
“That’s a good question.” Jess took a quick study of the financial statement Cindy indicated. “I’d say the Midwest Health folks want to make sure they look inviting to the old, established practices now that they have the U in their family. They need the referrals to fill the beds, and those academic doctors don’t immediately change just because of a merger. Midwest Health needs to break down any existing “town and gown” barriers to referrals. I like your question, but turn it around: What does Goodmoor need? I want to make sure we get to all the questions so we can bring any issues to the surface.”
Jess pushed her chair back from the worktable and closed the file. Roy and Matthew were still working to get the overall data analysis completed so they could set priorities for their clinic-acquisition strategy, but Jess was restless and eager to start. Fortunately, Sam Hirsch had called the previous day with this promising opportunity. Since Goodmoor was interested in a relationship with Midwest Health, why not start here?
“I know it isn’t much notice,” Jess said to Cindy, “but can you join me for a meeting with Goodmoor later? I just found out that today is their monthly business meeting. I’d like to get this assessment going as quickly as we can. We could get started with introductions tonight.”
“Yes, of course,” Cindy answered. They made arrangements to meet at the clinic at six p.m., and then Cindy gathered her papers and left.
They arrived at Goodmoor a few minutes early and walked down the hall to the meeting room. A tall man with a lean build caught up to them. “Cindy, is that you?”
“Hey, Ian. How fun to bump into you. Is this where you work?”
“Yes, I’m an internist here.” He pointed to the embroidered name on the pocket of his white coat. “Are you our guests from the law firm?”
“Yes. Ian Brewster, meet Jess Lawson. We’re here for the meeting. I had no idea this is where you practice. Jess, Ian is a marathon runner I see all the time at meets. Are you running the half marathon for Habitat next month?”
“I am. Even if it’s miserable.” He grimaced.
“Jess, this reminds me, I was going to pitch you to join me, since you’re a runner too.” Cindy’s voice grew excited.
“The course should be beautiful by the parks,” Ian added. “Let’s hope it’s not too cold and icy.”
“That doesn’t sound very tempting, but I’ll think about it.” Jess laughed. Cindy seemed to come up with activities for her every week. “It’s to get you out and about,” Cindy always said. But Jess guessed it was really about encouraging her to meet a new man.
As they neared the meeting room, an older doctor, bald, with wire-rimmed glasses and a natural scowl, approached them. “Ms. Lawson?”
“Yes. Are you Dr. Personne?” She stretched out her hand for a handshake, but he didn’t take it. Maybe he didn’t see it, she thought. “Please call me Jess. Thanks for making room on the agenda tonight on such short notice. This is my legal associate Cindy Newton.” Jess tried to meet his eyes, but he kept shifting the angle of his body, making that difficult. She offered her hand again, and he took it this time. “As I mentioned on the phone, our purpose in being here tonight is just a meet-and-greet so that physicians in the practice know who we are and why we’ll be meeting with them. Does that still work?”
“Yes, yes, of course. Whatever gets this rolling,” Dr. Personne responded quickly, still not looking at her. “I’ll introduce you when everyone gets here, and then you can do what you need to do.”
Dr. Personne left them, and Adam Bright, a young internist, approached Jess and whispered, “So, have you met the charming Larry Personne before tonight?” When Jess shook her head, he raised his eyebrows and said, with a sarcastic grin, “Well, wasn’t that a treat?”
She was glad she had turned down Dr. Personne’s invitation to join them for dinner. Much better to stay near the door and chat with the latecomers than risk having spinach in her teeth when it was time to present.
The room filled up. Jess and Cindy pulled up a couple of chairs as Dr. Personne finished his dinner and stood to open the meeting. Before he could introduce the guests, Dr. Bright remarked, “Well, Larry, looks like you’ve finally succeeded in getting women into th
e room without having to recruit them to the practice!” Several physicians snickered. Others looked ill at ease.
Dr. Personne’s eyes cast daggers at Bright, but he made no response. “Gentlemen, let me introduce our guests. Jess Lawson and Cindy Newton are from the law firm that’s going to consider options for us with Midwest Health. They’re here tonight to describe how this will work. Jess?” He gestured for her to speak and quickly sat down. Jess wondered if the purpose of his very brief intro was to be expeditious or to distance himself from the project. He didn’t look like a warm-and-fuzzy leader.
Jess smiled. “Thanks for letting us come tonight. We know you have other business on the agenda, so I’ll just take a few minutes to describe what will be happening over the next several weeks. I’ll also answer any questions you may have.” She spoke slowly and looked at their faces to get a read.
She had their attention and continued, “At this time, Midwest Health and Goodmoor Family Medicine have each expressed interest in forming a closer business relationship. Our firm has been retained to determine the merits of an arrangement to both parties. We have deep experience in this work, and our process is tested. We’re here tonight just to be introduced, but we’ll interview each of you over the next few weeks. Another team, under our direction, will be conducting the business analysis and assessment of the practice as it now operates.” She saw a few physicians exchange sideways glances but didn’t hear any snide comments. “Are there any questions at this point?”
“How long will all of this take?” asked Ian, the runner.
“It should take six to eight weeks, depending on how quickly we can get on your calendars and complete our analysis.”
There was a pause. Then a doctor who had arrived late and was still in the buffet line asked, in a loud voice, “What happens to the interview findings?” The soft clinking of silverware on china stopped abruptly, and all eyes turned to the questioner, then to Jess.
“Glad you asked. The individual findings are blinded and aggregated. With Dr. Personne’s permission, we’ll share them with you as a group.” All eyes zoomed to Dr. Personne, who looked as if he had just awakened from a nap. He snuffled a bit but didn’t answer. That put an end to the questions. Jess noted that the unidentified doctor who had asked the million-dollar question was making his way to the table with his full plate, and that Dr. Bright was staring straight at him.