Reckless Beginnings

by Tina Hogan Grant

  Puzzled, Tammy asked. “Decidual bleeding? What’s that?”

  “Basically, during the beginning of pregnancy, your body hormones can go a little haywire. This causes you to lose part of the lining of the uterus, which normally happens before the lining has completely attached itself to the placenta. It’s not a health risk to you or the baby, and by all means, you should have a normal pregnancy,” he said with an encouraging smile.

  Unable to focus on the doctor’s words, she only heard the word “pregnant” bellowing repeatedly in her head like a loud, beating drum. This was too much information for what she thought was going to be a routine doctor’s visit to treat a simple case of back pain. She was in shock. Pregnant? She couldn’t believe it. She had stopped taking the pill a few months ago because of terrible side effects and had planned on looking at alternative methods, but she had never gotten around to it with being so busy organizing their new apartment. She and Steven had been careful, she thought. But obviously not careful enough.

  “Tammy, are you listening to me?”

  Tammy shook her head, forcing herself back to reality. “Er, yes, Doctor. Sorry.”

  “That’s okay. I’m sure this is quite a surprise for you. I’m going to give you some antibiotics for the kidney infection. They’re safe to take while pregnant. I’m also going to make an appointment for you at the hospital, for an ultrasound so we can find out just how far along you are.”

  Tammy gave him an almost imperceptible nod. “Okay, that sounds fine.”

  With nothing more to be said, Dr. Davis wrote her a prescription and set up an appointment for her in a couple of days at the hospital. After thanking him, she stood up, shook his hand, and left the room.

  Back in her car, still shocked by the news, Tammy tried to grasp the notion that she was once again pregnant. She made a promise, right there and then, to love and nourish the baby while it grew inside of her. She wasn’t going to let her body reject another child. The initial shock was beginning to wear off, and thoughts of having a child with Steven actually made Tammy smile. They had been dating for some time, and he had expressed that he wanted kids someday. Well, that “someday” was here already; it was here now! As she started up the car, she found herself feeling excited about telling him the news.

  Chapter 28

  Steven arrived home shortly after six, looking tired and flustered. Tammy couldn’t help noticing the beads of sweat forming on his forehead, his drenched hair, and his dark, sunken eyes. “Are you feeling okay?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’m fine!” he snapped, throwing his duffle bag on the couch and pushing past her. “I’ll just be a minute,” he called out as he scurried into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

  Tammy had seen the same routine every night and knew he would be at least fifteen minutes. They had never discussed it, but she suspected he was taking his diabetic medicine. It troubled her that he was still embarrassed about it and continued to hide it from her.

  While he was in the bathroom, Tammy racked her brain, thinking how she was going to tell him about the baby. With the antibiotics kicking in and her back feeling a little better, she had managed to cook a special roast beef dinner, along with roast potatoes and steamed mixed vegetables. The aroma of the delicious meal lingered throughout the apartment. The only thing left to do was set the table, so she began the task while waiting for Steven.

  Nervous about his reaction toward the baby, Tammy had a strong urge for a cigarette. She took a few long, deep breaths to help subside the cravings, determined to conquer her addiction, especially now that she was responsible for the health of their child.

  After setting the table, Tammy stood back and admired her work. “Not bad,” she said to herself. Along with the polished silverware and folded beige napkins, she had finished the table off with two pillar candles and a vase of fresh daffodils. She joyfully skipped back to the kitchen, humming a pleasant tune, and proceeded to bring out the main course, followed by the vegetables and two glasses of milk. No more wine, she told herself while setting down the drinks.

  As she made herself comfortable at the table, she heard the bathroom door open. “Hey, honey, dinner’s ready!” she hollered in his direction.

  “Be right there.”

  She heard Steven rummaging about in the bedroom and assumed he was changing out of his work clothes. Now wearing black jeans and a t-shirt, Steven made his way into the dining room and sat down. Tammy admired him from across the table. He was no longer sweating, his eyes were brighter, and he had combed his hair away from his face. Smelling the scent of his freshly applied cologne as it drifted in her direction, she smiled. “You look good.”

  “Thanks, babe,” he replied. Steven’s eyes shined with delight as he took in the sight of the feast before him. “Wow! Looks like you’re feeling better. What’s the occasion?”

  Tammy smirked. “I’ll tell you over dinner. Come on, let’s eat. It’s getting cold.”

  “Okay,” he agreed. Anxious to dig in, Steven began carving the roast. “Hey, how did it go at the doctors today?”

  She decided to tell him the easy part first. “It turns out I have a kidney infection. The doctor put me on antibiotics.”

  “Damn…it’s a good job you went then!”

  Picking up his knife and fork, Steven scanned the table one more time, taking in the lit candles and the neatly folded napkins. “So why the fancy dinner?” he asked with a devious smile.

  Feeling the butterflies in her stomach begin to stir, Tammy took a deep breath and laid down her silverware. The moment she had been anticipating for most of the day had finally arrived. “Well, the doctor did tell me something else.”

  A worried look blanketed Steven’s face. “Is it serious?”

  Tammy smirked. “That all depends on how you look at it.” She looked straight into his eyes with anticipation. “Steven, I’m pregnant.” A huge sigh of relief rushed from her lungs as soon as the words left her mouth. She had told him. Sitting motionless, she waited for his reaction.

  Steven stared across the table at her in disbelief, his eyes like those of a deer’s caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. Seconds later, the huge smile that lit up his face put Tammy at complete ease. Giggling with joy, she watched with amusement as he lifted one hand over his racing heart while the other covered his gaping mouth.

  Flustered with excitement, Steven scurried over to her side of the table, knocking his chair over in the process. Glancing down at her, he thought to himself how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her in his life. Straining her neck, Tammy looked up to him with a beaming smile. Steven leaned in closer and met her with a passionate kiss. A passion they hadn’t shared for quite some time. Cupping her face with the palms of his hands, Steven gazed into her eyes, which were now shining with tears of happiness. “Are you serious? We’re going to have a baby?” he said before releasing a scream of pure joy.

  Tammy reached for his hand and squeezed it tight. “Yes, I’m serious, and I’ve been terrified all day about telling you. I wasn’t sure how you were going to react or if you’d be okay with having a child.”

  “Okay with it? Tammy, I’m over the moon!” He wiped away a tear that was now rolling down her cheek. “We’re going to have a baby! Oh, sweetheart, I couldn’t be any happier. I love you so much and I’m going to be a great dad. You watch.”

  “I know you’ll be a good father. Our baby is counting on it. Now, come on, let’s eat before it goes cold.”

  Affections were high during dinner. Steven moved his chair closer to Tammy’s and smothered her with kisses and cuddles while they shared in their joy of becoming parents. Tammy filled him in on the need for an ultrasound to determine her due date and together they pondered over the sex of the baby, possible baby names, and discussed when and how they would tell their parents.

  Tammy had never felt closer to him. For the rest of the night, he was clearly ecstatic about the thought of being a father and a joy to be around. They lau
ghed, they cuddled, and they smooched on the couch while watching a romantic comedy before ending the night with amazing sex. Finally, life was good. The thought that they were going to be a happy family made Tammy smile.

  Chapter 29

  The next morning, still riddled with excitement, Tammy couldn’t wait to call her father and Joanne and also her mother in England about her pregnancy. Even though she was feeling skeptical about her father’s reaction, she was too exhilarated to worry.

  After spending most of the morning on the telephone with family, Tammy finally hung up the phone after talking with her mother, who was overjoyed at the thought of becoming a grandmother for the first time and promised to find a way to come visit if her father couldn’t help.

  Joanne seemed genuinely happy, and she wasted no time in offering Tammy the heaps of clothes that Andrew had outgrown if the baby was going to be a boy. Her father had cordially congratulated her when he came to the phone after Joanne. Tammy had a hard time detecting any sincere excitement from him. She knew he’d always had greater plans for her, and having a child in her early twenties wasn’t one of them.

  Tammy had yet to meet Steven’s mother, who lived alone in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Steven rarely talked about her but told Tammy she was widowed at an early age because of his dad’s alcohol addiction. She never remarried and raised Steven, their only child, alone. The few memories Steven had of his father were not pleasant. Visions of his parents yelling and screaming, followed by scenes of violence and rage, haunted him. His mother had become a recluse lost soul with no friends, spending her days in front of the TV watching soap operas and living off disability checks. Once out of the toxic household, he began a troubled life of his own. Steven had distanced himself from his mother and only called home on the holidays. He had, however, made the effort to call her and tell her about the baby. The conversation was brief, and whether he believed himself or not, he told her they would get down there to visit once the baby had arrived.

  The following morning, Tammy was scheduled for an eleven o’clock appointment to have an ultrasound at the local hospital. Steven had switched his shifts so he could go with her. He dressed casually for the occasion, and Tammy, knowing she would have to change into a gown at the hospital, chose to wear loose fitting sweats and a sweatshirt.

  With one hand on the steering wheel and the other tightly holding Tammy’s hand, Steven drove to the hospital. Baby-related chatter and laughter filled the car for the entire journey, with speculation of the due date and the sex of the baby fast becoming a fun guessing game.

  When they arrived, they checked in at the reception desk and were told it would be about a fifteen-minute wait. Taking Tammy’s hand, Steven led the way to a couple of empty plastic blue seats against the wall in the waiting area. Once seated, Tammy scanned the room, pleased to see it wasn’t busy. An elderly man sat alone in the corner, his head buried low, reading a newspaper. A woman, about the same age as Tammy and very pregnant, sat across from them, holding her partner’s hand with one hand and rubbing her large round belly with the other. She looked tired, wearing a loose fitting blue smock and sandals. Picturing herself that far along, Tammy nudged Steven’s arm with her elbow. Giggling, she whispered in his ear, “Look, that’ll be me in a few months.”

  He quietly chuckled and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. “I can’t wait, babe.”

  Still whispering, she replied, “Me neither.” Feeling extremely happy and content with their lives, Tammy rested her head on his shoulder.

  “Hi, are you Tammy Mellows?” asked a young nurse holding a clipboard.

  Tammy raised her head to where the nurse stood at her side, sat up straight and smiled. “Yes, I am, and this is my boyfriend, Steven.”

  The nurse shook Steven’s hand. “Hi, Steven,” she said, smiling warmly. “Will you both follow me?”

  “Sure,” Tammy answered. Already on his feet, Steven took Tammy’s hand and followed the nurse down the hallway. Midway down the hall, the nurse opened a door on their left and led them in to a room before closing the door softly behind them and walking to a desk along the back wall.

  Feeling awkward and not knowing where to sit or what to do next, Tammy and Steven remained standing and nervously waited for instructions. The nurse pulled out a white gown from a drawer underneath the desk and turned to face Tammy.

  “Tammy, I need you to get undressed and put this gown on. Make sure the opening is in front. The doctor will be in shortly, okay?”

  Placing her purse on the floor in a corner, Tammy took the gown. “Okay, thank you,” she replied.

  Tammy started to undress as soon as the nurse left the room. “Steven, why am I so nervous? This is just a normal procedure to see how far along I am.”

  “It’s okay,” Steven replied. “I think hospitals make most people nervous, no matter what they’re here for. Now, come on, let’s get you in that gown before the doctor gets here.”

  Tammy chuckled and handed Steven her clothes as she removed them before slipping into the gown. Amused by the loose-fitting garment that hung well below her knees, Tammy pranced around the room with one hand on her hip, mimicking a model on a catwalk.

  “Come on, silly, stop messing around. Let’s get you up on the bed. The doctor’s gonna be here soon!” Steven said while guiding Tammy in the direction of the exam table.

  “Okayyyyy,” Tammy answered playfully as she scurried over to the table and hoisted herself up. Steven assisted the best he could by arranging the single pillow behind her back and settling her against it.

  Scanning the room, Tammy pointed to a monitor on her left. “Look! That must be where we will get to see the baby. I’m so excited!” she squealed. “This makes everything feel so real. Can you believe this is actually happening to us?”

  Standing beside her, Steven lifted her hand up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the tips of her fingers. “I sure can now, being in this room.”

  A few minutes later, a light tap on the door interrupted their idle chat. “Come in,” Tammy said. She propped herself up on her elbows and stared in the direction of the door as it opened.

  A striking, tall brunette woman wearing a white overcoat entered the room. “Hi, I’m Doctor Leon. I’ll be doing the ultrasound this morning,” she said as she walked over to Tammy and shook her hand.

  “Hi, Doctor, this is my boyfriend Steven,” Tammy replied.

  “Hi, Steven. This must be a pretty exciting time for you both?”

  “It sure is,” Steven said, flashing a smile at Tammy.

  Dr. Leon continued to chat while preparing the equipment next to the exam table. “So, Tammy, how have you been feeling? Any nausea? Weakness or headaches?”

  “No, nothing. I feel great.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear. This is a simple procedure and it won’t harm you or the baby. We basically want to get an idea of how far along you are. Unfortunately, it will be too early to determine the sex of the baby.”

  “Okay.” Tammy nodded, feeling more at ease by the soothing tone of the doctor’s voice.

  “Okay, Tammy, before we begin, I want to take your blood pressure. Can you put your left arm straight out for me?” Tammy watched in silence as the doctor wrapped a black band around the top of her arm. After a few moments, Dr. Leon released the strap. “Good. Your blood pressure is normal. Shall we get started?”

  “I’m ready,” Tammy replied.

  “Now, I want you to lie back and relax. I’m going to put some gel on your stomach that may feel a little cold. It just helps to get a better reading from the transducer.”

  As she lay back, Tammy glanced over at Steven and smiled. Together, they watched as Dr. Leon folded the gown away from Tammy’s stomach and applied the gel. “Oh, you’re right, that does feel cold,” Tammy said with a giggle.

  “Now, you’re going to feel a slight pressure while I move the transducer around. The image will appear on the screen next to you.”

  Both she and Steven waited w
ith anticipation as Dr. Leon began to move the transducer slowly over Tammy’s stomach.

  Looking closely at the screen, the doctor paused. “Ahh, here we go,” she said, smiling.

  Tammy gasped. “Do you see it?”

  “Yes. Here, let me show you.” Dr. Leon reached over to the black and white screen and circled the outline of the fetus with her finger. “See, here’s the head and here’s the body, and you can clearly see the arms and feet.” Dr. Leon circled another part of the screen. “And here you can see its nose and ears are beginning to develop.”

  With squinted eyes, Tammy and Steven leaned in closer to the screen, desperately wanting to see what the doctor was looking at. A confused look between them confirmed they just weren’t seeing it. Then, suddenly, Tammy squealed. “I see it! I see it!” She shook Steven’s arm. “Steven, look! It’s our baby. Oh, my gosh, that is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Shocked by what she was witnessing—her baby growing inside of her—Tammy cupped her cheeks in her hands as tears trickled down freely over her fingers.

  With shadowed, teary eyes, Dr. Leon smiled at Tammy’s excitement. No matter how many times she witnessed this moment of parents seeing their child for the first time on the screen, it always brought tears to her eyes.

  Still struggling to see the image, Steven was now bent over at a strange angle right in front of the screen. He was trying his hardest to see what Tammy was pointing at with her finger. The fact that she was still shaking his arm wasn’t helping him focus on the tiny image.

  “Look, Steven, there it is! Oh, God, tell me you see it. It’s our baby, Steven.” She paused to wipe away more tears and then spoke softly to her child. “Hi, baby, it’s your mummy and daddy. We can’t wait to meet you and hold you, sweetheart. We love you.”

  “Oh my god, Tammy! I see it,” Steven shouted at the top of his voice. “I do, look…there’s its foot,” he yelled while outlining it with his finger. “Oh, wow, that’s amazing.” Still mesmerized by what he was seeing on the screen, Steven took in every detail of his child in silence. It hit him like a ton of bricks; it suddenly became undeniable—he was going to be a dad. At that precise moment, he knew he had to change his life around or suffer the consequences of losing his family.