Reckless Beginnings

by Tina Hogan Grant

  But he was serious. She could see it in his eyes. “It’s the best I can do. We have no other choice.” He stood and inched his way toward her. Still in shock, Tammy stumbled and allowed herself to fall freely into the chair next to her. Again, Steven knelt in front of her and took her hands. “It’ll be okay. We can do this.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, Steven. I’m sick of fucking up my life. Since I’ve been in this country, it’s been one thing after another. I came here with the intentions of looking for Donna, but I’ve not done a fucking thing about it because crap keeps happening in my own stupid life. And now you want me to run away to Seattle? Yet another bloody hurdle.”

  “Your dad will call you if he hears anything about her. You know that. There’s not much you can do because there’s nothing to go on. We’ve talked about it before.”

  “I know, I know. But moving away from my dad feels like I’m abandoning her in some way. Not only that, like I’ve already said, we can’t just quit our jobs. What are we supposed to live off for Christ’s sake?”

  A smug smile stretched across Steven’s face. “Well, you didn’t let me finish earlier, but I have a job waiting for me in Seattle.”

  Tammy was astonished. “You have a job?”

  “Yep, I sure do. I can start as soon as we’re settled.”

  “What kind of job? Is it with a restaurant?”

  He hesitated again. “Actually, no. It’s in sales.”

  “Sales? You’ve never sold a goddamn thing in your life. What will you be selling?”

  Annoyed by her endless questioning, Steven gave her an answer that he hoped would satisfy her inquiring mind. “I don’t know. I’ll find out when we get there. They said I have the job, so I took it. We have a place to live and I have a job. What more do you want?”

  “But, Steven, it’s in bloody Seattle! How are we going to move all our stuff? My car’s not big enough and we don’t have the money to rent a moving van.”

  Steven rolled his eyes. “It’s just stuff, Tammy. Our new place is fully furnished so we only need to take our clothes. We can just leave the rest here.”

  Tammy dragged her hands through her disheveled hair. “God, Steven I don’t know. This just seems so bloody crazy.” She couldn’t believe she was even considering the idea. The thought of moving so far away with just a bag of clothes terrified the hell out of her.

  Steven leaned in until his forehead was touching hers. Not wanting to cave in to his ludicrous idea, Tammy lowered her gaze to the floor.

  Steven gave her a friendly shake. “Come on, Tammy, it’ll be an adventure. You’ve always said you wanted to see more of the States. Well, now’s your chance.”

  “Yes, I do. But this is all so sudden and so fast. Can’t we find anything else? Something around here?” she pleaded.

  “There’s nothing. I’ve looked. Like you said, we don’t have much time. I know it’s far away, but we’ll be fine. I promise.”

  Saying nothing, Tammy continued to stare at the floor as her mind buzzed with all the consequences they would have to suffer if they went through with Steven’s crazy idea. She knew the only alternative she had was to move back to her father’s, but she refused to do that again; she had too much pride. Tammy took a deep breath and looked up, her face painted with angst. “Okay, let’s do it. Let’s move to Seattle.”

  Steven’s mouth fell wide open. “Really? Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. The hardest part will be telling my dad. I’ll have to go and see him in person. I can’t just call him on the phone and tell him.”

  Steven nodded, not wanting to discourage her decision in any way. “Sure, whatever you want to do is fine with me.” He would agree to anything she wanted. After all, it was his fault they had to move. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

  Tammy kissed him on the lips and cupped his face in her hands. “I love you too, baby.”

  * * *

  Tammy had avoided calling her father for two days, knowing the inevitable conversation wouldn’t be an easy task. On the third day, she finally plucked up the courage to call. She told him she had some exciting news and would come over that afternoon.

  At her father’s house, Tammy sat at the table, her nerves on edge while she watched Joanne pour coffee for everyone. “So, don’t keep us in suspense. What’s the good news?” Joanne asked before taking a seat across from John, thankful that Andrew was down for a nap.

  “Well, Steven was offered a job in Seattle and we’re moving there at the end of the week.”

  Saying nothing, John and Joanne shared a quick glance at each other.

  “Isn’t that great?” Tammy added to break the silence.

  Her father leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. “You’re moving to Seattle?” he asked.

  Joanne had her suspicions. Something wasn’t adding up. “Why the sudden decision to move, Tammy? You’ve never talked about moving before today. Has something happened?” Joanne’s mind race with a million questions. Was she running away from something? Was Steven making her move? Was he in some sort of trouble? She had unsettling feelings about him, but Tammy seemed happy with him so she’d had to trust her judgement. This sudden move had her worried.

  Tammy sensed Joanne’s anxieties and, once again, she found herself covering for Steven. “Actually, we’d talked about it before Steven was offered the job in Seattle. He discussed it with me and I told him to take it. It pays more than what he’s making now. It comes with a furnished place and he’ll be able to start right away. I know it’s sudden, but honestly, we couldn’t pass it up.”

  John listened to his daughter’s announcement with narrowed eyes and a feeling of uncertainty stirring in his gut. This didn’t sit comfortably with him. “Are you absolutely sure about this, Tammy? You’re right, it does seem rather hasty to say the least.”

  “I’m sure, Dad. Please, don’t worry. I know what I’m doing. I’ll be fine, and when the baby’s born, we’ll come down for a visit.” She smiled at her father in an attempt to reassure him.

  John reluctantly nodded, unfolded his arms, and glanced at Joanne, “Well, I guess there’s nothing more to say than for us to wish you luck.”

  “I guess not,” Joanne agreed, displaying a subtle smile.

  Relieved that they hadn’t objected, Tammy walked over to her father and embraced him before giving him a peck on the cheek. “Thanks, Dad. I’m going to miss you guys, but I promise to keep in touch and bring the baby down to see you as often as we can.”

  He held on to her arm. “We’re going to miss you, too,” he said, an essence of concern still lingering in his voice. He couldn’t help but wonder if bringing Tammy to the States was a mistake, just like it was with Donna.

  Chapter 32

  “Don’t you feel guilty for leaving all our stuff behind for Bill to deal with?” Tammy asked Steven as they walked out of their apartment for the last time, carrying only a bag of clothes each. “Don’t you think it’s kinda rude? I do,” she added.

  Steven walked in front of her with a bulky duffel bag draped over his right shoulder. “Nah, not at all. Look at it like we’re leaving him the furniture in lieu of what we owe him for rent,” he said as he approached the car, opened the trunk and tossed his bag freely inside, not caring where it landed.

  “Yeah, I suppose so, but I can’t help feeling like a criminal. I feel like we’re running away and being totally irresponsible.” She dropped her bag next to his and closed the trunk before jumping in the car next to Steven. Clearly not wanting to wait around for a second longer than necessary, he was already sitting in the driver’s seat and revving the engine. “I still think we should tell work we’re quitting. I hate to just leave without saying anything.”

  Steven began to back out of the driveway, wishing Tammy would just shut up and stop worrying about all the minor details. Unbeknown to Tammy, he owed money to more than a few people at work. If he showed up and announced he was quitting, there was a chance they’d start
asking for their money back in front of Tammy. He couldn’t allow that to happen. “It’s better this way. I don’t want to explain to everyone why we’re moving. It’s none of their business. Let’s just go pick up our checks and get outta here.”

  Tammy silently rolled her eyes and sighed in defeat. Already tired from the whole ordeal, the last thing she wanted was to start an argument. She had to keep reminding herself this was for the best. They were about to start a new life with a new baby. Soon, this will all be behind them.

  Over the course of the next hour, they had picked up their checks and cashed them at the bank before sitting back in the car to discuss their upcoming journey. Seattle was about eight-hundred miles away. With few stops along the way, they estimated they could be there in roughly twelve hours.

  “I’ll drive the first leg because I have to make a quick stop,” Steven said.

  “A stop where?” Tammy asked, puzzled. She knew they already had everything they needed for the trip.

  “It’s just a quick stop. It’ll only take a minute. Jeez, Tammy. What’s with all the damn questions today?”

  “Sorry,” Tammy snapped, angered by his outburst. “I just didn’t realize we had more stops to make.”

  Driving out of Lonesridge, the reality of what Tammy was doing slowly began to sink in. It reminded her of the time she left England. Leaving behind the securities of having her dad close by and unsure of where her future was headed this time around, Tammy’s mind taunted her with doubts. Had her father been right? Had she been too hasty with her decision to leave town and move eight hundred miles away? She knew it was too late to turn around now. She just hoped, once again, she was doing the right thing.

  About ten miles out of town, Steven exited the highway and turned left onto a desolate narrow dirt road.

  “Where are we going?” Tammy asked.

  “This is the stop I have to make. It’ll only take a minute. I promise.”

  Tammy saw nothing but empty meadows and scattered oak trees through the clouds of dust that surrounded the car. As they continued down the bumpy road, she heard the barking of an agitated dog in the distance, which seemed to become louder and clearer as they slowly approached a house on the horizon. Driving closer, she saw it was more of a run-down shack than a house. Who could possibly live out here? Tammy wondered.

  What was left of the flaky white paint was now peeling away from the wood. All the windows, a few of which were broken, had faded worn sheets hanging in front of them from inside the house. The German Shepherd, which was tied to a long rusty chain, continued its frenzied barking as they pulled up to the front. “Why have a pet if you’re going to chain it up all day? It doesn’t seem fair,” she said to Steven as they came to a stop.

  “I dunno. It’s not my dog. Wait here,” Steven ordered. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Who lives out here?”

  “It’s just a buddy of mine. I owe him some money,” he replied, fumbling with the door handle.

  “Money for what?” Tammy screeched. They barely had enough to get to Seattle, let alone give money away to his so-called buddies. Tammy couldn’t understand why he suddenly seemed so worried about paying someone back when he never bothered to pay any rent to their landlord for three whole months. It didn’t make any bloody sense.

  Steven had hoped to leave the car without being drilled with a bunch of questions, but she wasn’t going to let that happen. “When I was short one month, he loaned me a few bucks.”

  “How much is a few bucks? The money we have is supposed to be for our drive,” she protested.

  “Quit worrying. We’ll have enough,” Steven snapped. With his back now toward her, he stepped out of the car and let the door swing shut. Crouching down, he looked at her through the open window. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  “Fine. Whatever.” Tammy folded her arms in disgust, leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, refusing to look at him.

  Half an hour later, Steven returned. Furious, Tammy yelled, “What the fuck took you so fucking long?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “You said you’d only be a few minutes,” she hollered as he got back in the car.

  With no apology, he gave Tammy that same cocky grin that she’d grown to hate, started the car, and slid it into reverse. “Relax, okay?” he said, giving her knee a gentle squeeze.

  Still angry, Tammy quickly slapped it away. “Don’t touch me!”

  “Oh, come on, don’t be like that. I said I was sorry. We got to talking and I lost track of time. But I’m here now. We have no more stops to make so we can get on the open road. Come on, babe, let’s not start the trip like this.”

  “Well, stop pissing me off then.” Tammy began to calm down. “I’m sorry I got mad but jeez, Steven, half an hour is a little more than five minutes. Do you blame me?”

  “Yeah, I get it. But now we’re going to Seattle! Woo-hoo!” he said with a beaming smile while shaking her arm. Tammy couldn’t help but join him with a smile of her own. “That’s better.” Steven gleamed at her while putting the car in gear and headed for the main road. “Seattle, here we come!” he bellowed out of the window as they sped down the dirt road, leaving a trail of dust behind them.

  Fourteen hours later, at three o’clock in the morning, they finally reached the dim streets of Seattle. Both tired from their trip, they decided to seek a motel for the rest of the night so they could get a good night’s sleep and freshen up before calling Steven’s new boss in the morning.

  As they drove through the blocks hoping to find a vacancy sigh, Tammy began to feel uneasy. Homeless people lined the streets on both sides, sleeping in makeshift tents or cardboard boxes. Some were still awake, chugging liquor out of brown paper bags, and she swore she saw a prostitute or two stepping into vehicles on street corners.

  “Steven, I don’t think we’re in a good part of town.”

  “Don’t worry, it’s only for one night. We’ll be fine,” he said, trying to ease her discomfort while scouting the neighborhood through the window. “There has to be a motel around here someplace.”

  Wanting to get off the streets as soon as possible, Tammy joined him in the hunt. For twenty minutes, they drove aimlessly up and down the darkened streets, their eyes fixed on each of the passing buildings. Tammy breathed a sigh of relief when she finally spotted a green “Vacancy” sign blinking brightly over a shadowed building on her right. “There’s one!” she squealed with excitement, sitting bolt upright in her seat.

  Steven lowered his head and glared out of her window. “Where?”

  “There.” Tammy pointed Steven in the right direction. “It’s called The Lagoon.”

  Steven followed her finger. “Oh, I see it now.” He pulled into the driveway of the motel, bringing the car to a stop in front of the office. Tammy waited in the car with the engine running while Steven left to get a room.

  A few minutes later, he returned with key in hand and put the car in drive.

  “Okay, were in room 118. The guy at the desk said it’s in the middle of the row of rooms on the left.”

  Tammy joined in the search, reading each room number illuminated by the dim lights of the parking lot while Steven inched the car along.

  “There it is,” Tammy said, pointing in the direction of the room with her finger.

  Steven saw the room and pulled into the parking space in front, bringing the car to a stop. After grabbing their bags from the trunk, they both headed to the room, looking forward to crashing on the bed and getting some well needed rest.

  Disappointment flooded Tammy as soon as she entered the dark and dingy motel room. Overpowered by the odor of damp, musty air, she covered her nose and mouth with her hands. “My god, this is bloody awful,” Tammy muffled through the material of her sleeves. She glanced at the vile orange and gold wallpaper in horror and then down at the stains covering the bright orange shag carpet. Her eyes turned to the queen-size bed, topped with a thin, faded orange bedspread. She shuddered at the thought of sleeping in i
t.

  Steven tossed their bags on the bed and the keys on a small wooden table beneath the TV, which was padlocked to a metal rack high on the wall.

  If the room itself was this bad, Tammy dreaded the thought of how the other facilities were going to look. Adjusting to the foul smell of the room, she removed her hands from her face and cautiously made her way over to the door she assumed lead to their bathroom. “Jesus Christ! This is disgusting!” she hollered to Steven as she quickly re-covered her face. “How could anyone feel clean bathing in this filth?” She walked across the cracked white-tiled floor to the single sink, blotched with rust and other questionable blemishes. “Ugh,” she mumbled. To her right was a small shower, shielded with a clear plastic shower curtain. At least, it would’ve been clear if it weren’t for the years of soap scum clinging to it. Tammy peaked behind the curtain. “Fucking gross,” she grumbled, eying the paint peeling away from the filthy tiles and the blackened mold growing around the edges.

  “Are you done?” Steven called from the room. “I need to use the bathroom.”

  Tammy reappeared. “I don’t know that you should go in there…you might never come out alive,” she said, laughing, and then she turned serious. “You know, you don’t have to go in the bathroom to take your medicine, Steven. I’m okay with it.”

  “Huh?” Steven looked puzzled, and then he remembered the diabetic thing. “Oh, yeah. No thanks, I prefer it this way.”

  She raised her hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. Just trying to make it easier for you. Go ahead. It’s all yours,” she said as she slithered pass him and perched on the edge of the bed. “I’m glad we’re only here for one night. This place is bloody awful.”

  “It’s not that bad,” Steven said with a grin before closing the bathroom door behind him.