Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

by Bethany Shay Porteous

  When a wolf turned eleven it was a huge milestone, but it was also a day that would stress out even the most surest of families. On this day your wolf’s spirit would appear in your mind and you can begin communicating with it, learning about each other and how the other thinks and behaves. The mental training that came with this was exhausting; however, it was imperative as it’s easy for the wolf in your mind to take over. If you hadn’t learnt the control that was required then you’d be lost forever.

  After four years of hard core mental training the young wolf would turn fifteen. This was a time that excited many—the excitement almost matched up the excitement of finding your mate. On the wolf’s fifteenth birthday you would have your first shift into that form. You would leave your human self behind and become a creature on four legs that ran the mountains with the rest of the pack. It wasn’t unheard of for a wolf not to achieve this ability; however, it was a rare occurrence.

  Now even more training began, as you had to be in as much control as possible while the wolf took over. This is the age where your senses also heighten to an inhuman level. Your sense of smell is out of this world and your hearing and vision seems to multiply by a million. You become faster and more agile and you give off a more predatorily aura. You had to be able to use these new gifts, together with your wolf and be able to work with one another in harmony. If you couldn’t manage that, then the chances of finding your mate at eighteen weren’t high, as the Moon Goddess believes you had to be ready for that.

  Eighteen.

  The year of years, the most stressful and nerve-wracking year of my life and I can still to this day remember the shame and disappointment of not having met my mate on my eighteenth birthday and the cold talking to my father had given me. It wasn’t my fault, my mate hadn’t been in the pack so there wasn’t much I could have done about it, but back then eighteen year old me had been beyond distraught at the prospect of never finding my soulmate.

  Soulmates were the biggest perk of being wolf, in almost everyone’s opinion. You can identify your mate just by a scent—a smell that stands out to you above all others but you could really tell from the first touch, that first look into each other’s eyes as your wolves identified one another. They were supposed to be perfect, the complete other half of you.

  I was yet to experience that feeling but deep down I hoped I did one day.

  Losing your soulmate was a whole other thing though, and not a lot of wolves could bounce back from such a tragedy. When your soulmate dies half of you dies as well and you’re left living a half-life. Many wolves can’t get through it and resort to taking their own lives to be with their other half. Some wolves however, such as my father, fought through the pain every day and continued to lead his pack however, I wasn’t sure why.

  An Alpha without his mate was useless, packs need a Luna.

  I shook my head. He was being stupid; he himself knew that he wasn’t fit to be Alpha anymore. His erratic behavior before I left for college said everything it needed to for him. He didn’t want to face it and he sure as hell didn’t like me telling him, so after numerous beatings I decided to pack up and go to Brown and never come back.

  Until an Alpha command was used, I thought sullenly.

  I hadn’t even really spoken to my brother Brennan in that time. He was just as bad as dad in my opinion. Letting dad keep the Alpha title was beyond idiotic. Brennan could cope for some time, ruling by himself, but for an Alpha wolf who ruled with his Luna already—ruling by himself was practically masochistic.

  At least the trip to Boston had been fun. A bunch of us had road tripped from Brown to Boston, to give us all some extra time before we had to face our families. Dad was angry I hadn’t flown directly from Providence but I couldn’t care less. The least amount of time I had to spend with him the better, and that trip had been fun anyway. It seemed as if we had all been ordered home for the Holiday so I’d traveled with my friend Ryan from the Colorado pack, Dane also from Colorado and Ella who was from the Michigan pack. Ella was one of my closest friends since she had arrived at Brown. Her arrival hadn’t been welcomed at first—her friend Emily, also my friend—had been at Brown before her and had gone home to see her mate.

  She hadn’t come back.

  When Ella arrived with the news that Emily had been murdered by rogues I had been beyond distraught. I hadn’t met a wolf quite like Emily before, who shared my ideas on women in packs. It had been an awful time but Ella and I soon gelled and got through it together and had now been good friends for a year and half.

  The plane trembled slightly but I paid no attention to it, it had been doing that a lot throughout the flight and a plane crash right now would solve all my problems. With an irritated grunt I got up and walked towards the toilets, needing to relieve myself and to splash some cold water over my clammy skin. I gave a nice cold look to the gossip queens before sliding inside and locking the door.

  I hated going to the toilet in a plane, it was so weird. I tried to make it as quick as possible, a little terrified that if the plane did crash; I’d die on the toilet. I quickly pressed the flush button and washed my hands, staring at myself through the mirror. My skin was too pale; the trip was already getting to me. Usually I had a nice rosy appearance on my creamy skin but right now I looked pasty and sick.

  My sandy blonde hair looked limp and dry and I cursed myself for not getting a haircut before I left. I guess the first thing I did before I went home was to stop in at the salon. Dad could wait a few extra hours. My usually pale blue eyes looked like they were almost hazel-green from the light glow of amber that kept flaring up.

  I quickly washed my face, enjoying the feel of cold water on my hot skin. A knock on the door had me bite my lip to hold in my growl and I once again felt my skin prickle. I needed to shift before I bit someone’s head off.

  I opened the door to a small elderly woman who looked at me with an annoyed frown. I’m glad I went in before her and not after her. I walked back to my seat, stumbling slightly in the aisle way as the plane shook a little. It was like life was tempting me and then taking it away. If you wanted some turbulence then go for it!

  I wish I didn’t have to do this.

  What was I even supposed to say to him? I hadn’t seen him in two years. And what about Brennan? I’d hardly spoken to him, minus the few emails we had sent between each other. This trip was just asking for trouble and I wish my father could have just told me what he wanted rather than demanding I come home.

  Giving up on being tormented by my thoughts I slipped in the earphones and selected a random movie to watch, zoning out as the plane took me closer and closer towards hell.

  ∞

  “Ladies and Gentleman, if you could all buckle your seatbelts, we’re going to begin our descent into Cheyenne Regional Airport.” The stewardess’s voice was way too chipper for my liking and I had to remind myself she didn’t know what I was going home to.

  Reluctantly I buckled in and closed my eyes as I waited for the landing. It was such a surreal feeling, and closing my eyes let me feel all of it. It made me and my wolf giddy and I loved the jolt the plane would make when it hit the tarmac.

  I can’t believe this scared people.

  By the time the plane had landed I was ready to get out and breathe in some fresh air. I grabbed my small suitcase from the compartment above me and I was one of the first off, glad I didn’t have to go and claim any other baggage.

  It was busy, there were a lot of people who were either flying in or out for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Looking at my watch I noted my bus to Cody wouldn’t leave for another two hours so with that in mind I set out to the taxi rank. The only thing on my mind was getting a haircut.

  It was pouring with rain outside and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Just near the exit doors three young girls stood with pamphlets and a large sign behind them with the words “Help the Poor” behind them. I groaned when I watched one of them zone in on me.

  “Excuse me, Miss, do you have time to
hear about our goal to eradicate poverty in America?” Her bright face was so eager, her large green eyes sparkled and I had to admire her for her hope. However, I was in no mood.

  “No,” I told her coldly, before exiting through the automatic doors and taking refuge under the shelter.

  “Do you need a taxi miss?” A middle-aged man in a fluorescent vest touched my elbow and I nodded hopefully, wondering if it was actually possible. “It’s about a ten minute wait, is that okay?”

  “It’s going to have to be,” I told him. “I can’t walk to the bus depot.”

  “We could always run to Cody,” my wolf told me enthusiastically.

  “Sure and then we can get there in two hours instead of five, no thanks. The bus gives me more time to prepare myself, and I’m not getting a haircut and then shifting, it’ll be ruined.”

  “I need to run.”

  “You can run in five hours!” I told her impatiently. She shut up after that and not long after I finally got a taxi. The driver looked like he wanted to be doing anything else and I didn’t blame him. It was Thanksgiving tomorrow; he’d want to be at home.

  “Where to?” He asked tiredly.

  “The closest hair salon to the Cheyenne Bus Depot,” I told him as I settled back into my seat. He began driving and I looked at him inquisitively. He had a balding scalp and he wore thick framed glasses that guarded his dull brown eyes.

  “Home for Thanksgiving?” He asked as we pulled up to a set of lights.

  “Yeah,” I said for what felt like the millionth time that day. “Home for Thanksgiving.”

  “You sound thrilled to be here.”

  “Good. Maybe if I can fool you I can fool my pa-family.”

  He was quiet for a while and I remained silent, happy not to have to answer any more questions. Until he spoke again. “Family drama?”

  “You could say that.”

  “We all have it I guess; I’ve heard some whoppers in my time. Give me yours; I’ll see if it makes my top ten.” I looked at him curiously, wondering what I could divulge to him. Maybe I could make something up, that could be fun. “My daughter is supposed to be coming in today,” he told me. I guess he took my silence for me not sharing my story. “I haven’t spoken to her in months. She lives with her mom in California.”

  “Divorced?” I asked interestedly. I took comfort in the fact that I wasn’t the only one today suffering from the jitters of dreaded family company.

  “Last year. My daughter went with her mom to California with her new boyfriend and I stayed here, driving taxis and trying to push my boy to do better in school.” This sounded interesting, I was about to pry for more information however, he pulled over. “Here we are; the closest salon to the Cheyenne Bus Depot.”

  I peered out the dirty window and looked at the small salon on the main street. It looked like a place that wouldn’t butcher my hair.

  “Thanks then,” I said.

  Opening my purse I pulled out the money to pay for the ride before I got out and yanked at my suitcase. It hit the sidewalk with a clatter and I shut the door, watching with interest as the taxi drove off.

  I would forever be curious as to how his Thanksgiving went.

  The rain had stopped thankfully, but the air was cold and bitter and I was starting to feel chilly myself. Wheeling my suitcase over toward the salon I pushed open the door and was greeted by the strong smell of hair product as well as a blast of hot air from the heater.

  “Finally a customer!” A red haired girl looked up from her magazine and smiled at me. “It has been a slow day let me tell you. What can I do for you?”

  “Just a tidy up really; a trim off the ends, I like my hair just above my breasts so don’t take any more off than that.” She probably didn’t need me bossing her around but the amount of times these girls had taken off a chunk rather than a tiny bit had me wanting to stab them with their own scissors.

  “No worries can do! Wash and dry?”

  “Yes please.”

  Now we’re talking. There’s nothing better than the feeling of a hair dressers fake nails massaging your scalp. She set me up and then directed me to a sink and I relaxed my head back, closing my eyes and looking forward to the feeling of letting my mind go blank.

  “So, I see a suitcase. You’re coming home for Thanksgiving?” She asked and my eyes flashed open in annoyance.

  “Yes.”

  “That’s nice.”

  I suppose it was, if your family wasn’t a dysfunctional werewolf mess. It was wise of me not to air this out loud, she’d probably refuse to do my hair and call me a loony. I settled for making a noise in the back of my throat and hoped she’d take the hint to not talk to me.

  “She’s going to chew your ear off Charlotte,” my wolf told me with satisfaction. “Look at her eyes; she’s dying to talk to somebody.”

  “Why me?” I whined at her. “How direct do I have to be?”

  “Just wait for it,” my wolf chuckled. “In three, two, one…”

  “I love Thanksgiving.”

  Oh Goddess.

  As predicted by my wolf, she proceeded to chat my ear off for the remainder of my cut about what she and her family did for Thanksgiving. It was so perfect and cliché that I wanted to throw up in the bin. By the time she finally finished I was ready to get out of there and I all but threw the money at her.

  With my hair freshly washed and cut I stepped out of the salon feeling a little more relaxed and a little less violent. I wheeled my suitcase toward the bus depot across the road, checking my watch and noticing I had about twenty minutes before it came.

  There were a few people waiting so I found myself a dry seat under the shelter and prepared myself for what I would see in the next five hours.

  “Ah, Alpha Charlotte.”

  I jumped in shock at the use of my title so far from home and my wolf growled in surprise as I looked up to see my father’s Beta, Phillip, looking at me with amused eyes. He was the same age as my father and I was close with his daughter Mary when I had been living at home.

  Somebody else I hadn’t spoken to in two years.

  “Phillip,” I tried to make my voice sound relaxed. “Why are you here?”

  “To pick you up,” he told me flatly. “Your father wasn’t letting you take the bus home Charlotte.”

  “I’m twenty years old; he doesn’t need to ‘let’ me do anything.”

  “Charlotte please don’t be difficult. My job is simple, pick you up and drive you home. You know that with all the trouble with Idaho and Oregon your father wasn’t going to let you go any further without protection.”

  “Idaho has no business with us, it’s between them and Oregon,” I said haughtily. “Why would they have anything to do with me?”

  “Charlotte.”

  “Fine!” I snapped. I got up and snatched the suitcase handle out of his grip. “Lead the way then.”

  He rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, leading me over to his familiar red truck. The dent that Mary had made in it when she was first starting to learn still sat there proudly and I shook my head at the memory.

  “I can’t drive this thing! I can’t do gears, give me an automatic!” Mary chugged along in the truck while her father, Beta Phillip, shouted at her. I was cackling in the backseat.

  “Mary pay attention!” Beta Phillip ordered.

  “Oh my Goddess! I am!” She shouted back. Suddenly the car was screaming backwards and my laughter turned into a shocked scream as we hit the wall that divided the shed from the house. “Woah!”

  “Holy hell that did not just happen!” I laughed. “Mary you just crashed your dads car.”

  “No,” Beta Phillip groaned as he got out.

  “Wow. Don’t drive with me then, hey?”

  “Are you coming?” Beta Phillip called to me. Huffing, I hurried after him, feeling the drizzle of rain on my cheeks. I went faster after that, I did not need the rain ruining my new cut. The truck smelt as it always did, old and musty.

 
“How’s Mary?” I asked after a small silence.

  “She’s fine. She arrived home yesterday from New York,” Beta Phillip murmured. “She cut all her hair off.”

  “Really? How short?” I demanded.

  “Just under her chin,” he grunted.

  I widened my eyes in surprise. Mary’s hair had been long and blonde since we were toddlers. I couldn’t imagine her with such short hair. “Wow, that’ll be different.”

  “She doesn’t wear anything that’s not designer either. Apparently I’m an idiot because I don’t know what a Louis Vuitton is. She’s changed. You both have really, but I guess that’s college. You’re definitely meaner though.” He had a sour look on his face and I rolled my eyes, thawing a little.

  “Are you sad Uncle Phillip?”

  He smiled at me and shook his head. “It’s nice to hear you call me Uncle Phillip again.”

  “I’m sorry,” I sighed. “I’ve been catty all day.”

  “I’ll say,” my wolf muttered. “I can’t even open my mouth without you jumping down my throat. Are you PMSing or is just me?”

  “I’m just stressed out!” I defended. “Come on, you know what I’m about to walk into. I haven’t seen dad since he practically tried to kill me and I don’t even want to be here.”

  “That’s concerning, last I checked you were a wolf,” Beta Phillip cut off whatever my wolf was about to say with his lame joke.

  “Oh Goddess,” I groaned with a roll of my eyes. “Don’t tell ‘dad jokes’ man, it’s lame.”

  He laughed and continued to drive and I looked at the familiar setting. It was so weird to be back home, it felt like it had been forever. “Your dad has been pretty busy lately with all this stuff going on with Idaho and Oregon, have you heard much about that?”

  “Not really,” I said. “Something about a half-blood going to trial but that’s it. I’ve been in Providence and there are no wolf packs there.”

  “Yeah well we all think Idaho and Oregon are on the brink of war and your dad is trying very hard to stay out of it. Alpha Hess keeps trying to lure him in though. He’s just a little stressed so don’t—”