The Bitter Pill Social Club

by Rohan Dahiya

  Chapter NINE

  NO REMEDY FOR

  MEMORY (INTERLUDE)

  Hi Daddy

  It’s been some time since I heard from you. Been a while since I wrote as well.

  I don’t have much to update you on, really everything is quite usual and ordinary here. Ordinary – strange word isn’t it. It says everything’s calm, almost droll, but also maybe pleasant. I don’t know. Ria told me everything you said to her, I cannot believe you treated my daughter, your granddaughter so terribly daddy!! How could you? That poor girl has done nothing but look up to you, she listens to you like you are the smartest man in the world. You called her ordinary … I will show you what an extraordinary girl she is.

  You told her to talk to me about where she came from. You told her to ask me who her father was. You blamed me for the reason you hate her, why you can’t stand to have her in front of you. And I did. I told her everything. And I’m proud of it. I will never regret the decision to have her and don’t you doubt it for a minute.

  But I know you feel this way because all you have wanted for me is to have the best version of my life, but I want you to know dad that she is the best part of my life. I have no doubt about it. She has kept me sane, she has kept me whole. I hope you can see that some day too. Till then I think it is best if we don’t see each other for some time at least.

  With all my love,

  Kama.

  She was seventeen when it happened. She was supposed to be married in the next two years; her parents were already eyeing prospective matches. She was desperately in love with him, and how could she not be? Shailender was the grooviest boy in college. Older boys like him were hot property, with their thick mustaches, rakish smiles and easy sex appeal. He was the first person she ever shared her cola with, she was the first girl to ride his Pushpak.

  They’d been dating for six months. She baked him a cake and made up a night-stay story at home. It was a well set up web of white lies because Shail and Kama wanted to spend the night together, it was the biggest night of her life. All day she’d been equally anxious and excited and her nerves hadn’t settled even as she snuck into his borrowed car at dusk.

  They giggled and talked till the drive to the guesthouse, nothing fancy because it was all he could afford from saving fractions of his pocket money. They hadn’t planned on doing much, but the heat was palpable between them. He wanted their first time to be extra special, he said he wanted to make love to her like the starlet that she was. The room was clean with beige walls and a comfortable bed. An overall pleasant vibe finished with velveteen curtains. She kept her crocheted bag on the table, touching the beads with a soft smile thinking of the day her mother had taught her how to twist and loop the yarn to crochet. She thought of her mother and how happy she would be the day she could meet Shailender and they would announce their wishes to get married.

  He had to run for an errand, there were no colas available at the hotel and there was a general store just down the road. “Don’t open the door for anyone unless it is me,” he said before leaving, “just keep it locked. Read something; take it light, keep it tight. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She gave him a hug and kissed him, proud of her boldness at being the first one to kiss the other. Kama settled down on the bed and flipped through the Filmfare on the table. The bed was softer than anything she had sat on before.

  But Shailender never came back.

  The minutes turned to half an hour and her skin prickled with worry. The nervousness gave way to anger as the hour passed, how could he take so long to bring back two bottles of coca cola? What was the point – they would be warm by the time he returned anyway. She planned her tantrum, how she’d hit him: tight fisted but not hard enough to actually hurt him too much.

  The second hour passed and she wept bitterly because she didn’t know what was going on, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. She could only feel her heart breaking piece by piece. Everything ached. She went to the bathroom and cleaned her face because all her makeup was ruined. She thought of her mother, how she had trusted Kama on her word that she would be safe at her friend’s house. How disappointed she would be when she found out her daughter had lied. That crumpled face of disappointment in her mind only brought more tears more pain. She broke a glass and cried. She broke another one and stopped. She was exhausted. Shailender had been gone for almost three hours. Three. Hours.

  She cleaned up the broken glass, wrapping the bigger shards in a hand towel and using damp pages of the magazine to pick up the smaller pieces. She wondered if it was better to just go home. Or if she could find a way to call her friend, the guesthouse would definitely have had a phone she could call from.

  But how would she have explained any of it?

  What would she do with Shailender’s things?

  What would she say to her friend’s mother? Or her father? What would she say to her own father? He was only back for a month after almost a year of being away at service. He would have her married off by the time he left. Or worse he too would stare at her with that scowl, ashamed at rising her to be a liar. She felt sick.

  The four walls started closing in on her.

  She called for a Saradon and some water. She ignored the leering man who came to give it. She took the medicine and slept.

  It was another hour later when Shailender banged on the door. He was drunk, so drunk she felt her stomach turn at the faintest whiff of his breath. He leaned in and kissed her wetly. The hallway was dark behind him so she couldn’t see just then that he wasn’t alone. Shailender had seven other friends with him, his tongue had loosened with every drink, and he brought them all back to the guest room to meet her. She was a friendly girl after all, he just wanted them to meet his pretty, friendly girlfriend Kama.

  Kama thought the night would never end.

  Thought they would never stop.

  Eight men.

  Eight men were enough to subdue one woman.

  Enough to silence her screams.

  Eight men were enough to hold one woman down.

  Eight men were enough to tear off her clothes.

  Eight pairs of hands.

  Sixteen hands on her body.

  Their hands were everywhere.

  Every where.

  Kama thought they would never stop.

  They didn’t.

  One. Two. Three.

  There were too many of them.

  One. Two. Three.

  She couldn’t breathe.

  One. Two. Three.

  Hands everywhere.

  One. Two. Three.

  A pain like she’d never felt before.

  One. Two. Three.

  They couldn’t hear her.

  One. Two. Three.

  NO, she screamed.

  One. Two. Three.

  NO!

  One. Two. Three.

  They laughed. They grunted. They shifted off and on her.

  One. Two. Three.

  One by one.

  One. Two. Three.

  Even when they stopped, the hands never left her body. Pinching, caressing, slapping.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  It seemed the night would never end.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  “It was the worst thing that ever happened to me,” she wiped away a tear. Despite herself it was funny that she cried. “Actually I think there may be too few things worse than that to happen to anybody.”

  Ria sat there stupefied. She reached a hand out and held her mother’s warm hand. The same familiar hand she’d held for sixteen years, now just felt heavier.

  The sun had come up sometime while they talked. She blinked her eyes and suddenly everything just seemed brighter. She told herself to switch the light off but couldn’t bring herself to move. Her bones had fused at the joints, her muscles atrophied; she never wanted to leave her mother’s sight. If she let go of her hand she thought she might die.

 
; “So the Commander …”

  “He …” she choked. “He couldn’t understand why. None of us could. Why had something like that happened? In a way I think he took it the hardest in the family, it was – it just shook him up in a way that he could never recover from.”

  Ria swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “He sees in you everything that I went through, which is completely unfair. I don’t condone it at all. I think he just has a hard time, he doesn’t have anyone to talk to, to share his words with.”

  “I mean I don’t blame him!”

  “Arey it’s not that simple”, Kama smiled sadly, “he sees you and he remembers everything. He sees what I went through yes but also what I gave up. What I could have been and never got to be; the future I sacrificed to have you.”

  “But don’t get me wrong, I have never for a second of my life cared about that.” She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Her chest ached as if someone had knocked the air out of her. “I have loved you more than anything in this world beta, and I will love you for ever. If daddy can’t find love for you in his heart that’s his problem not ours.”

  Ria stood and hugged her mother, resolved to be as fearless as her mother. Every crippling habit now, too soon, made too much sense.

  “Parents place a lot of trust in their kids, beta. Every day. We trust that we have raised good children. We trust that we have taught you right from wrong, we trust that you will make good choices and learn from your failures.” She sniffed into the sleeve of her kurta. “I don’t want to hold you back in any way. You’re smarter than anyone your age, no doubt about it. I just want you to be cautious.”

  Ria caught the subtle flicker of her gaze to the room below where her boyfriend was sleeping but chose not to comment on it.

  “Make your own choices so long as you can live with them, otherwise I’m here for any kind of help” she smiled. “I will kill you if you get pregnant though. I am not going to let you piss your life away because of some shitty boy.”

  Ria swallowed, unsure of how to discuss going on the pill.

  Kama smiled then. “But this one seems like a decent one.”

  Chapter TEN

  MILK AND TOAST

  The wind shocked her as she walked down the steps, past the miniature parking space, to the backside of the inn. Sunaina had always heard people say that mountain air was crisp, but from the way it stung her smarting cheek she realized it was a lie. The cigarette clung to her dry lips, impatience getting the better of her the longer she fumbled with her lighter. Hot tears turned cold as they pooled under her eyes, equal parts furious and ashamed.

  The man walked up from behind, ashen faced and apologetic. He offered to light her cigarette and she ceded. Neither met each other’s eyes.

  “I’m really truly sorry.” He shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “We’re leaving. We don’t want to cause any more trouble than we already have.”

  She caught him staring down her shirt, stained with water and iced tea.

  “What happened exactly? I don’t know how –”

  “My brother has autism but he’s usually very well adjusted, I mean he works at an art studio and everything. It’s probably the mountain air, I’m … gosh I’m not sure what set him off. I’m just so terribly sorry.”

  She winced as the ice pack went back on her cheek.

  “We’ve paid for the damages … I’ll be more than happy to compensate –”

  “Wow,” the hundred rupee note hit harder than his brother’s back handed slap. “Please leave NOW.”

  Faisal cleared his throat from behind. She saw the man balk.

  “Is there a problem here?” he asked gruffly.

  “It’s nothing, he was just leaving.” She took a step away from the man.

  “Listen buddy –” Faisal placed a heavy hand on his shoulder, fully aware of the condescending nature of his gesture. “You should get a move on.”

  He saw the way it made his teeth grind, it would’ve been too easy to take him down. The man was a prime specimen of the kind of guys whose fitness regime never strayed too far from pumping their chest and biceps. Hand to hand combat was not a priority. Faisal knew he’d be useless as putty in a chokehold, their difference in height notwithstanding.

  “I think you’ve caused enough trouble here.”

  “Are you the fucking manager or what? I was just apologizing to her,” he shot her one last lewd look.

  They turned at the sound of a horn blowing from the street. Sunaina saw her assailant siting in the front with a childlike pout, made stark by the general stoicism of the others. He walked off muttering under his breath.

  “Fucking bitch.”

  It was deliberate. Sunaina felt it in her bones.

  She threw her cigarette and held Faisal back with both hands, digging her heels into the soft ground.

  “Stop, stop it. He’s just trying to rile you up.”

  He grit his teeth. “I don’t fucking care I’ll break his bones if I have to.”

  “Over my dead body! We’re not having any more drama here, I’ll lose my bloody job.”

  He turned with a withering glare. “No one’s firing you begum. It wasn’t your fault.”

  She reached for him, their anger collectively softening even as adrenaline raged through them. But before she could say her thank you he strode out of reach.

  “Whatever, I have work to get to.”

  “Well fine!” she gasped at his retreating back. “It’s not like I don’t have better things to do.”

  “Maybe you should do them then instead of slacking off here.”

  “I wasn’t sla –”

  “Oh save it for someone who cares begum.”

  She stormed past him. “Well if you didn’t care then why’d you come save me?”

  She saw the surprise in his honey eyes. “So you did need my help, didn’t you? Couldn’t just say thanks and get it over with.”

  “I would have if you weren’t such a piece of shit.” He flung a middle finger through the air and disappeared into the street.

  Sunaina stormed past the confused manager, having finally emerged from his office to address the commotion. In the two months she’d known him, Faisal had the art of grating against her skin down to perfection. They had first properly met at a bonfire by the riverside but really their paths had crossed much earlier. It had been her first solo trek and she’d been distracted by taking pictures along the way so the sun was high up by the time Sunaina had even made it halfway. The halfway mark itself was a half-eaten carcass and although she couldn’t look directly at it, she had a feeling it was a cow. From having fall off of a height the creature lay in a massive mess of disjointed bones and a fully exposed gut. It was the flies that hit her first, the sound of a thousand buzzing flies as though a beehive had been attacked. She choked as the smell of rotting flesh hit her with the force of a brick wall.

  Faisal and the group of travelers he’d been guiding walked past her without sparing a glance. Sunaina had gasped and rinsed her mouth but the sight had coated her mouth like bitter oil. Toward the end of the trail the temperature had fallen so drastically that most of his winded companions had settled down for hot milky tea and maggi. Faisal had glared at the limber cliché of a girl who strode past them, head uncovered even though the air was heavy with moisture. He hoped she’d catch a cold and learn never to walk without a cap in her bag. Sunaina had stared at the bowls filled with hot soupy noodles and stifled a laugh, hoping none of them threw up on the trail back.

  During her descent she’d scraped her hand against an unsteady rock, landing right into a puddle. Between fidgeting with her makeshift bandage and avoiding the mushiest parts of the trail, Sunaina had lost track of the time. As the afternoon had rolled into an early evening, the trees beside her that had thus far been sentient giants had come alive with a million different sounds. Something burped something chirped and her footsteps grew unsteady. They say a trail is one of the best places to lose yourself bu
t not to get lost in. A thick mist had rolled down the side of the hill so swift and sure that her breath caught in her throat. She pulled out her phone, already knowing that there was no network on it. Sunaina turned around and spat behind her, a hundred old wives tales suddenly remembered, and continued forward – hoping the forward was the right forward and not to the wrong end. She’d had the worst nightmares that usually involved an angry tribal chieftain chasing her, brandishing a machete that could sever heads in one swoop. Faisal had watched her emerge from the trees pale as a ghost. Sunaina ignored the cheerful banter from the tea stall as she crossed them and at night cried herself to sleep in an unnecessarily uncomfortable tent.

  The owner knew her friend, Jatin, who often lead camps to Leh from there and had allowed her to work at the café downstairs in exchange for a private room. Upon their introduction, Sunaina had found Faisal at first endearing, mostly for his low tolerance for Old Monk. From there on an unfortunate series of events had led them to share the room at the inn and she’d found him abrasive at best. Working all day in the fields he always came home stinking and short tempered, exhausted beyond reason unless they had a joint to split between them. There was no comfort in their shared space they were constantly arguing, racing to use the bathroom in the morning, shouting over the position of the toilet seat or his body hair in the shower drain. Sunaina had reached the conclusion that men were sick and although Faisal could beat up someone who was troubling her like the gentleman from the café, he was more trouble than he was worth.

  Veeru winced at her bruise. “Aye maybe you should put some make up on that. Nobody wants to see it.”

  Sunaina laughed at his grimace. “All my makeup dried up and died, wanna lend me yours?”

  Veeru pointed at the store across the road and told her to help herself. The day went by rather easily from thereon, with a screechy show of Karan Arjun to fill up the lull before the dinnertime rush.

  There was something about the late night air up in the mountains. The street outside was the darkest dark where the amber pools of light couldn’t reach. Most of the cafes had shut down for the night. They were only still open because of the group of five who had checked in just then, she’d agreed to stay back and serve them hot chocolate and let them smoke their hashish in peace. Veeru was reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in rapture by the counter, not that there was much left to do. It was a battered old copy Sunaina had bought from a hole in the wall in Khrew. She eyed the spine, hoping he wasn’t putting too much pressure on it.