The Bitter Pill Social Club

by Rohan Dahiya

  “I know! I know all of it.”

  “Well if you know all of it why did you call us up here? To gloat? That you’re happy?”

  “Happy? You think I’m happy that my son’s wife is holidaying in Europe with some random younger man?”

  Hassan shot daggers at Kama.

  “Oh don’t look at her I’m the one talking to you. You think I’d bother at all if I wasn’t worried about you lot.”

  “What are you even bothered about if you have her here to keep you company and drown you in all of her ‘special tea’.”

  Asim slammed a fist on the table

  “Don’t you take that tone of voice about Leela. As long as you’re under my roof you’ll show some respect here.”

  “Arey but who even is she to you?”

  “Oh fuck this,” Geetu grumbled and pulled out a cigarette. Dev bit his cheeks beside her to maintain composure.

  “She is living here with me!” he bellowed. “She’s taking care of me so that I don’t go mad living in this godforsaken useless fucking mansion all by myself.”

  “WHAT?!”

  No one was eating anymore.

  The chicken had roasted for four hours on a low flame, the cook had spent another hour perfecting the gravy and mashed potatoes. They’d even made fresh bread because Geetika had told Asim that Dev loved soaking his bread in gravy. Everything was now cold.

  “SHE” he thrust a finger in her direction, “this random girl from the hills is living here in our house with you?”

  Leela sat up straight. “Hey!”

  “Sit your ass down Hassan,” Asim was going to burst a vein. “Either sit down and talk like a grown up or get the hell out of this house.”

  No one said a word.

  Kama strained her ears and was sure no one dared to breathe.

  Geetu had spilled gravy on herself when she stood sometime during the conversation but her voice had fallen on deaf ears and the stain might never leave. She stared at the ruined kurta, it was limited edition Anita Dongre and completely wasted on the freakshow that was her family.

  Dev discreetly slid his glass up for a huge gulp of wine, trying to smoothly place it back on the table.

  He stared at the fresh roll of bread hardening in front of them asking to be slathered with herb butter, his stomach stirred in solace. Devendra Shroff came from a different world altogether – even with their extravagance his family always found a way back to each other. For Dev, home was where laughs and sorrows held equal footing, never these sort of vinegary displays of resentment.

  “I don’t understand what the hell is wrong with all of you,” Asim showed no signs of calming down. “Instead of finding comfort or joy that I have some companionship, that I’m not dying alone here like some crazy old man, you’re all sitting there on your failed marriages, out of control children, and whatever new problem your therapists cook up, and you’re judging me!”

  “Failed.” He spat. “I have failed in raising you all because these spoilt brats in front of me aren’t what I raised. You’re all fucking imbeciles, it’s a joke that you think you deserve any respect in life.”

  “Okay”, Kama raised her hands defensively, “I think you’re being a little unfair –”

  “Unfair? When was the last time you left your fucking house, Kama? Your daughter is more independent than you, at least if something happens tomorrow she will be capable of defending herself.”

  Kama shrank back in horror. “What are you implying here, papa?”

  “My dear I’m saying if tomorrow we are under attack or a natural disaster strikes, she has more chances of survival than anyone else at this table.”

  Dev raised a finger to interject. “You know –”

  Geetu silenced him with a look.

  Hassan rolled his eyes. “Fine, daddy, since we’re all being so honest here let’s get it all out. I think you’re just the worst, I can’t stand coming up here to see you.”

  Asim scoffed. “Do you even know where your daughter is? Do you know where your own life is headed? Are you legally separated from that snake or is she coming back some time to squeeze more money out of you? Of course you hate me because I’m the only one who’s asking you these things.”

  Hassan looked around to a room of averting eyes.

  “I just want everyone here to understand that I care for Leela a lot, she’s been there for me when I had no one to turn to. She’s kept me sane, saved me from talking to the walls in this ridiculous house.”

  Dev drained the remainder of his wine and reached for more, so long as he could choke back his laughs. Geetu scratched at the drying gravy spot with disdain. Since no one had offered her an ash tray, she’d taken to the little plastic bowl where bits of hummus crusted at the bottom.

  “As a matter of fact Leela helped me in more ways than one; I’ve made a decision and that’s really the reason I’ve called you all here. I’m turning the house into an exclusive Bed & Breakfast.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “Yes, I’m turning both rooms on the ground and two of the upper floor rooms into guest bedrooms and suites. We’ll have breakfast served on the big table in the verandah and Leela knows someone who can help us organize treks and nature walks nearby.”

  “Oh really now,” Hassan sneered, “and does Leela have any other special powers.”

  “Shut up and listen for once Hassan.”

  “No really papa tell me, is she a gypsy who can predict whether this will even work? Have you seen the state of the economy?”

  The Commander walked over and poured himself a whiskey from the small bar in the corner.

  “Have you applied for a license even? You can’t just flip a residential property into a commercial thing you know.”

  Geetu felt the beginnings of a headache. Kama simpered into a polka hankie, sipping lovingly from her large rum and coke.

  Leela opened her mouth but he intervened. “We’ve actually already taken care of all those things thanks for your concern boy.”

  “I know a few people in the village because of my father so they were very agreeable.” It was admirable that Leela still spoke with dignity.

  “Oh I get it, you two are like business partners now right … and where do you plan on getting initial investments, love? By selling tea?”

  “Shut up,” someone muttered.

  “You see this is why you’re an absolutely useless person to talk to, Hassan. This is probably why Tina left you in the first place.”

  “Oh daddy, don’t get into that right now.” Geetu swallowed her bitter gin and lit another cigarette. Between her father and brother, she wondered when she’d start greying.

  “No really beta, someone has to tell him because he can’t keep living in this dream world where everyone is tripping over to give Mr. Hassan Kochhar’s boots a lick. It’s ridiculous!”

  “You think you can understand what went wrong with my marriage, papa? Are you on crack?”

  “Leela’s moved into the house and she’s going to help me run the B&B, you either get on board or get out.”

  “What is with this constant threat of throwing us out papa?” Anger radiated in waves from where Geetu sat. “If you’ve called us here only to throw this crap in our face and tell us to get out over and over again then we can leave. It’s fine!”

  Asim’s mask softened. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “This is the fifth time you’ve said it ya what the hell.”

  “Maybe I should just go upstairs for a bit.” By then even Kama couldn’t bear Leela’s gratingly saccharine voice. She drew her chair back noisily; all three siblings winced at the sound.

  “Leela, please.”

  “No really it’s fine.” She dabbed at the corner of her mouth with the deep red napkin. “I didn’t want anyone to be so upset about it.”

  She turned to the rest of the dinner party. “I’m really sorry about all this, please don’t ruin dinner.”

  “He’s the one who ruined it!”


  Asim glared at his son’s outstretched finger and watched it wilt.

  “I don’t care, I’m not hungry anymore.” Geetu grumbled.

  Dev raised his hand, “I could eat actually.”

  Pranab meanwhile had opened a window and stood next to it smoking.

  “Absolutely not. Now that you’ve fed us so much trash I’m not hungry either.”

  Asim smiled, a smile that Geetika always dreaded. The one that gave way to his evil alter ego.

  “Well stay for dessert then boy, I’ve added her to the will.”

  Glass shattered against the wall. It slipped from numb fingers and fell to the floor. Dev ducked under his arm to protect himself against the shards ricocheting from both sides.

  “What. The. FUCK.” Hassan bellowed.

  “Papa what’s this new story now?”

  “What do you mean … you never said anything about that!” Kama was on the verge of hysterics.

  “Wait, did you know about the other stuff?” Geetu loomed over her.

  “No, well not all of it.”

  “And you didn’t tell anyone?” Dev spoke from behind his hand.

  “Daddy have you gone mad? I was supposed to inherit the house.”

  “Uh no, I thought we all were getting an equal share?”

  Asim cleared his throat.

  “No. First of all, I’m thoroughly disappointed. You all already have a share of my assets, Geetu and Kama you sat and selected all of your mother’s possessions like it was an auction; the estate technically was going to all of your children.”

  “Wait, that makes no sense. How would you divide one house between five children?”

  Asim turned to Dev, “The whole point is to not divide the property kiddo.”

  “Well that’s a pretty good deal I think …”

  “Oh shut up Dev,” Hassan spewed, “you’re not even legit family here nobody wants your opinion.”

  “How dare you talk to him like that you blithering cunt.” Geetu stomped her foot, which only widened Dev’s grin.

  “I’ll talk to him however I wa–”

  “And let me tell you we already have offshore accounts with trust funds for our children. We have no need to run after property or assets.” She turned to Kama. “I just wanted some things that belonged to ma so I could one day give them to my daughter.”

  Dev cleared his throat.

  “Both my daughters.”

  Dev looked at her like she’d completely lost the plot. “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah, isn’t that what you were implying?”

  “No I did that because my throat is closing up, I’m really thirsty. And hungry but I guess that’s irrelevant now. Wait you know you don’t have to give any real heirlooms to Gayatri and all, right?”

  She giggled. “But I want to.”

  “Okay whatever that is I don’t care … my point is I’d rather have the estate stay in our family than some pahadi piece of trash.”

  Hassan’s voice was cut off as fist connected to jaw and the chair toppled over. Asim was straddling him, roaring gutturally in a way that was both horrifying and amusing. Except no one was laughing anymore. In his state of shock Hassan could only protect his face, all thoughts of retaliation abandoned. He shouted at the Commander to get off, he shouted for help to get the madman off of him because he looked mildly like Ben Affleck and he couldn’t lose that. Dev and Pranab tried to pull him off but were met with a fresh round of misfired blows. Dev clutched his nose, not yet aware of the blood that would soon come a-dripping. Kama stood as close as she could without getting hit herself, shouting at them to stop, stop, stop. Geetu just stood, hands covering her mouth uncertain of what to do. Pranab tried once again to pull Asim off but took a kick to the shin and doubled over, yowling in pain. Geetu yelled at Dev who tried to push past the flailing fists and position himself between the two men as they rolled over and pushed up against the wall but ended up being ejected from their roaring tornado, pushing Geetu straight into the bowl of gravy. Kama was now screaming at them to stop. Geetu turned around and saw the back of her dress which now looked like she’d had a bad case of explosive diarrhea. The shit stain ran the length and breadth of her butt. Her limited edition Anita Dongre was ruined. She turned to the cockfight that had now engulfed both Dev and Pranab so it looked like all four of them were locked in a strange semi-erotic wrestling stronghold. She walked over to the giant bowl of custard awaiting dessert time and upturned it on their heads with a warrior’s scream.

  Kama was a blubbering mess of tears and phlegm. The smell of vanilla custard was intoxicating.

  Dev’s face was a bloody mess, the blood now gushing out of his nose staining his shirt and whatever bits of custard still clung to him. His left eye was swollen.

  Hassan and Asim were gasping for breath, having received the worst of the custard of vengeance; it fell in thick goops off their head, past their necks and down their backs.

  Hassan touched his cheek and winced, a bruise blossomed in front of their eyes.

  Asim had a single cut above his eyebrow most likely from Pranab’s watch but he missed the glare shot at him because he was swiping madly at his face, trying to keep vanilla pudding out of his eyes. It had gone all the way up his nose and he couldn’t breathe properly. Geetu looked at him when he took in a choked breath and burst into laughter.

  They stared at her as she doubled over.

  Kama wasn’t feeling well, the smell was too heady and Geetu’s cackling only worsened her nausea.

  Asim looked at the motley pudding-covered crew and smiled, Hassan smiled back and laughed softly.

  Soon they were all sighs and chuckles.

  Kama didn’t feel well. She doubled over and threw up, and everyone burst into laughter.

  “What’s the matter with her?”

  “It’s her thing now, let it be.”

  “She’s been puking all day now,” Hassan laughed, “it’s all that psychotic energy coming out of her.”

  Dev looked up with his eye half shut. “You’re all fucking mad.”

  Everyone laughed.

  Asim turned around. “Where’s Leela?”

  The room grew silent again.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Breathe.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Wait.

  One.

  You are in control.

  Wait.

  It was the same dream.

  Two.

  You are the creator and destroyer of your own world.

  Three.

  But she was aware… she was aware that it was just a dream.

  Savour the power.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Push the knife deeper in his chest.

  That wasn’t normal.

  One. Two. Three.

  Ruin him.

  Kama felt the warmth of his blood, the resistance of the blade

  pushing down through a ribcage.

  One. Two. Three.

  This was only a dream.

  One. Two. Three.

  The same dream.

  One. Two. Three.

  This wasn’t like a dream.

  One. Two. Three.

  What was that on her?

  She was dreaming, most likely…

  One. Two. Three.

  Did she soil herself?

  One. Two. Three.

  She looked down at Shailender’s face.

  One. Two. Three.

  Anger flooded through her like poison and she brought her hands down with more force this time.

  One two three. One two three. One two three one two three one two three one two three one two three.

  First she hit the belly button, next as her assailant turned she hit the thigh, and with the third jab Kama drove the knife right through Leela’s hand.

  The scream ripped through the hallway and had Asim not drank from his private scotch reserve before bed, he would�
��ve heard it too. But the stress of the evening had driven him to drink and he would only know in the morning. Geetu was the first in through the door, she saw Kama and Leela wailing and clutching at each other. She saw the blood, steadily flowing from Leela’s left hand down their gowns and the look in her sister’s eyes that told her Kama wasn’t all the way present in the room. In her mind she held on to Shail’s paisley shirt but the shirt felt wrong because it was too loose on Leela’s small frame.

  Hassan walked into the room and immediately backed up hitting his head against the jamb. For all his machismo, he was read to faint at the sight of the carnage.

  “WHAT THE FUCK!” he shrieked.

  He threw open the bedside window and gulped in the cold air. It wasn’t enough to clear his head but Geetu’s voice helped.

  “Hassan you asshole go and get Dev!”

  Kama looked down at her icy fingers, locked so tightly her joints screamed in pain. Her knees ached from the pressure of standing up. And when she looked at Leela her mind caved in.

  Geetu cursed. “Wait don’t remove the knife”, she grabbed Leela’s hand, “it’s kept you from bleeding out, let Dev come he has a kit with him. He’ll stitch you up. You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.” She couldn’t say it enough, more to reassure herself.

  “Holy shit.” Dev gasped. “How did this happen?”

  Hassan remained in the corridor while Geetu ripped the bedsheet for a tourniquet. She threw a look of pure disgust as he gagged at the sight of the blood. Kama was now all but dead to the world, out cold from the shock of her nightmares’ untimely manifestation

  “How did this happen?”

  Leela bit her lip so hard it bled but explained that she couldn’t bear it. “I’m not like you people, this… you’re monsters you’re all fucking crazy and it’s because of me… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”