Hero Bear

by Candace Ayers

  Kerrigan

  What had I been thinking getting wasted on a Monday night? I felt like a Mack truck had run over my head and my stomach wasn’t much better. Worse than either was my pride. That was so wounded that I couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes at work the next morning. I felt like everyone knew all of my dirty secrets. I knew Dmitry knew them.

  I was horrified at how I’d behaved in front of him. Flashbacks of the verbal onslaught alone were enough to send me scrambling for the bathroom that morning in a wave of nausea. At least in the bathroom I could avoid having to look at him or see him laughing. Even if he said he hadn’t been laughing at me, I didn’t believe him. How could he not? I’d made a complete ass of myself.

  My head throbbed and my stomach cramped. I sat at my desk with my head down and tried to pretend like I was a braver woman, someone who would’ve seduced Dmitry into her bed instead of awkwardly flapping my gums and revealing way too much.

  Dmitry seemed fine, though. He brought me a cup of coffee, with one sugar the way I liked it, and handed me a small bottle of Tylenol. He turned the air conditioners down, too. Their normal humming had been lowered to something tolerable, despite the rest of the team grumbling and giving him shit about how hot it was. He was hot, too. When I dared look up, I could see the sweat bloom on the back of his shirt. Still, he kept the AC down.

  I didn’t know why he was being nice. Why hadn’t he gone running for the hills after last night.

  The guys were all in the office, suffocating me. They were loud and, no matter where I needed to go, in my way. Getting them to move was always a project. I just wanted the office to myself for the morning to be able to readjust, but it was impossible.

  When the phone rang, I was so eager for them to leave, that I answered it faster than I ever had before. As I listened, I hastily repeated what I heard, calling out the address and code to the men, ready for them to leave and give me a break.

  “998?” Serge hesitated and gave me a stern look. “Are you sure?”

  I nodded. “That’s what they said.”

  After the guys came out a few minutes later with a huge cage and a gun bigger than me, I started to second guess myself. My stomach somersaulted and I pressed my hand to it. The person on the phone had said 998, I was pretty sure. That was a big gun, though.

  “You’re sure?” Serge had a protective mask in his hand and kept giving me that hard stare.

  It was too late to take it back. I nodded and looked down at my paperwork, wanting the interaction to be over.

  Dmitry stopped next to my desk and tapped his finger on it twice. “Lock the door behind us, Kerrigan.”

  My heart fluttered, the stupid thing, and I nodded awkwardly. “Okay.”

  I did like he said and locked the door. I hoped I hadn’t just told them to go somewhere dangerous, but most of all I hoped I hadn’t gotten the message wrong. I didn’t think Serge was going to give me another chance. He didn’t even like me.

  To add to my headache and heartache, my mom called right when I sat back down at my desk. While I would’ve normally screened her call, she called on the office line and I didn’t know it was her until too late.

  “Mom, this is an emergency line.”

  “I won’t talk long. I just wanted to see how things were going.” Her voice seemed far away.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my nails into my palm to keep from crying. I was a grown woman. I had no business crying to my mom. “Things are fine.”

  “I heard you’re having some trouble adjusting.” She hesitated. “If they let you go, I don’t have anything else, honey.”

  I bit my lip and made a sound of acknowledgement.

  “Just try your hardest.” Laughter sounded in the background and her voice lifted in joy. “Sorry, Kerrigan, I have to let you go. We’re on the ski slopes. Just do your best, honey.”

  I put the phone back down in its cradle and blew out a big breath. Talks with my mom always went like that. Disappointment with me and eagerness get off the line. It had been that way since she’d met her mate when I was in my second year of college. I was a problem and the rest of her life was amazing.

  I took another Tylenol and swallowed it with cold coffee. I was just getting up to file more paperwork when the locked front door burst open, both the lock and the doorknob flying across the room. I screamed and shielded my face with the files in my hand.

  “Kerrigan! How fucking hard is it to listen to a phone message and repeat it?!” Serge was suddenly in front of me, his face bright red, a vein in his forehead pulsing. “Do you have any idea what you just had us do?”

  Cringing away from him, I prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

  “You sent us on a run to capture a rabid shifter. At the home of a nice young human computer programmer.” He seethed. “We had him in the cage wetting himself before realizing we’d just tranquilized a human!”

  I covered my mouth with my hand and backed away from him. “I didn’t mean…”

  “I should fire your ass right now. I should send you back to your car and let you go on to ruin someone else’s business.”

  I was going to cry. I tried hard to fight it, but—his shouting…and my horror. I’d messed up again.

  “We’re stuck in this sweatbox because of fuckups. With you working here, we’re never going to get our asses back home. Tell me why I shouldn’t fucking fire you on the spot!”

  I didn’t have a reason that wasn’t purely self-motivated. I stuttered out an apology, but I was choking on tears and I couldn’t get it out very clearly. It just seemed to make Serge angrier.

  “Cry all you want. It doesn’t make me any less furious with you.”

  I wiped at my eyes and hurried over to my desk. Time to go. He was so angry that there was no way I wasn’t fired. What the hell was I still standing there for? I’d just scram and save him the trouble.

  “Where are you going?”

  I hurried for the door, but Dmitry stepped into my way, his eyes on Serge behind me. I watched as a fine layer of white fur rippled across his face and his eyes glowed. He reached out and pulled me towards him and then behind him. “Wait outside.”

  18

  Dmitry

  Kerrigan didn’t need to see what was about to happen. Moving farther into the office, I growled low in my throat at Serge. I didn’t give a fuck who he was, Alpha or not, he wasn’t going to treat my mate like that.

  “Don’t start with me right now, Dmitry.”

  I curled my lip and bared my teeth, showing him how serious I was. “You want to scream at someone, scream at me. Pick on someone your own size.”

  “Fuck off. I’m not picking on her. You were there. You know how bad that was. You really want to let that shit happen again?”

  “You don’t scream at her.” I rolled my neck from side to side and sneered at him. “You scream at Hannah like that?”

  That did the trick. Serge was instantly as ready to brawl as I was. “Don’t fucking bring my mate into this.”

  “You started it.” I took advantage of his shock. Charging at him, I slammed into his stomach with my shoulder and sent us flying backwards.

  The fight was on. I forgot that Serge was my boss and a friend. I was strung out so tightly and so angry that I just needed to brawl. Serge was pissed, too, though, and he gave just as good as he got.

  Desks and chairs that were innocently caught in our path were flattened, the front door was left hanging off of its hinges, file cabinets were upended. We beat the shit out of each other.

  Serge shifted and pinned me down with one giant paw on my chest. Growling in my face, drool dripping from his canines, he let out a mighty roar that shook the walls of the office.

  It did the job of breaking through haze of fury I’d been in. I blinked a few times and looked up at him, instantly regretting that I’d gone after him so hard. I let my head hit the floor under me and groaned.

  He shifted back and landed one last painful punch to my ribs—a chea
p shot. “I’m fucking sick of you assholes fighting me.”

  I grunted and sat up. “You deserved this one.”

  He stared at me hard for a full minute before shaking his head. “Maybe you’re right. I shouldn’t have yelled at her.”

  My fists balled up at my sides. “Don’t ever do it again.”

  He grunted that time. “She can’t keep working here if it keeps happening.”

  I shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  “I’m serious, Dmitry. We look like clowns. No way are we ever going to get back to Siberia like this. They’re going to send us to the fucking Sahara at this rate.”

  I looked over my shoulder and tried to spot Kerrigan. “I’ll help her.”

  “Do something.” He stood up and offered me a hand. When I tried to take it, he let go and watched me fall back. “Don’t fucking pull that shit again. Tell her I’m sorry.”

  “Tell her your fucking self.” I climbed to my feet and went out to find her and see that she was okay.

  Alexei grinned at me when he saw me. “Nice one. You really picked a fight with Serge, huh?”

  I ignored him. “Where’s Kerrigan?”

  Konstantin looked up from studying his shoes. “She headed toward the house. She looked pretty freaked out.”

  Fuck. I’d scared her. I hurried towards the house, needing to see her and convince her that everything was okay, despite also wondering if it wasn’t better to just let her continue to think I was a monster. I couldn’t, though. The idea of her scared of me was intolerable.

  I heard her crying as soon as I entered the house. Not that she was crying loudly, but I was tuned into her. She was in her room sitting on her bed, her face buried in her hands. Her door was ajar, just a hair, so I pushed it open, stepped in, and squatted in front of her.

  “I’m sorry, Kerrigan.”

  She jerked upright and turned away from me. Sniffing and wiping at her face, she cleared her throat. “Um, I’m just... I’m fine.”

  I sat on the bed next to her, but she was turned so her back was to me. Close enough to touch, I still didn’t. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  She swayed, her back coming closer to me. “You didn’t.”

  I inched closer. “It’s okay if you were freaked out, Kerrigan. I shouldn’t have shown my anger in front of you like that. I should’ve remained calm and just talked to Serge about the way he treated you.”

  Her neck was bare, her hair pulled up. I could see the tail end of that constellation shaped birthmark. “He scared me. You didn’t. But, I didn’t like that you were fighting for me. You… You shouldn’t have to fight for me.”

  Giving in, I closed the gap, pressing my stomach against her back, feeling her shiver against me. Still, I kept my hands to myself. “I want to fight for you.”

  She let out a little sigh, more exhale than anything. “I deserved his anger. I do suck at the job. I keep messing up. If I wasn’t so hard up for money, I’d quit so he could hire someone worthwhile.”

  “You are worthwhile.” I slowly lifted my hands and hovered just above her shoulders. My heart thudded in my chest and I barely stifled a possessive growl. “You’re more than worthwhile.”

  She pressed herself back into my chest. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now.”

  I dropped my hands back to my side. “Nothing’s going to happen. Everything’s fine. Serge shouldn’t have yelled at you. He’s sorry. You’ll get better at the job.”

  I heard her sniffle again as she scooted forward a few inches, away from me. She’d sensed my mood change that fast. It was like we were already bonded. Her arms crossed over her chest and she glanced over her shoulder at me with a fake smile. “I’m fine, Dmitry. Go back to work.”

  I didn’t want to leave her. I could hear the pain in her voice. She was not fine. She deserved better.

  Backing out of the room, I pulled her door closed and stood there for a moment, wrestling with the urge to go back in. It was painful to walk away, but it was for the best.

  19

  Kerrigan

  I turned to watch the door close and let out the breath I’d been holding. I bit my fingernail and stared, like I was going to be able to see him through the door. I didn’t know what was happening, but what I did know was that Dmitry had fought for me. The feeling of his body pressed against mine was seared onto my skin. The way he’d stared at me, his eyes so intense, all signs that he was interested in me. Yet, he withdrew every time.

  My emotions were all over the place. I was getting neurotic about Dmitry and whether he wanted me or not. My entire mood seemed to depend on how interactions between us played out. I’d never been that way. I’d never been all that concerned with how men felt about me. Dmitry was the first—in so many ways. My feelings for him were different—deeper. I couldn’t break through his walls, though. He kept me at an arm’s length. Which, now that I thought about it, was probably was a pretty solid sign.

  I grabbed my notebook; I needed to write. The feelings he inspired—his chest pressed against my back—bounced around my brain until it was all I could think about. I let myself have time to get everything out on paper and then changed into a nice sundress and sandals.

  Getting my thoughts out on paper was often an exercise in clearing my mind, gaining greater insight, and a perhaps developing a new perspective. And, in this instance, it had worked. Another idea began to solidify in my brain. I had to find another job. Not only was working at P.O.L.A.R. killing what little confidence I had, but I couldn’t figure out what was going on with Dmitry until I had a job to fall back on. If I didn’t have to depend on P.O.L.A.R., I could, as Grandma, may she rest in peace, would have said, shit or get off the pot.

  I hadn’t had any luck before Mom helped me get the dispatcher job, but now that I’d relocated to Sunkissed Key, maybe there was something on the island. I could at least try. I’d go back to living in my car until I could afford a place of my own.

  I made my way out of the house and to Main Street on a mission. I headed north, away from P.O.L.A.R., and looked in at all the different businesses. I put in applications at Clotilde’s Creamery, a lovely old fashioned ice cream shop, Latte Love, the coffee shop, as well as the grocery store. I stopped in at Rise and Shine Bed and Breakfast. They weren’t hiring, but a purple haired woman with tattoos asked me to sign her petition—something about endangered rabbits on the island.

  I tried Mimi’s Cabana, and another bar called Cap’n Jim’s. No go. It wasn’t looking good. At the far end of the island was Sunkissed Key Wildlife Sanctuary, not hiring.

  After exhausting all my options on Main Street, I tried side streets. They were mostly lined with residential homes, but at the very end of Parrot Cove Road, off of West Public Beach, I found the Bayfront Diner. I figured it was worth a shot. Plus, I was getting hungry. I ordered a cinnamon roll and sweet tea and spoke with the owner, a sweet woman named Susie.

  Susie was older, with a beehive of steel-gray hair, and reminded me of Alice from the Brady Bunch. Her full figure was covered in a bright blue apron, and her smile was as warm as the Florida sunshine.

  Her eyes had lit up when I told her I was job hunting. She’d made me fill out an application and then told me that I needed sunscreen if I was going to be walking up and down the island.

  After leaving Susie’s, I hit a lull. I didn’t want to apply anywhere else. I wanted to work for her. She was like happiness in a bottle, pouring little bits out with every stroke of her pen on her order pad. I meandered around the island for a bit more, remaining alert, quite aware that Nicky Knuckles was possibly still around and could pop out from a dark alley or from around a corner at any moment.

  I ended up at the beach on the east side of the island, hoping to avoid any and all of the team members. I sat in the sand and watched the ocean gently lap the shore. Wrapping my arms around myself, I stayed there as the sun moved across the sky, determined to pretend I didn’t exist for a while. I felt the sun heat my skin and remembered what Susi
e had warned about using sunscreen, but I didn’t want to move.

  “Kerrigan?”

  I jumped, shocked out of my trance. Looking over my shoulder, I was shocked to see Megan. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  She pointed to the house behind me. “I live there.”

  I suddenly felt as though I was intruding on her space, and quickly got to my feet dusting sand off. “Oh, I really had no idea. I just ended up on this side of the island and decided to sit on the beach and watch the water.”

  She smiled and nodded behind her to her house. “Come on inside. I need to put these groceries down.”

  I started to shake my head, but she looked hopeful and I didn’t want to offend her by refusing. “Sure.”

  She led the way, talking to me over her shoulder. “How have you been? I’ve been meaning to organize another get together with you and Hannah, but I’ve been busy trying to remodel this porch. I decided that I wanted a little something extra special, but it’s turned into a pain in the ass.”

  “You’re doing it yourself?”

  She pushed open the door and led me into a beautifully decorated home. Amongst the decor were tools of all sizes, discarded clothes, and a few boxes of take out. “Ignore the mess. Roman and I have been kind of…busy.”

  I trailed behind her into the kitchen, knowing perfectly well what she meant by busy. She and Roman were newly mated. I forced out thoughts of Dmitry that tried to surface. “Your house is beautiful.”

  “Yeah, well. I lost some things when my ex left. It’s going to take me time to get everything back to the way it’s supposed to be.” She started putting groceries away and sighed. “Life, you know?”

  Perched on the edge of a stool, I wrung my hands together and let out a slow exhale. “Um, yeah.”

  Megan paused with her hand halfway up to a cabinet, a jar of sauce frozen in the air. “What’s wrong, Kerrigan? You look shaken.”

  I ran my hands down my dress and fought with a brittle smile. “I’m okay.”