“No, I don’t believe that. Come on. The rest of these groceries can wait. Let’s sit on my couch and talk. You look like you need some girl talk.”
“No, really. I’m okay. It’s just been a long day.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. And I have wine.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Just talk to me about today. Nothing else, if you don’t want to.”
I studied her for a second, everything about her seemed together and as though her life was in order. I turned and looked out of the window. “How do you keep everything in your life so together? How does everyone around me have their shit so together? We’re around the same age. Why am I so far behind everyone else?”
She frowned. “Behind everyone else? What do you mean?”
“My mom got me my job. I suck at it and I’m one minor screw up away from being fired. I lived in my car until Serge insisted I move into the house with the team. I’m still a virgin and lusting after a man who doesn’t seem to be very interested in me most of the time. I have no pets. I cry all the time. My credit score is crap. Literally, I feel like I’m a failure at adulting.” I turned back to face her and blinked faster in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. “I spent so much time in school, working hard to earn a degree in English and creative writing, but for what? I write all the time but I can’t get a novel published. I have so many loans and nothing to really show for them. I put my life on hold to get through school and pay for it myself and now, I’m trying to live and I have no clue what I’m doing.”
Megan scooted closer to me and gently wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Oh, sweetie. None of us know what we’re doing. And it’s not a race.”
I sank into her side and wiped at my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry on you. I just… I’m feeling so lost.”
She hugged me harder and rested her head against mine. “It’s okay. We’re friends, right?”
I laughed. “Are we? You might want to rethink that. I’m not kidding you when I say that I’m a mess.”
“Well, dry your eyes, sunshine. You and I are friends. Hannah, too. And this is what friends are for. To hug you and comfort you, but also to tell you to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re not doing any worse than any of the rest of us. I just watched my entire life crumble to dust and had to restart from scratch. Hannah had her life upended and relocated here because of being mated to Serge. None of us really have it that together. We’re all just trying to do the best we can.”
I blew out breath and smiled shakily. “I’m glad you and Hannah are my friends. I could really use a couple of friends right now.”
20
Dmitry
After leaving Kerrigan’s room, I went back to work and tapped into all the techniques in my arsenal trying to remain calm and levelheaded. By the end of the workday, I was so tense I felt like I was going to snap in half at any moment. I hurried back to the house feeling lighter from knowing I’d find Kerrigan inside. But, she wasn’t there.
My bear demanded to be let out so he could comb the island until he found her, but I had a different agenda. I’m looking for someone.
I sent out all of the details I knew about Kerrigan’s loan shark and searched the beach while waiting to see if the rest of the guys found anything. If Kerrigan needed space, I wouldn’t intrude. But, I needed to make sure she was safe and her absence had nothing to do with a certain slimy loan shark.
Not even ten minutes later, Maxim came through. At Mimi’s now. I think your man is here.
Make sure he doesn’t leave. I raced across Main Street and through a neighborhood to get to Mimi’s, eager to nab that asshole. The fucker had to go.
Sure enough, the sleezeball was sitting at the bar, smiling at one of Mimi’s female bartenders when I walked in. Maxim was at the back of the bar and tipped his head to me when I walked in.
I went straight to the little weasel and sat down on the stool next to him. When the bartender approached me, I shook my head. She must have read my expression because she backed off with hands raised. “You and I have a problem.”
The man put his beer down and turned to me with a nasty scowl on his face. “You talking to me?”
I held his gaze and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself and rein my bear in. “Yeah, I am.”
He smiled, more a sneer than a smile. “Let’s hear it. Why do we have a problem?”
I pulled out my phone and pulled up the app I used to move money. “Kerrigan Tran. You’re not going to bother her anymore.”
“Oh, that’s where I’ve seen you. You’re the sorry sonofabitch who’s been trailing along behind her like a lost puppy.” He chuckled. “I get it. She’s got a nerdy librarian thing going on. You wanna tap that ass, huh?” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “I could arrange it for a small finder’s fee.”
I growled and counted to ten. Slowly. “I’m going to pay you what she owes you. Then, you’re going to get the fuck off of this island and never return.”
His eyes widened. “You’re going to pay me?”
“Yeah, I am. Then, you’re done with her.” I held out my phone for him to enter his information to complete the transfer. “Ten thousand. On top of what she’s already paid you.”
“Oh, my man. No can do. She owes more than that in interest.”
I inched closer to him. “Let me tell you something. You’re going to take the money and get the fuck out of here. It’s a very generous offer; take my word on that. I’m inches from snapping and you’re not going to like what happens if I do. Take the money and go. That’s your one and only option.”
“There’s always a second option.”
I bared my teeth. “You’re right. The second option includes your remains and a body bag.”
Finally, he stopped seeing the humor in the situation. “You asshole.”
I shrugged and slid the phone under his nose. “Take the more-than-generous offer. Door number two means having your flesh shredded to ribbons by razor sharp claws longer than your fingers. Let me be clear what that will be like. It will take a few seconds for your brain to process what happened. You’ll feel everything. You’ll watch yourself fall apart.”
He yanked the phone away from me and jabbed at the screen. Finally, he gave it back to me. “I need a couple thousand more for traveling expenses. I had to come all the way out here to the Keys to collect.”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me. Not a penny more. You chose to fuck with the wrong woman.”
Nicholas Palermo, I learned from the info on my phone, stood up and scowled at me. “Fuck you and that bitch.”
I stood up, fighting down my anger. Fortunately for him, he was already scurrying for the door. I sat back down and rested my fists on the bar top. It wasn’t easy to let him leave, but I didn’t just kill in anger. It was always for a reason. He was leaving, holding up his end of the deal, which meant he was safe.
Maxim slid onto the stool beside me and gave a low whistle. “That sounded interesting.”
“Asshole has been threatening Kerrigan.”
He raised a brow. “You’re fighting for her a lot lately.”
“She’s a nice girl.”
He laughed. “Girl? Are we talking about the same Kerrigan? Kerrigan is shy at times, maybe a bit inexperienced, but she’s no girl. She’s definitely a grown woman. You might want to remember that.”
Cutting my eyes to him, I shook my head. “Be careful what you say right now, brother. I’m holding on by a thread.”
He held his hands up in front of him. “She’s all yours. I was just giving advice. Me? I’ve got my eye on that sweet little blonde over in the corner, Sheila…or Shelly. Maybe Sharon.” He stood up and slapped me on the shoulder. “Shannon. Yeah, it’s Shannon. I think.”
I looked down at my phone and completed the transaction to Nicholas Palermo, ready to be over and done with him. He’d receive the money, untraceable, and he’d leave Kerrigan alone. If he wanted to live. She’d have one less thing to worry about and
I wouldn’t have to be afraid of her getting hurt.
“Your friend left you with his bill, Dmitry.” Mimi nodded at the door, letting me know she meant sleezeball. “Nice guy, huh?”
I pulled out a couple of bills and dropped them on the bar. “That cover it?”
She nodded. “More than. Is he going to be around a lot?”
I shook my head. “Matter of fact, if he shows up again, call us.”
She nodded, handing the money to her bartender, and grinned. “I saw you with my favorite Asian yesterday. She’s a sweetie pie, isn’t she?”
Standing, I slipped my phone and wallet back into my pocket and held her gaze. “Keep an eye on her if she comes back in. For me.”
Mimi laughed. “You men and your demands. Like I told Serge, if you want someone to keep an eye on your ladies, I suggest you do it yourselves. I’m here to help them have a good time.”
I growled, frustrated, and headed out. With Nicky taken care of, I wanted to get a handle on where Kerrigan was. Just to check up on her.
21
Kerrigan
I fell asleep on Megan’s couch and woke up to find that it was morning and I’d slept the entire night through. There was a blanket over me and a cup of steaming coffee on the table next to me. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, feeling sluggish.
“Good morning! I made coffee.”
I looked over to see Megan aiming a camera at me. She snapped a photo and then grinned. I winced and ran my hands over my hair. “Sorry I fell asleep.”
“No, it’s fine. I would have woken you but I figured you needed the sleep. Living in the P.O.L.A.R. house with all that testosterone—and fur—can’t be very restful.” She made a face. “And I hear that Maxim has a revolving door of female guests.”
I shrugged. “I guess I haven’t been there long enough to notice.”
“Lucky you. Now, smile. These photos are going to be amazing. You’re very photogenic.” She aimed the camera at me again and snapped a few pictures. “Drink your coffee, too.”
I took a huge gulp, managing to burn my tongue, and caught a glimpse of the clock behind her. “Oh, crap. I have to go.”
“Wait! One more!” She moved around, the camera still clicking. “I’m working on a new project and I think these are going to be perfect.”
I shoved my feet into my shoes and hurried towards her door. “Thank you for last night, Megan.”
“That’s what friends are for. Don’t forget, drinks tonight!”
I stopped for a second and wrapped her in a hug. “Bye, friend.”
I quickly left Megan’s and headed toward the P.O.L.A.R. house. I walked across the beach, to Shipwreck Way, and then cut through someone’s yard to get to Main Street. Avoiding the office, I went straight to the house, up to my room, and stripped quickly wrapping a towel around my body for the traipse to the shower.
I didn’t have time to clean the shower before using it, so I tried not to let my imagination get hung up on what might have gone on in there. I scrubbed up as fast as I could and then hurriedly wrapped the towel back around myself. My glasses were steamed up, but I couldn’t see without them and when I opened the door to dart across the hall, still dripping wet…I almost ran smack into Alexei.
As it was, I just bumped him lightly and clutched my towel tighter. “Sorry.”
He just smiled. “You okay?”
I met his eyes and nodded. “Just late for work. What are you still doing here?”
“I had a late night. I don’t function at my prime with less than nine hours of sleep.”
I giggled. “Cause you’re a bear.”
A loud growl came from the bottom of the stairs and we both looked down to see Dmitry wearing an angry scowl. Alexei held up his hands and scooted around me to get into the bathroom.
I scurried across the hall and was about to close my door when Dmitry caught it and stepped in after me. I gaped at him. “What are you doing, Dmitry?”
“You didn’t come home last night.”
“I spent the night at Megan’s.”
“I was worried.”
“Why?”
“Because!” He faltered. “Because…someone was threatening you.”
I sighed and walked over to my closet. I picked out clothes, aware of his eyes on my back, and tried to remember that I was okay and his opinion of me didn’t matter.
“Where’d you go yesterday? Before Megan’s?”
Turning to face him, I held his stare and frowned. “I was applying for jobs. Is that okay?”
He took a step back. “What? Why?”
“You know why.” I puffed my cheeks and released the air slowly. “I don’t want to work for P.O.L.A.R.” I didn’t need to add that I sucked at the job and Serge was a hair away from firing me anyway. I especially didn’t add that I wanted to find another job so I could get up the nerve to demand that Dmitry and I finally engage in the “fraternizing convo”. All of the questions and the demanding way he spoke to me, it wasn’t normal behavior. I couldn’t tell if he liked me or he just felt protective of me—as though I was incapable of taking care of myself.
He turned away from me and gripped the edge of my dresser. “You want to leave?”
I clutched my towel tighter very aware that it was the only thing keeping me for baring it all to him. “Yeah, I do. I want a job that I’m capable at, where I’m not hated.”
“No one hates you.” He stared at me with intense eyes. “What makes you think that?”
“Well, I don’t want to keep walking on eggshells afraid I’m going to screw up and at any second be fired on the spot—lose both my home and my job.”
I grabbed my clothes and held them to my chest. “I think we both know that this isn’t the job for me. Why do you care anyway? If it’s because you think I’m the trouble-bound, worrisome team member, then this works best for both of us. You won’t have to worry anymore.”
He just shook his head and left, slamming my door behind him.
I huffed out a breath, angry that he hadn’t picked up on what I was throwing down. I’d given him a chance to tell me that he didn’t want me to go, but he’d just left. I supposed I should take that as an answer. I got dressed and walked to the office, kicking sand and muttering to myself the whole way.
I didn’t even look at Serge when I walked in and sat at my desk. I was mad at him, too. I was mad at everyone. At least I didn’t feel like crying, though.
When the phone rang, I was too angry to be nervous. Instead of the main office, however, it was Susie. She invited me to the diner for lunch to discuss the job. I’d had to force myself to not scream with joy. That meant she was considering me—maybe she’d even offer me the job. I might be getting away from P.O.L.A.R. Hopefully.
I hung up and realized that all the men in the room were staring at me. Of course, as shifters, they’d heard the entire conversation. I felt a twinge of shame, but I met Serge’s questioning gaze head on and raised my eyebrows. I wanted to crumble under his stare, but I didn’t allow myself to.
He just nodded. “Good for you.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding and smiled. Maybe I’d manage to get my life together after all.
22
Dmitry
Kerrigan must have finally realized that I wasn’t any good for her. She’d left. After a job interview with Susie at the Bayfront Diner, she packed her things and took off the same night.
I’d thoroughly vetted Susie. The woman had grown up on the island, and her husband Sammy, now deceased, had been from Pensacola. They’d met when he’d vacationed on the island over forty years ago. According to the locals, Sam had dreamed of opening a diner on the west coast, but Susie hadn’t wanted to leave Sunkissed Key. They’d compromised and opened their place on the Gulf of Mexico, but named it after the San Francisco Bay.
I was glad that Kerrigan was still on the island, but I could take a hint. She didn’t want to be around any of us.
Two days had passed since I’d las
t seen her hauling her bags down the stairs on Wednesday night. She hadn’t asked for help, she hadn’t said goodbye, she’d just left.
Kerrigan had probably felt the connection between us, but wanted nothing to do with it. I understood. I had nothing to offer her that she needed. She knew that. I had no idea how to be kind or nurturing or caring. She was sweet, light, gentle. I was dark, ominous, dangerous. And not fun to be around. I was a speedbump on her road to bigger and better things.
It wasn’t hard to imagine her meeting and marrying a nice, regular guy, settling down and having a couple of kids. They’d have a quiet life—family movie nights, a dog or a cat or both, barbecues in the backyard, and the zoo on weekends. Yeah, they’d get to the zoo and look at animals like me in their cages. Maybe take pictures. She’d be happy. She’d be safe.
I had no excuse to complain about any of it. I’d tried to keep Kerrigan at arm’s length, and when I had let her closer, I’d been rough and mean. She was smart to run away from me.
Still. I hurt.
I kept reminding myself of why I was no good for Kerrigan. Why I had to stay away. I visited every ghost from my past—every kill, every assassination. I thought about the questionable acts I’d committed. I saw every drop of blood that I’d ever spilled.
My bear mourned her. When he wasn’t moping, he was fighting to make me go after her. When I refused, he went into mourning again. It was a vicious cycle.
Work sucked. I finally understood what Roman had gone through when he thought he had lost Megan. He’d been careless. He’d almost been responsible for a roof caving in on his head, and he hadn’t much cared. I understood that now.
What was the point? Of anything anymore.
“Brother, you look like someone kicked your dog.” Alexei strolled into the kitchen, his hair tousled all around his head from the wind outside.
“I don’t have a dog.”
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