He stopped. “Okay. What’s going on?”
I shook my head and pushed my dinner plate away from me. “Nothing.”
He cupped his hand behind his ear as though he was hard of hearing and trying to capture sound. “What’s that? Kerrigan, you say? You’re fucked up because she left?” He smirked at my shocked look. “Everyone knows, man. Duh. You’ve been drooling over her since she got here. You attacked Serge because he raised his voice to her. What none of us can understand is why you haven’t gone after her.”
I scowled. “You think you know so much. You have no idea.”
“Is she your mate?”
I opened my mouth and then snapped it shut. Saying it out loud would make it too real, too painful, but I couldn’t deny it. I wouldn’t deny it. “Yes.”
“Then why the fuck are you hanging around here? Go, get her.” He rolled his eyes. “You dumb fucks and your mates. You make everything so much harder than it has to be. It’s literally as simple as one plus one equals two. You’re her mate. She’s your mate. Bam.”
“It’s more complicated than that, smartass.”
“Why?”
I stammered. “It just is.”
He shook his head. “Or you’re making it more complicated. But, hey, if you want a great big mess, fine. I would say it’s just on you, but it’s not. It’s on Kerrigan, too. If you think she’s not suffering just as much as you are, you’re wrong. She’s been waiting on you to make a move since the moment she saw you.”
“Shut the fuck up, Alexei. I’m not in the mood.”
He held up his hands and backed away. “Okay, okay, I can take a hint. None of my business anyway.”
I swore and stood up. “She left.”
“Yeah, because she was miserable here. Anyone with eyes could’ve seen that. She didn’t like the job and she didn’t like being told constantly how she’d fucked things up. She probably also didn’t like how the man she was into semi-hooked up with her and then kicked her out of his room.”
I snarled. “How do you know that?”
“These walls are paper thin, bro. And you’re a fucking idiot.”
Anger surged and I wanted to smash his face in. “I have my reasons.”
“I’d love to hear them. Matter of fact, I’m sure Kerrigan would love to hear them, too.”
“You of all people know what I do, Alexei. Who I am. My unique contribution to this league.” I walked to the window and looked out at the ocean. Without even realizing it, my eyes scanned the beach for Kerrigan.
“Save lives?” He came up behind me and rested his hand on my shoulder. “What you do is for a reason, brother. You save more lives than any of us with your ‘unique contribution’ as you call it. Not a one of us are without blood on our hands, but we do what we do for the common good.”
Shaking my head, I stepped away from him. “Do you really believe that?”
He laughed easily, drawing my eyes back to him. “Yes, I do. How do you think I remain so carefree? What we do isn’t always pretty, but our job is to save lives and protect the innocent. That’s what we do. If there are necessary evils along that path, then so be it. Some of us have to do the dirty work so others can live in peace and freedom. It doesn’t change anything, though, Dmitry. You’re a good man. And, although I have my occasional doubts about Maxim, the rest of the team is good, too.”
“You’re serious?”
He nodded. “As a heart attack. So, do whatever you need to do to get over this shit, brother, because you have a mate waiting on you.”
I couldn’t believe as easily as he did that I was a good man. Even if I was, did I deserve Kerrigan? I didn’t think so.
“You think you’re doing her a favor, but you didn’t see her face when she walked out of here. She’s in pain.”
I turned away from him again and continued watching the ocean, thinking.
“Don’t fuck up.”
23
Kerrigan
“Any plans for the night, pumpkin?” Susie grinned at me, knowing I found her new nickname for me charmingly ridiculous.
“Not much. I have to meet someone to pay a bill. I’m quite the wild weekend partier, you know.” I frowned, thinking about it. Nicky Knuckles was the last person I wanted to see, but I had to. He’d been oddly silent, yet when I’d texted him earlier, he’d agreed to meet me.
“A bill? On a Friday night?”
I sighed and finished filling the salt and pepper shakers on the tables. “You don’t want to know.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course. Things are fine.” I looked out at the water and barely stifled a heavy sigh.
“Uh huh.” She flipped the open sign to closed and started tallying receipts. “I haven’t known you for long, but I know when you’re full of it. Things aren’t okay. I suspect it’s man troubles, but that’s only because with a young woman your age it’s almost always man troubles, isn’t it?”
I gave her a genuine smile as I walked into the kitchen untying my apron. “I wouldn’t know.”
She laughed and then paused. “Wait, what?”
I leaned against the walk-in cooler. “I’ve never really been in a relationship. So, while I don’t disagree with you that it’s almost always man troubles, I don’t have personal experience. Except…”
“Except?”
I forced myself to remain calm—not to allow the hurt and anger to get the better of me. “I thought there might be something with a guy. I don’t know. I hoped leaving my last job would clear things up between us. It did, I guess, just not in the way I wanted. He hasn’t contacted me since I left.”
“Since you left—two days ago?” She laughed when I nodded. “Pumpkin, you’re giving up mighty fast. He’s a man. Two days isn’t enough time for him to get his head out of his backside. And why haven’t you gone to see him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you need to get our head out of your backside?” She raised her eyebrows questioningly.
I hesitated. “You think I should approach him?”
“You have to decide that for yourself. But if you want my advice, I wouldn’t be sitting around waiting on a man to call. If you like him, give it a shot. If you crash and burn, at least you know. Shit or get off the pot.”
Wow, exactly what my grandmother would have said, may she rest in peace. I blew out a shaky breath and shook out my hands. “I’m terrified of a crash and burn.”
“Well, if it does come to that, Mr. Bryan, one of the breakfast regulars, has had his eye on you.”
Mr. Bryan was a stooped, white-haired, wrinkled ninety-something who shuffled around the island with a walker. “Not funny.” I waved her off and headed out.
One of the amazing things about my new job at Susie’s Bayfront Diner was that it came with a small studio apartment over the diner that Susie allowed me to stay in rent free for as long as I worked for her.
Just behind the bed and breakfast, I climbed the stairs to the apartment and paused for a moment on the staircase to appreciate the sun lowering over the water. Bright pink and orange clouds dotted the sky. Susie’s advice had given me a sliver of hope, like maybe things could work out with Dmitry.
Already my life was looking up. It turned out that I was pretty good at waiting tables and I was also adept at lending a hand in the kitchen. I’d always loved to cook. Susie had also encouraged me to take breaks between busy times to sit in the corner and use her laptop to work on my writing.
The only things in my life that were still problematic were Nicky and Dmitry. Nicky Knuckles was going to be around for a long time. I was making less at Susie’s than I had been at P.O.L.A.R., but the tips weren’t bad. I accepted that I’d be paying him off for the rest of my life. I just hoped he’d stop pressuring me for more.
Dmitry…just thinking of him made my heart ache yet I couldn’t stop thinking of him. I’d had this naïve fantasy that he might come after me. He hadn’t. Susie was right, though. If I ever wanted to
have the conversation with him about what was going on between us, I needed to just do it. If he didn’t want anything to do with me, at least I’d know.
Something in my heart held fast to the hope that it wouldn’t go that way. I felt a bond with Dmitry and I wanted to believe that he felt it too and that it meant something big. I wanted to believe that we were mates.
I was being incredibly starry-eyed. Dmitry had walked away from me so many times. That was probably a strong sign that I wasn’t his mate.
I’d still try. I dressed in my emerald green dress and let my hair fall and fan out around my shoulders. I took extra care with my makeup and even ditched my thick glasses for contacts—something I only did on very special occasions. I wanted to do everything in my power to make it hard for Dmitry to walk away from me.
I had to meet Nicky first, but as soon as that was over, I was going to find Dmitry and demand that we have a talk.
I was supposed to meet up with Nicky Knuckles at a place called Cap’n Jim’s Bar and Grill, but as I strolled down the beach, headed in that direction, I practically ran smack dab into Nicky. I had the payment all ready for him since I certainly didn’t want to draw out our interaction any longer than absolutely necessary. As I reached into my purse to pull out the money, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife.
My stomach dropped and I worried that I was actually going to lose control of my bladder. I knew the threat in front of me was real. Nicky Knuckles didn’t play around.
“I take it you and your boyfriend aren’t in communication?”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
For every step I took backward, Nicky Knuckles took a step forward. “Your boyfriend paid off your debt days ago. Ten G’s. I was debating how to collect the interest when, lo and behold, I got your text. Talk about a stroke of luck!”
I thrust the money at him, my brain struggling to keep up with both what he was saying and the flashing blade in front of me. Dmitry had paid off my debt? What the hell? “Please take the money. Just take it.”
He grinned and moved in closer. “That measly stack of bills isn’t gonna cut it. Sorry, sweetheart, but I need to make an example outta you. I can’t have others thinking I’ve gone soft.”
I had only one way out and it was a longshot. I prayed that the suspicions I had about Dmitry and I being mates were real and that, if so, that we had enough of a bond that this would work. Then, instead of screaming out loud, I closed my eyes and screamed inside, as loud and as powerfully as I could. If there was a chance that we had bonded in some way, maybe he’d sense me. Then, just to be sure, I opened my eyes, met Nicky’s sinister gaze, and screamed with every ounce of lung power in my chest.
My scream was cut short when Nicky’s fist connected with my face.
24
Dmitry
I sat straight up in bed and let out a violent roar—a verbal decree of the rage and fury suddenly coursing through me. I could sense Kerrigan’s fear and desperation in my head as though she’d shouted it into my ear. Seconds later, I heard an actual scream. I was already running down the stairs when it ceased abruptly.
My heart ached. She had to be okay.
Alexei was right behind me. “I heard it, too. What’s going on?”
I didn’t take the time to answer. I sprinted out into the sand and pushed my body to get to her faster. Down the beach, I saw her on the ground, her hands covering her face.
That fucking loan shark was standing over, a flash of silver in his hand. Knife. He was holding a knife on her.
“No one’s coming for you, bitch. It’s just you and me.”
My bear was halfway out already, my body stuck in mid-shift, a visual that was one hundred percent monster. It made me faster, made me more vicious. Bloodthirst like I’d never felt demanded his life and this time, I was going to give in to the beast.
Nicholas Palermo had no idea what was coming until it was too late. By the time he heard us and his head snapped around to see us rushing him, he was already a dead man. I slammed into his body, hard, and sent him flying away from Kerrigan. I threw myself on top of him, snarling down at him with every ounce of vengeance I had for him in that moment.
The fear in his eyes just heightened my need to kill. I bared my teeth and raised my arm, claws fully formed and out.
He screamed.
I sank my claws into his chest, cutting off his scream and ending him.
The night was filled with the sound of my panting, the fury I felt still blinding me, demanding retribution, for extorting extra money from Kerrigan, for threatening to sell her into sex slavery, for the other women he’d threatened. Who knew how many of those threats he’d actually followed through on? Kerrigan had said something about him having girls in Miami who serviced clients. Death wasn’t good enough for this creep. I finally let my bear fully take over. He had none of the hesitation I had about taking a human life. He fully embraced the cycle of life and death.
The life had already drained out of the asshole, but my bear was still consumed with the desire to make it right. He ripped and tore and shredded until he started to calm down.
When we turned, the entire unit had encircled Kerrigan, guarding her. They were too close to my mate, though. I was too far gone. I snarled a menacing growl, a warning to get away from her—or else.
Serge stepped out in front, his arms raised. “She’s safe, brother. She’s safe. You need to calm down before you go near her, though. You could hurt her.”
I roared out my anger at him. I would never hurt her. She was mine to protect. I moved closer, my growls echoing through the night. They needed to get the fuck away from her.
“Dmitry, stop!” When that didn’t work, Serge balled his fists up at his side and let out a heavy exhale, preparing to shift and fight.
Kerrigan squeeze between them, and dodged their attempts to keep her away from me. In a calmer state, I would’ve thanked them for trying to protect her from my animal who was still showing signs of being bloodthirsty.
She held out her hands, palms up. They were trembling, but she still closed the gap between us and stared at me with tear-filled eyes. “Are you okay?”
I sniffed her hands and snorted. The scent of her was soothing to my bear who was starting to come down and see things more clearly. I rubbed my face against her and huffed out a breath. Mate. I pushed even farther into her space, needing more.
Her arms locked around my neck as I almost knocked her over. She choked back a sob and stroked my fur.
I could smell her tears and see the bloody smudges I was leaving on her skin and clothing. Needing to comfort her more than I was able to as a bear, I shifted back and caught her in my arms when she stumbled forward.
“Get cleaned up and take care of her. We’ll take care of this, Dmitry.” Serge stepped forward and nodded to me. “You did the right thing, protecting her.”
Alexei nodded and stepped closer. “You saved her.”
I couldn’t think past making sure she was okay. I was still feeling slightly crazed, though, and I needed to get her away from them. I pulled back enough to look into her eyes. What I saw there made my heart squeeze painfully. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
She nodded, but if the roundness of her eyes was any indication, she was still terrified. Then I realized I still had blood all over me and it probably didn’t help relieve her fear any.
“The ocean. I’m going to walk us down to the water, okay?”
She nodded again, her hands starting to come lose from around me, but I couldn’t let her go. I needed to maintain contact. I easily lifted her into my arms and carried her away from the gruesome remains. I didn’t put her down until I was hip deep in the water.
“I’m sorry.”
She blinked a few times and shook her head. “Sorry? You saved me. You came.”
“I heard you.”
“You heard me scream?”
“I heard you here.” I gently tapped her temple. “I’m sorry, Kerri
gan. That should never have happened. I should’ve done a better job of keeping you safe.”
“Are you my mate?” She phrased the question as a statement, anger coloring her tone. “That’s what that means, right? We’re mates.”
I nodded.
“Why didn’t…? Why did you stay away from me?”
I couldn’t tell her what I was feeling while we were both covered in her enemy’s blood. “Can we talk after?”
She held my gaze and nodded. “Okay.”
I set her on her feet and ran my hands over myself, scrubbing all the blood off me. Kerrigan watched and then held her breath when I moved closer and poured handfuls of water over her skin. The blood rinsed free and left goosebumps behind.
“I don’t want to go back to P.O.L.A.R.” She looked off in the distance behind me. “I have my own place now. Can we talk there?”
I knew about the tiny apartment over the diner. I nodded and as we left the water, I found that not only had the team made quick work of disposing of the body as though it had never been there, but someone had also left a towel and pair of shorts for me.
As I let Kerrigan lead the way, my heart pounded painfully in my chest. She was too quiet. I was terrified of what she was thinking. I knew she was mad and she’d been scared, but I had passed the point of no return. I could no longer live without her.
25
Kerrigan
I had thoughts banging around in my head like ping pong balls as I led Dmitry back to my efficiency apartment. The walk up the stairs and into the small space that made up the kitchen, living room and bedroom, held tension in in every step. I motioned for him to follow me into the bathroom where I turned on the shower.
Testing the water temperature, I hesitated before stepping back. I knew Dmitry was right behind me, watching and waiting. I didn’t know quite what to say, though. He’d saved my life. He’d shown up and fought for me—been my hero.
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