Logan drew a chair closer to Martha's, and sat down on it. "This is no trick Martha."
"Why did you hide your identity from me?"
"I thought that if you knew it was me here, and that I owned this ranch, that you wouldn't come near the place. I've worked too hard to allow that to happen. And I haven't forgotten what a strong willed woman you are Martha."
She had to suppress a smile at his description of her. "What do mean, worked too hard to allow that to happen?"
Logan looked away, considering his reply. He paused as if he was trying to find the right way to say something truly difficult. Finally he spoke: "I have been searching for you for a long time," he said, quietly.
Martha frowned at him. "Searching? What do you mean?"
"Just that. In the three years since we broke up a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought about you."
Martha felt her mouth fall open. "But the last time we were together was back East. You told me your father was insisting you take up the position at the bank."
Logan frowned. "Yeah. The bank," he murmured, his mouth showing obvious disgust. "You know how much I hated the prospect of working at his bank."
Martha recalled the arguments she had overheard between Logan and his father. Logan's relationship with his hot headed, demanding father had always been a fraught one. They had always disagreed on most things. Martha had witnessed many examples of Logan trying to stand up to his father. And failing.
"But you left me Logan. You threw me over to keep your father happy. Didn't you?"
Logan grimaced as she spoke the words. It looked like her voice had dug into his heart, and stabbed, fiercely, at it. Logan leaned his elbow against the dining table.
"I didn't do that Martha. It may have seemed that way at the time. But that's not the way it really was. You must believe me."
"How can I Logan? You didn't even give me an explanation. You just left. That was that. I couldn't think anything else, except that your father had won and I had lost you."
"No, Martha. I was the one who lost you."
Martha sighed noisily. This couldn't be happening. It was like some strange dream. Logan was a figure from the past, and he was in this room touching her; speaking to her; breathing close to her. It was unbelievable.
"So what do you want from me?" Martha asked.
Logan frowned and locked his bright eyes on hers. "I thought it was obvious what I want from you? I want you to become my wife."
Martha closed her eyes, trying to block out the truth. She needed to push reality back; it threatened to overwhelm her. Logan had just asked her to marry him! Right there, in that moment. He'd said it almost casually, as if he already took it for granted that she would say yes.
"How can I just marry you? I can't forget the past Logan. It's not that simple."
Logan lowered his head and sighed. "I made a mistake Martha. I admit that. It was the worst thing I have ever done. But I am here to put it right."
"Some things can't be put right Logan."
"I don't believe that. Everything can be put right if two people love each other."
Did he say "love each other"? Martha could hardly believe her ears. How could he assume that she still loved him? And, did he still love her? Had he ever loved her?
Martha shook her head."You hurt me Logan. You really hurt me. Things haven't been easy for me since we were last together. You don't now how awful it's been."
"I want to know. I need you to trust me and give me a second chance. I can help you forget the past three years."
"But I don't want to forget Logan. That's the point. Why should I give you a second chance? You didn't give me a second chance back East." Logan flinched. Martha continued: "I've learned some vital lessons these past years. Lessons I'm not going to give up."
"Like what?"
"People have to earn my trust," Martha said in a flat, matter of fact tone.
Logan sat upright, and his eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Just what I say. You left me, and then my parents died, and I ended up living with my truly horrible aunt and uncle. Things weren't too good. I became the sole caregiver of my young sister, Rachel." Martha sighed. "Let's say she's got quite a bit of growing up left to do. The point is, people let me down, Logan. But I refuse to allow that to stop me from having a meaningful life. A life on my own terms."
"And refusing to marry me will make sure you have a life on your own terms?"
Martha paused. If she refused to marry Logan what would the options be? She had already seen what awaited her; there was no guarantee that any man she could find acceptable would come along and offer anything better than what Logan was offering.
"I'm not refusing to marry you, Logan," she heard herself say quietly. It was as if her voice came from very far away and belonged to someone else.
His features softened, and the wrinkle of a smile creased the corner of his mouth. "You accept my offer?"
Martha held up a hand. "I didn't say I accept."
"It sounded like an acceptance," Logan said, confidence creeping into his voice.
Martha lowered her head. She didn't want to look into his eyes; those persuasive, intense eyes that made her heart feel like melting. "Give me some time to consider. Just a little more time,Logan."
He nodded. "That sounds fair. After all, I just sprung this on you. How long do you think you need to make a decision?"
"Let me talk this over with my sister, Cassie. She has a way of getting things into perspective."
"I remember Cassie. She always had you and your sister well under control."
"We're all grown up now. Don't forget that Logan," Martha said defiantly. "This isn't back East. Things are different out here."
"I know that, Martha. I've been out here long enough to know that this is almost like being in a different country."
"What I don't get understand is how you went from working for your father to being a rancher. How did that happen?"
"That's for later. There's more important things to consider."
Martha placed a hand on his arm. "Logan. I don't know when I can give you my answer. There's so much to consider."
"I can wait. I've already waited this long." Logan leaned forward, and gazed deeply into her eyes. Nerves fluttered inside her. "But I can tell you this; if you decide against marrying me I will move heaven and earth to persuade you otherwise. Nothing will stand in my way."
Martha swallowed and examined Logan for a moment. Logan looked the like the same young man who had courted Martha so long ago. However, in many ways, there was something different about him. She couldn't quite place what it was; maybe it was the steely determination in his gaze; perhaps it was the firm line of his lips; or the resonant, vibrating depth of his voice.
Something was changed in the man she had almost married three years before. The years spent ranching and building a prosperous spread looked as if they had hardened Logan inside. Martha had to admit that wasn't such a bad thing. Logan had been younger the first time they'd known each other. Although he had always been a sincere young man, there had always been a hint of the spoiled young scion of a prosperous Eastern banking family. That softness seemed to have been submerged under a firmness which was new in him. She had to quietly admit to herself that the firmness of character was an appealing thing in him.
"I understand Logan," she said softly, noticing that she felt calmer. The initial shock of meeting her former beau had begun to wear off. "I'll give you my answer as soon as I can."
He nodded. "Why don't I ask Mrs. Proudie to bring in some lunch."
He got up and left the room. Martha stared around her, suddenly aware that she was alone. She heard some quiet voices from far off in the kitchen. Then she heard his boots on the wooden floor as he made his way back to her.
When he came back into the room Martha made it obvious to him that she wanted him to sit opposite her. She needed some space and some time to consider what had happened. He had come back into her life; he
was here, now, with her. She looked at him across the table and thought for a second that he was some kind of ghost. But then she remembered his touch, and his words, and she knew he was all too real.
Mrs. Proudie brought the food. There were dishes with roasted chicken, potatoes, vegetables and afterwards they had some tasty fruit salad. Martha enjoyed the food almost as much as the pleasant, polite conversation with Logan. He deliberately steered clear of any difficult or challenging subjects. He asked her many questions about her life in Sweetheart Falls. Martha tried hard to talk about her life in the most positive way she could, emphasizing the efforts she had made to fit in with the community, and also to find a husband for her sister Rachel.
Logan was sensitive and understanding and didn't press Martha on any of the details, preferring to give her the time to talk. She recalled what a good listener Logan had been as a young man; mature beyond his years in that respect. That hadn't changed, and she eventually found herself opening up and telling him about how she really felt about her life in the years since they had been together.
After the lunch Martha felt exhausted. Logan saw that she was tired, and took her outside to the porch. They sat on a long seat, looking out across the Bar T spread. They didn't touch as they sat there, and Logan kept a respectful distance, obviously not wanting to appear forward. Eventually, Martha began to feel more relaxed, even if she still could hardly believe that she was sitting with her ex beau.
When Ethan came back to the house with Mr. Brook, nothing was said about Martha and Logan's meeting. Logan introduced himself to Ethan and told him about the Bar T, promising that if Ethan needed any livestock, then he'd be happy to help out.
By the time the men had finalized their business, Martha was fit to fall asleep. It had been a tiring experience, and all she wanted to do was get home to Cassie.
As she took her seat on the buckboard with Ethan, she looked at Logan and Mr. Brook.
"It's been a real pleasure meeting you both today," Logan said. There was a glint of conspiracy in his eye which Martha found vaguely amusing. "I hope it's not too long before we meet again," he said.
"Thank you for the lovely lunch Mr. Crawford." Martha said, keeping up the pretense.
Mr. Brook looked slightly confused by all the playacting.
Ethan took the reins and tipped his hat toward the two men. The buckboard moved off.
Martha looked back at Logan. He was standing with his hands on his hips, staring intently after her. Looking at him, she didn't see the delicate young man who had courted her so intently; she saw a determined, physically robust, cowboy rancher, entirely at home in the West.
She turned and looked ahead, and began to wonder if it would at all possible for her to resist him.
CHAPTER NINE
When they reached home Martha went to her room and lay down. She needed to sleep for a while; there was so much for her to consider. She hadn't mentioned the reality of the meeting to Ethan on their journey home. She wanted to keep any conversation about Logan to when she could speak with Cassie.
Although she felt herself to be independent, able to stand on her own two feet, Martha still felt it was natural for a younger sister to ask her elder sibling for advice. This was such an unusual situation; that was putting it mildly.
In the dark and quiet of the room the reuniting with Logan seemed almost like a dream.
Her mind filled with unanswerable questions.
How could Logan have found her? How had he ended up out West, when there had been so much going for him back East? He said he had pursued her. That had been the exact word he had used. Why had he pursued her like this? What kind of life could they possibly have together? Did they have a future? Or was she fooling herself? And if she did marry him, what kind of life could she have for herself, as the wife of a wealthy rancher?
She wasn't sure Cassie would be able to answer any of those questions. Logan hadn't given much away during their lunch conversation. Martha guessed it must have been to avoid overwhelming her, and to ensure that she would focus her mind on the most important thing; the decision on whether to become Logan's bride.
That was the only thing she had to think of.
Should she agree to become Logan's wife? There was nothing else to consider. The details of his former life would come later, she guessed.
Martha feel asleep for a short while. On waking she sought Cassie out. Cassie was in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Rachel and Ethan were out in the field.
"Can I speak to you for a moment, Cassie?" she said trying to contain the worry in her voice.
Cassie turned and smiled at Martha. She always made herself available every time Martha had something on her mind.
"Sure. Let me finish peeling these potatoes. What's it about."
Martha wrung her hands together. "You know that I went out to the Bar T with Ethan?"
"Yeah. He seemed pleased with the cow he agreed to buy," Cassie said with a nod.
Martha rolled her eyes. "Well. A lot more than that took place at the ranch."
Cassie frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"
Martha took a breath. Sometimes you just had to get to the point.
"Well. You know that we had no idea who the new owner of the Bar T was."
"Ethan mentioned that it's just been taken over. Did you meet the new owner?"
Martha's lips tightened and she nodded. "I guess you could say I did meet him."
Cassie's eyes narrowed as she observed Martha's obvious discomfort. "What's he like?"
"I don't know how to say this...but..."
Cassie put the knife down and turned to Martha. "What is it Martha. You look pale all of a sudden."
Martha ran a hand through her hair. This wasn't turning out to be as easy as she had thought it would be. Martha just couldn't get the words out.
Cassie took Martha over to the kitchen table and sat her down.
"What is it Martha?"
"I can't think of any other way to say this. The owner of the Bar T is someone we both know. Someone from back East."
"What do you mean? How can that be?"
Martha paused, and then came out with it. "It's Logan," she said, her voice a mere whisper.
"Logan who?"
"There's only one Logan."
"You don't mean..." Cassie blurted out.
"The guy who owns the Bar T is Logan Crawford. You remember from back East?"
Cassie's mouth fell open and she sat bolt upright.
"Sure I remember. He threw you over to go work in his father's bank. How could I forget?"
"Well. He's the new owner of the Bar T spread."
"What in heaven's name is he doing out here?" Cassie asked.
Martha's throat tightened. It was all she could do to get it to work again. Her voice seemed even weaker now than before. "He came out here...to find me."
"What do you mean?"
This was it; the moment of truth. There was no way she could avoid being straight about it. "Logan wants me to marry him."
Cassie's eyes widened and she froze for a moment in complete disbelief.
"Marry him?"
Martha lowered her eyes. The tears were beginning to form, and she didn't want her sister to see them.
"Are you telling me that the new owner of the Bar T, one of the biggest spreads in these parts, is none other than your former beau, Logan Crawford, and that he has asked you to marry him?"
Martha sighed. "When you say it like that, I can hardly believe it myself."
"Why that is fantastic, Martha!" Cassie screeched, and leaned over, hugging her sister tightly.
Martha was taken aback by the forcefulness of Cassie's reaction. Her sister approved? Just like that?
"You don't think it's crazy?" she mumbled.
Cassie held Martha by the shoulders, her eyes widened in disbelieving pleasure. "Crazy? Why I think it's a wonderful thing Martha."
"But he threw me over once before. Don't you think that was terrible of him."
"I'm sure there is a perfectly sensible explanation. All that matters is that he has come for you; he's sought you out; he's travelled the length of the country to find you and asked you to be his wife. How can I possibly think badly of that? Aren't you happy about it?
"Of course I'm impressed..." Martha said, hesitantly.
"Impressed? I'd say you should be amazed that he'd do such a thing. Ethan told me the Bar T looks like a real strong, going concern, and that the ranch house is a fine home."
"It is. It's beautiful in fact."
"Just think of all the space you'll have, Martha. Especially after putting up with our place for so long."
Martha wasn't so sure that the extra space to live in was the most important thing to consider at the moment.
"Cassie! How can I marry a man who left me like that once before?"
Cassie's forehead creased with concern. "I understand. And it was a bad thing to do. Did you ask him why?"
"I did. But he wouldn't go into the details."
"Give it time, Martha. Remember I had to give Ethan another chance and my faith was rewarded."
Martha knew her sister was right; but there were doubts burrowing away at her. How could she just forget the past in order to solve a pressing problem in her current life? It seemed so pragmatic and calculating.
"Remember where we are, Martha. We're not back East. The rules are different here."
"He's different, Cassie."
"In what way?"
"He's changed. He's not the young beau I remember. He's tougher looking; more serious."
"The West has a way of doing that to people; and it doesn't take long either."
Martha's brows creased in puzzlement. "He says he's been out here for three years. He was in Colorado for a while, getting himself established; learning how to ranch. And then he came here."
"He came to Sweetheart Falls for you, my dear."
Cassie hugged her sister once more. Martha was beginning to come round to Cassie's way of seeing things. She reminded herself that her dear, beloved sister had been through a whole lot more than Martha. If anything Cassie understood the realities of life out West better than Martha. Bereavement and loneliness had stalked Cassie, and she had survived. Martha knew it would be foolish to doubt Cassie, and to ignore the wisdom that her sister's pain had taught her.
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