Eventually, Martha decided to mention the thing which was really on her mind. She hesitated before saying the words, but she was so desperate to know the truth.
"Can I ask you something, Cassie," she said.
Cassie smiled warmly at Martha. "Sure you can," she said, taking a sip of her water.
Martha took a deep breath. "Logan told me that the reason he left years ago was because his own father refused to allow him and I to continue to see each other," Martha said.
Cassie looked at her sister with an expression of complete consternation. "Say that again," she demanded sharply.
"Logan's father stopped us being together," Martha repeated. "And so, he left me, and came out West," she said.
Cassie leaned back and furrowed her brow, seemingly at a loss for words. Martha looked at Cassie's face, and saw concern suddenly written on it. Cassie stared intently for a few moments. "You mean you don't know?" she said eventually.
"Know what?"
Cassie sighed and folded her arms. She looked up at the sky and pursed her lips.
"What is it, Cassie?"
"I don't know how to tell you this, but I suppose I'll have to at some point in time. Did Logan actually tell you that it was his own father who was responsible for separating you two back then?"
Martha frowned, confused by the direction her sister's questions were taking. "Yes. I think so. He said his father thought we were beneath them; I wasn't good enough for his son. That he was going to put a stop to it."
"He actually said that his father had tried to prevent you marrying Logan before."
Martha thought for a moment. Now she considered it more carefully, she realized that Logan hadn't actually said his own father had taken measures to stop any marriage to Martha. Logan hadn't said those exact words. In fact, Logan had been on the verge of saying something about Martha's father on more than one occasion. However, he had always stopped himself before making his point. It had struck her as odd at the time. Martha was beginning to get an uneasy feeling about the conversation.
Cassie exhaled again. "Looks to me like the only one who doesn't know who was really responsible for Logan's leaving, is you."
Martha stared at Cassie.
"What do you mean?"
"It was father," Cassie said flatly.
Martha frowned. "What?"
"It was our own father who put an end to your relationship with Logan."
Martha felt a jolt of shock rise to her throat."What are you talking about?"
Cassie closed her eyes and seemed to be trying to find the right words. "You know that father had financial problems. He was having those problems when you and Logan were courting. We girls didn't know about them at the time. Father kept them to himself. He didn't want to burden us. But they were serious."
"But why would that stop Logan and I being together?"
"Father owed money," Cassie stated bluntly.
"To whom?"
"The bank that Logan's father worked for. Our father was ashamed that his precious daughter was being courted by the son of the man who, he considered, was responsible for our family's possible ruin."
Cassie reached over and laid a hand on Martha's arm. "It wasn't Logan's father who told him to stop seeing you. Papa told Logan to stop seeing you."
The words hung in the air and Martha struggled to comprehend what Cassie was telling her. Cassie continued: "Logan, being a young man of honor and integrity, respected our father's authority in the matter. He knew that, without his blessing, any union with you would get off to the worst possible start. He deferred to papa's demand, and he left."
Martha was stunned. It had been her father's fault all along? He had been the real reason why she and Logan hadn't married back then? She could hardly understand what was being said to her.
"Did you know about this at the time?" she asked Cassie.
Her sister closed her eyes briefly and nodded. "I knew. Father confided in me, but he made me promise not to tell you. He didn't want you to blame him, because he felt he had good reasons to do it, and he was only trying to protect his precious daughter. He was under enormous pressure. He didn't want to lose your love."
Martha shook her head. "How could I have been so wrong? All along I believed it was Logan's father who was to blame. And now you tell me it was papa?"
Cassie sighed. "When he saw how sad you were after Logan had left, he realized he had made a terrible mistake. However, by then it was too late. There was nothing he could do."
Martha closed her eyes and remembered her father's forlorn figure during his last years. Of course she hadn't known how much pressure he had been under. He would never have shared any of that with her. Almost all her memories of her father were of a kindly, gentle man who had done everything possible to give Martha the best upbringing. He had moved heaven and earth throughout her childhood to protect Martha from the bad things in life.
"If only he'd told me," Martha said, her voice strained with agony. "I would have understood. We could have talked about it. A way could have been found. Why didn't he trust me? He should have been honest with me. I was old enough to understand."
"Maybe he thought you still had some growing up to do," Cassie answered. "You were his favorite. You know that, don't you. He always said you were the one with the level head. He always talked about how he had the highest hopes for you."
Martha felt a wave of sadness and regret rise up inside her. Cassie stroked Martha's cheek with the back of her hand. "Papa was only thinking of you. He was trying to protect you."
"By forcing Logan and I apart?"
"Papa didn't make Logan leave for Colorado. Who was to know that Logan would do such a thing?"
Martha leaned her head down, placing her forehead on her open palms. She had to think, somehow try to understand, but it was so difficult to do so when she was being told such things. The one thought that came to her was so clear and direct that it startled her. The events of the past days now seemed to come to her in a new light.
"I have done Logan a terrible wrong," she said quietly, raising her head to look at her sister.
Cassie looked at her, eyes filled with sympathetic understanding. She said nothing, waiting patiently for Martha to express her thoughts.
"I have been so unfair to him," she whispered. "He's been trying to tell me this, without breaking his word, since the day we married, but I wouldn't listen." Martha breathed softly.
Cassie squeezed her sister's arm encouragingly. Martha swallowed. "I was too stuck in the past to hear what he was telling me. He has never said a bad word about papa, do you know that?" Martha said. "Not one. In fact he even made me think it was his own father that was responsible for us being apart."
Cassie nodded wordlessly.
Martha ran a hand through her hair. When she thought of all the rejection and refusal she had put Logan through it made feel sick inside. He had not deserved any of the resistance she had shown him. It had all been based on Martha's false view of a past she had tried so hard to shake off.
Now that she understood, it all made complete sense. If only she had known then what she knew now, she wouldn't have put herself through all the hell of the past years. She could have reconciled herself with her father's decision and moved on. Instead, she had wrongly assumed that it had been Logan's fault for being weak; that Logan's father had been a wicked monster bent on ruining her happiness.
Cassie reached across and tidied some stray hairs which had fallen across Martha's forehead. "Think of what Logan has done to find you Martha. It is amazing, what lengths he has gone to. He is a good man; an even better man than you knew before. That is something to be thankful for; something to value and treasure."
Martha suddenly knew that Cassie was right. "What can I do to repair the damage?"
Cassie smiled softly. "Be a good wife to him. Love him, as he so obviously loves you."
Martha felt her eyes moisten. "Oh Cassie. But will he forgive me?"
"There is nothing to forg
ive. He only wants what's best for you Martha. Tell him that you know. He'll probably be relieved. Let the past be the past, and move on together."
Martha nodded. As usual, her sister could see to the core of the matter; she always knew what was the best thing to do, and now was no different.
"Go to him," Cassie said softly. "Tell him what you know. It's not too late. He will understand. He'll probably be relieved that you know. It gives you both a fresh start. Isn't that what you and Logan need now? A fresh start."
Martha felt a certainty rising in her. Cassie was right. It wasn't too late. Logan would understand. She was sure of that. He had been trying to tell her all along, and she had been too blind to see it.
"I have to get to the ranch," Martha said, rising and straightening her dress. "I have to speak to Logan."
Cassie looked at Martha and followed her to the buckboard. As she got up on the buckboard's seat, Martha asked herself how on earth she was going to make Logan understand.
But above all, she wondered how in the world she was going to make it up to him.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The daylight was fading when she arrived at the ranch. There weren't any ranch hands around, and she couldn't see any sign of Logan. Martha went around the house. Logan was nowhere to be found. Mrs. Proudie was in the kitchen cutting vegetables. She turned as Martha came into the kitchen. An expression of concern appeared on her face when she saw Martha.
"Are you well Martha? You look worried," Mrs. Proudie said, putting down the knife and coming to Martha.
"Have you seen Logan?" Martha asked.
Mrs. Proudie frowned. "Have you two had a bust up?"
Martha sighed. "No. It's nothing like that. I just need to find him. Urgently. Do you know where he could be?"
"I heard there was a problem with some rustlers earlier on," Mrs Proudie said.
"Someone's trying to steal cattle?" Martha exclaimed.
Mrs. Proudie laid a reassuring hand on Martha's arm. "Don't go troubling yourself dear. It happens more often than you'd think."
"But Logan might be in danger."
"I doubt it," Mrs. Proudie said calmly. "Logan's got some good men around him. They won't let any harm come to him. Some of those cowpunchers don't just punch cows."
Mrs. Proudie's efforts at lightening the mood weren't successful on Martha.
"Where is he, Mrs. Proudie? I really need to speak to him," she said. Mrs. Proudie responded to the tone of urgency in Martha's plea. "I think you'll find them down in the main valley."
Martha recalled the place Logan had shown her the day he had shown her the spread. She figured she would be able to find it on her own. However, there was only one problem. That valley wasn't easily accessible on the buckboard. How was she going to get to him?
"Thank you," she said and gave Mrs. Proudie a quick kiss on the cheek. The startled woman straightened in surprise. "You're welcome. Do you want someone to take you over? You might have to wait a while. They're all out there just now."
"I can't wait. I'll take a horse," Martha said. She ran out of the house, hearing some inaudible words of objection from Mrs. Proudie.
Martha ran to the barn and went inside. It was quiet inside, and the smell of the hay filled her nostrils. She walked along the stalls looking for a horse. There was only one horse there. It was the brown stallion she had watched being broken and tamed.
Martha looked quickly around. Surely this wasn't the only horse available. There had to be another. But she realized they must all be out with the ranch hands, dealing with the rustlers.
The stallion seemed to look at her as if it were challenging her. Martha wondered if she could ride the horse. It seemed calm enough at the moment, but she couldn't be sure.
She had no idea how long it would take for Logan to come home. She wanted him to come home to her so she could tell him she understood; that she was sorry for the hurt she had caused him; that she wanted them to be the finest and happiest married couple they could be. If she had to wait in the house, sitting in the parlor, or waiting with Mrs. Proudie, she thought she might go mad.
She got the horse ready to ride as fast as she could, and drew him out of the stall. The stallion was still calm, and seemed to respond well to Martha's attentions.
Martha took him out of the barn. The air was beginning to cool, and the sun was starting to settle behind the high hills. Martha felt a sudden chill, and a stab of doubt. Should she just wait?
No! This is not the time to wait, she told herself. I have to find him.
She fixed her foot into the stirrup and tried to lift herself up. The horse shifted his head and moved to the side. Martha hopped to keep her foot in the stirrup. A sharp irritation rose in her, but she kept the feeling in check.
She took her foot out and went to the horse's head, stroking the side of the horse's long face. She felt the smoothness of it as she gently caressed it, all the while whispering in her softest voice. The horse calmed in response to the soothing sound of Martha's voice. The horse was calm as she went to it's side and quickly mounted.
The horse shifted as Martha settled on it. She took the reins and recalled everything that Ethan had taught her about riding. Martha also remembered the days of her youth when, as a young lady, she had learned to ride a horse in the way that Eastern ladies did. Back there it was all about maintaining dignified position and creating the appearance of elegant control. Maybe a combination of Eastern control and Western force might work.
She planted her heels, and positioned her thighs with just the right pressure. Her posture was that of a young woman out for a leisurely ride in the park. The tightness of the reins was firm enough to reassure the horse that Martha was confident and in charge.
The horse settled and responded to Martha's request to move on.
She followed the trail down toward the valley. It took all her concentration to maintain control of the horse. But the stallion was following her guidance. The pace picked up, and Martha felt the air rush through her loose hair. She wondered what she looked like, on the back of the horse, racing down the trail, her hair dishevelled, not dressed to please. However, she didn't care. All that mattered was that she was going to Logan. She couldn't wait to find him. He would understand when she told him that it had all been a terrible misunderstanding; that it could all be put right; that it was never too late to start again.
She recognized the terrain and knew that the valley was someway off the trail. The horse complained when she guided it off the trail, and started to head across the thick grassland. Martha couldn't hear the sound of any cattle so she figured she still had some distance to cover.
The horse was getting increasingly antsy about riding across the grassland. The pace of progress had slowed. Martha sensed the ruts and dips beneath the horse's hooves, as she drew in the reins, and fought to keep her balance. The animal must be getting concerned that it didn't have a sure ground to ride over.
Martha didn't even think about what it would be like if the horse fell or stumbled. She had fallen off horses before, and she knew that it could be dangerous, even fatal to do so. She forced those thoughts out of her mind and brought Logan to mind. He was the only thing she had to think of right now. She still hadn't worked out in her mind what she would say to him. When the moment came she knew the words would come.
Eventually she came to a ridge and she drew the horse to a halt. She looked down into the valley and saw the cattle there, feeling a sense of relief grow inside her. She looked closely and could not see any sign of conflict. Ranch hands on horseback were corralling cattle into the central flat plain of the valley. Some strays were out on the edges, near some fencing.
Martha strained her eyes, looking for her husband. Finally she saw him, on horseback, out by the side of the herd. She recognized Logan's tall, erect figure and the blue neckerchief wrapped around his throat. Even from this distance she just knew it was him. Logan was on his own persuading a stray calf to make it's way back into the herd.
> Martha kicked the horse into movement and started down the hill. She had to lean back to stay on the horse as it stepped gingerly down the incline. Soon they were on the flat, and Martha instinctively prodded the horses's sides with her heels. The horse picked up speed and started to race across the flat even ground.
She couldn't wait to get to Logan. Now that she was closer she could see that it was definitely him. He hadn't seen her yet, and she wanted call out to him, but it was all she could do to keep her attention on the horse. The animal was picking up even more speed now, appearing to respond to the presence of the cattle.
One or two ranch hands looked at her as she passed them. There were flashes of recognition on their faces. The horse's head was getting increasingly difficult to control, but Martha kept her gaze on Logan, who was closer now, almost within calling distance.
Then, without warning, one of the cattle bolted out of the herd, and dashed in front of her horse. There was a low moan from the cow, a screech of alarm from the horse, and then Martha felt herself rise up, as the horse lifted his front legs pawing defensively at the calf, desperate to avoid a collision. Martha felt the terror rise inside her as she found herself flying backwards. She gripped the reins as tightly as she could. A scream came from somewhere and she realized it had come out of her own mouth. The world went upside down, the reins were torn from her fingers, her legs seemed to become like those of a marionette for a moment, and then Martha felt a solid impact on her back.
Everything around her seemed to become soft and intangible. For a moment she forgot where she was, and then she realized she was lying on the flat ground. She looked across and saw the horse racing off in a panicked dash.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the dull ache at her back. Martha tried to sit up, but found that her body wouldn't respond to the request.
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