A Broken Jewel (Jade Book 1)

by Lucy Rains

  “The humane society?” I asked skeptically. “This is your therapy?”

  He raised his eyebrows and got out of the car. I opened my own door and followed him inside.

  Staff members called him out by name, greeting him like a well known friend. Gavin responded with a friendly wave, a casual peppiness in his stride. He guided me across the lobby area and through double doors labeled ‘Staff Only’.

  “Do you work here?” I asked. We were in an office room, and Gavin grabbed a clipboard off the wall to sign in his name.

  “Nope.”

  “Volunteer?”

  “Yep.”

  I looked around at the back room we were in. Bags of kitty litter, dog food, towels, and other various pet items were stocked in wire metal shelves along the wall. The chorus of barking from the kennels echoed throughout the room.

  “So, are we cleaning kennels or something?” I grimaced, hoping the answer was no.

  “Not today.”

  “Are we going to go pet cats?” I looked through a window to the cattery at all the sleeping fur balls behind steel bars.

  Gavin grabbed my hand and led me around the storage area where leashes were hanging on the wall. He pulled off two and then led me out of the storage room.

  “We’ll rotate through a few of them. Usually I pick 2 or 3 dogs and walk them for 20 to 30 minutes each.” He handed me a leash.

  “Just pick one?” I asked.

  We walked through a set of doors leading to the kennel area.

  He pointed at charts on the front of the kennels and taught me how to read the information to know when the dogs had last been walked, and if they were healthy enough to go out. We walked up and down the rows for a few minutes before I settled on a boxer mutt and he had a black shorthaired lab mix. Both dogs enthusiastically greeted us and bounced around their kennels, making it difficult to put their leashes on. Gavin led the way through a back door out to a trail that led through an open field. The dog’s tails wagged with delight, their noses to the ground, snaking around the bushes outside.

  “How often do you do this?” I asked.

  Gavin slid a hand into his pocket and waited for his dog to mark a patch of weeds. “Any day that I don’t have to work. So, about two to three times a week.”

  I nodded thoughtfully, “And this is therapeutic for you? Being with the animals?”

  “I like being with them,” he confided. “Knowing I am helping them, and they help me. You know all the positive health benefits they say that comes with being around animals. Lower blood pressure, lower anxiety, reduces cortisol, all that stuff.”

  “I think I’ve heard that somewhere. But I wouldn’t really know. Mother never allowed animals.”

  Gavin snorted, “I bet not.”

  I ignored his comment. “Do the other guys know that you do this?”

  “Yeah, Alex will come with me sometimes. Kyson stopped coming when a dog kept trying to hump his leg.”

  I smiled, watching my dog pause to smell a tree. “I’m sure he deserved it.”

  It was quiet between us as we walked the dogs, making a circle along the trail and coming back to the kennels. We swapped out our dogs for a pair of shepherds that were patiently staring at us as we walked by them. My heart was won over quickly by them and their sweet temperaments.

  While we walked silently, I rounded up the courage to start asking the hard questions that I knew Gavin would resist.

  “So,” I started, “Are you ready to talk about last night?”

  He shrugged, “What’s to talk about? I have nightmares.”

  “Yeah? About the past?” He didn’t answer and I took that as a yes. We both had to stop as our dogs peed on some bushes. I turned to face him and make him look at me. “I feel your pain, you know. The bitterness, the anger, the anxiety. You can’t hide that from me.”

  Gavin looked down at his dog that was sniffing around, “Not really trying to hide it.”

  “What are you doing then?”

  He looked back at me with an impatient expression. “I’m trying to live a normal life despite what we went through. At the hands of your mother, no less.”

  I rolled my eyes and kept walking. “You act like I chose her, chose to live under her roof. I didn’t chose my life anymore than you chose yours.”

  As we walked along the dirt path I looked around at the open fields surrounding us, enjoying the views. Being out in the nature setting away from the urban city was peaceful and relaxing.

  “This is really nice,” I commented. “Maybe I could go with you next time when you come?” I thought my comment was innocent enough.

  Instead of agreeing, “We'll see,” was all he said, in a low resentful tone.

  I wasn't sure how to respond at first. Initially, I thought maybe he enjoyed his quiet time. But then I remembered he said Alex and Kyson had joined him. This was personal.

  All of the snide remarks and jerkish behavior from him over the past week and a half came flooding back to me, and my cheeks began to burn, my temper rising.

  “You would prefer I don't come with you? Just say it.” I stopped and turned to him, pulling on the leash to stop my dog. “You’ve been nothing but rude and even hostile to me since I have come here. When are you going to get over yourself and treat me with respect?”

  His face hardened his eyes cold, “When I feel like I can trust you.”

  I scoffed, leaning on a hip. “Do you always let girls into your bed that you don't trust?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” he smirked. “You served your purpose.”

  A breath left me like I had been socked in the stomach. His face didn’t soften when he saw my hurt.

  “You asshole,” I hissed.

  He looked away from me and started walking along the trail with his dog again. I watched him for a minute and then turned back to the kennel. My dog was confused at the change of direction. She wanted to continue walking with her mate and I had to pull her to follow.

  When Gavin realized I wasn’t following he turned and called out to me. “Jade!”

  I didn’t turn around. Insead, I picked up my pace, shoulders back, determined to keep my eyes dry.

  “Seriously?!” he yelled, when he saw that I wasn’t going to respond,

  I gave him the bird and kept walking. Once I reached the kennels I slipped my dog back into hers and locked her up, leaving the leash hooked to the front of it. Gavin could put it away when he came back.

  I stomped past his car, out of the parking lot, and on down the road. I was hurting, fuming. I would be less hurt if he had slapped me. I hated myself for helping him last night. I hated that I couldn’t even control the instinctual urges that raged inside of me. That every fiber in my being wanted to help him, heal him. He had thrown that in my face. My walk turned into a run.

  He cared for me, wanted me in the same way the other guys did. I had felt it through our connection. And he was obviously fighting it tooth and nail. He didn’t want to want me. He wanted to hate me, to hold an ever burning grudge over my head.

  The warm vibrations in my chest were gone, and an emptiness settled in. My steps staggered for a moment, as I felt the loss and I had to stop myself from turning around. My body wanted to go back right then and there and run to Gavin, desperately missing the hum that I had become so accustomed to. But I turned my focus to the street in front of me and continued running, ignoring the urges that pushed in my mind.

  How juvenile, how foolish, could he be? I wanted to help him. Took comfort in helping him. Now all I wanted to do was unleash a force on him that would knock him on his ass.

  I turned down a street leading towards the city and pushed my legs harder, my sandals slapping against the pavement. The burn in my limbs were satisfying, like a punishment I craved.

  As I ran my frustration out I couldn’t help but wonder why? Was the source of his anger really because it was my mother that led the lab? Or was it something else? Denying himself getting close to me, was it to be his own
personal punishment? If he wanted to punish himself, fine. He needed to leave me completely out of it.

  I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I slowed to a walk to check it.

  Stop running. I’ll pick you up in 5.

  Cursing my ignorance, I began tapping on my phone and sorting through my settings, turning off the GPS and shutting down the tracking app.

  I began running again to clear out from the area that he had last seen me on his phone, until I had reached a more public area. I slowed to a jog, and then a walk, studying the area. There was a bus pulling up to a gas station in front of me and I hurried to hop on. As I picked a seat in the back, I heard the familiar rumble of his silver car approaching. Thankfully, the bus closed its doors with a hiss and departed from its stop.

  I leaned back into my seat, and realized that this was the first time since my intentional car wreck that I had been alone. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling. Fingering my purse I contemplated the possibilities. I had enough money to buy a bus ticket, train ticket, and even plane ticket. But where would I go? And did I want to go?

  My phone buzzed again, breaking my daydreams, and I looked at the text from Pierce. Where are you right now?

  I debated my response, not sure I even wanted to respond at all. Safe.

  His response came quickly, Damn it Jade, this isn’t a game.

  Tell Gavin to go home.

  I watched the bus pass by buildings and shops as I waited for Pierce to reply. Condos and little corner restaurants on every corner.

  Are you going to tell me where you are?

  I frowned, Not until you tell Gavin to come home. I could hear the familiar purr of his car as the bus drove along. The sound grinding on my nerves. I want him gone.

  I put my phone down and crossed my arms over my chest. The bus pulled up to a stop and I watched as people unloaded and boarded. Before the doors closed I could hear Gavin’s car engine rev high, passing the bus by and racing down the street.

  As soon as the sound had disappeared I picked up my phone. I’ll text in 20 min.

  I got no response and I didn’t expect one. I took the time to simmer down and get my wits back.

  Fifteen minutes later I got off at an elementary school and walked across the street to a park. There were wide grassy fields around a large pond. A paved walking path circled around the water and I found a bench to sit on. I texted Pierce the name of the elementary school and sat back to wait.

  It had only been about 5 minutes when my chest started to vibrate. My eyebrows came down in confusion. Pierce couldn’t be here yet. That had to mean only one thing.

  I stood up and surveyed the park. I didn’t see anything at first. The park was fairly empty except for a couple sitting on the grass eating lunch and a few walkers on the path. When I looked behind me my anger spiked.

  “No.” I growled.

  Gavin strutted up to me, his hands in his pocket. His muscular lean frame was confident, his chin tilted up, his eyes looking over me. As if he was teasing, saying ‘Nice try princess”.

  I closed off my emotional connection to him, trying to slam a mental wall down to hide my feelings.

  My eyes held his for a few seconds before I turned and started walking away.

  I felt a hand on my elbow, “Jade,” he said.

  I twisted my arm to release his grip and kept walking. “Where’s the car?”

  Suddenly, I was being twisted around and pushed up against a tree. My feet tripped over large roots protruding from the ground and I stumbled. My instinct reaction was to pull my hands up and release of shot of energy, which hit Gavin in the chest and he grunted. I struggled to pull out of his grip and my head sliced in pain.

  I gasped and brought my hands to my head, closing my eyes, “Damn it.”

  “Jade,” he said again, this time softer, like he was trying to reason with me.

  “Don’t!” I yelled, prying my eyes open against the pain. “You don’t get to talk to me.”

  He had the decency to wipe some of his arrogance from his face. He closed his mouth, and looked over my face, his body coming closer.

  He waited a minute for my head to stop aching and then spoke. “Listen to me.” He said softly, his hands gripped my biceps. “I don’t trust people. I never have. Other then the guys, I make a point to stay away from everyone. I don’t deserve anything good in this life because I am a broken, worthless piece of shit.”

  I frowned, not knowing which part of his statement to correct first. But the urge to help him came back to me, rising to the surface stronger than I could withstand. “Let me help you.”

  He pinched his eyes closed and gripped me harder, “Nobody helps me.” He said darkly.

  My eyes looked over his face, and I saw the pain beneath the surface, the desperate plea for help. “I think you’re not as dark as you want people to believe.”

  “Stop, trying, to fix me.”

  I huffed, trying to pull away from the tree, but he still held me firm. My eyes scowled, “What do you want from me?” I demanded.

  His chest heaved with each breath, his anxiety pulling at his emotions. “I want all of you,” he whispered intensely, “to want all of me. Even in my broken state.”

  I started to protest when his mouth was suddenly on mine. His warm lips against me, his breath on my face. His kiss was aggressive, desperately pushing into my mouth. My chest vibrations escalated to a new high and the buzz was intoxicating. His hands left my arms and went up to my head, entangled in my hair, pulling me against him. I opened my mouth and allowed him in, letting his desire burn into me. His tongue swarmed my mouth repetitively, his lips mashed against my face. My hands went up his back, holding on tightly.

  I felt his face pull back and I gasped for air. With his mouth hung open, drawing in deep breaths, I finally dropped they mental barrier I had put up. He looked around my face, searching for something. His emotions were heavy with pleasure and fear.

  I looked at him curiously. “What are you afraid of?” I whispered.

  His eyes closed and he kissed me again, quickly. Not as hard, but still full of the same passion. He pulled back. His eyes stayed closed, his head leaning against mine. “Weakness.”

  My hands came up to his face and I ran my fingers into his dark locks. “I see you as anything but weak.”

  “I tried to be strong for so long, despite what they did to me. But they broke me,” his voice shook, “over, and over, and over again. They took away every strength that I had. And I vowed to never be weak again.”

  Closing his mouth to swallow, Gavin pulled back from me, tension easing slowly out of his body.

  I waited for a moment, hoping he would say something, but he held his silence.

  Since I had him here and we were being open, I knew I needed to be upfront about what bothered him most about me. “You need to be honest.” I stated firmly. “Do you have a problem with me? Because of who my mother was?”

  He put his hands on his hips and looked away from me. The pond seeming to hold his interest. I knew he was stewing over my question, avoiding answering it.

  I leaned closer to his face, “Because I can feel it, Gavin. I feel your bitterness. You are angry inside, and tell me I don’t bring it out of you.” I moved into his line of sight, “Tell me you aren’t upset with me because of who raised me.”

  He twisted his head around and swore softly.

  “Don’t mess with my feelings when you’re unsure of your own,” I whispered. I pushed off from the tree and stepped out of his grasp. “Do you see her, when you look at me? Am I just a constant reminder of everything you suffered?”

  He didn’t answer again, and I hated the tears that pricked at my eyes. “Don’t touch me again, until you get that shit sorted. Because there is nothing, I can do about that.” I took a few steps backwards. “Don't punish me for what she did to you.”

  I was blinking back tears from my eyes when I heard Gavin’s phone buzz. Irritation flashed over his face as he pulled it from his
back pocket. “What?”

  He flipped his phone closed. “We have to go.” Grabbing my elbow he steered me in the direction of his car, his pace quick.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “We have another op.”

  CHAPTER 22

  Resting my chin on my hands, my eyes followed the road the whole drive home. I wasn’t interested in filling the silence, not interested in conversation. Gavin seemed to feel the same and that was fine with me. I closed off my 6th sense to his feelings and tuned into myself.

  Despite my attempts to avoid thinking about it, despite my best efforts of trying to forget, his kiss kept burning through mind. The feel of his grip on my skin. My heart sped up and my chest vibrated in desire. The way he felt on me, the way his body responded to mine. His mouth devouring mine in a way that made me burn in my core.

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. No. Gavin was damaged. Deeply. If that was all his problem was I could handle that. I could work through his dents and broken pieces. But when he looked at me and saw the monster that raised me? Knowing I was the cause of so much bitterness in him complicated things. A guy that harbored resentment against me was not a dilemma I knew how to fix. And that pushed me into a frustrated rage.

  So space he wanted, and space he would get. I needed to shut down the intense urges within my chest to comfort him, to go to him and give him what he needed. I wasn’t what he needed. Even if he had said that I was.

  I needed out of the car. The smell of him filled my senses, bringing back memories of laying in bed together and times of intimacy. The same beautiful mixture of cinnamon and mint. I needed to get away from it.

  As we approached the house, the sight of all vehicles showed everyone home. Alex’s yellow jeep, Pierce’s truck, and Kyson’s Honda. Gavin rolled slowly into the gravel side driveway and put the car into park. This was my cue and I was out of the car.

  I tossed my sandals off as I entered the front door, closing it on Gavin before he could enter. As I headed into the kitchen to prep me some lunch, I passed by Alex on the couch playing a video game. Judging by Pierce and Kyson’s voices nearby, I guessed they were in the office talking about their next assignment.