by Jarica James
The rest of the day goes by in a blur until music class. I love the escape that playing the violin gives me, so I’m actually excited to go to that class in particular. The piano is my real musical love, but I can’t bring myself to even try. It’s just too painful, and I break down every time. But the violin is the next best thing and it’ll only get better as the class progresses.
Cole waits for me outside and walks inside with me, claiming our same table. Mr. Hill enters a few minutes later with an excited look on his face. He calls attention to the front with a shrill whistle before launching into his excited explanation.
“I have decided to try something new for your midterms this year. You will work in groups to perform a song together for the entire class. Charlie and Cole will be one group, the rest of you in the second group,” Mr. Hill explains. I glance over at Cole who looks just as excited now, which is a relief. “Go ahead and split up for the last ten minutes and decide on a song to do. It can be any song in our sheet music collection. Once you decide, you can go early today. The rest of you will get your midterm assignment in a moment.” He finishes speaking and just walks out, leaving us to decide.
“Any song in mind, Charlie girl?” Cole asks. I shrug and thumb through one of the stacks of sheet music books that Mr. Hill dropped off before he left. I give Cole a questioning look to see if he has one in mind. “I have a couple suggestions. What kind of music do you like?”
I pull out my cell phone and open up my music app to show him what I have. His expression is serious as he studies my selection. It isn’t as big as my original collection, but I chose not to keep any of my stuff when I went into foster care. I can’t help but stare at him while his eyes scan my music collection. His eyes flick up to meet mine, and I almost look away, but he doesn't seem to notice.
“You listen to punk, classic rock, and 80s music?” he asks, shocked. I give a shy smile and nod. My music choices have never made sense to anyone, I just like a good variety. His smile grows wide as he pulls out his phone and brings up his music to show me. It’s nearly identical to mine, though quite a bit more extensive. My grin only gets bigger at that.
After browsing through the books and our songs, we choose to do our own twist on “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran.
I’m hunched over studying the sheet music for the song we chose when I feel him gently pulling on a strand of my hair. I look up and meet those bright blue eyes of his.
“I forgot to tell you how badass your hair is,” he says with his playful half smile. I grin up at him and playfully shake my hair out and do a model pose. “Wait for me here, and we can leave together. I’m going to see if Mr. Hill is okay with our choice,” he says as he laughs at my pose. I look around and notice the others are gone already. Whoops. I’ve always struggled with tuning out the rest of the world when I focus. He raises an eyebrow when I don’t answer right away, so I nod and start packing up my bags.
He’s gone for a minute before I walk over to the piano. I stroke my hand across the keys, and I can practically picture my dad sitting there with me as he taught me to play his favorite songs. His music selection was just about as crazy as mine.
Finally feeling brave, I sit down without thinking about the enormity of it and just start to play the last song we worked on. I’m halfway through when my eyes close and I truly lose myself in the keys.
I’m so lost I don’t hear him come in, but I feel someone sit next to me. When I open my eyes, Cole has a concerned look on his face. He studies my face for a moment before he reaches up to wipe away a tear that made its way down my cheek. I take a deep, shaky breath and attempt a smile before I get up to leave.
We make it to the hall when he reaches over and squeezes my hand, though the contact just causes another tear to fall. I quickly wipe it away and squeeze back. He lets go when we reach my locker, and I take the moment to push my emotions back into the dark corner of my mind where they belong. If I give in to them, it's over; I know I don’t have the strength to face it all like that.
The familiar numbness washes over me once I shut that door. Numb I can work with; faking emotions is far easier than actually feeling the weight of real ones.
“You all right, Charlie girl?” Cole asks softly once I’ve finally regained my composure. I turn and flash him an apologetic smile and a nod. “Don’t be sorry. Are you studying at the library again tonight?” I nod and he grins. “Good. We’ll see you there then. Abby insists on coming this time,” he says as he walks away, leaving me in stunned silence. Who just watches someone like me break down, then makes plans?!
A real friend… that’s who.
Tuesday
Afternoon
Music Class
Cole
“I think that would be a very nice rendition,” Mr. Hill agrees with an approving nod. I’m pumped. It will definitely be an awesome collaboration to do, the piano and violin will complement each other perfectly. Thankfully, he put Charlie and I together for this one, too.
Mr. Hill walks off to make us copies, and I take them before heading back to the practice room. Stopping outside of the glass door, I notice Charlie at the piano. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I slowly open it. From the first day I got the piano was a big deal, and I don’t want her to stop. I love the trance she goes into when she plays. She seems so peaceful at times, which makes her look even more beautiful. She tries to hide it, but other times she’s haunted and broken. It pulls at my heart. She’s hardly weak, but I can’t help but want to protect her.
I get close enough to see her face, and my heart stops. I’ve never seen anyone appear so beautiful and broken at the same time. The pull to be by her side is like a siren’s song.
Unable to stop myself, I sit next to her and she turns toward me, finally opening her eyes. The look of pure sadness in her eyes tears at my heart.
What happened to this poor girl?
Not even hesitating, I slowly wipe a tear away, and she gives me a fake smile. She tries to rein in her emotions, like she refuses to let herself have a moment of vulnerability.
Seeing that, I decide right then that I will work hard to put real smiles on her face whenever I can. If anyone deserves to have someone in her corner, it’s Charlie.
I’ve seen Trent, Abby, and Adam watching her too. I would have to be completely oblivious not to notice the way they study her. Honestly, it somehow doesn’t bother me. Charlie isn’t your average girl and we aren’t your typical friends. She needs us all in our own ways, and I would never take that from her.
We go our separate ways and agree to meet up at the library, and I’m distracted as I make my way to Trent’s car for the ride home.
I’m glad Charlie found us. I doubt we can erase the horrors of her past, whatever they are, but we sure as hell can help her be happy. Even the transformation from our first meeting until now is insane. It’s odd to me that Abby brought this silent and beautiful girl into our group, and we all just took her in like she always belonged. I guess we recognized one of our own. We call ourselves misfits for a reason. None of us felt like we fit into the other groups, always preferring each other’s company. Adam couldn’t stand being around the other baseball guys, saying they always want to be jerks and it’s not his style. He’s a calm protector. I’m just not talkative enough to give anyone a chance, and Abby’s been burned before. So it’s been us keeping each other sane since we started first grade, and nothing has changed over the years.
Most parents don’t let their kids have co-ed sleepovers, but our parents know better. We’ve had sleepovers every other weekend since the summer after fifth grade. I guess we’re all responsible enough in our own ways that they trusted us, plus our families know us like their own kids. The fact that we never considered dating each other definitely helped. Though it doesn’t hurt that Abby prefers girls, and Alice definitely doesn’t have a thing for us, she’s too lost in her own world.
Now that Charlie is part of our group, I hope it doesn’t change. I definitely can’t deny my at
traction to her. She has a way of captivating me. She’s beautiful and confident but also seems like she has a story to tell. She’s a bit broken, but then again, all of us are.
The fact we have the same taste in music definitely helps too.
“Home or library?” Trent’s voice breaks through my silent musings.
“Library,” I confirm, glancing out of the window as he parks down the street from it, at the only available spot. “Thanks!” With that, I hop out.
“There you are!” Abby calls out as I walk up to the front entrance. I’m glad she’s here. I don’t really have much to study, but I like spending time with Charlie. Plus, I hate the idea of her being alone here. As long as I make it home to read my brothers a story before bedtime, Mom doesn’t mind. Though, I doubt any mom really minds when her kid asks to go study every day after school.
“Hang on, Adam’s parking,” she says, and I groan at the thought of all of us crashing the study session. I’m not jealous, but having them there does ruin any chances of flirting I had.
“I’m here!” we hear as Adam jogs toward us.
“Come on, we’re late,” I urge, turning and hurrying inside, not even holding the door for them.
“Hey,” Adam greets, stepping around me to take the spot next to Charlie, leaving me and Abby on the opposite side. Jerk. Charlie appears startled for a second but beams up at us, meeting each of our eyes for a second before blushing and looking down.
“What are you studying tonight?” I ask as I eye her huge stack of books. The poor girl started school between tests in most of our classes, so she has to play catch up in half the time. Brutal.
‘Picking my history topic,’ she writes down in her notebook. I wrinkle my nose. History is the worst. She makes a small noise that sounds like the start of a laugh, but she cuts it off almost as quickly as it started. I can’t help but wonder what it would sound like for her to laugh freely or if she even could.
“History is the worst,” Abby agrees. “You need help picking, Sweets?”
Charlie shakes her head and smiles and we all fall silent as we jump back into our own assignments. Even Abby who doesn’t usually study, focuses for once.
We study in silence, writing the occasional note back and forth before Charlie does the same dramatic sigh and rests her head on her arms like she did last night. That’s our cue to pack up and call it a night. Before I can start gathering my stuff, my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a text from Abby. I glance up at her but she’s avoiding my eyes, but I don’t miss the tiny smirk on her face.
Abby: You walking Charlie home again? ;)
Me: Yes…Shut it Abbs! We just live super close. Nothing more.
Abby: I’m sure it is, always the gentleman, Cole. I’d at least be flirting with her by now. Up your game man, I’m not blind.
Me: You tell her that you’re into her?
Abby: No, I’m afraid to. I’ve made it pretty obvious and she seems to flirt back? You know I question every time that happens though.
Me: I know you do, but give her a chance. She’s not most people.
Abby: She’s definitely not. Do you think Adam likes her too?
Me: Would it bug you if he did?
Abby: Oddly enough, no. If it was anyone else but you guys, yes. Lol
Charlie stands and starts putting her backpack on, ending the text exchange as the rest of us follow. Adam is narrowing his eyes at us, and I know Abby is going to have some things to explain on the way home.
“Cole, if you’re walking with Charlie, I’m heading out with Adam,” Abby says, pulling Charlie in for a hug. They both freeze, but it’s a total Abby move, she’s the touchy feely type but we’ve all had time to get used to it. Honestly I’m shocked it took this long. “Shit, sorry, Sweets.”
Charlie waves her off and smiles, but the way she fidgets and her cheeks stain red, I know she feels something for Abby too, and the thought makes me happy. Abby deserves just as much love as Charlie. She’s not had the best luck with other girls and she’s a good person.
We manage to make it quietly out of the front door and wave goodbye to Abby and Adam, leaving us in the usual companionable silence. Walking next to her is definitely different but it’s more because I’m hyper aware of her. Being around her is a nice change.
I find myself sneaking glances at her every few minutes. When she thinks no one is looking, she has that oddly blank look on her face. Apparently she’s skilled in hiding her emotions because you don’t see them very often, the breakdown she had in music class was clearly out of the norm for her, or she locks them so tight inside that she’s just numb. I can’t say I know how it is, but I’ve had my own version of it before. Depression’s a bitch.
When we reach her house she gives me a shy smile and waves before walking up the sidewalk.
“Have a good night, Charlie girl. See you tomorrow.” I wave as she opens her door casting me one last look before I continue my way down the street.
That broken look of hers haunts me. The possibilities of what could have happened to Charlie eat at me, but I try not to focus on it because I can’t help but think of the worst ones.
Was it abuse or worse?
I sigh and make my way home, trying to think of anything else but that, instead thinking of her small laugh and her smile when we catch her off guard. The way her shell is slowly slipping away and revealing the gorgeous girl underneath it all.
I’m still thinking about her as I’m getting ready for bed, after reading my little brothers a story. They won’t let Mom or Dad read to them anymore because “Co” as they call me, does better voices. They’re possibly the cutest twins around, so I can’t deny them, which is also why they’re spoiled.
Adam: How did the walk go?
Me: Quiet
I notice he’s using the group text without Charlie this time. We generally text within a group instead of individually, it’s just easier. When they added the group to Charlie’s phone, it was a different group. We still use this one, though not as often.
Trent: Library again? You like her, man?
Me: We are just friends right now, dude. And we weren’t alone.
Trent: Hold up. Y’all had a library group hangout without me?
Abby: Maaaaybe.
Alice: I like Charlie. I hope she wasn’t offended that I pointed out that I read her facial expressions.
Adam: No way, she seems too chill to care about that. She seemed to appreciate that we can.
Abby: Are you guys all ok with her being part of our group? I didn’t even think to ask.
Trent: Hell yeah, she’s a badass at basketball. Plus she’s cool.
Alice: I think she fits with us. Who better to take her in than the misfits?
Adam: Agreed. She doesn’t shy away from us like I’ve seen her do to everyone else in class too. Plus she’s adorable.
Me: Agreed on both accounts.
Abby: Good. Thanks guys. She just seemed so lost that first day, then we seemed to get along well.
Adam: I noticed that too, she seems so sad sometimes.
Alice: Do you know why Abby?
Abby: No, I didn’t want to ask.
Me: I bet she’ll share eventually. We’re only a few days in, give her time.
Alice: Are you all going to leave me behind when you hook up with her, because I also noticed all those adoring stares.
Abby: We wouldn’t leave you.
Alice: That didn’t answer my question, Abby.
Abby: Goodnight!
The fact that we all like her as much as we do makes me happy. And not just those of us that find her attractive or adorable, it’s that she’s genuine. The girl couldn’t hide her emotions if she tried. But either way, she’s ours, and we’re keeping her.
Wednesday
Afternoon
Charlie
Despite it being a good day, it still drags by as I look forward to our library study session. By the time Cole and I reach my locker at the end of the day, th
e rest of our friends are there waiting for us. This is something new, having already fallen into a bit of a routine, so we both are sporting confused expressions when we make it over to them.
"There's a party tonight at Jenny Carter's house. Who's going?" Trent asks excitedly before Cole can question them. I don't know who this Jenny is, but I'm out. The last party I went to ended in my entire family being murdered. No freaking way will I go to another one.
Panic starts to rise but they look so damn happy I can’t burst their bubbles. Trying to swallow it down, I glance up and meet Adam’s gaze.
"You in?" His entire focus is on me, and I swallow hard. Apparently he already knows everyone else's answer. I shake my head and avert my eyes. He seems concerned at my reaction but nods, easily accepting it.
"Of course, she is!" Abby exclaims, and I flinch. Of course she doesn’t notice my internal freakout in her excitement. "You can come over to my house and we'll get ready together!" I look over at her, my eyebrows furrowed as I try to find a way to burst her bubble.
When she turns the puppy dog eyes on me, I close my eyes and nod slowly, deciding to face my fears and go. She squeals so loud that we all cover our ears.
"Calm down, Abbs," Cole pleads, bumping into my shoulder before walking away. "I'll pick you guys up at seven."
"Maybe I'll find a girlfriend tonight," Abby jokes, before sighing. It stings, the thought of her with someone else makes me want to rage, but I pull out my notebook and write a quick note.
'I'll help you get ready, and the girls won't be able to resist you. But I thought I was your sweets.' I turn it around and show her, putting a pout on my face. She laughs but appears more relieved than anything. Apparently this was her truly testing the waters. I shake my head and give her a look that clearly conveys my exasperation.