by Jarica James
The only reassuring thing is that Detective Flynn is still on the case. He was the only one on the police force that actually gave the case a chance… me a chance. He wasn’t happy that they wrote it off as a burglary gone wrong, but he didn’t have the evidence to keep it open, and he was one man against the entire department.
As her words process, the familiar numbness flows over me again. I can’t do this a second time. I can’t relive this hell.
How much does the universe expect me to take?
I get up from the table, and she looks alarmed. Meeting her eyes, I set my phone down in front of her and turn around. My feet somehow carry me to the door and I wrench it open. She calls my name, but I take off at a full run.
I need space.
I need to be alone right now.
Somehow I manage to start running down the sidewalk, weaving in and out of the few people that are milling around.
“Charlie?!” Adam’s voice startles me and I pause. The tears are already running down my cheeks and I don’t have the mental strength to explain, so I try to run past, but he snags my wrist in his hand and pulls me back to him.
“What’s wrong?” he tries again, hand smoothing over my hair. When I can’t stop the tears, he just pulls me into a bear hug instead. It’s calming, but it barely chisels away at the panic threatening to consume me whole.
I guess I’m not as numb as I first thought.
When the damn of my full emotions threatens to break, I take a shaky breath and push away from the warm hug, though part of me doesn’t really want to leave his protection. Without looking back, I take off down the street. I don’t stop running until my lungs and legs both burn so bad I have to. Of course, I have no clue where I’m at this point, and I was stupid enough to leave my phone with Danielle. The panic doesn’t hit me again though, I’ve run to the point of numbness. The exhaustion is far too overwhelming.
Now that I see a destination ahead, I slow down to a walk and follow the road I’m on until I reach a park. I find a bench that’s hidden away by some trees and take a seat. Before I do anything else I have to try to sort through these awful emotions.
Friday
Late Afternoon
Adam
My mouth hangs open in shock as I watch Charlie run away from me. She’s always a little sad, but she isn’t one that seems easy to freak out. And freaked out is a fucking understatement. Her face was a mixture of panic, anger, and grief.
What the hell happened?
My hands shake as my protective nature resurfaces, wanting nothing more than to follow her. I try to not freak out as I pull out my phone, but the group is already texting.
Alice: Guys, someone new picked up Charlie today, and she didn’t look like it was a good thing. She was almost crying when she got in. I’m worried about her.
Abby: What did she look like?
Alice: Late forties, chunky, short blonde hair.
Abby: ummm, that’s not her foster mom. Sophia is young, thin, and Hispanic.
Trent: I didn’t realize she was in foster care. Hope everything is okay. Are her parents in the picture? Are they going to move her back?
Abby: I have no clue. I hope not. I can’t lose her
Cole: We won’t lose her.
Me: I just ran into her, she was running down the street crying and freaking out. I managed to stop her and give her a hug, but she pulled away and took off again.
Cole: Screw this, I’m going to find her.
I’m sure Trent, Cole, and Abby are freaking out too. We’ve talked in passing about how we feel, or at least they have, but nothing too serious. We eventually need to have that conversation… if this goes well. It isn’t good that she’s alone and this panicked, and I’m kicking myself for not following her.
I’m definitely not going to go look for that book I wanted, now. I turn away from the store and get into my truck. Knowing he’ll be walking if nobody gets him, I head for Trent’s house so he can ride with me. I’m sure Cole’s already gone to Abby’s house since she lives closest to him.
Trent’s already outside waiting, pacing up and down the sidewalk. He doesn’t even look surprised when I drive up, instead jumping in as soon as I stop.
“I hope she’s okay,” he says in an unsteady voice. Charlie hasn’t been around that long, but she’s one of us, and we aren’t going to let her go through whatever this is alone. Trent’s phone starts ringing as we start to pull away. “It’s Abbs. Hey Abbs, any news?” he asks as he puts her on speaker phone. I’ve never heard Abby’s voice sound so depressed. She’s had the hardest time of all of us to find her place in the world. Now that she’s found a girl she really likes, she doesn’t want to lose her either.
“Sophia just called me. I guess I was the first name in Charlie’s contacts. They have no clue where she is. I told her we would be looking, and her social worker is too. They told Sophia to stay home in case Charlie ends up there. Guys, she doesn’t have a phone on her and is in a town she isn’t completely familiar with yet. Cole has my car, so I’m heading on foot to the shops. Maybe she’s hiding out somewhere there.” She hangs up, and I take a deep breath.
Now I’m even more anxious with the idea of her being out there without a phone. Trent and I continue our slow drive through town, scanning our eyes over everything. We start at the school and go to all of the places we think Charlie can reach on foot. We get honked at more than once, but I don’t care. I’ll drive as slow as we need to scan our surroundings. Charlie deserves our extra focus and I want our girl back.
Cole
Come on, Charlie, where are you?
I keep whispering the words to myself as I circle the town. Eventually, I just call Alice and ask her to wait at the library in case she shows up there. Adam and Trent are checking the main roads and Abby has the shopping district.
I’m at a loss of where else to look, so I try to think of the more relaxing spots she could have ended up at. Secluded, too. She clearly wanted to be alone.
It feels like hours of no fucking luck, when I spot the park. It seems like a good place and not terribly far from where Adam saw her, so I turn in and drive around the road that runs through the park. It makes a circle, so I should be able to spot her if she’s here.
About halfway through I do a double take. If it wasn’t for the setting sun glinting off of her pink tinted hair, I would have missed her. Pulling into the next lot, I park and try my best not to run over to her like a fool. I don’t want to panic her more and I’m not sure where she’s at mentally.
Charlie doesn’t even look over as I sit down, not even a flicker of a reaction. The look on her face is blank, but tears are steadily streaming down her face. My poor Charlie girl. I take her hand in mine, and she jumps, just now noticing that I’m here. Her eyes are wide as she stares at me, blinking slowly. She takes a quick look around, as if wondering where I'd come from.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you, Charlie girl,” I say quietly. “What’s wrong?” She starts shaking her head no, and I see panic creep into her eyes. I can’t resist anymore and pull her into my lap. I need to feel her in my arms to convince myself she’s safe. After I hold her for several minutes, I pull out my phone to tell the others.
Me: I’ve got her guys. She’s at the park by the fountain. Don’t let her social worker come get her, but Abbs let her foster mom know we’ll bring her home when she’s ready.
Abbs: Okay, someone come get me. She clearly needs us. God I’m going to cry too now.
Trent: Thank God she’s ok. We got you, Abbs.
Me: I didn’t say she was ok, she’s not doing so hot.
Alice: I’m at the library, pick me up too?
Trent: Coming.
Seeing their responses roll in, I smile. This is what we do best. If one of us falls, we pick them back up and smother them with group time.
And our Charlie definitely needs us now.
She doesn't talk, but she also doesn’t pull away, so I sit there and hold her while I
wait for our friends to arrive. It only takes about fifteen minutes until I hear the car doors. When I look up, the others are walking over.
Adam immediately picks Charlie up from my arms and sits on the grass with her. I start to feel a twinge of jealousy but push it away. She needs this, and I think he does too. I could see the panic in his face when he arrived. He’s the protective type and clearly hates that he can’t protect her from whatever her demons are. Plus, he likes her as much as I do. I’ve never seen him look at a girl the way he looks at her.
We all sit in a circle around them. Abby reaches out and takes Charlie’s hand, and the tears that have been a steady stream start to slow at the contact. Her eyes are closed, but her face has that awful broken look she tries to hide. I can feel my heart fracturing at seeing her like this.
What happened to our girl?
It’s a question I’ve asked myself a lot lately.
A few minutes later, she opens her eyes and looks up, giving the others a watery smile. Her brows furrow as she glances around.
I realize she can’t see me, so I lean around Adam. “You doing a little better, Charlie girl?”
Her face relaxes when she sees me and gives Adam one more squeeze before crawling over to sit back in my lap again. It’s more bold than she generally is, but I can’t help but enjoy it. A part of me feels smug at the thought she wants me to be her safe place. I want that too.
“What’s going on, Charlie?” Alice asks quietly. Charlie takes a deep breath but doesn’t move. We know she isn’t ignoring us, she just isn’t ready. Finally, she leans back to look up at me, holding her hand out. She doesn’t have to do anything else for me to know she wants my phone. She pulls up the notes app and types that she will message us later. Then asks for a ride home. Turning my head toward Abby, I raise a questioning brow.
“Let’s take my car,” Abby offers, standing from her spot and pulling Charlie up to envelope her into a snug embrace. Each of our friends gives her a tight hug before we head to our cars. Abby, Charlie, and I all climb into the front seat, no one willing to separate.
Abby clutches one of Charlie’s hands, their fingers intertwined, and I hold the other the entire way home. Despite us being smashed together in the front seat, she seems a bit more relaxed and isn’t crying anymore. The questions just keep piling up, but I’ll have to continue being patient.
“Charlie babe, please, if there is anything we can do, even just listen, let us in when you’re ready. Okay?” I implore. Adjusting to meet her gaze, I notice she’s blushing. Whoops, guess the nickname was too much. But damn do I love when she blushes, and unlike most people, she does it often. Around us at least.
“Seriously, we all love you already and want to be here for you. Even if you don’t share, we’ve still got your back,” Abby adds, letting her know that it’s not a friendship contingent on her letting us all the way in. Charlie flushes a deeper red before turning to Abby and nodding.
Interesting.
I pull up in front of her house and see her tense next to me. A car I haven’t seen before is parked out front. She motions for me to keep going, so I do. We both drop off Abby together, and a tear leaks out of Abby’s eyes as she hugs Charlie tight and kisses her cheek, before pulling away and hiding her face. I’ll have to call her later to make sure she’s okay.
She’s obviously not ready to go home yet, so I drive us back around to my house, parking in front before giving her a questioning look. She isn’t panicking, she just appears defeated now.
“I have to read to my little brothers. Want to join me before I walk you home?” She immediately gives me a happy nod, relief clear on her face. I can’t blame her for not diving right back into whatever hell she’s facing.
We both climb out and I take her hand, leading her into the house. Before I have a chance to warn her, the twin tornadoes crash into us. I manage to keep her upright, and a smile breaks out on her pretty face as she looks down at the twins.
“Is this your girlfriend?”
“Can she read to us?”
“She’s pretty!”
“Someone painted her hair!” My brothers go back and forth and Charlie just grins at them, even letting out a short giggle that almost stops my heart.
“No, she isn’t my girlfriend, yet,” I say, before realizing now isn’t the time. I try to play it off and continue like nothing ever happened. “No, she won’t read to you; yes, she is pretty, and she painted her hair, it’s called hair dye,” I explain patiently. I take Charlie’s hand and guide her and the twin tornadoes upstairs.
Thomas insists that she tuck him in, and she doesn’t hesitate to help him up on his bed and cover him up. She even takes his stuffed monkey and tucks him in with it. I smile as I help Jonas get into his bed, unable to stop. My emotions are shot from today, but this is definitely helping.
After I give Jonas his hug, I look over to see Thomas insisting on a hug from Charlie. She leans in and gives him a squeeze and tickles his side. He giggles, and when she pulls away I notice her smile is back.
I’m giving these kids cookies tomorrow.
Moving over to the shelf, I pull out their favorite story about dinosaurs. I groan internally as I realize this means I have to do voices in front of her. Whatever, I doubt she’ll judge.
Not willing to disappoint, I start my storytelling like I usually do, voices and all. Charlie’s silently laughing along with them as I read. I’m so relieved to see a smile still on her face, so I put extra ridiculous enthusiasm into the story. By the time I’m done, she’s grinning broadly and clapping along with the twins.
When the story is over, I tell the twins goodnight and pull Charlie out of their room before they insist on more stories and hugs. Now that they’ve been introduced to her, they’ll start insisting on it nightly.
Knowing Charlie isn’t up for my mom, I quickly wave and call out that I’m walking her home, and she gives Charlie an exasperated smile because I’m already pulling her away. As soon as Mom opens her mouth, I hurry Charlie out before Mom can get embarrassing. I swear if you give the woman a chance, she’ll tell the worst stories she can think up. It’s way too soon for that.
I take a chance and hold Charlie’s hand the entire way. She doesn’t protest but stops halfway. When she turns to me, her eyes are apprehensive. I’m not sure what she’s trying to convey, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Finally she steps closer until her face is almost touching mine. Her eyes ask my permission, and as soon as I give her a small grin, she leans forward. Her warm lips press against mine, sending waves of heat through me. I try to keep the kiss gentle, not wanting to move too fast for her, but it’s hard. My body reacts to her like I’ve waited for her all my life, and in a way, I have.
When I kiss her back, she relaxes and her hand moves to my neck, pulling me in even closer until I can smell the gentle, sweet scent of her fruity perfume. She feels amazing against me, like her lips were made for me. As she pulls back, her cheeks heat again, lips swollen from our kiss.
Fuck, she looks gorgeous.
“You’re beautiful, Charlie,” I whisper, resting my forehead against hers for a second before she pulls away. We start walking again, and this time she clutches my hand in hers.
Stopping in front of her house, I give her a hug and tell her to text me if she needs me. When she makes it inside, I hurry off to take Abby her car back and make sure she’s doing all right. I really hope that Charlie will let us in soon, she needs someone to confide in before she explodes. Whatever this battle is, she shouldn’t go through it alone.
When I pull up to Abby’s, she’s sitting on the porch, waiting. Her cheeks are wet from the tears coursing down her cheeks, and I hate that she’s hurting. I feel even more guilty for the giddy, warm feeling I’m carrying around after that kiss.
“Talk to me, Abbs,” I prompt, joining her on the porch swing. Pushing with my legs, I rock us back and forth on it as she curls her legs up next to her and tucks herself into my side.
“I like her
, Cole. A lot. But I know you guys like her too. It feels like I finally found someone who may give me a chance, and she’s out of my league and a relationship with her is unattainable,” she explains, her voice shaking with emotion. “Tonight just made me realize how hard I’m falling.”
"I like her too, and I'm falling just as hard, but honestly? I think she needs us all." My breath stills in my chest as I brace for her response. She pulls away and stares at me, her eyes studying me as she processes what I've said, and I can't help but add more, to reassure one of my best friends. "I've seen the way she looks at you, Abbs."
“What are you saying?” she finally asks, a hint of desperation and hope in her voice.
“I think that if any girl has a heart big enough to love more than one person, it’s her. She needs us as much as we need her, and she completes us.” It’s something I’ve thought about way too much the last few weeks.
“I hope you’re right. I wouldn’t even consider something this crazy if it was coming from anyone other than you. You really think she’d go for that?” Abby appears pensive, as if imagining the possibilities. “At least I wouldn’t have to worry about jealousy.”
“It may take some adjusting, and nobody said everyone has to be down, but we should talk to the others,” I add as she tucks herself back into my side. I feel her nod her head against me before she falls silent. We both swing quietly, processing the idea and offering each other a reprieve from the stress.
Friday
Evening
Charlie
Danielle apparently left by the time we were done with story time. I can’t help but smile at how adorable Cole was while he read his brothers a story. I think I enjoyed it as much as the twins did and I didn’t think I’d have anything good to think about tonight.