“The latest gossip is that he has a companion living with him at the estate.”
“A companion?” Merrick asked, pinpricks lining his skin. “Do you mean…”
“A man he claims to love,” she replied, and Merrick’s breath caught. It was the first such arrangement he’d heard of in their social circle. “How scandalous,” Marjorie continued with a smirk. “Live and let live, I say. And several others have as well.”
His pulse pounded in his ears. “Marjorie, I do know what you are trying to—”
“What happened between the two of you?” she asked suddenly and then looked over his shoulder to be sure nobody was in close proximity. “The night of the storm? Why did you send word—”
“It was my fault we were caught in the blizzard.” His stomach warmed at the very thought of that day. It would remain the best of his life. “I requested we visit Cassius’s family.”
Marjorie drew back in surprise. “His family?”
“They’re quite charming, and they miss him as much as he does them,” Merrick replied as a smile stretched his lips at the memory. “You would adore them. His sister Emily, who is as much of a spitfire as you, said she imagined Princess Marjorie living in the north tower like Rapunzel.”
“Rapunzel?” she scoffed as she folded her arms. “I would never wait for a man to rescue me.”
Merrick laughed that her annoyance succinctly matched Emily’s. He arched an eyebrow. “Not even Charles?”
She rolled her eyes. “I may be smitten with Charles, but it would never work between us if I couldn’t be my own person.”
Merrick kissed her cheek as relief washed through him. He hadn’t realized until that moment that despite his distraction with his own enamored feelings, he was still concerned about her objective. He’d been afraid she was sacrificing too much of herself, but now he realized he needn’t have worried. “I am glad to hear it. You are a princess that girls all over Evergreen should admire.”
Her cheeks flushed as she looked away, enjoying his compliment.
After another moment, she lifted her hand to his cheek and studied his eyes intently. “You are in love.”
“What?” His first instinct was to draw back and deny it. But this was his sister, whom he’d shared many a secret with over the years, and this was one he could no longer deny.
His shoulders dropped in defeat. “Yes, I love him. Very much.”
She sighed as she cupped his chin. “My heart hurts for you, brother.”
“I will survive.” Merrick shut his eyes momentarily as he drew a deep breath. “You survived…what’s his name…a few years ago. Henry.”
“That was child’s play…a mere crush,” she replied, averting her eyes and possibly recalling how she pined for the handsome son of a diplomat. “This is not that, correct?”
Merrick met her gaze head on. “No. Not even close.”
“The feeling is mutual,” she stated, her eyes darting over the railing to the luncheon down below. “If the longing in Cassius’s eyes is any indication, any time he looks your way.”
Merrick dragged his gaze away from a glum-looking Cassius, who sat beside his friend Valor and Marjorie’s lady maid, Isabella, eating their lunch in the foyer.
“But his eyes also show the same pain,” Marjorie added, and Merrick bit down on his lip.
“Still, I shall choose a lady to court from the ball. Mother is going through all this trouble, so it is time I fulfilled my obligation,” Merrick said with a conviction he did not feel. “Someone kind and companionable to share my life with. Will you help give your approval?”
“My dear brother, I am not sure I can stand by and watch you—”
“But you will, because I must. You know that as well as I do,” Merrick huffed, then turned toward the hallway leading to his chamber as he considered retrieving his drawing pad. “If anyone is looking for me, I will be in the woods with Ursula.”
And that was exactly where Merrick went. He climbed atop his mare and rode to his favorite clearing in the forest. Cassius could not be with him, so he drew him instead.
30
Cassius
Cassius stood outside Merrick’s chamber, unable to move. He could not even put his hand on the knob, could not twist it, could not open the door, and he could not walk in. If he didn’t, this moment wouldn’t be real, would it? Somehow, it would change the fateful destiny that would tear apart his insides and leave nothing of him remaining.
You are being dramatic. It is your wild imagination at work. Nothing shall change the future. Whether you step inside or not, it will move on.
But he wished it would not. Lord, did he wish it.
What had he done to be forced to endure such torture? To have to dress the man he loved for a ball in which he would choose another?
And Merrick…he did not think he could handle seeing his own pain mirrored in his prince’s dark eyes. This would destroy Merrick just as swiftly as it would destroy Cas, only Merrick would feel guilt for it as well—guilt for their positions.
Though Merrick had not used the words that Cassius felt in his heart, he knew Merrick felt them…that Merrick loved him. Speaking the words gave them power, made them real on a new level, and he knew neither of them could allow that.
Cassius inhaled a heavy breath, filling his lungs before exhaling. He ignored the pain that settled deeper in his bones as he knocked and entered Merrick’s chamber.
His prince sat on the edge of his bed, wearing only his undergarments. His eyes faced the ground, his shoulders slumped, sorrow clinging to him with such strength, Cassius could not only see it, he could feel it.
“I do not know if I can do this,” Merrick muttered, and Cassius knew he had to be strong.
“You must. There is no other choice, Your Highness.” He too wished there was.
Cassius went to the closet first. He withdrew the traditional Evergreen clothing that Merrick must wear this evening. This would be new for Cassius—the knickers, waistcoat, boots, and tailcoat with the golden trim. He had never dressed in this way himself, and this would be the first time he dressed Merrick in such things as well.
Once he had the clothing laid out on the bed, he held his hand out for Merrick. A moment, then two passed between them before Merrick latched on. They both gasped as though the touch was electric. It felt electric. And then Merrick stood, and for the first time, his eyes met Cassius’s. They were red, watered with unshed tears that lived inside them both. “I am selfish, I believe. You should not be here, dressing me for this, but I could not bear to say I did not need you. I could not bear not to share this last moment with you. Do you hate me for it?” Merrick asked.
“No, my prince. I do not. I would have come regardless.” Because he too needed this moment. He had already decided he would leave the royal employ after the ball. The bonus would help his family until he could find new work. It was not fair to Merrick, or to the lady he chose, for Cassius to stay around.
Cassius plucked the white dress shirt from the bed. Merrick closed his eyes, and Cassius slipped it over his shoulders, eased one arm in and then the other. With fingers that shook with need, Cas began to button Merrick’s shirt.
His prince opened his eyes. “You tremble.”
“You do as well.”
One after the other, Cassius closed each button. Next, he reached for Merrick’s white knickers…then slowly lowered himself to his knees. Their night at the inn washed over him, a forceful wave that pulled him under…the one time he’d been on his knees for his prince…and he wished to be back there to have that moment again.
Merrick sucked in a breath as Cas lifted one foot and helped him slip his leg inside the knickers, then whimpered when Cas did the same with the second.
Cas stayed on his knees as he snapped the clasp, then looked up, closed his eyes when Merrick cupped his cheek.
His prince did not speak; they did not need words. They just soaked in this moment, their last true moment together with touch and sile
nce and inhaling each other’s scent.
The ache in his chest was too potent to describe. He had never felt such a thing and did not know if he could handle it.
Cassius savored this moment before he forced himself to open his eyes. Merrick looked down at him then and gave Cassius a smile full of sorrow and broken dreams.
He stood, making his prince’s hand drop away. He hurried his way through the remainder of Merrick’s clothing—boots and white tailcoat with gilded embroidery. Then he turned Merrick around and fixed his hair tie.
“I am sorry,” Merrick said with his back to Cassius.
“I am too, Your Highness.”
Merrick did not turn around when Cassius finished and walked toward the door. He had just set his hand upon the knob when Merrick added, “Thank you, Cas…for everything.”
“Thank you, my prince, for the same.”
Without another word, Cassius held his shoulders high and walked from the chamber.
He had just passed Princess Marjorie’s quarters when the door opened quietly. Cassius stopped, grateful no tears had fallen as he turned to bow to the princess. “Your Highness,” he said. The princess’s lady maid had already dressed her in a white ball gown with red and yellow accents, matching Merrick’s.
“Come, Cassius. I need a word,” she replied, making Cassius frown. It was not proper for him to be in the princess’s chamber with her, but it was not proper to deny her either.
“It is about my brother,” she added, and there was no thought involved—Cassius went to her and slipped inside the chamber, and Marjorie shut the door behind them.
“Do you love my brother?” she asked, making Cassius’s heart stop. How was he to answer this question? Merrick trusted the princess. Cas knew they were close. But Merrick had also told him that the princess did not know of the two of them. “You can trust me. There is no one in this world who means more to me than my brother. I want nothing more than his happiness. He…he told me of your sisters. Of Elizabeth and Emily who are made of fire, quite like me, he said.”
The description made Cassius smile. “Hearing those words would bring them great joy, Your Highness, and yes…I do. I did not mean for it to happen. I am not pressuring him. I know of his obligation, and I want what is best for him too.”
When he looked at her, a mischievous smile graced her lips. “That is the answer I hoped to hear, Cassius. Are you going to the ball?”
“No, Your Highness.” He did not think he could handle it, but the truth was, despite the beating it would do to his heart, Cassius would go if he could. He was a glutton for punishment, but he would go to see Merrick again.
“You must go! I…I know it will be difficult, but maybe it will be good for both of you. Closure, as they say?” There was something in the way she spoke that made Cassius feel as if there was more to it than she was sharing. Wishful thinking, no doubt.
“I do not have proper clothing to wear, Your Highness.”
“I have taken care of that for you. My lady maid…she is fond of Valor, yes?”
Cassius’s eyes widened. He did not know Isabella was close enough to Marjorie to share such a thing. “Yes, Your Highness.”
“Isabella left a few moments before you arrived. I sent her with clothing she was to give to Valor for you. You should prepare. I must go now, myself.” Princess Marjorie came to him then, and Cas froze when she kissed his cheek. “Tell me you will come, Cassius?”
His brows pulled together. “Why…why would you do this?” he asked.
“As I said, like your sisters, I am full of fire, and I love my brother above all else. You will go?” she asked again.
Cassius had no choice other than to reply, “Yes, Your Highness. I will. Thank you.” He bowed and then slipped from the room.
It was a mistake. Cassius knew it was, but he hurried down the grand staircase and then down another floor to the kitchens and past, toward the servants’ quarters.
Isabella and Valor were standing beside his chamber door. Isabella, much like Princess Marjorie, wore a smile that spoke of her excitement, while Valor looked upon him with the same fear that hid in Cas’s chest.
“Come.” Isabella grabbed his wrist and pulled Cassius into the room.
“What did Princess Marjorie say to you?” Cas asked when they were inside.
“That I was to help you get ready, and that we were to make sure you arrived at the ball when the music began—nothing more, nothing less. Now take your clothing off, Cassius.”
“Do you see why I adore her so? She tells me the same thing every night,” Valor said, making Cassius laugh.
It only took a moment for Cas to sober. “I do not know if I should…”
There was a pause, and then Valor’s hand came down on his shoulder and squeezed. “You must, my friend. If you do not, you will spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had.”
Coming from Valor, the man who had been worried about him with the prince, those words meant everything. “I—”
“You heard the lady, Cas,” Valor interrupted. “Take your clothing off.”
Cas did as he was told.
31
Merrick
Merrick put on his best face for the masquerade ball. His mother had gone to great lengths to plan this lavish event, and he certainly did not want to disappoint her or his father. All the ladies were dressed to the nines in colorful, ornate ball gowns, while the gentlemen wore their tailcoats and top hats. But it was the masks that lent just the right air of mystery to the occasion. The white-gilded disguise matched Merrick’s waistcoat piping and allowed him to hide some of his uglier emotions while acting as the perfect royal host to those in attendance.
The theme of the celebration was the winter solstice, marking Evergreen’s longer days in the sun in a most dramatic fashion. And though the ice sculptures in addition to the white, silver, and gold decorations lent an air of magic, it was also quite refreshing that his mother had included colorful flowers in the mix, blooming in the center of each dinner table. Though it was mostly winter in Evergreen, the few weeks of the year when there was less chill in the air always brightened the view of the countryside as well as the mood of Evergreen’s residents, and the ball felt much the same—like an invigorating haven from the storm.
When Merrick looked at the ball in those terms, he could almost ignore the raging tempest brewing inside his chest every time he thought of Cassius dressing him and sacrificing his own happiness by encouraging him to perform his royal duties. Merrick certainly felt on display this evening since everyone in attendance understood the main purpose of such an event: finding the prince of Evergreen a future princess to marry and produce an heir with. He felt like a calf at a trade show. Or on its way to the slaughter.
Still, he worked the room as he knew was expected of him, stopping to speak to the groups of ladies in attendance. Some of them were trying a bit too hard to garner his attention, with dramatic gestures or theatrical stories seeming to highlight their talents or good standing. But there were also several understated women, who were quite pleasant and interesting, and he found himself mostly drawn to them because they did not put on any airs; it was as if they understood that attraction was biological, and chemistry should be natural, and that it was certainly a two-way street. Not only would he have to tolerate his new bride for a lifetime, but she in turn would need to endure him and his obligations to the country as well. It wasn’t such an easy venture unless there was some way you could make a genuine connection.
“Merrick, I would like you to meet…” His mother had uttered the phrase at least a dozen different times that evening before she’d swoop in and drag him away to another group of debutantes or society ladies she had invited with the sole purpose of persuading him to take a bride.
When he came upon Lady Penelope standing in the corner of the room with her parents, it was almost a relief. She was at least a familiar face in the crowd, and he had shared a couple of pleasant evenings in her
company. She seemed to perk up when he approached, and as they spoke politely, he found himself noticing how lovely the line of her neck was as well as the sound of her voice. Maybe he had not given her enough of a chance early on. Perhaps she might be the one he would ask to dance with first.
By the time dinner was announced, he had exhausted himself with effort and worry. Thankfully, he was seated beside Marjorie and Charles and across from his parents, so he felt as if he could momentarily let down his guard. The harp musicians his mother had hired were a welcome distraction as well, the mellow notes somewhat settling the storm inside his chest.
“You sure know how to draw a crowd,” Charles joked, and Merrick appreciated the humor he offered right then.
They spoke of everyday things throughout the lighter dinner fare even though Merrick could barely stomach any of it. Charles held his sister’s hand often during the meal, and they seemed so well-matched that he felt a flicker of joy for them even as despair took hold.
When Charles was drawn into a conversation by his mother, Mrs. Godfrey, who was seated on the other side of Charles, Marjorie leaned toward Merrick. “Earlier this evening, Charles requested I meet him alone in the parlor, where he asked for my hand in marriage.”
Heart squeezing, Merrick reached for his sister’s smaller hand. He had held it many times during other important events in their lives. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” She beamed, then lowered her voice. “But we do not want to overshadow this event. We’ll plan another time for our own announcement and celebration.”
After dessert, the guests began rising as some tables were cleared to make room on the dance floor. Merrick felt the cold punch of dread in his gut. This was it. He needed to dance with somebody. His first choice did not necessarily guarantee anything, only that the lady might have captured the prince’s attention the most this evening.
As he glanced around the ballroom, he felt uncomfortable for the ladies in attendance as well. The tradition seemed so antiquated and banal that he planned to eliminate it at once if he ever became king. In fact, many other things could stand to change as well.
Ever After (Forbidden Love #1) Page 19