“I should get going,” I eventually say, even though I’d prefer to stay here with them for the remainder of the night.
“Right. Tomorrow’s going to be a busy day, and I’m sure you’re exhausted too.” Sunshine stands and pushes her chair in to walk me to the door. She’s always been polite, and I’m glad to see it’s rubbed off on our girl as well.
I pop my hat back on and reach for the door handle. “Thank you for coming this weekend and bringing Natasha. It means more to me than you know.”
She licks her lips and nods, meeting my gaze. “Of course.” She runs her hands down her pants and pauses. After a beat of silence, she finally says, “I meant what I said, you know.”
Swallowing, I remain quiet, unsure of how to reply.
“My parents may’ve made me leave, but they couldn’t control how I felt about you. Although they wish they could’ve.”
“Yeah? And how did you feel?”
“I-I loved you, Nate, with all my heart,” she replies on a breath. Her words make my heart ache with what could’ve been. She and our daughter could’ve been my family for all these years. Sashy could’ve grown up in a two-parent home, and I could’ve had the love of my life as well.
“You weren’t alone in those feelings,” I manage to acknowledge before choking out a cough to cover up my emotions and utter a quick good-bye.
I swiftly close the door behind me and get out of there as fast as possible. If I’d stayed any longer, I’d have admitted that I still love her, and I still want her. I can’t make this visit too heavy on her emotionally so they never come back. I won’t risk the chance of a relationship with my daughter over drudging up old, hurtful feelings with Sunshine.
Yes, we need to put effort into talking and working through it all, but I feel like that’s what we’re sort of doing. Or at least, we’re beginning to talk it out, anyhow. I wish this came with a manual of sorts, so you know when you’re screwing up. Lord knows I won’t just sit idly by and let them leave my life again. I love them both far too much to allow that to happen again.
Sunshine
Things with Nate last night turned serious in the blink of an eye. I was to the point of almost confessing my love for him and letting him in on the secret that my love has never once wavered. It was much easier when Natasha was awake to help keep things on the lighter side. I know I can’t rely on her when it comes to Nate. I’m the mother, not the other way around. Even though it would be easier on me, it’s not fair to put pressure like that on my daughter.
Now, we’ve both had a full night’s sleep, and we’re on our way over to Clyde and Shyla’s house. I’m nervous, and I feel like I may puke. I thought Nathan still lived there as well, but maybe I’m missing something? He called it “their house” last night and not his. I should’ve asked; I hate not being aware of everything. I’d like to know where he lives, as I’m sure our daughter would as well.
“You excited, sweet pea?” Flashing a glance at Sashy, she’s peering out the window as I drive.
“Yeah. Not only to meet my aunt and uncle but also to see where my dad grew up.”
I bob my head, agreeing. “It’s a beautiful ranch. I spent a lot of time over there as well, especially in the summer. They have a humongous pond we’d swim in nearly every day of the summer. I didn’t see much of your uncle Clyde, except for the occasional time he’d be swimming too. He had a pretty busy life with football. That sport consumed their family, along with ranch life.”
“Why’d you leave, Mom? I tried guessing, but I can’t figure it out. If life was so good here, why didn’t you stay?”
I swallow down my budding tears and reply honestly. “Your pop got offered his position at the firm. The city paid much more, and he did what he thought was best for his family. With his new job, he got the house he and Grammy live in now.”
“So, you would’ve stayed here if he hadn’t gotten offered the job?”
I shrug, not knowing what my parents would’ve ended up doing. “You never know those things. Pop could’ve gotten offered another job, in a different city. I suppose we would’ve moved regardless.”
“But did you like living here in this small town?”
“I loved it here.”
We take the turn that runs alongside the ranch. It’s no longer gravel, thankfully. I don’t have to worry about it chipping up my Mercedes’ paint. It’s a long stretch of concrete, like a regular driveway, only it goes on for miles. Eventually as we near the house, it shifts to gravel and I have to reduce my speed.
“So why didn’t you come back?”
Her words hit me in the chest. The truth of the matter is that I wanted to come back every single day. Not only because of Nate but because I truly did love this place. The city’s luxuries are nice, but I really enjoyed the small-town way of life. To be able to sit in the sun and swim the day away; there isn’t a feeling quite like it.
The city is loud. It’s rushed and seems filled with rude people. Here, it’s quiet. The pace is slower, and everyone knows each other. They wave when they pass you on the road, and say hello whenever possible. It’s always left me with a good feeling inside.
Why didn’t I ever come back? Well, a multitude of reasons, I suppose. I had Natasha and needed to go to college. Being able to support her was my number one priority.
After I finished college, I still needed to be close to my parents. They helped me so much—whether it was my mom picking Sashy up from kindergarten, or my parents letting her stay the night because I was on a time-consuming case. In the end, when it came time that I could finally financially move back and make it on my own, I’d gotten offered a new position. My job, paired with the promise of more income if I went to work for my father’s firm, was enough to keep me in the same city. The dream of ever returning here sort of drifted away.
“It just wasn’t the right time, Sashy,” I answer, not wanting to delve into it any further.
“Maybe now is,” she points out innocently, and I couldn’t agree with her more. I don’t admit that much, however.
We park on the vacant slab next to the old colonial style white house that reminds me so much of Nathan’s parents. His dad was always outside doing something with the animals or to the house. While his mom was busy inside doing her housewife duties that she took so much pride in. The house always smelled delicious from whatever dessert Katie had baked that morning to serve for dinner, and the upstairs smelled like clean laundry. I don’t know why, but those are some of the things I’ll never forget about this place.
“Wow, it’s changed,” I notice and remark, drawing Sashy’s attention again.
“It’s so pretty!” she observes, and I have to agree.
“It really is. They’ve added a small building, and it looks like everything has a fresh coat of paint. I’m glad Clyde’s taken care of this place. I wasn’t expecting it to look this good and so new out here.”
“Why not?” she probes as we get out of my Mercedes and close the doors.
“Well, as far as I know, it’s just your uncle Clyde running the entire ranch, and that’s a lot of work.”
She shrugs, and I smile in return, watching as she eagerly takes everything in. She has no clue; Natasha’s never been around a ranch before to witness how grueling and time-consuming the work can be. There were many times growing up that I helped Nathanial with whatever chores he had before we could do what we wanted. It was no joke and taught me a lot about responsibility.
“Hey-hey! I was about to send out a search party,” Nate hollers from the porch.
Sashy races toward him once she sees him. You’d swear she was five years old again, where her dad is concerned. I can’t blame her. They are so much alike, like two peas in a pod. My throat tightens, knowing they could’ve had this long ago if I’d just reached out to him. I should’ve known he’d be this way with her.
“I can’t drive too fast over the rocks in my car.” The excuse falls from me, even though the majority of the road is no longer grav
el. In reality, I was driving slowly due to my budding nerves of returning here. It’s like going back in time, and I’m reminded of everything I lost when my parents made me move away.
“Sure, you can. You press that pedal on the right a little harder,” Clyde drawls, sending me a teasing wink as he steps on the porch. Then he’s pulling Natasha into a bear hug, which she accepts with gusto. I never thought I’d be back on the Owenses’ land, surrounded by them, yet here I am. Natasha’s eating up her newfound family too, she’s not usually so outgoing around new people. I’m chalking it up to her excitement and wanting to make up for the lost time.
With a smile, I climb up the few stairs. I hug both men just as a tiny sprite of a woman comes out the screen door. Shyla’s super short, too, maybe reaching boob level to me, but I’m also fairly tall, compared to most women.
“I’m so happy y’all are here!” she exclaims with so much enthusiasm, it reminds me of when she was a cheerleader in high school. She pulls my daughter into a tight embrace and then moves to haul me in for a hug as well. “I’m Shyla if y’all haven’t already guessed.”
“I remember you a little from when you guys were in high school,” I acknowledge. She and Clyde had dated back then as well if I remember correctly. Shyla sends Clyde a saucy smirk and then tugs Sashy inside with her. I trail behind them with the guys in the rear.
“Wow,” I comment. “It still looks a lot like it did when we were kids.”
The guys nod. Shyla says, “I’ve changed a few things. It feels like Mr. and Mrs. Owens is still around like this, though, and I love that feeling.”
I flash both men a sympathetic smile but agree with her. It always felt warm and welcoming, and it still does. Nate’s parents were truly wonderful people. I know it had to be devastating to their sons and the community when they died in that horrific car wreck so suddenly.
“I meant to ask, Nate, do you still live here on the ranch as well?”
He nods. “Yeah, I do, but only until I finish my place.”
Sashy takes an immediate interest in this. “You’re moving into your own house?” she asks, and he shakes his head.
“Not yet. I have to build it first, sweetie.”
“Are you having it built on the ranch?” I ask.
“Yeah, that’s the plan. Clyde, Dallas, and I have started laying out the general framework. I’m hoping we’ll make some progress over the next few months.”
“Wait, you’re actually building it, Dad?” our daughter gapes, and he chuckles.
“Of course we are. That’s how we do things around here. Would you like to come down some time and help out?”
She nods, but I have to object. “She has never been around construction. She’d end up hurt and miss school and probably sports. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”
I’m met with three, nearly identical expressions coming from Natasha, Nathanial, and Clyde. She is no doubt an Owens. I had no idea just how prominent Nate’s genes were until I could see them next to each other. All three of them are gorgeous too; Sashy is just them in the feminine version. She could be their little sister. It’s a bit eerie.
I exhale and backtrack. “Never mind. You’re an Owens, so of course, you can do it.” With my rebuke, the guys laugh and agree.
Shyla beams. “You already know how they are.” She winks.
A laugh bubbles free. “I do.”
She catches me off guard by saying, “Well, good. No need to welcome you to the family; you’re already a part of it. And damn, it’s good to finally have another woman around when it comes to these two stubborn guys!”
Her words strike home and tears nearly crest. I’m able to choke them back down, but her comment isn’t lost on me. I always wanted to be a part of this family, tied to Nathanial. Through our daughter, my wish has come true. Too bad I can’t have Nate, to boot.
***
“You all right?” Nate leans in and asks after we’ve stuffed ourselves full of delicious food. Clyde and Shyla prepared a full spread for our visit, and it tasted amazing.
“Oh, man, am I ever. Everything was so good, I may have to roll out of here.”
He grins, his sexy dimples popping out. “I’m glad. I meant with being on the ranch and around family?”
He calls Clyde and Shyla family like they’re mine as well. It makes me feel welcome, and at the same time, yearn for it to be real. We’ve been sitting in rocking chairs on the front porch, taking in the scene before us. The breeze has been blowing and paired with a big glass of sweet tea, I couldn’t imagine a better afternoon right now. We’ve cut up some fresh strawberries and lemons to stick in our glasses, and it’s the perfect sweetness.
“I’m more than okay.”
“You are?”
I take a sip and nod at the scene before us. “I’ve always loved it out here. Something about this place has always had a way of making me feel at home,” I disclose.
Earlier, he’d showed us the plot where he and Clyde have cleared off and started building. Knowing that Nate will soon have a home on this land as well is making me want to be here. The feeling is stronger now than when I’ve wished for it in the past. Our daughter’s excitement only feeds into it, as well as his brother and sister-in-law being so welcoming today.
“I’m glad you think like that. We’re putting three bedrooms in at the new place. You and Natasha will have a place to stay here, anytime you want it.”
“Thank you. You don’t have to go out of your way for us, really, but it’s appreciated.”
“It’s not going out of my way. I’m doing what a man is supposed to do; I’m providing a place for my family,” he asserts, and I wish I were included in that statement. “Anything I can do, and that goes for either of you. Please let me know, and I’ll take care of it.”
I let out a sigh as I bite my lip and mutter a sincere thank you. It’s eating me up inside though, and I admit as much. “By making this so easy...it’s making it hard on me.”
“How do you figure?”
I take in his messy hair, sparkling hazel-blue eyes and deep tan. The man is beyond striking; he’s a gentleman and is already proving to be a great dad. I was such a damn idiot.
“If you were angry—or rude even—and hated me, I would understand. Instead of treating me without any regard as I’ve done to you over the years, you’re kind, welcoming, and not bringing up the fact I kept our daughter from you every two minutes. Which is your right, by the way.”
He drinks from his sweet tea, gazing at me for a few beats before shrugging his wide, sculpted shoulders. So much time has passed, and he’s still built like a running back. His solid form was the perfect shape to not only play football, but also baseball, and run track. He was incredibly talented athletically from middle school through high school, up to when I’d moved away. The girls had wanted him something fierce, but he only had eyes for me. I don’t think I ever realized the magnitude of his loyalty when it came to me. I can’t help but wonder how different things would’ve gone for him had his parents not tragically died, and I hadn’t moved. We’d have had Natasha still, and he would’ve devoted himself to us.
“I could do all that,” he concurs finally. “But what would be the point in showering you in anger? It’d make you feel like shit, make me feel like shit, and stress out our daughter. Am I angry? Hell, yeah, I am.
He glances away briefly before continuing. “I can be mature about it, though, and deal with that on my own time. I’m not just angry inside, though. I’m sad if anything. I hope you never have a reason in the future to feel the need to distance yourself or Natasha from me. That’s the main thing, as far as I’m concerned. I only want the best for her and for you.”
Tears track down my cheeks. I half-assed attempt to tamper them down, but they’re too persistent. Nathan may’ve had his demons, but overall, he’s such a good human being. It makes me feel like a damn monster for what I’ve done.
“You’re a good man,” I whisper. “Thank you.”
He nods. He brings his thumb to my cheek and wipes away my tears. “The sun isn’t supposed to cry. Beautiful,” he murmurs, with his conflicted irises locked on my lips.
Fuck, I want him to kiss me so badly my heart aches for it.
He moves, and my heart speeds up. It’s finally going to happen. He’s going to kiss me. After thirteen years of fantasies, he’s going to make one of mine come true.
Tilting my head up a bit to get closer to his perfect, pouty mouth, he avoids my lips. Disappointment crashes through me when, instead of taking my mouth, he moves upward. He presses a chaste kiss to my forehead. It’s sweet and respectful, but damn, I wanted a wet, sloppy, teeth-clashing, tongue kissing that’d steal my breath away.
No matter, though. Where Nathanial Owens is concerned, I’ll take anything I can get.
Nate
A month passes by quickly with much of the same. Not that I can complain, life for me has gotten so much better. Sunshine and I trade off on weekends with me visiting her and vice versa. I love going to their house as I get to stay with both of my girls. Being away, off in our own little bubble together feels like we’re almost a real family. I know deep down that we aren’t, but I still find myself pretending we are. It’s too hard not to when I want it to be true so damn badly.
When Sunshine and Natasha aren’t visiting me at the ranch and I’m not at work, I spend every waking moment I have, working on my house. Having a place for my family has become more important to me with each passing day. I want to fill my home with the people that mean the most to me. I never thought I’d have the opportunity that’s been presented. I’d struggled for so long, just to get over Sunshine, that having a family seemed out of reach. Now, it’s right in front of me, practically on a silver platter.
My brothers both have their wives and are happily married. Tyler has his kid already, and Clyde is steadily working to knock Shyla up. I feel like I have so much to make up for in that department. With Sunshine around, it’s like a fog has been lifted. Everything is clearer to me now, and I’ve never been so focused in my life. I have goals, and I’m determined to make them happen.
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