The State Series Box Set
Page 24
Freya blushed, knowing it would be difficult to explain her actions without exposing anything to Chastity.
“Oh, Victor, you are terrible. Let the girl have a little privacy,” Chastity said in her firm manner, albeit with a smile.
“Chastity, every time we give the girl a scrap of free time, she either exercises nearly to a heart attack or takes on a project of rewriting the entire history logs. If she was just reading the text, that would be one thing, but she takes so many notes, and it looks like she’s trying to make improvements to the system. What ever happened to just relaxing or doing puzzles? I would suggest we should add more hours to your civil duty, but that would only defeat the purpose. I swear, Freya, you’re only happy when you’re working.”
“I do enjoy a good project. I can’t help it if what I’ve been reading is so…poorly written.”
Victor let out a deep laugh, and even Chastity smiled and shook her head, her version of laughter.
“Well, we are happy that you accepted our invitation. If not, we would have had to force you. I am sure you will still find some time tonight to undertake your new hobby, this unassigned civil duty, in spite of our attempt at an intervention,” said Victor.
The conversation then shifted to other topics, more casual and polite ones. There was minor gossip about the workers around the house, but it was nothing too interesting. They talked a little while longer after the meal was finished. Finally, Chastity got up and excused herself, wishing them both a good evening. Freya stayed put, hoping it would be a good time to talk to Victor. As Chastity left the office, she shut the door; Freya found that odd, since it had been left open for the duration of their meal.
“Freya, I hope you can stay a bit longer. I would really like to follow up on the conversation we had the other day.”
“Yes, rewriting the history log can wait.”
Victor chuckled. “Well, I’m honored you would choose my company over the database.” He took a sip of his water. “I know it is a lot of information for one person to take in, especially someone as young as yourself. You seem to have handled it better than most adults would, though, and that only confirms I was right about you.”
Freya simply nodded, as she wanted to see where he was going with his talk before she interjected any information.
“May I ask, just for my own confirmation, are you really trying to make improvements on the data system?”
“Well, at first, I just read some articles to kill the time, for something to do, but I soon realized there are many areas that can use improvement,” she said, then paused, not sure what liberties she should take. When he said nothing, she continued, “With the new information I have, I can see why people view the database as propaganda. I feel with some simple rewording, people might see it for what it really is, a valuable source of information.”
He simply held her gaze, as if he was waiting for her to say more.
“I once viewed the State as something to be feared, but since I started working here, in this home, I’ve come to see it as simply a governing body, with the best interest of humanity at the heart of its actions. I feel information is presented by the State in a way that spreads fear. If we appeal to people’s intelligence, then perhaps we can help them see the State for what it really is.”
“Well done, Freya. A fresh set of eyes can often prove quite valuable,” he said. Then paused, as if choosing his words carefully. “As a member of the Council, you will have the influence to approve the notes you have made.”
After a pause, Freya responded, “I have considered that, and I do feel I can make a contribution to the State if I am allowed to collaborate on a project such as this.”
“Does this mean you have made a decision?”
“Yes, I have.”
“And what about Colin? Do you feel you can conceal this information from him?”
Freya let out a deep sigh, preparing herself to tell the biggest lie she would probably ever tell in her life. “I don’t deny that it will be extremely difficult, yet I feel that having an opportunity to make a difference to humanity will be worth it,” she said simply, hoping there was nothing in her expression to give her away.
“I commend your dedication to the State, as well as your obvious maturity. You are so wise beyond your age, Freya. I can’t wait to see what you grow into, with a little time and education. I think you have more potential than most of the Councilmembers. Someday, you may be sitting where I am today.”
His words touched her deeply. No one had ever seen so much potential in her, or if they did, they didn’t voice it. A pang of guilt started to gnaw at her gut, but she pushed it down. She really could have it all, if she played her cards right. She could have Colin, become a Councilmember, and make a difference. Not only that, but she could someday be head of State herself, and that shocked Freya to her core. But you’re really just a greenhouse worker, her thoughts told her, but then those same thoughts reminded her that Victor once was also.
Chapter 14
After their conversation, Freya headed straight back to the apartment. She didn’t bring up Colin and his return, as she was afraid Victor would question her motives. The lack of sleep from the previous night was starting to affect her. She left her tablet untouched that night and simply turned the sofa back into a bed and tried to sleep. Unfortunately, her mind prevented that for quite a while. Thoughts of Colin ran through her head, and she hoped Victor would not delay his return. Eventually, she did manage to drift off to sleep.
In the morning, she got ready for work and went out to the grounds. She labored until the tablet alerted her to eat. Once again, Victor was absent from the table, and the others were almost finished when she arrived. That suited her, as she was still not ready to answer any questions about Colin or anything else.
After working most of the afternoon on the grounds, she was surprised to hear an unexpected alert chime on her tablet. She opened the message and was glad there was no one around to see her reaction. The message informed her that she would not be staying at the State House, for she was to return to her regular living arrangements upon completion of her workday. She was so relieved she almost cried. It had worked, and Colin was coming home.
The afternoon seemed to drag on forever after she read the message, and Freya found herself glancing at the tablet every few minutes to check the clock. When there were still twenty minutes remaining in her workday, she could not wait any longer. She headed back to the State House and cleaned up. It was still ten minutes before her scheduled time to leave, so she didn’t know if the door would open for her. She tried it anyway, and to her great excitement, the door opened.
Freya walked much more briskly than normal; she would have run, but she knew that would look ridiculous. Still, she got to the apartment in record time, and when she opened the door, there he was.
Colin grabbed her passionately and lifted her off the floor, kissing her all the while. He then started to move toward the bedroom, still holding her and kissing her.
“This might be easier if I walk, you know.”
“There’s no chance in hell I’m letting go of you,” he said, then continued to carry her.
They got to the bedroom and began to undress one another as soon as the door closed behind them. Colin was much more aggressive than normal, as if he was in agony and she was his only comfort. They made love quickly, Colin pulled her tightly against his body, trying to intertwine every part of himself with her.
“I am so sorry, Freya. I was such a jerk.”
“What for?”
“For our fight, for everything, for not saying I love you when I left that morning. I was so scared I’d lost you,” he said in a deep, gruff voice, barely able to control his emotions.
“Lost me? How could you lose me? We’re stuck with each other, remember?”
“I thought when I got the notice that maybe I was in trouble or maybe they decided to separate us after all,” he said, still struggling to maintain his composure.
“Do you really believe that? There was nothing special about that assignment. Anyone could have done it. I even squeezed in a visit with my mom,” he said, shaking his head. “Nope, there was something else behind that…and that’s what they do. If they want to take you in, they send you some bullshit message about reporting for special duty. There are fewer witnesses that way, if they can lure you in without anyone having to come for you. I was so scared that would be the last time I saw you, and we spent our last night together fighting. I didn’t even tell you I love you,” he said, tears welling in his eyes.
Freya just lay there and looked at him for a moment. He was genuinely afraid he wasn’t going to see her again, and that puzzled her. “Why on Earth did you think they would take you in? You haven’t done anything.”
Suddenly, Colin’s expression changed, and a distinctive look of guilt flashed across his face.
“Wait. You didn’t do anything…did you?” she asked before her mind could catch up to her words.
Colin did not respond and just looked away from her slightly.
“Colin, answer me.”
“I hoped I’d never have to. I’ve changed, Freya. Being with you has changed me,” he said, his repressed tears making an escape. “I stopped, okay? I stopped! When things started going well between us, I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. I couldn’t take a chance on losing you.”
“You stopped what?” Freya asked, but as soon as she did, nausea hit her, and she rolled away from him quickly; she already knew the answer. She took a sip of water and started pacing, trying to keep the contents of her stomach in place. “Is she sterilized? Could you have created an unlawful child?”
“No! It’s not that. It was never that! Why won’t you believe that I have been faithful?”
Freya turned around and looked at him. “What else could it be?” she asked, honestly bewildered, her nausea was back at full force. “What else could possibly have you so freaked out?”
“I was so young when I got involved. I didn’t know any better, but I do now, which is why I left.”
“Left what, Colin?”
“The rebellion, Freya. I was once a part of their group, and I used to meet with them. Then things changed with us, so I left.”
She stood there, just staring at him. She’d heard him perfectly, but she was simply unable to comprehend it.
“I’m so sorry, Freya. I won’t ever do it again, and it’s been ages since I met with anyone from there. I was scared when I got called in, as I thought someone ratted me out, just to get even for my leaving.”
Freya’s mind twisted into confusion as she tried to sort out what he had told her. She knew his involvement with Ida was the least of their worries at the moment, but it was all her mind was capable of processing. “Is that where you saw her, Ida? Is that why she made such a big deal about not seeing you for a few months?”
“Yes, she was part of it also. I don’t even like her, Freya, and nothing happened, but yes, I saw her there regularly. She always talked to me, and flirted, as a way to conceal why we were speaking. I was stupid, but not that stupid. I wanted things to work with us, so I never touched her. The only stupid thing I did was be part of the rebellion to begin with.”
Freya’s mind still could not handle that fact. She needed to leave the apartment but was suddenly aware of her own nudity. She grabbed her exercise clothing and quickly began to slide her arms and legs into it.
“Please don’t leave! I know you’re angry, and I know I messed up, but I need you.”
Freya did not acknowledge his plea before she stomped out of the apartment.
She headed straight for the exercise room. The last thing she wanted was for Colin or anyone else to be sent there to slow her down, so she kept an even pace. She needed to be there, to be away from him, and she knew a steady rhythm around the track would do her mind some good. There was so much she needed to sort out. Part of her wanted to head straight to the State House, so she could spend the night there, but she knew that would raise too many questions. Exercise would be her only solace.
How could Colin be part of the rebellion? Can he possibly be that thick? There was one silver lining in it though; she now understood their run-in with Ida better. That put her mind at ease, because it now made perfect sense why he froze when he saw her. It had less to do with any romantic history and far more to do with his departure from the rebellion. He was afraid Freya would find out about the rebellion, and he had nothing else to hide.
That brought Freya to the real problem: Can Colin be trusted? Can I really be sure his loyalties have completely shifted? Can I trust him with the information I planned to share with him? Her gut began to knot up just thinking about it. Just the day before, she was planning to betray the State to save her relationship with Colin, but now, things were different. That whole time, he had kept a huge secret from her. She had to slow her pace, because nausea was rising in the pit of her stomach again. If he had kept that from her, she was rather sure he couldn’t be trusted; it was as simple as that. Her entire plan to tell him was based on the belief that he always shared everything with her, but it turned out that he didn’t. All those confidential things he’d told her were really just Colin’s way of defying the State, and the whole time, she’d been foolish enough to think it was because he loved and trusted her.
Freya had to slow her pace again to a walk as the truth sank in. From that point forward, things would be completely different between them, and nothing could change that. She had to keep her involvement with the Council a secret, just as he had kept his rebel secrets from her. The fear of losing the closeness they shared disappeared, as she now knew they had never really been as close as she thought. She knew he loved her, but it was simply not enough. An image of the future played out in Freya’s mind. It was her turn to keep secrets, and Colin would interpret her distance from him as her being unable to forgive him for doing what he had done. As much as it pained her, that was how it had to be, for there was no way around it.
She walked over to the mats and spent longer than necessary, doing more stretches than ever before. She really just wanted to avoid Colin. She needed to be subtle enough that she did not draw any attention to herself. She stayed as long as she could without rousing any suspicion, then slowly headed back to the apartment.
When she arrived, her evening meal was on the table, cold and sitting beside an empty plate. She didn’t call for Colin; instead, she just sat down and ate, trying to prepare herself and figure out what to say to him. He didn’t come out of the bedroom, and it was so quiet that she began to wonder if he’d left as well. Finally, she walked into the bedroom and saw Colin lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“Are you going to leave me?”
The question startled her, and if she had felt more sympathy for him in that moment, she would have answered him with reassurance, but she simply couldn’t. “And exactly how could I do that?”
“Easy. Just report me. Maybe your next coupling will go better,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
“Are you still meeting with them? Are you still part of the rebellion?”
“I already told you, I stopped going months ago. I even told my mom when I met with her; I’m out.”
“Then there is nothing to report,” she answered, her tone still a bit sharp. “You’ve done some really stupid things in your life, Colin, but I also think people are capable of changing.” Freya then climbed into bed but kept her distance.
“Do you hate me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I will ever hate you, but you’re not the person I thought you were. Honestly, I don’t know what I am feeling right now.”
“You hated me when you first met me. I
t wouldn’t be that far of a stretch for you to hate me again.”
Freya actually smiled at that remark, but when she looked over at him, she realized he was being completely serious. She decided that staring at the ceiling looked like something of a good idea, so she took to it herself. It was certainly easier than looking at him. She wasn’t going to report him, and she knew she still loved him, even if she shouldn’t. She didn’t want to be coupled with anyone else, so there was really nothing she could do but move on. It was a horrible choice, but Freya had to move on in the knowledge that her partner could not be trusted. Suddenly the prospect of being a Councilmember felt so isolating, so lonely, and the State would get what they wanted after all. Freya had accepted her seat on the Council, and Colin would never know about it.
Part of her wondered if the State had actually planned the whole thing. Knowing Colin had a spotty past, if they suddenly called him away, of course he would have assumed it to be punishment. Meanwhile, they told her he’d been sent away until she could gain control of her emotions. Did they somehow know I was planning to tell him? Did they expect him to come home scared and confess something to silence me? Did they orchestrate this whole thing? The mere thought gave her a headache. Whether it was their plan or not, it had most certainly worked out in the State’s favor.