The State Series Box Set

by M. J. Kaestli

  They walked through the grounds, Devina leading the way. She finally stopped close to the forested area.

  “Right here is where we should plant our garden,” Devina declared. Freya looked around; it was almost an odd location. It was off center of the house and she couldn’t see any purpose for her choice of location. “This plot has the greatest distance from any camera on the grounds,” Devina whispered to her.

  “How could you possibly know that?” Freya asked. “I have been here for over twenty years and I don’t know where the cameras are.”

  “You have your sources of information, and I have mine,” Devina replied. “We never reveal the identities of more people than what is necessary. It’s safer that way.”

  “How do I know I can trust you?”

  “You don’t. You never do.” Devina paused. “But I am the only contact you have right now. You have a choice to utilize me or to ignore me. I am sure you are established enough to ignore me if you want to. I can still report in on your candidacy for the head of State without your help. What you wouldn’t have, though, is guidance. I have information passed along to me, and you can take it or leave it.” Devina had transformed from being this ditzy, flirtatious little girl to a fierce militant leader right before her eyes. Devina had more substance to her than Freya had originally thought.

  “Fair enough.”

  “Good, then let’s get started. We need to request some temporary workers to plow and build the garden, and then decide what we want to grow. I would really like fresh herbs for my cooking.”

  “How are you going to find the time to have anything to do with this garden and still prepare all the meals?”

  “I will come in early and leave late if I have to—that is of no concern. I don’t understand what most cooks do with their time; it really doesn’t take that long to prepare a meal. Just give the dimensions of the garden, our tools, and seeds needed to Chastity.”

  Devina linked her arm in Freya’s and began to walk.

  “Let’s decide on everything we want to grow while we walk back to the house.” Freya pulled out her tablet, taking notes while they meandered back. By the time the two of them reached the house, they had a full list of not just what was to be planted in the garden, but also what they needed to build it. The two of them sat down with Chastity and enthusiastically explained their new plan as she typed everything into her tablet. Devina left shortly after and returned to her work in the kitchen, and Freya returned to her work in the grounds.

  She worked for a time, and then paused, looking around. A great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Devina was not only readily available, but more clever and cunning than she could have possibly imagined. Life was easier to face with a companion. As she was not coupled, and wouldn’t be, it was such a relief to at least have a guide to plot with, and perhaps, even a friend. Maybe Devina had a few more tricks up her sleeve. Maybe when they got better acquainted, she might even end up liking her.

  Her tablet chimed snapping her back into reality. It was updating and alerting her of a new schedule. She was to begin plotting the land, and two temporary workers had already been sent in to assist her.

  The three of them together made progress quickly. It was an interesting process as she had never actually been a part of building a garden before. At the day’s end, the ground had been plowed and the garden walls had been secured. They were going to be able to begin seeding by the afternoon the following day.

  It was a little more strenuous labor than what she did daily, yet she enjoyed herself. The temporary workers didn’t ask any questions of her, or try to engage her in conversation. She realized they must be military living underground while waiting for their next assignment. Other workers would take too long to bring in and screen.

  Working along side military personnel brought back a flood of memories that should have come when she entered the apartment upon her return. Once she returned, she opened the hidden trap door leading to the military underground and peered down as she reflected on that period of her life. Going down to the firing range to see Lewis had gotten her through a very tough time. She would look back on it with fond memories, if those days had not led to much harder times.

  Freya closed the access quickly, as though closing it would save her from having to think about how everything got started. But it was too late; her mind had already begun to replay the images. There was an attack outside of the dome, an attack I doubt I’ll ever know whether was real or something staged by the State. Victor said I had to learn self-defence, which was really his way of tricking me into becoming a spy.

  She sat down on her bed and continued to watch the scenes of everything played out in her mind. It was what haunted her dreams; she hated to be plagued with it when she was awake also. She changed into sleeping wear and took her medication. It was not time for sleep, but the sleeping pills knew no clock or schedule. It was exactly the kind of escape she needed. It could protect her from having to relive those events over and over.

  The pill did the trick; she slept soundlessly until the sun started to shine through her window. She always woke up before the alarm. She didn’t know whether they still bothered to set one for her. Exercising was her top priority every morning, and so she quickly got ready and headed down the hall.

  She showered and changed in record time after she finished exercising. It was still a bit early, she headed out to the grounds and was surprised to see military personnel out in the garden working when she got there. They both greeted her and continued working. It was almost odd the way that they worked without making conversation with her or even each other. They must have been told not to converse with her. She couldn’t think of why they would have that order, and then the thought struck her. What is wrong with me lately?

  They must know she was in the running to be head of State. The only people who could work in the gardens with her would be military because of it. Perhaps they were not given orders; it could just be out of intimidation that they did not try to converse with her.

  Once her mind had pieced together why they were behaving the way they were, the silence no longer bothered her. She started to just focus on her task at hand and looked forward to them leaving. It was odd to share her space with anyone. It had been just hers for so long, she didn’t like having other people in her gardens.

  It was becoming clear that they would not be coming back. They had finished seeding the garden and had proceeded on to irrigation by midday. She would have to water the garden by hand, but it was nice for them to move a water source closer to the garden. If she had to haul the water all the way from the house, she wouldn’t have the time or stamina to do much else.

  Part of her was excited to work with a vegetable garden again. She did miss that aspect of working in a greenhouse. Not that she would trade the State house grounds for anything, but there was a certain sense of satisfaction at eating something she personally had a hand in growing.

  The men finished up their work late again, and asked Freya for access to her apartment and then disappeared down the stairwell quickly. Freya didn’t know what had possessed her, but instead of shutting the access, she sat down on the stairs. She didn’t know whether she was lacking the nerve or the desire, but she didn’t venture down the hall. Sitting on the stairs felt safe, as if she couldn’t get in trouble for wandering where she didn’t belong.

  Somehow the defiant act of just going half-way down the stairs, or perhaps it was the escape from the State house, lit a flame in her. Living and working there, she just felt so caged up. She missed her apartment but knew she had done the right thing moving into the State house.

  “What are you doing there?” A voice came down the dark hallway, and she nearly fell off the stairs from surprise. She could not see the source of the voice, but recognized it nonetheless.

  “Just wanted some fresh air,” she replied.

  “You know it’s not any fresher down here, don’t you?” Lewis had moved a little closer and came
into view.

  She smiled. It was not something she forced to play a part; it was actually a nice surprise, in a way. “Perhaps change of scenery would be a better choice of words then.” She gave a slight smile and asked. “What brings you here?”

  “The usual. Finished an assignment and waiting for the next one.” He smiled and continued to walk closer until he reached the stairs beside her.

  “Stuck training newbies?”

  “Yep. I saw some men come down from here, just snooping around. I am glad to see you.” He took a seat. “How have you been?”

  “I am sure I don’t need to fill you in on what is going on.”

  “I may have heard a few things.” He gave her a playful nudge with his shoulder. “How are you dealing with everything?”

  “Other than being completely terrified and thinking I couldn’t possibly do this?” She shrugged. “I was really surprised to be selected, but if the State believes in me enough to bring me to this point, I guess I need to have a little faith in myself.”

  The truth was she really had no idea what to say to him. This man had been her lover and her friend, and she betrayed him. He had betrayed her also, in a way, which was a feeling she had to keep concealed for her own survival. If the amount of time passed wasn’t enough to take away the tension between them, she didn’t know if anything could. There had been a few casual run-ins, but they were never alone like this. It was difficult for her to think up any type of conversation.

  “Yeah, I am sure you will handle it, whatever the outcome may be. I also have some of that faith in you. I mean, you never believed you could learn to shoot or become a spy, yet you became quite proficient at both.” He sighed. “I guess I have to give up on the hopes that you would want to go on another mission with me sometime.”

  He laughed at his own joke a little, but Freya saw the tension behind his laugh. It was through the forced laugh that she also saw how exhausted and depleted he looked. Not the kind of exhaustion from lack of sleep, but the kind that lives in the depths of his soul. Looking at him, at the state of him was almost like looking at her own reflection.

  “Have you really been waiting for me all this time?”

  His face flushed, slightly, but he didn’t look away from her. “I don’t think waiting is the right term. Perhaps hoping. We made a really great team. I always thought you would want to go again when you were ready.” It had been twenty years since they lived together, and this was the first time he had actually told her how he really felt about her. “I guess, now, I will just hope to see you at the firing range.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you still wanted to work together,” was all she could think to say in response.

  “I know, but it also wouldn’t have made a difference if you did. I told you right from day one that if you wanted us to go our separate ways after our mission, that would be your choice to make. I also knew that perhaps what little I had to offer you could never be enough.”

  “It has been so long since our mission, I don’t know why you even think about me.” It was a harsh and cold thing to say, but she held onto an underlying anger she knew would never fully heal.

  “It was a long time ago, but that was some of the happiest days of my life.” He still looked at her intensely. “Look, I know you never really felt that way about me, but the older I get, the more I regret not ever telling you, or even showing you, how I really felt. I was so focused on the mission, and you confused me. A lot has changed for me since then, except my regrets. I don’t expect anything from you. I think I just needed to get that off my chest.”

  Freya’s eyes fell from him, unable to hold his gaze. Every word he spoke should have melted her heart, should have made her want to throw herself into his arms, but that was not the case. This declaration, although it seemed quite genuine, infuriated her down to her very core. All this time, she thought he was only slightly fond of her, but this—this put a whole new perspective on what he did.

  “How could you do it? How could you torture and kill them when you knew they were not a real threat, they weren’t the ones we were after?” Freya knew as soon as she spoke the words, she may have just sabotaged everything. He needed to get something off his chest? Well, so do I! Twenty years had not taken away the pain or trauma of what she saw and lived through. It was sheer madness that had taken over her, making her completely lose her logical mind.

  “How did you know?” He looked away from her.

  “What do you mean, how did I know? I was there! I saw you!” she nearly yelled.

  “You were where? What do you mean?”

  “I walked into the room right after you killed Pollux, while you were torturing Ursa,” she spat back at him.

  He got off the stairs and paced in the hallway in front of her. “You weren’t supposed to be there. You weren’t supposed to see that.” He still paced as he tried to make sense of it.

  “Well, I guess I walked into the wrong room at the right time,” she replied bitterly.

  He rubbed his face, still pacing. “So you have resented me all this time? I have been hoping, waiting for you to get over Colin, and it wasn’t even him that was the problem. You have just plain hated me for doing something I was ordered to do!”

  His words caught her. He was following orders. She knew it, she had always known it, but somehow hearing him speak the truth of the matter made her feel slightly guilty for blaming him. Her emotions started to balance out, gaining control again. It might already be too late; he could be ready to head off to report her this moment. She had to at least try to resolve this, just the two of them.

  “I know you were ordered to do it, and that is the problem,” she explained. “I knew then that I could never live that life. Ursa was not innocent, but she didn’t deserve the fate she received. I couldn’t do that over and over again, knowing each time that I might be sentencing people to their deaths who didn’t really deserve it.”

  “I understand, and I even agree with you.” With a huff, he sat back down beside her. “I have seen a lot of things. I have done a lot of things—well, let’s just say, no matter how much they train you, it will never really prepare you.”

  His eyes misted up, and Freya’s jaw almost hit the floor. He had always been so distant, so in control, and now to look at him, he was nearly unrecognizable. One would think that time would have made him even tougher, but instead it had broken him.

  “I guess in that way I am grateful you stayed away. You didn’t have to see it or take part.” He nodded, struggling to keep his voice even. “I just hope that someday you can forgive me for what I did.”

  “Why would you need my forgiveness? You were only acting on orders.” Her voice cracked with emotion now.

  “Some orders should not be followed.”

  “Wow, never thought I would witness you commit treason,” she said, offering him a soft, knowing smile.

  “Well, I guess that is why I am hoping so deeply that you become the head of State. Maybe you will show me mercy.”

  “The State doesn’t show mercy for treason,” she said.

  “I know, but perhaps you could change that.”

  Her mind would be racing if it had not gone completely numb. After a moment of silence between them, he stood up and descended the stairs, turning to look back at her.

  “I have to go, but I want you to know that I am here, if you need anything, or get angry and want to beat something up.”

  She smiled slightly. “Thank you, but I’m afraid I’m a little too old for combat training—I can’t risk the injury.”

  “Maybe not. But an incredibly heavy burden has been placed squarely on your shoulders. I might be able to help, if you let me.”

  Freya couldn’t look at him. She simply nodded and said, “Thank you. I’ll let you know.” She watched as Lewis walked back into the darkness, and hoped this wasn’t the beginning of her end.

  Chapter 6

  Lewis left her sitting on the stairs, her mind a storm of contemplatio
ns. She shut the access, and saw that her monitor was flashing. There was a message for her to be in Victor’s office in thirty minutes. It was a rather odd time to request a meeting—in the evening—but Victor had said she needed to live in this house for that very purpose.

  It would be difficult to clear her mind in time. She sat on the bed and closed her eyes, doing breathing exercises to calm herself. How could Lewis go from being a military puppet to committing treason? As soon as she asked the question in her mind, her answer came in a form of another question. How did I go from being the poster child of compliance to be a part of the rebellion?

  She may never know Lewis’s reasons or motivations, but that was not important now. Just as she had woken up to the truth, so did he. Of course, she had to accept that there was a chance he was acting as a spy to see where her loyalties lie, but that didn’t feel like it was the truth.