Heartward

by Andrew Grey

  Alan nodded. It was much as he expected. “Are things as backward as some of us think they are? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. In fact, just scratch it. I know they are, and I’m working on a council resolution to force a procedure and training update. But the cronies are playing the cost card.” Alan rolled his eyes.

  “Maybe if one of their houses catches fire and we all pee on it to put it out, then things will change.” Damn, Tyler has an acidic sense of humor. Alan liked it.

  “Yup.” He took a drink of the soda. “Sometimes you fight the good fight and keep on again and again until enough people see the light. I’ve thought of seeing if the state would intervene, but if that happens, then we lose control altogether, and that isn’t what I want either. The town should be able to solve its own problems. After all, the town created them.”

  Abey climbed on the sofa and onto Tyler’s lap. “Mouse, mouse.” He leaned against Tyler’s chest, and for a second, Alan was jealous that he couldn’t do that.

  “Do you mind?”

  “Go right ahead.” Alan finished his soda and sat back as Tyler found an episode of House of Mouse, and Abey slipped off his papa’s lap and onto the floor, enthralled with the TV.

  “I’ll put him to bed pretty soon. This is low-key enough that he’ll settle down and go right to sleep when it’s time.” Tyler stood. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room and returned with a stuffed monkey. Abey hugged it to him as he watched. “I call the monkey Simeon. Abey doesn’t seem to have a name for it. But I found it near him, and even though it was wet and soaked with saltwater, Abey clung to it as soon as he came around. I think it’s all he has of his former life. But of course that could just be my way of projecting.”

  “So you don’t have a way of really knowing how old Abey is?”

  “No. The Red Cross doctor who examined him estimated that he was two years and seven months, give or take, when I found him. So he assigned an approximate date of birth, and that’s the one that was used. Abey will be four on May 18. I know it’s a ways away, but I want to have a party for him with all his friends. Did your mom make a big deal of birthdays?”

  “Not really. I had a party when I was eight, and after that, it was a cake and a few presents. No big deal.”

  Tyler smiled. “Mom went all out for all of us. She always said that our birthdays were the day when we got to be king. She made our own special dinner and had presents and sometimes a party. All of us had our birthdays in the summer, and Mom loved backyard parties and things like that. She made our cakes. I think she was as excited about them as we were.”

  They talked for a while longer until Tyler excused himself and Abey, carrying him down the hall. A few minutes later, Abey came out in his monkey pajamas and gave Alan a hug. Then he hurried back to his room, and Tyler came out again a few minutes later.

  “He was asleep almost as soon as he hit the pillow.” Tyler turned off the television and sat down on the sofa once again. “He asked if Mr. Alan was going to be here tomorrow.”

  Alan chuckled. “He’s pretty amazing.”

  “Yeah, he is. I told him that you had to work tomorrow but that we were going on a picnic with you. And that he would see you again. That made him happy. I really try not to promise him things I can’t deliver. He doesn’t understand broken promises, and he takes them very hard because he’s afraid, I think. I don’t think he knows why he’s afraid, just that he is, like his world is going to go to pieces. You are still up for the picnic?”

  “Of course. I was thinking that we could take him to the state park. They have great picnic grounds, and Hamlin Lake is warmer than Lake Michigan, so he can play and maybe make sand castles—things like that. There are trails, but that’s probably too much for him.”

  “That would be fun. I think we’d like that.” Tyler’s gaze locked on to Alan’s, and the energy between them rose. Alan stilled, not wanting to rush even as he seemed drawn closer. Tyler leaned nearer, and Alan did the same, not letting go of Tyler’s gaze. It was almost one of those movie moments, and Alan hoped to hell nothing happened to shatter it as Tyler came even nearer.

  Alan eliminated the space between them, his lips touching Tyler’s. It was gentle and tentative at first, with Tyler pressing closer, the touch intensifying right along with the rich taste and energy that went right to his head before zinging down his spine. Alan shivered as Tyler ran his fingers through his hair, cupping his head and kissing harder. Alan had been around enough to know that a kiss wasn’t just a kiss. It could mean so many things. In the past, at least for him, it was a prelude to sex, either long and languid or quick. But for him it signaled that things were about to get real hot, real fast.

  That wasn’t the case this time. This kiss meant anticipation, that more was to come—eventually. It was a promise of sorts, not of immediacy, but slow, gentle, and maybe more lasting. Alan pressed his hand to Tyler’s strong chest, heat pouring through his shirt. He didn’t move to get the shirt off; the warmth was enough for now. Being near and feeling the intensity rolling off him was all that was required. Alan was desired, that much was for certain.

  Both Alan and Tyler backed away at the same time and with what felt like the same regret. Alan was tempted to kiss him again, licking his lips and getting yet another lingering taste of him. His heart pounded and his pulse raced, rushing in his ears. His hand shook a little, and his belly fluttered as warmth surged through him. Alan blinked and tried to clear his head as the sensations slowly faded, his body reluctantly returning to normal, a state that seemed remarkably… well, ordinary, like nothing, after the excitement Tyler conjured up with so little effort.

  “I should go,” Alan breathed softly, mostly to convince himself that it was a good idea. “I’ll call you soon to firm up plans for Sunday once we know what the weather is going to be like.” His head still spun, and Alan needed fresh air and a few seconds alone, away from the draw of Tyler’s intense musk, which only grew more enticing and powerful with each passing second. He stood and turned toward the door. “Thank you for an amazing dinner and for… well, everything.” He took another step and nearly tripped on nothing. Then he reached for the door.

  Tyler followed him out, and Alan said good night once more before heading down the walk to the truck. He paused at the door, waving slightly before getting in and pulling away from the house, winding down the windows in order to force fresh air through his lungs and to his brain. Wow, his head seemed scrambled in the best way possible, and, damn it all, he wondered how he was going to make it all the way to Sunday without going out of his mind.

  The store was, of course, closed when he pulled the truck into the loading bay, turned off the engine, and locked it up. Then he transferred to his car and drove the short distance home.

  Chapter 5

  TYLER WAS exhausted and pissed off, but he wasn’t going to take it out on Abey or his parents. The chief was being a complete ass, and Tyler was frustrated as hell. The men he worked with had requested rescue training, and Tyler had agreed to teach it. He was fully qualified and had taught classes like that a number of times for the Red Cross. The chief had nixed it because he said there wasn’t money in the budget, which Tyler knew was bullshit because he had a copy of the budget for the department. It had been given to him as part of the paperwork when he hired on, because, as a captain, he was responsible for a section of that budget.

  “That sort of thing isn’t what’s needed here, and you should stop trying to make these men into something they aren’t. This is a small-town fire department, nothing more than that. Just do your job.” The chief’s words before he’d dismissed him rang in his head and only made him angrier as he pulled up to his parents’. His mom and Abey had planned to go to the park, and they were even going to see about pick-your-own strawberries. Tyler pitied wherever they went, because Abey was certain to eat a lot more than he picked.

  “Papa,” Abey called as he came up the walk. There were red berry stains on the sleeves of his
shirt.

  “Hey, buddy,” Tyler said as he scooped him up. “What did you do?”

  “Picked… strawgles… yummy,” he sang as Tyler carried him inside. Tyler’s mother greeted him, looking a little dark under the eyes. “Grandma is fun. Grampy steals.”

  Tyler’s father growled, and Abey squirmed to get down, bounded over to him, and climbed up on his lap. Whatever Abey said about Grampy, he wasn’t afraid of him.

  Abey settled on Grampy’s lap for a few seconds. “Mouse, Grampy. No balls. Yucky.” He made a face, and damned if his dad didn’t groan and switch the channel from sports to Disney.

  Tyler left the two of them and followed his mother into the kitchen, where she poured two mugs of coffee. “Is it decaf?”

  She shook her head. “I am way past decaf.” She sat down. “He has so much energy, and I swear he ate half the patch of berries. I gave the farmer money for two quarts because I think Abey ate that much. Then he picked some more and put them in the basket as gentle as could be. But he didn’t let anyone touch them.”

  “Let me guess. ‘Mine’ was said an awful lot.” It made sense to Tyler, because most likely in Abey’s mind those berries were his for later.

  “Yes. There’s a lot going on inside that little head of his. You can tell he’s watching everything and everyone, thinking about how they act. And your son is a schemer, especially when it comes to food.” She snickered as she lifted the mug to her lips, glaring over the top. “He wanted some of my berries, so he cried out and pointed, then grabbed the berries and giggled as he ran away, shoving them into his mouth.” She seemed amused but was clearly concerned as well. “There’s no doubt how to motivate him.”

  “True, but I don’t use food that way. I’m hoping the worry and need that drives him will dissipate over time. So I don’t react to his little games. Instead, I reason with him as best I can, and I’m seeing results.”

  She nodded and put down her mug. “I really hope so. Abey is a dear.” She pulled a napkin out of the wicker holder in the center of the table. “I never thought you would be the one to give me a grandchild. I’d pretty much given up hope. Your sister isn’t maternal in any way, and unless there’s some unexpected development….”

  Tyler shook his head. “Mom, can you really see Rachel as a mother? Derek would have to quit work to raise the baby, because she isn’t going to do it. No. This is best. I wouldn’t change the decision I made to take Abey for anything. The only thing that I wish was different were the circumstances that brought him to me.”

  His mother pushed her mug away. “And that’s another thing I want to talk about.” She was about to get really pushy. “What is it about his adoption that you aren’t telling me? Did you do something illegal? You didn’t buy him, did you?”

  Tyler rolled his eyes. “No, Mom. Everything is legal.” He set his mug on the table and put his hand over hers. “You know that I helped people in bad situations. I went into places after their world had fallen apart.” He tried to tread lightly. “Mom, I pulled bodies out of collapsed buildings.” He pulled out parts as well, but that was more than his mother needed to know. “I have seen plenty of destruction, death, and the cruelty of man to his fellow man. People can be real shits to one another. Governments can try to insulate themselves and their people, and innocent people, little children, get hurt.” He drank his coffee to give himself something to do. “Your grandson is one of those people. He went without food and has been close to death. I believe that leaves a mark on a person, even a three-year-old.” Tyler wiped his eyes.

  “You mean like death in black with a sickle?”

  “Yes, Mom. Abey knows what it’s like to be stalked like that. So do I.” He sighed. It was why he was pushing so hard for the training at work and why the chief’s attitude was so frustrating. “Anyway, the memories fade and become less immediate.” He patted her hand. “And you and Dad are helping a great deal. The more people that little boy has that he knows love him, the better off he’s going to be.”

  A scream from the other room nearly burst Tyler’s eardrums. He was up and out of his seat, barely touching the floor as he flew into the living room. His dad was trying to calm Abey, who shook, burying his face in his dad’s shoulder, still screaming. Tyler lifted him out of his dad’s arms, doing his best to try to comfort him.

  “I don’t know what happened.”

  Abey shook, crying, and Tyler turned to the television. Jake and the Never Land Pirates was on, and they were sailing in a ship across the water. “It’s just television,” Tyler said. “It’s okay. The boat isn’t going to sink, I promise.”

  Abey shook his head and continued crying. At least the sobs Tyler could deal with, though he hated seeing Abey this upset.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Dad. It was the show. They ride in a boat, and I think Abey thought the boat was going to sink.”

  “Oh.” His dad stood up and took Abey, who went to his grampy. “It’s okay. Why don’t you and I find some more Mouse, and you can watch that. Is that okay?”

  Tears ran down Abey’s cheeks, but he nodded.

  His dad sat down, found something On Demand, and an episode of House of Mouse began to play.

  “Thanks, Dad.” Tyler left the room, wondering when his dad had gotten so smart.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes. He got a scare.” Tyler sat back down, his nerves still jangling. He sipped some more of his coffee. “He wakes up screaming sometimes, but it’s been a while since he reacted to anything like that.” Tyler’s phone jangled in his pocket. He answered Alan’s message that they were on for tomorrow, but they might need a change of venue. The lake had a lot of boaters, and they didn’t need Abey freaking out over that.

  The weather report is calling for rain, Alan sent. So something indoors might be better.

  I agree, but I’m not sure what. Tyler tried to think of something, but came up blank.

  Leave it with me. Alan sent a smiley face. See you both tomorrow. I’ll pick you up. He sent another smiley face, and Tyler sent one back and put his phone away. His mother had been watching the entire exchange, looking at him knowingly. Thankfully she didn’t say anything.

  “Did you eat?”

  “Yeah. I had something at the station.” He pushed his seat back. “I’d better get Abey. Thank you for watching him for me. The day care charges more for weekends.” And the cost…. He’d had no idea at all about it until he had called around to find a good one. Still, he wasn’t going to leave Abey with just anyone, and the people there were really wonderful.

  “Oh, honey. I love that little guy so very much.” She reached over, stopping him with a light touch. “I know he’s not your son….”

  “Mom….” Tyler tensed.

  “No, that’s wrong. I mean, he’s not your biological child, but he is your son, and he’s our grandson. And your father may be a booby sometimes”—that was about as close as his mother came to swearing—“but we’re thrilled.” She pulled her hand away. “Your father and I want both of you to be happy.”

  “Why do I think there’s a but coming?” Tyler asked skeptically.

  “I think he may need some help.”

  Tyler shook his head. “What Abey needs is love and attention. He’s three years old and, quite frankly, he has already seen more hell than most adults and he’s lived through it. I know you’re concerned, but I consulted with doctors and friends in the Red Cross before I brought him here. They suggested that I give him time, and that’s what I’m going to do.” He knew she was concerned, especially after the recent display of terror. “I do appreciate your help.” He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. She smiled, and Tyler went to retrieve Abey so he could take him home.

  THE STORMS brought rain after midnight, and Abey woke screaming shortly after, then raced into the bedroom, burrowed under the covers headfirst, and curled in a fetal position with his butt on the pillow.

  “Buddy, it’s just noise.” Tyler turned Abey around and held him. “Papa
will never let anything hurt you.” Tyler held his little shaking body. “Grammy used to say that the thunder was men like Grampy making loud noises all at once.”

  Abey lifted his head. “Grampy steals,” he said, sticking out his lower lip.

  “But you like Grampy, don’t you?” Tyler figured talking might help take Abey’s mind off the storm. “He watches Mouse with you, and he even shares his grapes with you, doesn’t he?” Tyler held Abey’s gaze as a clap of thunder rolled without so much as a reaction.

  Abey nodded.

  “Then is it okay if Grampy takes a piece of food as long as he shares too? We share with the people we care for. Is that so bad?” Tyler hoped he was getting through to him, even a little bit.

  “Grampy likes Mouse.” Abey yawned, and as the worst of the storm faded, the rumbles becoming more distant, Abey fell to sleep. Tyler thought about taking him to bed, but another round seemed to be working its way in. Abey stayed asleep this time, and Tyler drifted off as well, waking a few hours later and carrying Abey back to his bed once the night was quiet. Then he returned to bed to try to get some rest.

  COFFEE, HE desperately needed coffee.

  Abey was in the living room, having mastered the art of turning on the television. “Papa…,” Abey cried, and Tyler went in to find a show that met with Abey’s approval. Then he started the coffee and sat in his chair with a sigh.

  “Did Grammy get you those jammies?” Tyler asked as he tried to remember if he’d ever seen them before. When Abey nodded, Tyler got up and went to Abey’s room to find the ones he’d slept in the night before in a pile on the floor.

  “I dress me,” Abey pronounced, running into the room, grabbing Simeon off his bed, and running back out of the room. Oh, Lord in heaven, it was going to be a long day.