Hoping for a Father

by Lois Richer

  And then Rob moved.

  “No!” Drew ordered as loudly as he dared.

  But the banker, intent on getting his picture, stepped forward, landed on some shale and immediately began sliding. The grizzly glanced up from his fish, spied Rob and lumbered to his feet. In a flash Drew had his noisemaker and bear spray in hand. If they didn’t work...

  Rob remained unmoving as the grizzly continued to stare at him.

  “Don’t move a muscle,” Drew said in his softest voice. “They don’t have great eyesight. It could be that he only heard the stones shift. Wait.”

  They waited, collectively holding their breath. Mandy noiselessly appeared at his side.

  “We’re going to have to retreat, go around him,” she murmured, her warm breath brushing his face.

  The bear seemed to hear her because he stretched tall again and began slowly moving toward them.

  “Wait.” Drew held up his hand in an agreed-upon signal that everyone should remain in place. “We’re downwind of him. He hasn’t got our scent. He’s just curious about the noise.” He was certain his low-voiced comment did not reach the bear, who seemed suddenly sidetracked by a pretty fawn dashing through the clearing. “Give it a few minutes, Mandy.”

  She met his gaze steadfastly, held it, then finally nodded. “Okay,” she said. “You’re the boss.”

  Meaning he was responsible if something happened.

  Feeling his throat choke up at the weight of that, Drew turned his head to retract his statement but she was gone, creeping back to her hiding place. Gulping down his fear, he mentally rehearsed the strategies Ben had taught him. If the bear charged, he was ready. If he hung around, they’d stay put—

  The bear moved forward.

  If ever there was a time to pray, Drew figured this was it. What was that verse John had quoted? I will lift up mine eyes unto the hill from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord. Meaning he didn’t have to handle this himself, that God was there waiting to be asked?

  I know I haven’t followed You much, but we need Your help. Please? Drew prayed the words with his eyes wide open, hoping that assuming leadership wouldn’t prove to be his biggest mistake.

  “He’s going.” Rob’s mutter drew sighs of relief from the others.

  They all watched the bear move away. Stunned by this answer to his prayer, Drew used his binoculars to follow its progress until it disappeared into brush that was nowhere near the path he planned to take. Thank you, God.

  “Let me help you up,” he said, thrusting out a hand to Rob. “I’m sorry you had to stay there for so long but—”

  “Serves me right,” the older man said. “I need to think before acting. Something I’ve always struggled with, I’m afraid. But I sure got some good pictures.”

  “Are you okay? Nothing damaged?” Mandy asked.

  “Only my pride.” With a rueful countenance, he rejoined his friends and apologized for putting them at risk.

  “At least he realizes his mistake,” Mandy said almost under her breath as she joined Drew. “But I don’t think we’ll accept another trip from them.”

  “Because of a bear?” Drew agreed with her but wondered why she’d changed her mind.

  “No. And the fee is great,” she said softly. “But this trip has taken too much time from our usual activities and I now wonder if we’ll receive as much good publicity as I’d hoped.” She glanced over one shoulder, then made a face at Drew. “Rob’s too interested in his pictures, not enough in the land and what it offers.”

  He let that pass. “Is your foot okay?”

  “It’s fine. Let’s go.”

  But as they negotiated the rough terrain, Drew noticed that Mandy walked more slowly, then mincingly. And her happy smile grew more forced. She was not okay, and his concern for her grew the farther they went. When they stopped for a rest, he called Oliver, asked him to saddle some horses and meet them at a certain spot.

  “Don’t ask why,” he ordered. “We’ll be waiting.”

  When Drew ended the call, Mandy was at his elbow. “Trouble?”

  “No. But Oliver’s taking a group for a short ride tonight and I’m going along. So I asked him to meet us at Eagle’s Corner with horses. That way we can get back a bit earlier and I’ll have time to take a break before we leave.”

  “You don’t have to go, Drew. Someone else can do that,” she said with a frown.

  “Actually they can’t. Lanny wanted the evening off for a special date with his wife. I said I’d cover for him.”

  In fact, Drew had told the young hand he’d cover for him if he was back in time, but Mandy didn’t need to know that. Besides, he wanted her off that foot, fast.

  “It will be fine,” he assured her.

  Drew explained his plan to the men. Noticing Mandy’s barely concealed limp, he added that he’d like a few more minutes to soak in the view before they resumed the hike. He pretended to take a bunch of pictures with his phone, giving the impression that they might be for a publicity campaign for Ben. But he couldn’t stall very long. The men were eager to return.

  Oliver met them before they reached Eagle’s Corner. The bankers were knowledgeable riders and it took only a short time for the group to arrive back at the ranch. Though Mandy gallantly leaned against a fence post while bidding the men goodbye, Drew could see she was hurting. He barely waited until the expensive SUV had driven off the ranch before scooping her into his arms.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded, eyes stretched wide in shock.

  “Getting you off that foot. Which you injured. Didn’t you?” Drew caught Oliver watching them with a huge grin spread across his face. “Can you handle the horses?”

  “No problem, buddy.” The older man’s mocking smile didn’t diminish one whit as he led the horses away.

  “Well?” Drew strode across the yard, Mandy in his arms, aware yet uncaring that half the staff watched. “What happened?”

  “I fell.” She glared at him as he climbed the stairs to her front door. “It’s no biggie. Just a sprain.”

  “A sprain so bad it hurts you to walk. Yes, that’s all.” He walked inside and set her on the sofa, arranged pillows at her back and then began undoing her boot, suddenly unreasonably angry that she’d tried to hide the injury from him.

  “I can—”

  “Sit there and do as you’re told,” Drew ordered irritably, but he used the utmost caution as he took off her boot and sock. The extent of the swelling made him suck in his breath. The bruise had more than tripled in size and was now a dark and angry black-blue. He gently propped her leg on a cushion. “I’ll get some ice.”

  In the kitchen he found no ice in the freezer, but there was a bag of frozen peas. He grabbed it and some towels and returned to the sofa where Mandy lay with her eyes closed. Gingerly, fearing he’d add to her pain, he placed a towel over her foot, then laid the bag of peas on top.

  “When did it happen?” he demanded.

  “I tripped yesterday,” she began, then stopped when he hissed his breath between clenched teeth. She looked at him innocently. “You’re overreacting,” she said quietly. “I’m fine.”

  “You will be,” he assured her, still furious, mostly because she’d been suffering for so long and had kept it from him. “As long as you stay on that couch and let the swelling go down.”

  “But I have to—” She stopped, frowned at his shaking head. “Really, Drew, I must do—”

  “Nothing, Mandy,” he finished. “Go nowhere. You’re going to stay put and I’m going to make sure you do. I need to take a shower, but I’ll be back to make dinner. When I get back, you’d better be lying right where I left you,” he ordered.

  Her eyes widened at his tone but she said nothing.

  Drew had a thousand other things he wanted to add, about how she was always making sure everyone else had
what they needed and now it was time for the favors to be reciprocated, but he was lousy at words and in no mind to put them together properly right now.

  “I’ll be back,” he promised and then left her house. On his way to Bonnie and Ben’s place, he called the doctor the ranch had on retainer and asked him to come and check Mandy over. He also called Lanny and apologized but insisted he simply could not fill in for him tonight.

  By the time Drew had showered, grabbed some fresh vegetables from Bonnie’s garden and selected two steaks from the freezer, the doctor’s car was sitting in front of Mandy’s. He walked in the door just in time to hear the medical verdict.

  “It’s sprained, Mandy. Badly,” Doc Malfort said. “The only thing you can do is rest until it’s better. I’m guessing that will take the best part of a week.”

  “A week?” Mandy stared at him in disbelief. “I don’t have a week to lie around.”

  “My dear, you don’t have an option.” The elderly man patted her hand consolingly. “When it comes to recuperation, you either take the time your body needs to heal now, or you push it and take much longer later because you’ve aggravated the injury. My advice is to do it now.”

  “My advice, too, Doc,” Drew agreed as he set his groceries on the countertop.

  “Smart man.” Doc offered one of his rare smiles, then turned back to Mandy. “I’m not giving you pain pills. I know you, Mandy. If something dulls the pain, you’ll push through and do too much. Rest. It won’t be unbearable.”

  “It will for me,” she grumbled. “But thanks for coming out.”

  “I was heading this way anyway.” Doc glanced at Drew. “You have the information I want?”

  “Yes, sir. Let’s step outside and discuss it.” Ignoring Mandy’s curious frown, he escorted the doctor outside, away from the house, spent a few moments revealing his research on the company Doc had asked about, then returned inside.

  Mandy sat with her arms crossed over her chest. “What information?”

  “A fund he wants to invest in for his grandkids.” Drew began assembling dinner, seasoning the steak and then cleaning the vegetables from the garden.

  “You do fund investment now?” she asked curiously.

  “I research whatever people want to know. Besides, it gave me a chance to do in-depth research for a new contract I might take on.” He wrapped foil around the potatoes, assembled the salad and then realized he didn’t know if she had a barbecue.

  “On the back deck,” Mandy said, reading his glance out the front window.

  When he returned from starting the grill, Mandy glared at him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “You’ve been here a while now, Drew,” she snapped. “Don’t you have any inner longing to take over from your parents and run Hanging Hearts?”

  “Why?” he said with a cocky grin. “Are you retiring?”

  “I’m serious. Isn’t there some yen buried inside you to come back to this gorgeous land? Doesn’t this place have any hold on you at all?”

  Drew knew from her tone that she was dead serious. He figured it was about time he was honest. He owed her that. He sat in the chair across from her, trying to put it together mentally in a way she’d understand. Finally he gave up and just spoke from his heart.

  “I like being back,” he said quietly. “I love getting up in the morning and smelling that scent of horses and mountain flowers—freshness, I guess you’d call it. I like being able to ride whenever I want—mostly,” he added and shot her a crooked grin. “I’m even starting to enjoy the visitors who come here.”

  “I knew you’d come around,” she said smugly.

  “But I like my other work, too. I love the challenge of figuring out how to collate tons of data so I can see a pattern in what a stock or market has done and the probabilities that it will go in the direction I think.” Drew smiled at the thought of his newest and most challenging project yet. “I love the research of mentally traveling all over the world, forming a hypothesis and then watching to see if I was close or way off.”

  “You love New York.” She sounded disappointed.

  “Who doesn’t love New York?” He shrugged. “But it’s not the city that keeps me there. It’s accessibility to the markets.”

  “Yet you’ve been doing your work from here.” She sounded puzzled.

  “Yes.” Drew nodded. “I wasn’t sure how that would work, but it’s turning out very well.”

  “Except you’re working all night,” she pointed out.

  “Not all night and not every night. Anyway, people all over the world have shiftwork and they don’t die from it. Sometimes I get my best ideas in the silence of the night.” Drew heard something unspoken in her voice. “What’s really bothering you, Mandy?”

  “It’s just—I thought maybe once you were here, you’d realize—” She stopped abruptly and shook her head. “Never mind. The grill’s probably ready.”

  “Yeah.” Drew carried out the food, set it carefully on the grates, then adjusted the heat while reviewing what she’d said. Confusion filled him. Mandy had hoped he’d change his mind? Why?

  He returned deep in thought, trying to figure out a way to tell her the truth.

  “Can we sit outside? It’s such a gorgeous night.” She’d already risen from the sofa, a crutch the doctor had left tucked under one arm.

  Drew followed behind her in case she lost her footing or her balance. While she got comfortable on the rattan love seat, he concentrated on the steaks and setting the small table. It didn’t take long before everything was ready. They ate in silence, the sound of crickets and frogs filling the evening air. Though Drew would have devoured the meal at any other time, tonight he just couldn’t summon an appetite.

  “I miss Ella,” he admitted.

  “Me, too, but I know she’s loving camp.” Mandy looked at him. “It’s delicious but I don’t think I can eat any more, Drew.”

  “Me neither.” He carried the dirty dishes inside, put them in the sink and stored the leftovers. With the kitchen clean, there was no more putting off the inevitable. He prepared a pitcher of Mandy’s favorite iced tea with lemon, then carried two glasses of it outside while mentally voicing a second prayer for help. Drew felt no immediate response, but then remembered that John had said God didn’t always answer on demand.

  “Mandy.” Once she’d tasted her tea and approved, Drew took his seat across from her. He drew her hands in his and met her gaze head on. “We need to talk.” She inclined her head and he pushed on. “You’ve been hoping that once I came back I’d realize how much I missed this place and decide to live here permanently. Right?” He could see the truth in her eyes. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  She pulled her hands away from his but never broke his stare. “Why not?”

  “Because.”

  “Because of me?” she demanded. “Ella?”

  “Yes, to both. And a thousand other reasons. Wait!” he said when she looked about to interrupt. “Let me say this, Mandy.”

  She leaned back, folded her hands in her lap and studied him.

  “All those years ago—I did love you, Mandy. Maybe in some way I still do but...” He cut off that revealing train of thought and forced himself to focus. “Back then I thought we’d get married. It’s probably a good thing that didn’t happen.”

  “Because?”

  Drew saw the way her face closed up, hiding her true feelings. He needed to say this. He owed her that much.

  “I—uh—”

  “I’m a captive audience, Drew,” she said sharply, a trace of gritty determination glinting from her emerald eyes. “Please, go on.”

  Drew took a deep breath and plunged into his confession, hoping desperately that when he finished, Mandy wouldn’t hate him.

  Chapter Eleven

  “I’m not good at responsibility,” Drew began.


  Mandy opened her mouth, ready to refute that. He didn’t give her the chance.

  “How many times have you had to send Oliver to find me because I forgot a class?”

  “You work late,” she excused, but Drew shook his head.

  “I took on the job here knowing what was required.” His tone softened. “You have a child to care for, Mandy, and an entire ranch. You’re up in the wee hours of the morning tending to stock or foals or equipment problems and you still manage to get to work on time. I imagine that holds true if Ella has a bad night, too.”

  “Whatever.” She wasn’t going to argue about it. Not now. If she could just forget those words of his—I loved you. Maybe I still do—if she could get Drew to finish and leave her alone, she could finally give way to the pain and despair boiling inside. “Go on.”

  “I can’t be Ella’s father. Ever.”

  His words hit her like a freight truck. Mandy struggled to hide how decimated she felt.

  “I’m sorry if that’s what you hoped. I’m not shirking my responsibilities. I’ve set up a fund for her,” he said, his voice brisk, businesslike. “You are administrator of that fund and you can access it whenever you wish. I’ve made sure that if Ella ever needs anything, the money will be there.”

  “But you won’t be.” Fury lit a fuse in her heart but Mandy would not, could not give in to it because it wouldn’t help. “Ella doesn’t want or need your money, Drew. Or things that it can buy. She wants a father to love her and share her life.”

  “I know. But that can’t be me.” There was no give in his adamant response. “She’s a great kid and I care about her far more than I ever knew I could. I want Ella to be healthy and successful, to reach every goal she strives for.”

  “You just don’t want to be there for it,” Mandy said coolly.

  “I can’t.”

  “Because you’re not responsible,” she prodded.

  Drew nodded but said nothing, because there was nothing more to say. And still Mandy refused to give up. For Ella’s sake, she told herself.