Aunt Daisy's Letter

by S J Crabb

  “What do you mean?” I feel interested because I love watching that programme where they turn a derelict building into an impressive home. “Did they pass on the chance of the television deal?”

  I hear the bitterness in her voice as she says coolly, “It didn’t work with their schedule. Honestly, Lily, contacts count for nothing when it comes to the bottom line. Anyway, it’s at times like these you see who your friends really are. Now, book your flight and I’ll pick you up from the airport. Come and stay for the weekend and bring your best ideas. We are going to make this the best feature Designer Homes - on a budget, has ever seen.”

  She cuts the call before I even have a chance to pass comment, but I’m not surprised. Sable has always been the same, so it’s nothing to be annoyed at. Thinking of Sable, I can see why she was so perfect for the job of editor-in-chief. She didn’t care if she hurt anyone’s feelings and took people to task, even if they didn’t deserve it. She was a perfectionist and expected the same from her staff. If she had been here in this office with Joseph, I’m under no illusion his days would be numbered. Sable is the most professional person I know after Aunt Daisy, and if I’m going to be anywhere near as good as them, I have to up my game.

  I’m in two minds about going back to the Château. It will stir up some old memories that I still haven’t dealt with. The last time I was there, I was happy and in love. Then it changed one night, and it’s those memories that are hard to revisit.

  However, I am interested to see the progress and if I know Sable, it will be totally transformed.

  As I start to clear my ‘to do’ list, I feel quite excited for the weekend. For the first time in ages, I’m doing something interesting and it will be good to spend time with my mentor again. Maybe she will put my mind at rest and reassure me that my feelings are normal. I’m sure when I return, it will be with renewed vigour and interest for my job. Yes, this trip is a godsend because it’s come at a point in my life that’s critical. This will set me on the right path, and now I just need to decide what to pack and book my flight.

  ***

  “Lily, over here.”

  As I pass through customs, I hear my name and look up to see Sable waving madly from the arrival’s hall. I smile excitedly because I am so pleased to see her. She looks a little different from how I remember, probably because I am more used to seeing her in power suits and groomed professionally.

  The Sable that has come to meet me looks tired and weary and her make-up looks as if she applied it last week. I feel a little shocked because she appears to be wearing denim and a loose-fitting sweatshirt, and I’m amazed to see Nike trainers replacing the Jimmy Choo’s on her feet.

  I, on the other hand, have dressed as she would expect me to. A smart trouser suit with a white shirt and chiffon scarf, tied at the neck in a chic twist. My long hair is tamed into a stylish ponytail and the oversized sunglasses that are perched on my head are the rewards of being on the VIP list at T.K. Maxx, enabling me to get pre-sale access. My Michael Kors bag compliments my scarf and the designer perfume I sprayed liberally in Duty Free, follows me wherever I go, spreading Chanel in my wake, causing many admiring looks to be thrown my way.

  Sable looks at me with envy in her eyes, and I take a moment to bask it the moment when I am looking way better than her.

  “Sable, it’s good to see you.”

  She nods and says curtly, “Come on, the car’s parked outside and the ticket’s about to run out.”

  I almost run after her as she strides through the crowds expecting them to move out of her way. I can see old habits die hard and by the looks of it, Sable still expects people to do exactly as she wants them to, me being no exception.

  I am slightly surprised to see an old Land Rover waiting and Sable shakes her head. “Sorry about the mode of transport, darling. Things were so muddy and rather bumpy so we invested in this bone shaker. Just as soon as the drive is re-laid, I am trading this in for a Discovery.

  As we head the short distance to the Château, she asks me relentless questions about the magazine which I try to answer with enthusiasm even though, as the days go on, I feel less and less enthusiastic about my new role. However, I can paint a pretty picture with words and I’m sure that Sable is none the wiser by the time I finish.

  As she pulls into the courtyard of the Château de rêves,

  I look at it eagerly, feeling my heart flutter as I remember how happy I was here. I almost can’t bring myself to mention Finn because even thinking about him is painful but I can’t help myself and say in a rather high, false voice, “Goodness, it seems like ages ago I was here last, um, have you heard from Finn at all?”

  “Yes.”

  If I was hoping for more, I’m to be disappointed because as we park up, Sable says briskly, “Come, I’ll show you to the gîte.”

  Racing to keep up with her, I try to sneak a look at the place that immediately felt like home when we bumped up the dusty driveway. I feel excited as I see the difference a few months have made and the hard, cold, barren ground has been replaced with the delights of spring. Beautiful flowers that must have bloomed here for generations, poke out from every crack in the paving. The borders are no longer bare and twig like as the leaves now cover them in splendour. The sun is shining on what was once a crumbling stone almost ruin and lights up the majestic beauty of what can only be described as a princess castle. The rickety old metal windows have been given a new lease of life and sparkle in the brilliant sunshine, and I gasp in delight. “This place looks amazing; you’ve done a fabulous job already.”

  Sable looks around disparagingly and shrugs. “Maybe this bit is ok, but the rest is a disaster. I never thought it would take this long and so much money.”

  I stare at her in surprise because it really hasn’t been that long at all. A few months to transform years of neglect, she’s deluded.

  However, as I pass the courtyard where Finn and I sang in the rain and hear the birds singing their welcome from the trees, I feel a burst of sudden happiness that I haven’t felt since I left. This place is so magical, and Sable doesn’t know how lucky she is.

  My heart beats furiously as she leads me towards the same little gîte that Finn and I stayed in, and I notice it hasn’t changed. It still looks charming with its slightly mismatched appeal, which I’m grateful for. There was a certain charm in the rustic décor and I hope that she has left it intact because when I walk through that door, I want to wrap myself in the time I was at my happiest.

  I almost can’t look, but when I do, my heart settles. Yes, nothing’s changed.

  As I follow Sable inside, I am slightly surprised and then utterly shocked, as she slams her car keys on the scrubbed wooden table and bursts into tears.

  ♥35

  For a moment I just stare. This is strange. Sable Evans doesn’t cry; she’s not like the rest of us. She is cool and in control and nothing ever fazes her. However, this Sable is a different woman. This Sable is, dare I say it – human and after my initial shock, my first thought is to rush across and comfort the formidable woman.

  “There, there, don’t cry, it can’t be that bad, what is it?”

  Shaking her head, Sable wipes her tears away angrily with a tissue stuffed up the arm of her sweatshirt.

  “It can’t be that bad you say, well, I beg to differ.”

  “Why, what’s happened?” My voice shakes as a sudden fear grips my heart like an icy glove. What if it’s Finn? What if something’s happened to him overseas and she’s brought me here to break the news? Maybe there isn’t a business opportunity here, just a very personal one. Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t heard from him, and it isn’t that he’s been ignoring me or carrying on his life with another woman.

  I stare at her with fear twisting my rationality and say breathlessly, “What’s happened?”

  She sniffs and starts pacing the ancient flagstones as she used to do in the sleek cool office of the magazine.

  “What’s happened, Lily, is that m
y life has become unbearable. To be honest, I hate this place. I hate the Château; I hate the loneliness that comes with it and I hate the people. They hate me too, it’s obvious.”

  I make to reassure her and she holds up her hand. “Save your words because I know they do. They don’t understand me and can’t be bothered to wait for me to show them a google translation on my phone. They look at me as if I’m the village idiot, not a woman of power, and they make life difficult for me in every way. You know, I even heard they made up stories about me in the town, which just goes to show the nature of the people I live among.”

  “Stories?” I stare at her in shock and she nods. “Yes, stories. Last I heard, I was some kind of pervert who got her kicks from drawing naked men. I ask you, what sort of depraved minds come up with this stuff?”

  I feel extremely uncomfortable and say timidly, “Shocking.”

  Nodding, she carries on pacing. “The Château is boring me to tears because it’s so… French and I’m not talking chic here. No, I thought it would be fun doing up what was once an impressive residence, but this place needs bulldozing because with every task we undertake, there are three more things that shout for attention. It needs a complete new heating system, re-wiring and re-building in most parts. I’m telling you, Lily, this place will be the death of me.”

  She stops to draw breath and I say meekly, “What about Arthur, what does he think?”

  She looks angry and I fear her answer as she spits, “He’s the lucky one. He gets to return to London on the premise of an urgent meeting or consultation. His trips home are increasingly longer, leaving me here…” she waves her hand around in disgust, “In filth and squalor while he wines and dines in London with all of our friends. When he is here, he spends most of his time working on some drawing or another and we never even got to take that trip to Paris he promised me as a treat for my birthday. No, I’m telling you, Lily, this place is the stuff of nightmares, not dreams and you don’t know how lucky you are.”

  Her gaze flicks back to me and I feel the intensity of it as she says with a fierce desperation, “Tell me about the magazine. I want to know every detail. I want to know what you’re working on, who’s pulling their weight and who is not. What’s happening with management and how are you coping? I want to hear it all because I crave the information, Lily. I feel as if I’ve been starved of the fuel that drives me. The oxygen in my day that makes me survive and the meaning of my life. I want facts, figures and details and don’t leave anything out. I want you to brief me on everything because I’m fading fast and need the energy to deal with this mess we’ve got ourselves into.”

  I feel like a trembling animal under the watchful eye of a predator. One false move and she will pounce on me and rip me to shreds. I haven’t even sat down and she’s interrogating me and so I laugh slightly nervously and start telling her everything.

  I pay attention to detail because I can see her absorbing every word I speak with a hunger that ensures I keep going. Even the smallest detail is pounced upon, and by the end of it, her eyes are flashing with excitement and interest. Suddenly, Sable is back and I watch in awe as she becomes the woman I remember and feel the power surging towards me like a sonic wave. Feeling like the trainee I once was, I offload my problems, hoping she will make it all better, and as I tell her about Joseph and his subterfuge, her lip curls in derisive rage.

  “Hmm, I should have seen that one coming. You know, Lily, he was always an ambitious animal, but I thought under the right guidance and with proper training, he could be the asset that would drive the magazine to greatness. Yes, he needs controlling and whipping into shape and you can’t let him get away with anything. Keep him close and watch him like a hawk. Break him down and re-build him in your image. Take no nonsense and lay down the law. Show him who’s boss and strip him bare.”

  I look at her in dismay because the last thing I want is to see him stripped bare, as she puts it. The last man who was stripped bare before me was in this very room and I can’t even deal with the pain that memory brings, so I say slightly fearfully, “How?”

  Her razor-sharp stare causes me to squirm and she says sharply, “What do you mean, how? You know how? You belittle him and make him feel worthless. You tear apart his ideas and make him feel inconsequential. You delegate him the worst jobs and set him up to fail, and when he fears for his position, you allow him one more chance. He’ll be so grateful; he will do anything you say. You see, you need to break a stallion, Lily, to make him magnificent.”

  I watch in amazement as she strides around the room looking so animated, I can only stare in complete awe. She is thriving on this. She’s in her element and I can tell that she is right back in her office as she tears Joseph off a strip in her mind.

  Watching Sable is like watching one of the big five. She is a strong and powerful leader of men and understands the game. She is impressive, unrelenting and powerful, which is why the rest of us struggle to rise to her level.

  Seeing Sable here, in the slightly tatty gîte, is like seeing a fish out of water. She’s in prison and desperate to break free and my heart goes out to her as I recognise the signs that she’s unhappy and longing for the time she was happiest. She is unable to let go of the past to see a brighter future and is so unhappy it breaks my heart because even I can see that Sable is self-destructing in an unnatural habitat.

  As she stops lecturing me, she draws breath and I see the light once again dancing in her eyes. Looking at her wrist watch, she says quickly, “I have to go, that idiot builder in charge likes to slope off early and I want to be there to prevent that from happening. The slippery little weasel waits until my back is turned and heads off when he should be doing what I pay him for. Wait there and make yourself at home. We have much to discuss and I need a clear head to sort this problem out once and for all.”

  Without waiting for an answer, she turns on her heel and strides from the room, leaving me feeling slightly shocked behind her. I’ve forgotten what a powerhouse she is, and she always did leave me feeling as if I’d just been caught in a storm and lucky to survive.

  Slumping back in my seat, I struggle to clear my head. Am I really prepared for a weekend of Sable? Suddenly, my problems don’t seem that bad because I know by the end of my stay here, she will have pulled apart every decision I’ve made in her absence and left me feeling even more of a failure than I do already.

  Taking a deep breath, I look around me and my eyes fill with tears. Now the images in my mind are different ones because the only thing I see now are images of Finn. He is everywhere all around and the memories swirl around me like a building storm. Will he ever come back to me, or, as I fear, he’s gone forever? Only time will tell, but I’m struggling to feel hope because with every day that passes, that hope gets smaller and smaller.

  ♥36

  One day of life with Sable is enough to make me crave returning to London. As expected, she told me exactly what I’d been doing wrong in her absence, which, as it turns out, was most things. Then she created a bullet plan to help me deal with those problems, with cross-referencing and a power point presentation to reinforce the facts.

  She showed me around her magnificent estate and where I saw the beauty in the simplest of things, she only saw the work that still needed doing and lamented the way her life had turned out.

  The only thing keeping me sane is that Arthur’s due to arrive in an hour which should distract her attention from me for five minutes while she tears him off a strip for leaving her here in the first place.

  After having shown me around the gardens and outlined her plans for a yurt filled yoga retreat, she lets me off the hook. “Right then, Lily, I need to get ready. Arthur’s due in an hour and I need to make myself look respectable.”

  She lowers her voice. “I can’t afford to let my standards slip because I know he’s surrounded by all sorts of gorgeous women in London. The last thing I want is him returning to an old hag because the next time he may not be quite so eager t
o hurry back.”

  I look at her in surprise because I never thought of Sable as the insecure type. In fact, I always thought she couldn’t care less what people think and never for one moment imagined her scared of losing Arthur. He always appears to idolise her and needs to because what man would put up with her moods and personality unless they were madly in love with her?

  She strides off muttering under her breath, leaving me to explore the amazing Château on my own.

  As I wander around the rooms, I note the progress they’ve made since I was last here. Some rooms are almost habitable, and I can just picture the amazing décor she has planned and the luxury her guests can expect. Sable’s dream is to make this an upmarket boutique hotel, with all the trappings of five-star luxury.

  She has reconfigured the rooms to include ensuite facilities and impressive suites to accommodate her discerning guests. I can only imagine what it will be like for them to relax in a roll top bath, sipping champagne, overlooking the landscape gardens. She told me of her plans to host corporate events and develop the vineyard along with luxury days away, including fine dining and musical events.

  Sable’s dreams, like the woman, are powerful and if anyone can pull this off, Sable and Arthur can.

  However, I saw the defeat in her eyes, not the excitement. I saw the pain of a dream shattered without the hope of a replacement. Sable is regretting the choice she made and can’t see a way out of it. I’m not sure I can, but it pains me to think all her plans will be discarded and this place will never really come alive again.

  Leaning against the window, I press my face to the view. It takes my breath away and as I remember the laughter in this very room that Finn and I shared, a lone tear trickles down the glass and splashes on the sill beneath.

  “Te he extrañado bella dama.”

  I freeze on the spot as a voice interrupts my thoughts. I don’t recognise the words, but I recognise who said them.